335: .....I Don't Want To....

Sunday, one week before Christmas. Here I am, turning around in this unfamiliar bed trying to get hold of something but all I get hold of is the bed sheet that is not even holding onto me. I Gave Daniella our bedroom and I used the guest room. She has every right to get privacy.  I want her to be happy and get everything in life.  I turn around and the clock says it's right in the morning. I know it's time to start making breakfast for the kids because Mirah is not around, we can't sit around without breakfast.  I am tempted to order them breakfast but that is stupid. we can cook what we have, we have all the ingredients and the ordered food won't be enough for the three eating maniacs that I have in the house. It's either they are drinking from a whole bottle of milk or they are taking three pancakes each with syrup on top. They ask for beacons which will be another deal, they ask for coffee which they are not supposed to take but they think it's right for them to take.

I wake up from the bed and change the sheets replacing them with clean ones. Done with that I was out and I heard the rattling of the things in the kitchen. Don't tell me the kids are already up and are creating havoc in the kitchen.  I want to head to our room to pick up my toothbrush but I can't do that. I am forced to head to the kitchen.  A sign of relief escapes my mouth when I see that it's Ash in the kitchen busy preparing breakfast for everyone. 

"Jeez, Ashley, why are you up so early? I thought you will be sleeping more today?"

Ash was busy sieving the flour and mixing it with other ingredients. I can't help but imagine what she wants to make. Maybe she wants to make a cake, it's red velvet. She will be addicted to sugar too much which won't be good for her.  I look around the room there are some things on the tray, looks like she was up early because I can see the pancakes are ready and even the juice has been blended and the coffee is working out. I pick a cup from the cabinet and pour myself some. She points at the cream but I want it black without anything.

"So, you are going anywhere because you never wake up this early on Sundays?"

She smiles, removes the earpods from her ears, and settles them in a safe place.

"Your kids want a picnic with their friends before Christmas. They want to use the garden at Jade's home to set up the picnic. I am here only helping and nothing much."

I nodded while listening to her say that. She has been of very big help. She acts more like na adult than a seventeen-year-old kid. She is not letting peer pressure kill her or anything. Mostly she will stay home and take care of the kids than hang out with her friends. She s says she doesn't have friends but you can hear her phone blowing up with messages from them. What I don't understand, is why she can't go out with them.

She has a boyfriend but she doesn't act like the one with a boyfriend. She says it's not must you text each every single second Tina makes sure that everything is okay. 

"What about you, Ash, you are always in. You rarely go out except for meeting with Brian and his asshole of  a boyfriend.."

She chuckles and tells me that they are cool and not over each other that more. She hates going to hang out with his peers because all they speak bout is fashion and celebrity instead of talking about something else. She wants to stay close to people with something she can gain from, that's what she says every day. I get her. 

I help her with everything that she needs and after we are done we clean up.

"So how is she? Are you okay with her seeing someone else, Davids?"

I squeeze the towel in my hand as if I want to chop its head off. 

"What can I do Ash, it's the only way to make sure I let her do what, please. If I had a dick maybe I would be worried about it I don't have it, right?"

She chuckles and placed the cups back in the cabinet and everything is done. 

"I have never seen the cute people you guys are. Even with Richard and I still I admire what the two of you got. Richard is great don't get me wrong but what you two have, is nothing like Richard and me, that's why I am always fascinated with you guys."

That was sweet but I was not going to be happy about it. It's under the bridge and looking at it now, I have to move with taking care of the kids. If she wanted to stay, she could have stayed but now I have no otherwise. 

"I will go check on her, I know she will be picked up any minute."

I don't know if it was a wise decision to make but think I am doing everyone a favor and making that no one is going to be messed up. It's hard to let the person you love walk away but it's also good to allow them to give a good life for themselves.  That is what a was allowing Daniella to have. Ash sat on the chair typing away on her laptop, she said she has to help Richard with some work that she is paid for.

I walked into the bedroom and stood at the door knocking. I was waiting for Daniella to open the door for me because can't just go in there like it's my home, it is but we said she needs privacy.

After several knocks and there was no response, I pushed the door knob but it was not closed. The bed was nicely made and everything was in place. There was no sigh from Daniella. Nothing around was there all that remained were her bathroom sandal that was placed neatly in the bathroom and the towel was placed in the laundry basket. 

My heart was crushed, it was already crushed but this worsened it. I mean wanted to be happy but I can't be happy  I was happy for her just some seconds ago, but right now, I am not happy for her. I feel anger and jealousy washing over me. I want to kill that man who took her away from me, I want to kill him but I can't do that. I walk slowly and there is a note on the bedside. I pick it and it's her handwriting on the part. 

"Dear Davids, sorry for doing this but I have to go, I have to leave you and the kids to go to a place where I feel safe and happy. I know the kids mean a lot to you. I won't take them away from you because that will be making them live a life that my Amanda wanted me to live and I don't want that. I believe you are going to make a good parent than me. I will be seeing them every weekend and attending their games every day but for today, please let me go in peace. In case you want to bring the children, I know the man I am dating won't mind. Attached is the address where you can always reach out." 

It was official now, she was gone and nothing could bring her back and that was the truth. I placed the note beside the bed and lay on the end imagining how the world is. Nothing aligns anymore. Everything is a struggle, a hard struggle that you can't think of. I am tired of even imagining that. I let it be, what can I do? If the heart doesn't want it then let it be. You can't force it with the things it doesn't like.

I wake up and head to the kids' bedroom, Zeke was Sleeping with his leg on top of Rose and they were funny just playing there and not bothered about it. I walked to Nimo and she was still asleep her hands in a safe position. I think Ash made sure she was okay and doesn't hurt her hands. I know they will wake up anytime. 

I walk back to Ashley and she is done doing the work. My phone rings but I am tired, I don't want anything today. The morning drama is enough. I let it ring. It rings for the second time and it's a new number. I pick it up and place it on my ears, lazily.

"Davids."

"It's Daniella, please hurry it's, Daniella, I am sorry, I don't want to be here anymore, I don't want to be here, he is hitting me."