Chapter 61

His eyes don't seem to relent In thier endless perusal of me. I cringe under his watch, as I find myself feeling even more guilty than ever. I can't seem to shake off the feeling that I've done something wrong, and I have half a mind to stand up and go ask him what exactly is the matter?.

Our relationship hasn't really developed to that extent of me having to go over to him, and begin asking him about his personal life. I wonder how the meeting with his father had played out.

I can't imagine that i would be able to bring myself to stand in front of such a man, and not give him a deafening punch on his face. Clay looks like someone that could handle himself in a fight, and I doubt those muscles are just for show. I wonder what the smile of this morning meant.

The way he smiled and waved as he caught a sight of me in the halls, and the way his face went disappointed afterwards. I try to focus on what I'm reading, because that's what I seem to be doing these days, faking the action of reading while my mind goes over and over on what a boy might possibly be feeling.

It scares me how much I seem to care about him, even just after two days of barely knowing him, I want to walk over to him and ask him how he's feeling today. I want to ask him if the depression of earlier had left him, I want to ask him what that smile meant. That smile that made me melt at the sight of it, that smile that made me want to rush over and start jumping like a rabbit at the sight of him.

He's looking considerably well, if that's a mild way of putting it. I don't think people like him could ever look bad, but today he looks extra...., I just don't know the word for it. I can still catch him staring at me from the side of my eyes, like he wants me to notice and I wonder what sort of tactic this might be.

If Eras stares at you, the minute you catch him he will glance away and give you a shy smile, but this guy doesn't seem to have that in his programming. Instead he'll keep on looking at you, like he deliberately wants you to catch him.

I try out the tactic and glance back at him, and I almost fall into those mesmerizing eyes. The way his Ash eyes seem to pop out on his face today made me almost drool.

I glance away and I can see the little smile creeping up his face, this makes me angry. It makes me angry at myself, that I cannot just seem to control my emotions for anyone, it makes me angry that even after being broken hearted I still can't seem to control this pounding in my ears, this ceasing in my heart, and the way each and every part of my body just betrays me whenever I come within five inches of him. "I'm screwed" I think as I feel like pressing the off button on my life. I'm not ready for this.