Chapter 122

"It's not that I'm scared of talking to you" he says. I actually scoff in the middle of my tears at his answer. If he's not scared of talking to me, then why is he acting all hesitant like this, why is he acting like he cannot trust me.

 I realise that it would actually be very very silly of me to be crying over such a trivial matter, but yet I find I am. I'm crying over the fact that I don't know my brother well enough for him to trust me, I'm crying over the fact that I had neglected someone whom I was supposed to take care of as our parents were no more for so many years now, and now that I have been neglected by those I've spent my time paying attention to once again, I am crawling back to him looking for answers.

The real reason that I actually wanted to have this talk with Scott was to find out how he lived his life. How did he live his life being so far off and distant, how did he live his life not catching feelings for anyone, how did he live his life not being heartbroken every one or two years.

It seems he reads all the expressions passing through my face, and I can still see the hesitation in his. It seems he's contemplating something, very, very slowly as he cannot seem to come to a decision just yet.

"I'll have this talk with you" he says, and I cannot feel the elation that hid answer is supposed to bring, "but under one condition".

The mention of a condition actually startles me. It just confirms my earlier theory that Scott actually has something to hide, he has something to hide and he's not comfortable hiding it with me, he's not comfortable telling me about it and letting me in on his little secret, instead he has to reassure himself that I am not going to mess up and let it slip.

He has to reassure himself by giving me a condition that I would not betray my own brother with whatever he's hiding. Just the thought of it makes me have goosebumps along the path of my arms, exactly what could Scott be hiding that would be so precious to him?.

Exactly what could he be hiding that he would have wanted no one to know about?. Though I am in a considerably sad mood, my mind seems to be awash with different theories as to what exactly could he be hiding.

 It might be that he has killed someone earlier, and so he does not want the authorities on his neck. I immediately laugh at this because now I know that I cannot simply think of anything worthwhile.

I cannot think of anything useful when I am in such a state, and so I look to him, the sullen hesitation still in his eyes, hesitation and wariness, and so I nod my head.

If he's going to give me a chance to actually talk to him and have a one-on-one chat, then he should be sure he at least has my trust and discretion.