Chapter 30

"Hm! I thought you wouldn't pick up my call baby," he spoke nonchalantly like he didn't rip her heart off her chest and cut it into tiny pieces. "What do you want?" She asked through gritting teeth. "C'mon my love. It's me, your Mujahid.... I come in peace."

She sighed and repeated her question. "Babe..... I just want you back," he blabbered. Her heart did a leap as she settled down on her bed to avoid collapsing on the floor. "What?" She whisper-yelled. "Yes you heard," he spoke. "I don't understand."

He laughed thoughtlessly for few seconds before speaking mindlessly. "You are this stupid to think that I'll actually come back for you? No! I can't marry a slut..... it is high time you should know that I never needed you. You were my toy but you expired too soon," he insulted. Her throat tightened as she listened to his hurtful words. 

"Do you have something to say or did you just call to insult me?" She asked trying to keep the tears from falling. "Hm! A little bit of both...." he retorted. "You're wasting my time please," she said annoyingly. 

"Don't worry, it's not like I enjoy speaking with you. I've actually called to warn you." She let out a loud scoff and hissed. 

"I know how crazy you are about me and don't you, I repeat don't you ever come near me or my wife. I don't want her to know that a bitch like you is after her man. So delete my pictures from your phone, delete my number and delete me from your life. Forget you have ever known any Mujahid."

"Yaya Mujahid...." she stops him. "I still respect you despite what you did to me. So please I beg you to respect yourself and stop insulting me. And I hope karma slaps you in the face before I do!" She ended the call and held the phone tightly as she slumped down from the bed. She breathed in and out deeply and fast as the hot tears cascade down her face. 

There was no heat in her voice, as if her heart beat was steadily, even though she took a different view from his own. She simply said that was her way of doing things. Mujahid balk at first. He wasn't happy that she didn't react to what he said to her. She was different, she absorbed things and then responded more than reacted, dampened situations rather than adding to the flames.

She threw the phone hard, making it to hit the wall and break into pieces. A scream pierce the sunny afternoon. It echoed through the huge house making mommy to drop what she was doing and rush to her daughter's room. The first cries were undoubtedly terror, the cries of a miserable and depressed person. The next were of pain, garbling and pitiful.

"Maryam? What's wrong? What happened? When did you wake up?" She asked worriedly. She held her and repeated her questions. 

Maryam's silent weeping was worse than a tantrum or screaming. Her eyes welled up with the a sadness. She sobbed uncontrollably to her mother's chest and kept cursing Mujahid without knowing she was. The silence of her cry was heart breaking. What would it take to mend a soul as damaged as that and who would try? Mommy continued soothing her till she felt. 

"Remember what we talked about in the morning? Don't let him take advantage of you after what he did. He doesn't deserve you. You'll be fine, you'll be fine," mommy whispered, stroking her hair gently.

She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her shins; if she could just curl up into a ball, She wouldn't have to face real life, she'd be protected from everything around her.

But she'd still have to live with herself, with the wretched memories swirling around in her head. Her eyes, already red and puffy from crying, squeezed shut to push more tears out. She let her head fall down to her knees, and she pulled her legs closer to her. No matter what she did, there was no where she could hide from the thoughts in her head. Mommy kept patting her back and giving her encouraging words till she stopped the tears. 

••

A week later.....

Maryam stared at the blank space wondering how her heart was still beating. She was in great pain. Her heart was bleeding and aching. What has she done to deserve such pain? Such heartbreak and betrayal. She never in her barbaric meditation thought Mujahid would do that to her because his words felt so unfeigned. 

But then she remembered, sometimes the way you think of a person is not the way they actually are. But coming from someone she trusted with her heart hits differently. He left her heart wounded, injured and aching. 

She heaved a sigh trying to shrug it off but it kept coming back to her mind. So, he was unfaithful to her. Piling reproach after reproach upon himself, he decided to turn her into a useless toy he later threw away. And this was the beginning of the end. She was more than maddened. He left her wounded and heartbroken. He was unfaithful to her: and oh, in such a low way. Such shame, such shame! But he doesn't care about what he did. 

What he has forgotten is; life is a boomerang, what you give is what you get. She sat up and wiped the lone tear that rolled down her cheek. She was done crying over him. There's no point in disturbing your heart about someone that doesn't even care. 

She heard a soft knock before the door got opened gently. Maryam beamed at her. "Since when did you started knocking?" Aydah rolled her eyes and hissed. Maryam laughed and hugged her, "I know, I know you're mad at me but please," she paused breaking the hug. "I'm so sorry," Maryam apologized. Aydah exhaled and settled down. Maryam sat beside her and waited to hear Aydah's tantrums. 

"Damn it I'm so so mad at you Maryam! What happened to you? I have been calling you for days but your phone is not reachable. I had to call your mom to make sure you’re home before coming."

"Oh yeah, about that.... I broke my phone and I don't bother getting a new one now," she replied and shrugged her shoulders. Aydah scoffed, rolling her eyes. "What happened?" She asked afterwards. 

Maryam looked at her and smiled. She puts on a fake smile to hide her pain from her loved ones. The reasons she does that now is so she doesn't worry them, however the pains becoming to unbearable. It hurts now to even fake a smile. "What happened? Nothing happened." She did a little laugh. 

Aydah stared into Maryam's eyes, determined not to look away first. Maryam was certain that Aydah knew she was trying to hide something, but still she was determined to fool her. She contorted her lips into an awkward, toothy smile, but her cheeks were not so compromising. She could feel their reluctance to be moulded falsely. When Aydah finally averted her gaze, her smile fell lifeless, allowing her face to return to its usual cold hard gawk. 

Aydah looked at her again and sighed tiredly. "Are we seriously going to do this? Because I can stay up all day and night urging you to spill out what's bothering you. Please Maryam. You left my house last time crying."

Slow bitter tears ran from her unblinking eyes and dripped steadily. "Okay promise you won't call me a coward or a selfish person?" She spoke as more tears cascade down. "No, no Maryam I would never say that, no matter what you did." Aydah cooed patting her shoulder. Maryam narrated everything, from the day she broke up with Mujahid and later went back to him, to the day he got married. Aydah stared at Maryam weeping, speechless. She was dumbfounded and didn't know what to say. So that was the reason why she kept pushing Mahmud away but ended up being the one thrown into the mud. 

"I'm a coward I know," Maryam claimed with a pessimistic chuckle. Aydah blinked twice and shook her head, "no, no my dear you're not. It's just that... you made a mistake by letting go of yaya Mahmud. And what Yaya Mujahid did was so childish, okay?"

"Don't be hard on yourself Maryam," Aydah consoled. She wiped her tears and as she spoke again, "you are not a bad person, Maryam. You're not a bad person for not being able to form a good relationship." She reminded her. "I just want to get over him so he wouldn’t think that I still love him or want him back," she lamented, tears still falling down nonstop. 

"Listen to me Maryam, it's okay if you thought  you were over someone but it hits you all over again. It's okay to fall apart even after you thought you had it under control. You're not weak, Maryam. You're the strongest woman I've ever met. I know healing is messy and it takes time. But I know you will get through this, I will be here for you always." 

"I know it's a hard pill to swallow when you realize the person you believed yourself to be in love with came into your life simply to teach you how to let toxic crap go...." Maryam nodded in agreement. She cried like there was too much raw pain inside her to be contained. She cried like her spirit needed to break loose from her skin, desperate to release an elemental rage on the world. The soothing words of Aydah made no difference at all. Maryam was beyond all reason, beyond all natural methods of calming. 

"Aydah you just don't get it...... no one will get how I'm feeling right now. I'm trying so so hard to let go of him but my heart keeps saying no."

"It hurts I know but listen to me, no matter how bad it hurts or how bad you feel, it is time to stop thinking about that person who played with your feelings, who took your love for granted, who wasn't contented with what you could give him. You cannot stay at that hurtful place anymore. You just can't keep shedding tears over someone who does not deserve the love you gave, Maryam. And mind you, you can't keep thinking 'if only I did more.' You can't make him want the relationship because if he actually wanted, he wouldn't have let you go. You deserve someone better. You deserve someone who actually appreciates you and who won't play with your delicate heart. Your broken heart needs to heal even though it will take time to move on and heal. And stop thinking that's the end of your life because it's not. You will get over that pain you're going through right now and one day you'll be happy again."

"Aydah you give the craziest and the best advice ever, I love you so much," Maryam stated and hugged her. "I love you more Maryam." she chuckled, hugging her back. 

Maryam still didn't stop the tears. Whenever she replayed his words, it stabbed her right in the chest. She laid her head on Aydah's shoulder as they both stared into everything but nothing. Maryam closed her eyes and took deep breaths. "Damn, I really regret it. I regret everything. I regret putting all my time into someone who I thought would stay with me forever but ended up betraying me and taking my love for granted. Well, no need for any revenge. I'll just sit back and wait for karma to do everything for me." 

Aydah laughed at her words. "You're right Maryam. You finally get it. And life can be unfair in the most disturbing and heartbreaking way. It will kill you on the inside to feel all sorts of pain and not be able to do anything because you feel like your voice isn't loud enough. But.... you must, surely must accept that life is not fair, move past it and remind yourself that karma is bigger than you can ever be. Don't cause evil to those who wronged you. Life will give them what they deserve, and you're not bigger than life. Wounds sure do take time to heal. You need time to heal, so don't wait for an apology or an acknowledgement of your pain. Feel it, let it leave you and move on."

Aydah wrapped an arm around her shoulder and gave her a brisk hug, "you'll be just fine, Maryam." 

Maryam chuckled and nodded before enfolding aydah in another warm, tight hug again. "What would I do with you and mommy? You two have given me the best pep talk ever. Thank you for your support, your care, your love and your guidance. You are the sweetest person I know in life. I just want to thank you for being so thoughtful about me. I know it doesn't look good telling thanks to a good friend, but still I want to tell you that you mean a lot. So, a thoughtful thank you to you!" Aydah chuckled and hugged her one last time. 

"I will always be there for you Maryam. No matter what, we're in this together, okay?" Maryam simpered and nodded. They changed the topic afterwards and talked about something that will take Maryam's mind away from her situation for a bit.