CHAPTER 49

      Dinner with the McAdams was something Dylan had mixed feelings about. She was both anxious and excited . Anxious because she didn't know how she was supposed to act around Carly after all the thoughts she had had of her through out the day. And then there was the conversation she'd had with Teddy. Was she supposed to broach that subject? She wasn't a fan of Gavin obviously, never had been, never would be especially now after what she had learnt about him. What if Carly wouldn't want to talk to her about it. She was happy because, the parents now treated her with love and respect, sharing the happiness that was next to family happiness. Carl would also be there and maybe it would be easier. She also didn't know what to bring so she had opted for a bottle of wine from what used to be her mother's favorite.

At some minutes after seven, she parked her car and headed to the door. It was Carly who opened the door for her. They stood there for several seconds before any of them could speak.

                   "Hey."

                    "Hi,"she replied. "You doing okay?"

                     "Yeah, great. And you?"

She nodded,"Great too."

                    "Teddy told me that you were with him down at the beach earlier?" Carly said which sounded like a question, almost like she wanted some more explanation which led her to wonder how much Teddy had said to her. Did she already know everything they had talked about? She wouldn't be surprised. She nodded. "He is getting quite fond of you. He couldn't keep calm about how exciting it was."

     She smiled,"Yes it was,I agree with him."

                      "Thank you."

                      "For what?"

                         "For being so good with him. It's like the first time he has experienced something like this."

   She was about to mention something about their conversation earlier but realized she was still at the door. She knew the others would start wondering what was taken them so long to get in.

                    "I was actually hoping I could talk to you later."

                      "Me too,we will talk after dinner."

                       ★★★

     The next hour they spent having dinner passed much quickly than Carly had thought. Between the fun conversation which everyone engaged in and the constant child chatter from Teddy who was now treating Dylan with pure adoration. She smiled and shook her head. She had thought that Carl would be the one who won him over from everyone else but she was wrong. There was something else too. The looks between the two showed that they most likely shared something more than just a new friendship bond. Teddy was being more open to her than he always was and she wondered how that had happened. Or how much had he been telling Dylan? Their eyes met several times, sitting across the table and she could tell that whatever she had said she wanted to talk about was something involving her. What had she done? Or was she already regretting what had happened in front of her house the previous day and wanted to tell her that it shouldn't happen again? 

                "Carly?"

                  "Yeah," she was snapped back to the present by the sudden laughter at the table. She hadn't realized that her thoughts had strayed far away from the conversation until then. "Did I miss something?" All eyes were on her, even Dylan's.

                   "I'm gonna go tuck Teddy in for sleep,"Carl announced.

  Her mother and father excused themselves too and it was now just her and Dylan at the table. She looked at her and asked,"What just happened?"

 Dylan shrugged,"Nothing. I just said that I wanted to talk to you before I left but you were so far away. What were you thinking about?"

   She sighed,"About what it is you wanted to talk about. If it was what I did yesterday,I am really sorry I shouldn't have crossed the line."

               "What?"

                  "Oh?" she said instead of responding. "I thought maybe I made you feel uncomfortable and that is definitely something I wouldn't want you to feel."

 Dylan looked around even though there was no one around. Her parents had both retreated to the kitchen to wash the dishes while Carl was still upstairs where she guessed he would be for several minutes, probably for a whole hour until Teddy fell asleep. She was still not sure if he would go back to his place or would spend the night there.

                "Can we maybe go outside and talk there?"

                   "Sure,I could use the air."

    When they were settled outside on a swing seat, she pressed her feet on the floor then pushed her body forward setting the swing in rocking motion. She looked up in the sky but it was cloudless and starless, really nothing to watch except for the moon. She looked down before finally lifting her face back to Dylan who was still yet to talk. "What is it?" 

What came next made her regret why she had even asked the question in the first place. She never would have thought that this part of her life was known to anyone else except her and her friend Carol back in Australia.

               "Teddy told me everything,"Dylan started.

                "Everything? About what?"

                  "His father,how he used to hit you?"

  She wanted to say something but her mouth wouldn't formulate the words. Teddy? How? She couldn't recall a time he was anywhere near when Gavin started being violent to her. She had always tried to protect him from anything like that. She had tried to show him that there was still some good in his father even though the highest percentage of the time,he wasn't present. She knew she was lying to him but had hoped that someday he would come around and realize that he had a son and treat him right. What surprised her was the fact that Teddy had known what was happening and yet he hadn't talked to her about it. He had always been open to her about everything. But she now somehow understood why Teddy had acted the way she had that day on their flight back home when she had brought Gavin up.

                "Why didn't you ever leave?"

     She didn't know the answer to this even though she had asked herself the same question over and over for countless times. So, she said the only sensible thing that came to her head.

                 "I honestly don't know. Maybe because I considered Teddy. I didn't know what bringing him up without a father would be like for him."

                    "Did he threaten you making it hard to leave him?"

She swallowed and bit her lip hard and painfully before nodding. "He did,I had to get a restraining order during the last days until our divorce was finalized. I guess that scared him because he didn't bother me again even for the two years I remained there after the divorce. He actually completely abandoned even his own son," she stopped for a second as she remembered some of the things he used to say to him. She didn't know if he understood what some of the words he used meant  and she hoped he didn't because it would pain her to see him going through that. "He called him a retard and even though he has some of his features, sometimes when he came home drunk he used to say that no child of his would turn out like that. The next minute,he started sleeping around with every available skirt. But that was a blessing to me."

                   "I'm so sorry you had to go through that Carly. You might not be perfect but you definitely didn't deserve that."

She chuckled wearily,"Maybe I did. It actually helped me to learn more than what I could have learned in a whole lifetime." She turned to her, "It took me some years to figure out what you had told me at the gym that last day was true. We weren't too young to be in love. I was stupid and instead of trusting you with how I felt,I thought the best thing was to run. I made a mistake. A very big mistake that I am not sure will ever be rectifiable." She allowed the tears that flooded her eyes to fall. Not because she wanted to be pitied but because she felt like maybe releasing them would be good for her,to let go of part of her painful mistakes and bad choices. "I look at you now and I ask myself what better thing could I have possibly wanted."

      Dylan reached out to her face and wiped off some of the tears from her skin then looked at her straight in the eyes.

               "Don't do that to yourself Carly. We all reach a point in our lives where we cannot differentiate between the best and the worst choice. Maybe we should both stop looking at it this way and face the fact that you were faced with a tough situation. Self discovery is one of the most difficult things we all face. And yeah, I agree that you should have talked to me about it but it would have hurt as much...I mean parting with you. You needed the time for yourself and I hold nothing against that."

                 "Please stop being so good to me. It was unfair,I was unfair."

                 "Maybe so, but do we remain in the position we first fell in?" She shook her head and Dylan went on. "Listen to me, I lost you and it took me years for that to register to my mind and heart but I think it had some good in it. I mean look at you,not going into all those bad things that happened to you,the rest has really changed you. You are a mom now,and a great one too. I can tell by how Teddy loves you. Also I don't mean this in a bad way but you have really grown,you are now taking responsibility. Maybe that happened because we were apart."

  Carly found herself half laughing at the complement. If it wasn't for her gut that warned her not to do anything stupid, she would have kissed her right there and then. "I really am," she agreed.

                "Remember when we used to make plans about how our future together would be like?" She asked with a laugh and she nodded. "Maybe I should be honest and say that I was actually afraid how you would bring up a kid. You didn't seem like the parenting type."

                  "No!" They both laughed together and when they stopped, their eyes met again and held.

                    "You are great and wonderful and the best parent Teddy could need. You are not a bad person,never was. At least I never saw it."

                    "Or maybe you never wanted to. You are the best person ever who sees the best in people. Anyone would  be so lucky to have you."

   The next minutes created much deeper tension as they both stared into each others eyes. Carly doubted it there would ever come a time when they would look at each other differently. And now it hurt that they had to live with the fact that they were like young tendrils reaching out to hold onto a tree branch. Stretching but not really getting there. At least at this point that was how it felt like. She wanted to look deeper into Dylan's heart and yet couldn't. The look in Dylan's eyes said the same. There was a fire burning deep inside both of them but none of them was ready to speak out and let the other one put it out. Would they ever get that courage?

     A phone chimed which finally broke the moment. Both of them fumbled in their pockets at the same time.

                 "It's not mine,"she announced first.

 Dylan took sometime to study whatever had been sent to her curiously and seriously. The look on her face showed that it was not good at all. "What is it?" she asked hesitantly.

 Dylan turned the screen to her and lifted the phone in her face. 

              "You were with Emily." It was more of a statement. There it was,a perfect shot of her and Emily in Carl's car in a tight embrace. There was no telling what Dylan was thinking judging from their past experiences with the former highschool queen bee but she took it lightly and casually.

               "Yes," she replied simply and met her eyes. "She needed to talk and I offered. She is also part of the reason I wanted to talk to you." She waited for a few more seconds and when Dylan raised an eyebrow, she went on,"I think she is being threatened too."

 Dylan shook her head in disbelief,"No way!"