Chapter 213

I shook my head ruefully at the sort of society that I find myself in.

It is one in which I as a person can not to be free. It is one in which I cannot even be seen as a person at all. I'm simply seeing as a girl, a girl whose only purpose is to bend to the wiles of some stupid guy who isn't even capable enough of taking care of himself talk less of me. I'm guessing that it would be really unfair for me to say that the fault was all on the part of the male population.

I have also seen the way females act and I have decided to place the fault on our emotions. Our emotions simply make us reckless even if they are what make us human. I know of that burning heat, the desire that suddenly develops in some females when they see a guy they like, or when they see a guy who is decidedly sexy.

That emotion, that feeling makes some people do decidedly unusual things. Things that they would not have done usually and which they would later regret at some point when the relationship finally goes crumbling down.

Emotions make us reckless and inconsiderate to the after-effects of what our actions might be. I'm guessing that I am a practical testimony to this at this point.

Was I not the same one who had practically decided to fall for a guy yet again after I had four breakups. Four breakups that practically left me reeling from the after effects of them.

I was still the same person who was practically feeling fuzzy emotions whenever I was around two guys, two guys for that matter this time not one. I am the one who still has conflicting emotions over who i should be with, or if I should take things seriously with one of them.

I'm guessing that I don't really know the intentions of Eras and Clay quite clearly but yet I can deduce it for myself. I can deduce the adoring gaze that they wear in their eyes whenever they see me.

It isn't really hard to know when you see that sort of look in a boy's eyes. It's means they only want to be practically all you think about.

I realise the look in Clay and Eras's eyes though is different. They don't want me in the way that will make me feel insecure, and they don't want me in that way that would practically make me feel it is taking something of an erotic twist.

The look in thier eyes is something of pure adoration, adoration that makes me feel insecure all the same because I am not used to such. The only time that I have ever seen such a look in any guys eyes was shortly before we got into a relationship, a relationship that they had inevitabley led me into but yet which they would leave me halfway through to go for another girl.

My head is simply reeling at this point and i discard such thoughts as we make our way to the cafeteria.