Chapter 99: The wishes i never made!

The wishes i never made!

At about 1am,

I woke up with this giddy feeling, it was eery. I steadily sat upright on the bed, it was difficult for me to fall asleep. I felt overly darkened and devastated that most times i asked myself why i got into so much trouble loving Darkie back, i usually don't care about no one but here i was, sitting hopeless yet i retracted myself from everyone close to me except for my friends Jeff and Lamar, i haven't spoken to them since that night at the bar where i nearly caused a scene. I served myself a glass of beer that could easily knock me off and also get me drenched, i sat beside the bed leaning on it instead while i sulked in my pain, I crazily missed this girl i never imagined to be so dear to my heart because if loving someone requires so much sacrifices then i don't think that im willing offer such affection anymore, i got to realize that its one thing to love someone and another thing show affection towards someone. I promised myself not to ever fall in love with a anyone again, i couldn't afford anymore heartbreaks and short spanned dreams just like the one Darkie and i projected for us. Tears wouldn't respect the fact that i was turning into a man already, tears would not stop rolling down my cheeks. A knock on the door interrupted my in depth thoughts, i wondered who might be at the door this late then i assumed it to be my mother. I did turn back to see who it was but the smell of someone very familiar lingered around my nostrils. Yeesha stood in front me in a red and black pajamas then she squatted for a better view. She placed her hand on my face wiping off my tears then she sat next to me without a word. I looked up to her in slight embarrassment, she should not see her big brother sobbing at all---just my principle. She repeatedky wiped my tears while her eyes battled to fight back the tears in hers.

  "Oh Kareem!" She said in a cold tone "She'd always be in your heart don't forget that..." She consoled in a soft voice.  Sniffles. I kept the glass of beer beside me then i turned to her finally

  "Its really hard trying to fix myself up and act like nothing happens at all but if i ever did that then i really don't think i loved her at all. She made me different, something about me illuminated the darkness i hid inside of me and this is the thank you i get for being honest...for doing one right thing, do you know what im saying?!" I explained sternly

  "Nothing in the world is meant to stay, people precisely. The moment we build chances and..." She sighed and continued "...decide to bid well, it turns away to the left side. Kareem, i may not understand what you're going through right now but keep in mind that i believed you the moment the moment you said you loved her and she'd be excited over the respect you're paying. The love and affection you've is enough proof. I love you Kareem and tbat includes this..." She collected the glass of beer i was about to gulp, she placed beside her instead "...beer not being a part of our circle. Darkie would never advise this too." She said calmly and sweetly. I beamed instantly. Listening to Yeesha speak was angelic and best thing to do at the moment, she understood me and how i felt i could tell not only about the beer i was drinking from.

  "Thanks!" I paused as she smiled faintly "I loved her Yeesha even more after she died, she left me a note, gave me a bracelet on my birthday, tattooed. my name on her wrist....could you believe that?!" I said. Her eyes widened

  "A tattoo? Kareem, that's a lie?!"

  "I couldn't believe it myself!" I said then i took my phone showing her the snap of Darkie's wrist, she was astonished

  "This is genuine! Like...which girl could go that far?! Kareem, this girl loved yiu and it never seemed like it. Both of y'all seemed too plain and strangely affectionate...sometimes...I'm speechless bro! I wish that my boyfriend would do something as romantic as this." She exclaimed im excitement

  "Thats a big deal you know?!" I reminded her

  "That's what im talking about. Am i not a big deal though?!" We smiled faintly then she turned serious again "Are you ready for tomorrow?"

  "What's in for tomorrow?"

  "Her funeral!" We did not want to bother you about the Way Keep but the funeral would include you. Mr Coleman would really appreciate that alot, he's broken just like you...like us!" She stopped you hear my suggestion then sadness rested on my face.

  "I...I did not think about that at all. I'll just...er...I'll just try to work on that too 'coz I'm not really sure i want to witness all of that. You know how irritated i get around people sometimes!" I said. The sadness returned again then i asked myself if i could ever get off this anytime soon.

  "The world don't matter at all, you matter most." She hugged me suddenly. She took the glass of beer and the bottle with her out of the room. I was not ready for a funeral service or candlelight ceremony just yet, all i could do was hope for something tolerable.

09:15pm,

I opened my eyes slowly then my eyes turned to the alarm clock, i realised that i overslept. I remembered that i had a function to attend to, it wasn't something i could deter easily even if i wanted. I stretched my arms then i headed for the bathroom for quick shower. When i was out of the shower, i realized that a brand new outfit and shoes was lying in my bed already, father must have a hand into this.

I did the necessary, i got dressed in the all black outfit including the black coat and shoes. I couldn't forget about looking good to be an important business and i was sure about the pressure coming in between, its enough to worry about. I stood still staring Ne-Yo looks but then my smile was taken. Mother walked in black, her hat was a bit wider than usual but she looked more beautiful with the black lipstick on her lips. I turned to her slowly.

  "Poor baby!" She heaved a deep sigh rubbing my cheeks "Don't touch think its time eat already?! You should eat before we leave for the funeral." She opted calmly

  "I'm not hungry!" I shrugged

  "But Kareem..." She interrupted In concern

  "...Mama please, im not...hungry!" I said rudely as i made an attempt to leave then she stopped me.

  "Don't do this! Ever since you returned, you seldom eat  that if you ever tried to. Why are you doing this, Kareem?! I'm your mother so you can not expect me to feel comfortable over this...i prepared it myself..."

  "Mama, can you not start with the drama please. Im hoping for a stress free day which includes you not being a part of it." I blurted out unconsciously before i could realise that i must have said something awful to my mother. She looked disheartened already.

  "I don't feel good over Darkie's death either and so i wouldn't lose my son to some devastation. This is not you Kareem!" She said calmly then i walked out after she was done talking, i headed to my car instead. i sighed father and Larry, they seemed to be in a deep conversation. I talked passed them without a word as father called

  "Kareem!"

  "Morning Dad!" I stopped turning to him slowly

  "How are you? Larry has prepared the car for a take off, we should go!" He opted

  "No thanks. I can drive myself to the cemetery!" I countered

  "C'mon son! I'll take the wheels...." He tried to persuade me

  "I don't need your help as well, I'm fine!" I blurted. I felt bothered and disturbed by my parents simply beecause i assumed them to not understand my situation.

Meanwhile Yeesha came forth in black as well then she added

  "I'll come with you!" 

She followed me to tge vatvas we entered while father and Larry watched us drive out of sight.

Inabout thirty minutes we arrived at the funeral where the priest was already preaching. Yeesha patted me lightly on the shoulder with a reassuring smile then i beamed. She went ahead to the front to listen to the priest while I stood behind amgood number nof people. Getting angry at her was difficult for me yet i did not know why, maybe because she was a friend to Darkie. I watched people sob silently while I maintained my position behind them. After some minutes the priest ended his sermon as hercp coffin was already prepared to go down the grave. I didn't want to see any of that.

Mr Coleman couldn't hold himself, he continued sobbin silently; you could tell that he misses his daughter so much

Everything was done according to plan, little by little the people decreased in number after sending out their condolences to Mr Coleman, lastly i sighted ny parents and Yeesha speaking to him as well. I was already excited that no one could recognize!e but my friends did. They came forth almost scurrying in black as well.

  "Drill!" Jeff called out

  "Where have you been?!" Lamar asked. They stood in front of me covered in sympathy for me.

  "Please accept our condolences, we deeply regret our attitudes towards you!" Jeff began in remorse

  "Did y'all really offend me?!" I asked coldy "Last time i checked, i offended you remember?!" I said shrugging then i turned away 

  "Kareem! We're sorry for not coming to check on you, that's bad of us." Lamar said in remorse. "We should've been there for you but we did not. We let you go through this alone..." He said then i interrupted instantly, i did not like the sympathy. I know thast they care but accepting sympathy to me was like making me feel inferior and helpless.

  "...I don't want to hear it!" I snapped

  "Kareem! Lets do this together. This is what we always do, share our pain Jordan, don't try to push us away 'coz we'll never leave you. We're family, we don't leave family behind!"

Jeff said reasonably. I was tingled by his words, it sounded genuine. I gave a faint smile suddenly as well hugged. I asked them to wait while speak with Mr Coleman. 

He was still standing with my parents and sister then interrupted, they turned to me suddenly.

  "Kareem!" Yeesahy called out first as my parents excused us, Yeesha left too.

  "Hi Mr Cole!" I began

  "Hi Jordan! How are you doing! Its been a while now!" He said.

  "I'm trying to live by! I didn't know that...losing someone dear to you would hurt this bad. I literally thought that i had everything under my control, its...its..." Sniffles. My eyes welled up in tears, i tried to control the tears."Im so sorry!" I blurted out. I apologized for things i didn't even know about. He placed his hand on my shoulder

  "Jordan! I hate to admit it but I'm broken for the second time. My wife died of this same illness and Darkie?...i should've died instead of her, i have nothing to live for anyway..." He sighed. 

Yes, Mr Coleman should have died instead of his daughter, he's spent so many years already! I said to myself. I realized that i resonated that selfish desire again, i pricked myself. 

  "Don't say that! Like she'd always say, nothing last forever. Accept my condolence, sir!" I said politely.

  "Accept mine too, she'd be proud you!" He added them i smiled faintly

  "I should...leave! I'll see soon!"  I turned to leave then he added

  "I'd love to see more of you! Your parents simply understand you very much. That don't mean anything otherwise!" I turned to him slowly

  "Of course!" I simply said.

I walked to my friends then i saw Zoe alongside Pixie. I wondered why Pixie was here then i remembered that it was not in my power to question Mr Coleman's invitation. Zoe came running to me then we hugged.

  "Please! My condolence, Jordan! I'm sorry its coming late, i was dumbstruck for days....the last time i visited, i was told that you weren't home...Im really sorry!" She said

  "Its ok! We were both dumbstruck!" I sighed in slight relief "I hope i get over it soon enough!"

  "You would, Jordan!" She hugged again "I miss my friend already!" She said as tears battled to roll down, i handed her a white handkerchief. I didn't know that Pixie was staring at us from behind and i was surprised at Lamar's reactions.

  "What are you doing here? Zoe why's she here?!"

  "C'mon Lamar, Darkie's father made this invitation open to Ransom Everglades high! Hello!" Zoe said outrightly

  "C'mon honey, they would need some privacy" Jeff said to Zoe "We'll be waitiing!" Jeff said to me then they left, Lamar followed from behind after giving Pixie a distasteful look. I was baffled at his action, it felt like they were never in love. Obviously, what they had going on was to make me jealous but nothing of such happened, i made them realise that i could have any girl i wanted which included Darkie beijng on of tged sexiest girls during our final year at high school.

  "Why are you here?" I asked her crosdong my arms.

  "I uh...I wanted to pay my respect..." She said calmly

  "Maybe your respect is not needed, you never liked Darkie do its absurd that you are here." I said with a firm look. "I'm surprised that you love a sick girl..." I taunted.

  "...Jordan! I'm...I'm..." She paused and continued "I'm...I'm really sorry for your loss. I didn't like her but i didn't wish death on her so that's why im here!" She clarified the reasons I literally knew about.

  "Why are you here?" I asked. I knew her reasons yet she pretended to be here for the funeral. I thought inside of me.

  "I...I just wanted..." She stuttered

  "You'd never match up to my taste, Pixie! Don't try harder than usual. You'd never be Darkie, own it!" I blurted out rudely. I turned to leave then she interrupted again

  "I'd never forgive you for this, Jordan!" She almost yelled.

  "Well i don't care, your forgiveness does not count!" 

I walked away to my friends' direction. She stood there stranded and that did not matter to me, she was the least of my problems. Right now, i wanted to focus on getting over Darkie.

My friends and i drove to a bar, all i wanted to do was get high and drunk already because nothing made sense to me. My friends and i ordered for Hennessey while Jeff ordered a light headed drink for Zoe, he couldn't risk his princess's sanity I'd say, that was thoughtful of him anyways. I turned off my phone because i suspected that my family would call on me anytime from noe since i was not home. As always, i had my pack of Marlboro cigarettes in my pocket and a lighter. They stared at me astonished, it was something i don't do but this day was different. I took out a single blunt and lighted its shaft then i offered it to them, they accepted it. Whether or not they wanted it, i wanted my satisfaction not theirs.

  "Kareem, what's changed!" Jeff asked with slight disbelief

  "Nothing's changed! I just grew more mature!" I said reluctantly.