I Will Be Here.

We were shouting at each other that we didn't realize, the kids were inside our room. I thought I locked the room. Looks like it was not locked the way I thought it was. I turn around and saw them crying, Nimo looked at me and then at her mother and run out of the house. Zeke and Rose followed her. I didn't know what they heard but I was going after them. 

     "Hey, guys, please wait."

They run and closed themselves inside the boys' room. They were crying and the only thing I could hear was there sniffing. I was crying too. I couldn't hold myself back. All they have ever wanted was to have a good life, that is what they wanted.  They wanted to have a father and mother who loved them, they wanted to be happy. Look at the pain that I am causing them. Looking at the way they are crying here because I can't just let them be. I even don't know whether I am the one on the wrong side of their mother is the one on the wrong.

I stand up from the door and knock on it again. I listen to them calm down and the lock clicks. I walk in and close it behind me.  They are on the bed their feet swinging in the air. Nimo is still sleeping and her head in on the sheet. Her arm is a little folded to make sure it doesn't pain. 

I look at them. I know they can't get out of my house, but at the same time, I don't want to see them crying or something bad happening to them. Seeing them shade tears makes me very sad. I don't want that. 

My mother never made me sad, my father was always there for me and Brian made sure that I got junk even when mum and dad hid them from me. Uncle Drew, was there to make sure that both of us were disciplined. I look at the sad children in front of me. Is this what it means to be a parent? 

No this is not what a parent entails. Parenting means being, gentle and loving, that is what I was. Was I? 

"I am sorry about what you saw. We didn't mean for any of that to happen, we didn't mean to shout at each other. I am sorry."

"We don't want mum to go anywhere, we want her home."

       "Come here."

I sat on the floor and they sat next to me with Nimo sitting on my shoulders because her two siblings were beside me. 

"Sometimes you won't force people to love you. Sometimes you might love someone but they don't love you too. That's why it's hard to force people to stay. If you feel they are not loving you or giving you the same effort that you give them, let them be. For your mum, that is different. Your mum is going through some stuff and you guys must understand her. She doesn't feel comfortable being here which is why I can't force her to be here. She can go where she wants. She is old enough. Okay?"

I didn't hear any word from the kids. They were silent and just looked at me. I wanted them to say something so that I can be on the safe side but they were not saying anything. They were all quiet and I was just listening to their breathing.

"I don't understand why mum can't just stay here. She used to be happy here even when there was anything, what changed that?"

How do you explain this to your kids? It's hard to explain to them everything, you know. I can't tell them, that she doesn't love me anymore and only loves a man whom I don't know about.

"She will come back one day. Don't worry about it. She just needs to go back and pick something and she will come back."

That was the stupid explanation I could give them. I don't know what I want to tell them. Cause I am not good at telling them something meaningful.

"Is she still going back with Zeke and Nimo? I don't want to miss them. I just want them around, can you please tell her that I want her to leave them behind?"

I had even forgotten we were talking about the children. She is not doing that. She can just go on her own and leave me here all alone with them. 

"No, she is not taking anyone of you. Everyone is going to be here, okay?"

They nodded and I promise to speak to their mother. I walk out and found Ashley sitting in the living room looking at Daniella who was now standing with her bag. She has made up her mind that she is leaving. There is no way  I am changing that.  I looked at her and then at Ash. 

"Are you seriously going to let her go? Daniella just for once, there is no need to go, stay, and even be happy with your kids. Nimo won the match today, Zeke and Rose are having a school musical next week and here you are, packing bags trying to chase a man. What did she give you that you can't find here? I can't say about the obvious but that shouldn't be the reason you walk out. Just sit and be with the kids for tonight. Davids is trying, I mean lies to them every day and tells them how you are coming back and will bring them a present, I can't imagine the present you brought them today, pain and sorrow. I will hate it if you were my mama."

Daniella looked at Ash then at me. She threw her bags down and went to the children's room. I hope she is going to stay for tonight, just for today and they will e fine. 

"Thanks for speaking to her. I just want the kids to be happy for once." 

I sat down and stared at the bags in front of me. I don't know if she is going to come back and pick them up again or what is going to happen next. 

Surprisingly, she came back with the kids all happy and they started watching a movie. I couldn't help but be happy for the kids. They deserved that tonight. 

"Dad, come here, come sit here with mum the way we always sit."

Nimo calls but I don't want to be in the same space as Daniella. If she loves someone else, it's good, she can love and keep moving. 

I tried to resist but Nimo was too much. I walked and sat in my all-time position. Ashley winked at me to cheer me up. I had to be happy the kids seemed happy. I sat watching the movie that they wanted. 

Daniella was in front of me, I was laying my head on the same sofa but a bit away. Zeke, Rose, and Nimo were sitting on the floor and so was Ashley. 

I hate it when the kids put the horror movie. They know Ashley hates horror though she handles dead bodies in her work and even cadavers. Daniella hated them too. I was the only one with balls to watch it with the kids. I don't know what psyches them with the horror though.

At one instance Daniella jumped back at me and held me on my neck. I looked at her. 

She quickly removed her hands and looked at the kids before gently moving away and looking at the Tv. I wanted to hold her. I know she is scared but I don't want her to feel lonely. I can't give her what that man gives her but here, I will help her stay safe.

She jumps the second time and I don't hesitate. I pull her closer to me and she is gentle until the phone chimes, she picks up to look at it. I don't know who is calling or texting I don't want to look at it. I let her reply and excuse myself to make some popcorn.

Standing there, I feel a presence behind me. Looking back, I found Daniella standing there. I don't know what she wants but I hope she is not planning to start drama. 

I hand her a bowl of popcorn and she picks it. Why is she acting weird? She doesn't need to be.  She has every right to take anything. I hold a bottle of soda and she nods but for me, I need coffee so I make some. Sods is for Ash and the kids. She grabs some glasses from the kitchen cabinet and holds them beside the bowl of popcorn.

               "Daniella."

She stands and looks at me. 

"You should be happy. You can do anything you want, make sure you are happy. Don't let him do anything bad to you. Tell me if that happens. I will be here waiting for you. The kids will be here waiting for you. I love you, always remember that."