Chapter 134

She finally looked at the twin, they seemed normal, they were not angry. 'maybe they were not aware yet, but then the moment they looked up at her, they hissed and continued what they were doing.

she knew she was done for, she couldn't possibly be seeking for help now, no one would even pay attention to her, she was on her own. 

for once she felt like she could call her family members, she felt like she could confide in Joseph, but he was gone.

This was the end of her, she couldn't escape it this time, as if her problems were not enough, as if she hadn't seen enough, she heard the women laugh in.

they looked so cheerful, they were probably the one they were waiting for, she decided to stand.

They were talking about the new clothes they have gotten and all, but the moment they entered the house and was greeted by the annoying look on Mr Anderson, they behaved themselves and quietly walked in to take their seat.

The day couldn't get any worse.

"you can find yourself a seat. she heard him say, but she just could not move  her legs, she wish for once nature could answer her and take her away.

for the first time since she heard of the death of Joseph, she envied him, he had left the world behind, leaving all that could hurt him behind, they could never find him in the world of the dead, he was gone, and she wishes to be joined with him.

"I am fine here sir" she said, because,  pretending that she was comfortable would not work, they were all giving her a drop dead look, yet expect her to sit down.

"her eyes met Miles and he immediately looked away, he didn't want to meet his eyes, she was like a plague that should be avoided.

"Alright then, since you want to stand, I really would not mind.

I hadn't wanted you to have the knowledge that I know what happened between you and Joseph, but my wife could not hold her anger, and now the family has summoned you.

I am not the one that summond you and I will not allow you drag this family's name to the mud, but you are going to answer the questions that would be asked here today.

"what was the real reason you stabbed Joseph in the first place, was it to hide the secret between you two or was it because he lied to you" Anthony asked rubbing his palms together. He does that whenever he was angry.

"I didn't know Andrew was negative, Joseph had deceived us both, so the day he said he. came to apologise and confess his sins, I got angry and stabbed him.

"why did you sleep with him?

the ladies in the room looked shocked at each other, now they know why they had been summond.

this was usually a way for Mr and Mrs Anderson to punish  the family member, but none of them had slept with a someone else, other than their husband, they did not really know how to react to this news.

Anna looked down, she was feeling kind of sad, but she still felt she deserves it, it was all her fault, if she had been a bit more careful, she would have been able to avoid what happened to her.

"he drugged me" she finally said then added " but I have no excuse, I should never have gone there, I thought I could trust him, I thought he actually meant well for us" she paused and started to cry, no one came to her, no one tried to console her, they waited for her to finish before she continued.

" He  told Andrew that he didn't think it was a good idea, for him to tell me about his status, so Andrew never told me, he was just acting strangely with me at home, we had one issue or the other and the love I once felt was never there.

"whom did you run to? Anthony asked.

you have all of us, you could have come to us, but instead, you chose to go to your lover, I'm sure it was pre-planned"

Anna didn't want to start to defend herself, there was no point defending herself, every one would blame her, she couldn't blame them though, she shouldn't be asking anyone to trust her, when she couldn't trust them. She should have trusted them Enough, she should have known that they were better to be with than Joseph.

"I have no excuse, what happened was all my fault" she said with her head bowed low. I am willing to accept whatever punishment, you seem fit for me.

"who is punishing who? Andrew's voice could be heard, though he had heard everything, he suspected something was wrong, which is why he had pretended to be asleep, though he thought it was about himself, he feared his condition got worse, but he never knew it was about the woman he was beginning to remember.

"Son, come this way" Mr Anderson said, making room for Andrew close to him.

 " Dad, I have been listening to everything, and I have a question for Anna" he said and every where became silent, it could be seen that he was sad, he didn't want to express it so much because he didn't want them to be worried about him.

He wanted to know if he ever meant anything to her. Anna's face was still down, thank God for the rules in the house, maybe they would have started throwing her stones by now, but the dagger look they were given her was enough to kill her.

"Did you ever think of me, even in your drunken state? Anna wanted to cry, she didn't know how to lie to him again.

she still had her head bowed low, as he asked she quickly travelled back to that night, in the bathtub, she had thought of Andrew, but only for a while, when he started feeling Joseph, every thought of Andrew disapeared, she thought of only Joseph, and never thought he could be that perfect.

"yes I did" she opened her mouth and spoke with difficulty, because the tears were streaming down now.

I thought you didn't want me anymore, he said you were happy with the girl you cheated on me with, but when I was away, and I learnt you were looking for me, I knew as a couple we should have spoken to each other instead of just assuming.

I cannot beg for forgiveness for you to take me back, but I am begging for forgiveness for you never to think about it and punish me duely.

One of the hardest things one may ever have to do in life is to deliver an apology.

Anna was sorry, she knew it would never happen again, but what she didn't want to do was lie to Andrew while apologising.

Many people say a quick “I’m sorry” without really thinking about it, because they want to move on or simply have their own way. However, it waters down the value of an apology, and can mean that a person you truly care about grows to doubt you and your sincerity.

Andrew could never trust her again, even if they end up being together, even if he allows her stay as his wife, even if he never spoke about it again, they would never be able to bring it up again.

A true and sincere apology offers real regret and remorse for an action and carries a promise that it won’t ever, ever happen again. 

It means acknowledging our faults, taking responsibility for the things we have done wrong, and opens a dialogue between two people. 

In this case, Andrew was not really talking, he was too calm, in as much as Anna would have loved him to be angry, he was calm, but he never took his eyes off her.

His gaze was on her all through. She had always believed that an apology, when correctly given and sincerely meant, can create deeper and more trusting relationships.

"I never stopped loving you, was even worried that you didn't call, until I found my phone on flight mode. I thought you didn't even care to look for me, but still I shouldn't be giving excuses for doing what I did, it was all my fault.

Andrew stood up, he had been crying, he wasn't really happy, but there was no way, he could stay in the same room with her.

"I suspected you know, when you came back, you were distance, you didn't want to be with me, but then you changed and I thought it was still the news, you were getting used to it, I never knew, it was because you just finished sleeping with my friend.

I hate you! he exclaimed and not able to hold himself anymore, he walked away.

Anna fell on the floor, she could feel her stomach turn, she couldn't tell what she was feeling, she was sick, she needed to hold someone, but no one was offering.

she felt abandoned, the moment he walked away.

Her apology was not accepted, he told her he hated her, falling on the floor, she started crying out loud, forgetting the pain in her stomach.

The family members started walking out one after the other, they walked out on her, till she was left with only the Mr and Mrs Anderson, her parents inlaws, those she had once looked upon as friends and mentor and who had looked upon her as a daughter, but now they were so angry with her that they wouldn't even take a look at her, they were filled with rage.

"I hate you more" her mother inlaw gave her the final blow, she looked up to meet her eye. Is my son supposed to come home to something like this? I really do hate you Anna, and you are not fit to be called an Anderson.

She found Miles still seated in the living room, she thought he left already, she knew he would have something to say to her too.

then her father in-law came up to her.

"Go back to that house, you will be there alone, till my son recovers, he alone will decide on your punishment" he said and walked out.

She was finally left with Miles alone in the living room, he wasn't in tears, he had dark circles around his eyelid he did not stand, but his voice sounding as calm and natural as she remembered. He spoke.

"If someone would have told me, that you of all people would stoop so low, I would never have believed it.

I am really disappointed in you, but you see, I am not surprised after all Martin Luther says and I quote'

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.

just like we have accepted your, you were the most trusted, I loved you more amongst the women married to our home, I even prayed for a woman like you as a wife, but then again,

Assuming is the root of all disappointments.” 

Disappointment is a sort of bankruptcy – the bankruptcy of a soul that expends too much in hope and expectation.

It has been said that in lifeWe must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment.

I guess this is ours, let us take it, the way we see it.

Disenchantment, whether it is a minor disappointment or a major shock, is the signal that things are moving into transition in our lives.

We must move, so just as father have said, you leave at once, I cannot spend one more minute with you, you are filthy" 

That was a blow to her, he continued talking as he walked out

“Life is a long preparation for something that never happens.” – 

Disappointment to a noble soul is what cold water is to burning metal; it strengthens, tempers, intensifies, but never destroys it.