Death Of Susan 4

   "Susan? Susan wake up! You know you can't be gone"

    I said softly, my voice shaking slightly. Tears fill my eyes once again, but I don't care about them. This time I wished for her to stay, this time I needed her to,maybe we would work out things but I know it wasn't possible anymore, she is truly dead.

 The tears run down my face and drop from my chin onto her neck, staining her pillow.

   She didn't move, she didn't even flinch, I know she can't hear me but I wish she could, that's why I kept calling her name, but no response came. I keep asking, and begging, and pleading with her to wake up, all the while, I feel something wet on my cheek. I wipe my tears with my sleeve, but they just continue to fall.

 I am too emotional and afraid to stop, I couldn't take my gaze from her lifeless figure and let go of her cold hand.

It felt unreal, I wanted this nightmare to be over. All the pain, the fear, the anger, all I need now is this horrible feeling of emptiness to disappear from my heart. 

I just realized that I indeed loved her.

   I want to stop crying, but I cannot control it, all these feelings are inside of me.

I close my eyes and pray to God that Susan will come back. 

    "Please... please... Please..." I whisper softly as a tear drops onto Susan's forehead, falling through the long lashes and into her beautiful eyelashes, landing quietly on the floor of the ward. My hands cover my mouth to keep quiet, but it's useless, I'm sobbing hard enough to make the whole shake, I can feel myself trembling uncontrollably.

    I could not be the man anymore, staring at her lifeless body was causing me so much pain.

"I love you Susan...I do so much....." My voice cracks while I say her name.

    I wish I was never an ass.  I know my state right now won't bring her back.  I don't want to be hurting any more yet I can't help it.

   The only sounds that filled the silence were my shaky breathing, the sound of the door opening behind me, and my heart beating faster than ever. I turned around quickly,trying to hide the tears that started to roll down my eyes again and try to compose myself, but I failed when I saw who just is at the door.

   At the door stands none other than Susan in the exact white hospital gown she is wearing, I looked back on the bed and she laid lifeless there which means the one at the door is her ghost .

   There is no way she is here though! this isn't possible. 

I am hallucinating or maybe I am going insane?

I look again at Susan laying on the bed, half of her body covered with the white bedspread and her face devoid of expression.

    Everything seems so surreal. The room around us is silent, but my ears are buzzing with deafening sound and it seems impossible to focus on anything. Everything is moving slower than usual and my mind feels like it is moving away. This is wrong, something is not right and I know it.

  Suddenly my head starts to hurt and my whole body trembles, my stomach is turning inside my own, this can't be happening, this is not real, this isn't possible. I open my mouth to say something to calm my nerves because I really can't handle this.

But nothing comes out.

  "Zain be a man"

my subconscious screamed at me as I stood rooted in a place taking in her image.

  My eyes never left hers, and my throat feels dry and tight, my chest hurts, my legs hurt, my arm hurts, everything hurts and I just can't take it anymore.

My legs give in and I feel myself falling to the ground next to Susan on the bed while my eyes stare at the one standing at the door.

  she was glaring at me viciously and this unsettling feeling at the pit of my stomach, something finally clicked.

  Is she angry at me?"

I thought and tried getting up to my feet,  but it was pointless, my limbs wouldn't listen to me.

  I saw her lips moved.

What was it anyway? What did she say?

Maybe if I could get closer to her maybe I could understand. Maybe if I could hear what she was saying it could make me understand why she is looking so angry.

   "Susan!"

I called softly to her, but nothing happened, there wasn't even a twitch or a flicker in her eyes, I guess that's it.

  She turned her back and before my very eyes, vanished.