Chapter 114: No appetite
***No appetite***
Poor aunty Paula, she feared for her life but she could not complain because she felt bad for taking us to such a phony church. Well, as for me, I'm already used to mom's pattern of driving. Her mood configures her driving style.
Throughout that day, right from the church till evening, mom had been so moody. She definitely was not in her good mood, I tried my best to avoid arousing any tension of any sort, but still, mom kept flaming up at every single thing that happens. I remember she exploded and blurted out at me, she said some unhealthy things to me, but she still pleaded for my mercy after she realized the harm she was causing. Well, I understood her frustration, but what I didn't get to understand was how I managed to remain so strong and composed with the knowledge that I might die, and soon. Maybe it's because I had the conviction that mom will definitely find a way, so I had to leave the thinking and worry for mom.
So that day, I noticed mom's mood was not ok since after we succeeded in getting back from that fraud church, though I have successfully managed to stay off her ways until evening. That was when I decided that I must do something, she has not eaten since we arrived from the sham church. I thought of what to do to lighten up her mood, so I decided to go prepare something for her. So I made noodles with Apple and hotdog sauce.
After the preparation, I brought it to her room with a glass of Holandia yogurt. Majestically I walked into her room with a tray of noodles and yogurt, when I got in there, she was sleeping, I think that was where I made the terrible mistake, I shouldn't have woken her up, but I did, I had not a choice, she has not eaten anything, and it is already past six in the evening. So, I woke her up after I had kept the food in my hand. But the reaction I got immediately she woke up was quite a shocking one, she jumped up from the bed looking extremely aggressive.
"What are you doing here? Why can't I rest for you? Have you come to kill me? I'm asking you? What have I done to deserve this from you? What have I not done for you? What have I been doing wrong? Now you want to leave me, you want to leave me, right? after all I have done for you, you ungrateful Merman, you son of a fish, like father like son. You know I thought I made a mistake by naming you a Damian, a name that rhymed with a demon, but it's quite apparent to me that it was the right decision to make, in fact, the name suits you like clothing. Look at his face, like father like son. A demon you all are, you and your kind"
Those were the harshest words I've ever heard in my entire life, not even the bullies who had always bullied me had ever settled down to structure or construct such hateful words against me. It even broke my heart the more knowing that it comes from mom, the only one person I believed has the most sincere love for me. These words of hers broke me into tears, tears ran down my eyes, and immediately I raised my head up so that the tears will not drop or become visible.
"I... I just came to give you something to eat, I thought it's Time you eat something. You haven't eaten since morning. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have woken you up. Please forgive me."
So I said, after talking I turned my back to leave the room, but before I could even walk outside the door mom held me by the hand and said:
"Oh my sweet heartbreak, I'm so sorry, please have mercy on your mother, I just don't know what got into me, you know there is no way I could possibly say such things to you, I love you so much, you know I do, I'm just scared and frustrated, I can't lose you, You can see my fear, this condition that we are in is affecting me emotionally. Please, my love, do not take these things which I just said to heart, forgive me, it is just frustration, please my boy."
Mom pleaded, but the truth is that I strongly believe that many of the things she said to me had been things she had been nursing in her head, she just blurted them out, though not intending to do so, but she had nursed them in her mind. I already had loads of questions in my mind which I will love to ask her, but I will rather wait, I'll wait until we pass this phase of trouble. Yes, I will surely ask her these questions after it must have been confirmed that I'm free from this reaction. I'll like to know why mom truly named me Damian if she truly thinks I am a demon, and who my Father truly is, and if what the fake pastor said was truly what mom told him or he just faked them. And why the hell are we not going to the hospital for treatment? Why church? fake churches!
Later that same day, in the evening after mom and I had settled our differences, aunty Paula came over with her new usual attitude towards me, when she came around, I was planning to go visit Cynthia, I have earlier chatted her up and she said she was home, but when her mom came over, she said something different.