Chapter Fifty Six; I can't...

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She felt insecure about her and she was right to because apparently, she was the only woman Ray had ever confessed love to. Her cheek had heated up, her eyes were burning. Liquor now formed in her eyes and she was a blink away from shedding them. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked in a soft tone as tears rolled down her cheek.

Raymond was caught up in so many questions inside his head. Why did she look so sad? What was it that got her in this state? He wouldn't even consider the first idea that popped up in his head because who could tell her that he was once married to Rebecca. He saw real sorrow in her eyes, but he was confused. What was she asking about? Maybe his confusion had become very visible because she dropped a clearer version of her question.

"Why didn't you tell me you were once married to Rebecca?" She dropped this question with a trembling lip. Her hands were even shaky as more tears rolled down her eyes. He didn't know where to start, or even end. He let go of her, moving away from her, closer to the edge as he looked through his glass office.

He ran his hands through his hair as he moved them backward.

"Who told you?" He asked. He only asked this question because this is the highest secret of his life and if Amanda could get to find out, that meant some other people could too. And he be damned to let that news out.

"Is that all you care about?" 

"That is the first thing you wanna know after what I asked you?" 

"I thought we had something special" she now spoke with a very obvious breaky voice as she sobbed. Tears wear now rolling down her cheek at an increased velocity.

He didn't want to cause her pain, he was sad about this, about everything that was happening, but he hated causing her pain the most. She stood there all in tears, he wanted to go hold her, he wanted to console her but he didn't. 

He never cries or he would have been in tears too. But watching her this way nearly brought him to tears, he blinked off a little weird sensation in his eye because it began to feel cloudy. He watched her put herself together again as she managed to speak again. 

"I love you Raymond Blazzer,"

" I love you so so much." She said this as she teared up uncontrollably again.

"But loving you is causing me so much pain, so I can't do this..." 

"I can't..."

She said as she stormed out of the office. 

Ray felt empty just watching her go, he felt like he had lost the better part of him. He felt broken, even shattered before a cloud of anger formed within him.

Maybe he should have gone after her, but that was just a maybe now because he didn't. He just stood there in frustration, he stood there as rage engulfed him. 

He let out a big screen as he reaches the nearest object tossing it away. 

"Arggghhhhhhhh" he let out again kicking his office table.

Ray hated Rebecca for always creating hell in his life. He got to the couch in his office, sat on it, and ran his hands over his hair.

After a couple of minutes, Tyler walked in through the interconnecting door to his office.

"What's wrong with you?" He asked as he reached his table, slightly sitting on it.

He told Tyler everything, Tyler was barely quiet while he spoke. He found everything he had to say shocking and he didn't blame the man.

"So you are saying that Rebecca might be coming for Blazzer through a divorce?" He asked but it seemed the word "divorce" was a little unsettling to him.

"Wait, hold on..."

"So, you are telling me that the infamous Raymond O'Connell Blazzer has been that in love with someone to pop the question?" He added with a surprised face before bursting into laughter.

Ray heaved a sigh before moving his hands to his forehead and letting his head rest on it while he gazed at the floor for a short while.

Tyler was done appeasing his amusement because his laughter had stopped and he seemed ready to talk.

Ray now relieved his hand from the weight of his head before now resting on the couch.

"Not important how it happened, but just for clarity purpose, I didn't pop the question. We just agreed."

"It was actually originally her plan, but where I let myself down was imagining a future with her and going through with trying to make it visible," Ray added that last bit which seemed like it got him thinking of his young days.

"Still doesn't matter, you still tried marriage before me," Tyler said accompanied by a little laugh.

"How am I just finding this out?" Tyler asked.

"What exactly is at stake if she comes for Blazzer?" Tryer proceeded with yet another inquiry.

"Might ask for a part of Blazzers or millions of dollars," Ray responded.

"Millions of dollars isn't too much challenge if that's what she eventually goes for."

"Yea, but we'll be ready," Tyler said before moving to Ray, giving him a shoulder pat.

Amanda picked up her things and went home with heavy eyes.  It was freezing that day. It mostly always wintered in Canada, but the latter part of the year in Canada was not just an average winter. Everything around there was left frozen, they were nearly covered in snow. She wasn't home the day before, but this afternoon, the whole outside of her apartment was a heap of snow and ice.

It was still her first year in Canada, she had never been to this side of the world by this time. It was late October.

She sat outside, in her car Wondering how she would get into her almost snow invaded apartment.

She managed to get into the house, getting some of her things and driving right out. She was already feeling sick and this much cold would only make it worse.

Amanda booked a hotel somewhere outside that freezing area, she lodged in a basic room, at least their warmer was very active. The place wasn't bad or did she have any reason to complain. Everything she needed was in place. She took a warm shower before wrapping herself like a piece of chocolate in the very big and comfy mattress. 

Later that day, Ray had gone to her apartment, he saw how icy it was and thought that wasn't good for her or any other person especially when she was not yet used to the cold country. He went in and just as he thought, she was not in. 

He spent a little time alone in her apartment before he went home. He got home but she wasn't home too. Where was she? She wasn't looking okay before she left so he was worried about her.

He asked Margi if she had come home and maybe Left to somewhere else, but she said she didn't.

He called her phone but she wouldn't answer, he called a couple of times, but still no answer.

He called Lang who informed him that she was yet to close from work, but she doubted if Amanda was at her place because she would have called her to let her know.

Where was she and why wasn't she taking his call.

He tried calling her again.

Amanda had tried to take a nap, but she couldn't. She was restless, she put on the tv before she noticed her phone backlight on.

It was Ray calling and she could see that he had previously called through the notification bar. She stared at the phone not knowing what exactly to do. She didn't want to speak to him, she didn't want to hear his voice, but if she was honest, this hotel was entirely boring and she hated how big the bed was. She was mad at him, it was just a few hours since she left Blazzers and she was missing him already.

Oh, the heart is crazy, she thought.

She reached for the phone, staring into it, she was very indecisive about whether or not she wanted to answer the phone.

"Ray Boss/Bf" with a heart emoji was what she saved his number with. His picture was right behind the name so it was a little difficult to resist wanting to speak to the voice behind that face.

But he had hurt her, he had hidden the truth from her and made her look irrelevant. She placed him almost above everything, but he placed her just at the regular, with every other person. 

She diverted the call to voice mail and she knew he wouldn't bother sending anything through there.

The call had dropped, she dropped the phone and went back to the bed in a sad mood. Just after some minutes, a voice mail notification came on her phone.

She speed up to it and ironically, it was from Raymond.

"Hey, where are you? let me come get you...

I miss you."