Chapter39: selfish

"why are you laughing?" Alex asked me.

"Because it's kinda of funny when you are mad at her because she left, yet you didn't love her. Don't you think you were being selfish?"I asked him.

"I'm selfish of course, but she promised me she would never leave me. I really did love about her though. As I said, the feelings I'm having now I never felt them when I was with Val."Alex said."she was my best friend anyway."he added.

"What? She was your best friend?"I asked surprised.

"Yes. We had been friends since we were little. We were a group of four. Her, me, Felix and Andrew. We grew up together."he said.

"How did you come to want your best friend?"I asked.

"Ummm... I don't really know. It was this one time when we were locked in this room in high school, then we started talking about random shit and she kissed me. I was her first kiss and then one thing led to another. We had sex in that room because she wanted it. She didn't mind if her virgity was lost so I just took it."he said smiling.

"Alex you are so selfish. She was your best friend for fucks sake. You could have cared a little. Maybe tell her no... so that she lose her virginity in a special way with a person she love."I told Alex.

"I told her no, but she insisted. What was I supposed to do? She was my best friend after all and she needed me, so after that we started this friends with benefits shit. You know how it works right?"Alex said and I looked at him unbelievably.

"Of course I know. So you used to fuck her as well as other girls too?"I asked him.

"Yeah. Girls used to throw themselves at me. I don't know what really goes on in the minds of many girls. They used to give themselves up to me and I couldn't refuse then Val would call me that she wants to fuck and I would get it in with her too. I was not limited to her because that was not our agreement."Alex said smiling.

"This isn't funny asshole. Just how many girls have you had sex with?"I asked and though I'm feeling bad about this there is nothing I can do.

"I don't really know but I stopped after you came into my life. Since I saw you walk in that bar that day I felt attracted to you."he said.

"I hope you made sure there won't be babies who will come accusing you of you being their father. And why did you have to have sex with so many girls? Couldn't you have a fixed girl even if it was Valentine though I don't like her."I told him.

"I have had anger issues since I was a kid. I've been trying so hard to manage my anger. Some times when I couldn't hold it in anymore, I could just take a girl who was up for it and have sex to manage it"he said.

"So when you are angry in future you will go get some random girl and fuck with her?"I asked him.

"What no?"he denied.

"But that's what you do when you are angry."I told him.

"That's what I used to do. I'm a changed person okay. You're Changing me slowly and as I said I'll be trying to change for you. Will you help me change too?"he asked and I closed my eyes then I looked at him in the eye and saw the sincerety there. I nodded and he smiled." How are you so calm after telling you all that? I was even scared to tell you because I thought you would be mad then leave. You can't leave me baby."he asked and I chuckled.

"I don't know. When I'm interrogating my patients when they come for sessions, I should keep my emotions in check. Maybe it's years of experience and practice. That doesn't mean I am not angry. I am but there is nothing I could do about your past rather than accept it. It was your past anyway"I told him smiling.

"So technically you just used your psychiatry skills on me?"he asked laughing.

"Yeah."I replied."when are you gonna talk to me about that pain that you mask in your eyes honey?"I asked him soft hoping he would talk some pain out with me.

"What pain? I don't mask any pain."he said laughing nervously. I just smiled but I didn't ask anymore because it's obvious he doesn't want to talk about it."is there anything else you want to know?"he asked changing the subject.

"Why did she leave you? Valentine, why did she leave?"I asked him.

"I'm not sure. She just came up to me after university graduation and started shouting at me, then she told me she has broken up with me. I told her we weren't even in a relationship then she started making a fuss and I left her there. Then after a month she came to me again apologizing and we were back together again. I wanted her back for the sex but she came with strategies of how to make the relationship work. I didn't object anything so I just let her do whatever the hell she wanted. I was not into it her but I cared about her as my best friend. Maybe she took care as love, I didn't know and I didn't mind. My friends thought we were in love because we did what normal couples do and I never objected anything, I just agreed with them not to be a dick. Furthermore, I thought it was fun doing all that shit with her but sometimes I just wanted her to be happy you know. My friends and I had been through a lot you know. Including her."he said,"but then after a year of that relationship she broke up with me again. At that time I was trying to build my company, Lexi Cop, I refused to take over my dad's because I needed to do something for two people.  She's one of those who really understood why I needed Lexi Cop to be successful. She was supposed to support me like I had supported her, if not in the relationship then as besties. She chose to leave me when I needed her support more." Alex said and I just listened.

"What support did you need?"I asked him.

"Every kind of support. Val was the person I talked to the most. The person I used to tell her my secrets and the person she used lend me her shoulder to lean on. I felt comfortable with her."he said.

"Is that why she said she has a bond with you?"I asked calmly.

"Yeah I guess. She understood me better than anyone else could. Even Andrew and Felix didn't manage to understand me better than she did. But all that being said I still loved her as my best friend. We did all those crazy stuff but I didn't feel the things I feel when I'm with you."he said kissing my cheek and I let him. That's one hell of a story.

"Do you still care about her?"I asked him.

"Yeah. I know she left me but we had gone through alot with her. That's why I was so mad when she left. She didn't even explain why she left. Now she's back saying she loves me and I don't know what to tell her."he said sighing. Now I get why he was so patient with her even after humiliating me like that. Why he didn't say anything.

We sat like that talking about random stuff. I went upstairs and Alex went to his study to do some work. I wondered where Melissa was because I felt guilty for accusing her in my mind. I really wanted to apologize but I changed my mind after I reached my bedroom. I looked at my hurt hand and cursed. I lay in bed slowly drifting to sleep. I was tired, like mad tired. Today was a long day.

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