Chapter 98: ...Faded away!

...Faded away!

I felt someone pat me lightly on the shoulder severally yhen i opened my eyes from a blurry vision to a clearer one. I tried to place Darkie's head on the soft gently then the doctor blurred put immediately

  "Don't bother about that, Mr Khaleefa!"

I looked at him covered in doubts, i knew that i could be rude but was that a good response to my actions anyway?!

I ignored him. I hopped down from the bed then i turned to him

  "Do what you ought to do!" I sounded cheeky. His face fell to ground then he motioned for the nurses to do something i wasn't unsure of at that moment. I was left to my disbelief

The doctor came forward then placed his right hand on my shoulder then continued

  "Unfortunately Mr Khaleefa, Loretta had passed out early hours before you got up...." He said but i did not let him finish, i rushed to Darkie lifeless body. I had to confirm that he wasn't making a mistake or some unruly asumpyiond about her. I felt yhe pulse on her neck and wrist but it turned out all abortive. I did not know what to do, i couldn't scream even if wanted to, i couldn't say a word to him even if i had a thousand words to say to him. I held her by the wrist where my name was inscribed on it, i kissed her knuckles after staring at the beautiful and seldom tattoo. I did not know what to believe anymore, i had so many questions to ask her but of course she couldn't answer any of them. I rubbed her silky black hair backwards that maintained that same fragrance i loved to perceive, her smell wouldn't go off even after so many unintended sniffles. I kissed her forehead to really appreciate her for making me a better person that i had suddenly become. Tears rolled down my cheek before i could realize it, i couldn't keep track of them because i couldn't remember the last time i shed tears even after so many attempts. I couldn't stop staring at her beauty, how cpuld someone look prettier after an ailment and even after death?! I asked myself. The doctor patted my back to show his condolence

  "She really loved you, Mr Khaleefa and you did ad well. Its amazing that she died in your arms and even spoke to you last not even her father. Be strong my friend!" He said again then he handed me a note that was tied with a black ribbon, i knew it was from her because the color could say much. I accepted it without looking into it then the two nurses covered her face with the white sheets, i couldn't bear watching it then i turned to leave as Mr Coleman rushed in running towards Darkie's covered body, i walked out instead, i couldn't imagine the both of us seeking for condolences like we bargained for it.

I headed to my car then i entered without knowing where to drive to. Normally, i could drive to Darkie's but i couldn't and that cannot happen anytime soon again.  Wrapped my arms around the steering while my head rested on it that wad the moment i began to cry in silence, i stood in that position for over 5 minutes then i got interrupted by my phones' buzz. I glanced at it, it was my mother then fathers' and Yeesha's. I ignored all of them, they must have heard of what just happened and probably assumed that i would be in the hospital. I wiped off my tears to brace up, a girl could never make me cry but Darkie did, she  made me do things i could never believe myself. I drove to a motel that was for charged. I did not want an expensive place not attract a certain kind of attention from people. I didn't want anymore sympathy from anyone even if i didn't get much so lodging into a motel was best and serene for me at an unpopular area.

Few minutes after i got in, i took some really spirited beer and some marijuana cigarettes from someone i knew to be a seller, he was someone my friends and i call the 'main plug', so anytime i visited he was always willing to give me some, even a freelance but i had so much money to pay him off, I'd always insist on paying off than getting a freelance. 

I switched off my phone so that no one could reach me mistakenly, i wanted to be alone smoking and drinking alone, i imagined it to be the best way to ease my pain and clear my clouded mind. Getting her oit of my head became difficult and unbearable, her face appeared on everything i see or hold, it was hell to me.

I took out the note and untied the ribbon then i heaved to sigh, my eyes began looking and reading.

        *Jordan?! It's funny how we blended smoothly. Its hard

         hard for me to believe that our dreams will be 

         minimised to one fulfilling them. 'Sighs'. I remember

         you referred to me as a fine wine, the hate you turned

         into affection, the defense, how you showed me off 

         like i was the only special thing that mattered to you,

         you chose to love me even more than projected, you

         chose to stick around a sick girl when it was a few

         moments she had to love, you made them special. 

         You made everyday count for my sake. I have so much

         to offer but for now, I've got nothing but the proudest

         thing was loving you regardless.

         I love you so much, Jordan Kareem Khaleefa!

                                                           With love,

                                                           Darkie!*

 I couldn't hold back the tears in my eyes anymore, from yge moment it came intermittently to the moment it turned into a downpour, i lit the bottom of the cigarette and dragged in anf puffed out while the

Three days past,

Hours later after i had woken up then i went for a shower, i may have been in a terrible state but keeping cleaning was mandatory to me. I switched on my phone to call my friends. I contemplated on calling on them, i decided to keep mute instead. I switched off my phone instead, i preferred the silence living as a commoner for short while. I i sat up on the bed then turned on the TV, the first thing i saw was the news update, i was declared missing already. My parents wouldn't have wasted anymore time searching for me all across the world. I prepared to go home, i took with me a pack of the Marlboro cigarettes. I figured that my parents would be worried over me so backed down from my hideout. While on the drive, i saw placards, posters and flyers of a missiing teenage boy which was me, it had the exact sketch of my face on it and the reward was a million dollars, a whole lot of money that i wouldn't be given for no authentic reason. More reasons to go home just to avoid falsified identifier. Driving on the highway was a sort of relief but then my mind couldn't go off Darkie's memory, anytime i thought about her was like refreshing the memories to the newest ones. I drove into the whole they kept on calling my phone, i still ignored because i was home already. I took the small black bag i bought that had my stuff inside, i knew that i looked unkempt but it didn't matter to me at all. I pressed the door bell then Bella opened the door like she was already standing behind the door, it was too hasty. She embraced me tightly before she ran inside to tell my parents that i had returned. Nothing changed for me but the only thing that changed was just the fact that everyone was worried over me. Mother wouldn't let go off me, she was soaking me in her tears already then father and Yeesha joined in the hug.

  "We were so worried about you, Kareem! I thought that i lost you but i was certain that you were safe!" Mother said

  "We're so excited to have you return to us again after the last incident..." Father added politely then i interrupted

  "...Can we not...talk about it now, please. Thanks!" I said

He nodded slowly but positively. They were amazed at my cold response. Yeesha forcefuly smiled and continued

  "Kareem, we've made lunch. Can i serve yours at the dining or your room....your pick is fine."

  "I'm not hungry. Thanks anyway!" i smiled back faintly then i turned to my parents and Bella would stood beside them "Thanks for your...your concern, I'm fine! I need some space. Please!" I said in the most polite manner. I scurried to my room and bolted the door, i wanted my privacy.

I took off the White hoodie that had 'Lakers' inscribed using an italian calligraphy i was wearing then i opened my bag then took out a cigarette to light it up, i kept the others into the drawer. I sat on the edge of the neatly arranged bed staring into my reflection on the large mirror as i watched the smoke erupt into the air while my imaginations interfered with my thoughts because i saw Darkie's face carved in the smoke, it looked pretty to me yet i wanted to keep something i can't obtain. A soft knock interrupted my abnormal illusion, i turned to the door like a spark. I heard mother's voice pleading for me to open the door, the knock got persistent then i heard keys clinking against each other then i realised that she wanted to force her way into my room. I destroyed the shaft of the cigarette on the table weirdly as she opened the door abruptly while i stood the table looking into her eyes, she dismayed over something, probably the smell of cigarette.

  "Are you smoking?" She asked in dismay coming towards me who!e i stood still with neither a frown or smile 

  "Mom! I want to be alone..." I answered 

  "...Are you---smoking Kareem? Did you just smoke?" She questioned over and over again as she tried to see what was hiding behind me then i tried to deny het that access, on the process i pushed her almost on the bed. I rushed to help her up as she refrained

  "I've lost the place of a mother, isn't it?" She asked as she stood up heading to the table i moved away from.

  "Im so....sorry, i just want to be alone Mama." I tried to stop here. She saw it already so there was nothing i could do any longer. I sunk into the best as she turned to me holding up the used cigarette.

  "Kareem, what's wrong with you?! It hasn't gotten to this point, has it?" She said. Father stormed into the room as he sighed her holding the cigarette and the smell was a living proof. He approached almost angrily.

  "What's going on here?"

  "This is our son Jamal, He's begun smoking herbs!" She turned away pacing back and forth

  "Kareem! Do you want to talk about it?" Father asked calmly, i was surprised at his reaction

  "....How could you ask that, babe?! He's got to listen whether or not he wants it!" Mother said to him "I can't believe you for real, we're suppose to groom him not go slow on this! Justbthe three daus he's left feels like so much has changed about our son..." She said. Of course so much had so changed in three days, it was a whole new life for me that i did not want to abandon.

  "...Babe, could you excuse us please?" He almost yelled

  "Jeez Jamal, i can't believe you right now!" She said in disappointment as she walked out briskly and angrily. Father turned to me as he sat next to me as well but i did not look at him.

  "Can we not talk about this? I don't think i want to!" I said

  "Mom is only mad...." He began

  "How about you, ain't you mad?" I asked. I hated the fact that he was cold over this.

   "That's  because I've been through this." He stopped to sigh then he continued "I'm really sorry about Darkie..."

  "Don't talk about it. I don't want to talk about!" I warned almost rudely. I didn't see it as a sincere condolence, it felt like bargained sympathy to me and i didn't want that, i only wanted something that could erase these hurtful memories because i could feel it affecting me physically and psychologically.

  "Kareem....it hurts to lose someone but smoking is going to help at all. Its never work out. It has never been." Father stated 

  "Dad! I don't want to hear it. None of y'all understand how bad i feel, i don't want to do this but i have to if that's the only way to make me feel better." I raised my voice at him

  "That's not a way, Kareem! Do you think that we don't feel terrible about Darkie's death, we're hurt but we need you to be strong Kareem. People come and go, not everything lasts for cryingout loud!" He corrected

  "No! Y'all don't understand how i feel. If feels normal to you all but It ain't normal to me because i loved her. I loved her very much...so none of y'all can understand how i feel." I said maintaining that high intonation

  "You have to listen to me, son!..."

  "No I'm not! If y'all don't let me live my privacy then im heading out and never coming back, that's a promise!" I threatened because i felt that was the only way i could make him leave my room.

  "You'd leave me no option that to call a doctor..." He said. "Its hard for you but you got to remember that we're always here for you if you ever want to talk!" He pasted my shoulder then he walked out while i followed from behind to lock the door.

It felt like they were invading me privacy already, i felt like i was suffocating around these walls. I poured myself some wine from the little refrigerator i made mother get for me months ago, with that i didn't have to always go to the kitchen that seemed like a journey to me. I turned on the TV as soon as i sighted tge bracelet Darkie gifted me on my birthday, maybe it would be a diversion at the moment. I was devastated and i felt the urge to smoke again, I battled to not do it but i didn't win at all, i gave in. I rushed to the drawer and lit the cigarette and smoked it, i felt comfortable and relieved still battling with her thoughts running through my mind.