I Didn’t Know,Yet

"I didn't told you about it because I don't want you to feel bad" ,he said. As soon as we sat down.

It was not quite late when we finished our dinner that's why I invited him for a cup of coffee or cup of Choco. And immediately I realized how unprofessional of me. I want to hit myself but I got hit first with the idea that it would be awkward to take back what I just offered.

So yeah, we were having our chocolate drink and our conversation were mostly filled with his studies, and his ideas. He really has an adventurous mind, and I used to be that, and still hoping to be like that still. I was alarmed when he mentioned that he would be going home.

"Then, we should be get going now, so that you can catch a ride. It would be hard to catch a ride", I said panicking.

"Ah, I was waiting for the transpo, I asked the driver before and said that he would be traveling to Baguio tonight. I asked a favor". He uttered proudly.

Minutes, passed, clock ticked, then he received a message.

"I don't think I can go home tonight", he uttered like as a matter of fact.

"Why?"

"The driver can't be here, he said he can be only at Abatan, and I doubt there would be a transpo that can come here at this hour"

"Oh,"

A text message arrived from my phone

"I think you can go home tonight, text the driver to wait for you"

"Yes, ma'am", he replied, that made me give him a side eye. I don't know why.

We went outside to wait for Yohan, and he was there after a few tick tocks. Unaware or just used to be, we hugged each other. Yohan was the first one to let go when he noticed Gamaliel shyly looking away to give us space, I think. I almost forgot about him.

We were inside the car when I explained Gamaliel's situation. Then, I realized I haven't introduced them to each other properly. I looked at Yohan, hoping that he would look. He looked at me surprised and with a raised eyebrow that says "what?".

I replied through my gaze, pointing Gamaliel at the back.

"Uhmmm, I'm Yohan by the way"

"Uhmmm, I'm Gamaliel, I'm an intern here in Bege-as Municipal Library", he said like it was an obligation.

"And, nice car", Gamaliel added. And it happened to open a crack of smile from Yohan.

He really is a social butterfly. We arrived at Abatan and immediately noticed the car waiting.

"See you on Monday…. ma'am" Gamaliel said before exiting the vehicle.

But I know we will not be meeting on Monday. I requested a day-off on that date. I forgot to tell him I would message him later on. My deep thought was disturbed when Yohan called me

"Don't forget that we will be meeting on Monday, ma'am". Yohan mockingly said that released a laugh from both of us.

We could laugh about this but it's not joy that we felt that day. It was sorrow. It was painful. It was our past that connected him and me.

We lost our child. Our child. Our baby was already 6 months old in my stomach at the time. I became his mother for only six months. And we were still young at that time.

I, Fern Tuknaw at 18 years old and Yohan Kayang at 22 years old became a mother and father for a short time. Six years had passed since that incident and we had been remembering his death every year.

We made it a tradition that it would be just the two of us, our parents remember it also but kept our wishes. I will always be thankful to them for keeping it to themselves until now.

Monday came, and Gamaliel was early just like he always did. He found a note of the office's door. He would be alone today. But was thankful because at least he can do something to kill his boredom. He will be returning the borrowed books to their proper selves. Many people had come today, mostly students. I asked one of them and it was one of their requirement to go to the library for research purposes.

Ma'am Fern is really not here. I didn't notice that I finished my task quickly that why boredom again in filtered my soul. This is bad, I had to do something.

That's why I stood up and checked or inquired all possible rooms and hallways even shelves that I can find in this building. It is quite nice. I never thought I would end up in my father's place, here in Bega-as. I always knew that I wanted to visit but its only now that I had a reason to stay. We always visit my father's place every November only, during the All Saints Day. I was born here but I felt like I don't, or maybe not yet.

My adventure time ended when I thought of going back to the office. I walked towards the office trudging, freely and, enjoying. I'm not rushing my steps unlike any other days. I entered the office and was reminded again that I was alone today. I roamed around the office though I already knew every corner. Ma'am Fern's table is near the largest window so I accidentally took a peek at her table when I decided to stand and watch everything outside through the window.

Ma'am Fern's table seemed like empty but it's not actually. It felt empty to me because there's any sign that this table belongs to her. I can't see any pictures of her or anything, picture of a boyfriend maybe. But it's really nothing, none. A lonely plaque where her name was written, is the only proof that she is using this table.

Boyfriend…mmm. He has no picture here. I want to dive deeper but it seems like I don't have to. Their relationship is clear. And I want to leave it at that.