As Disagreed

I woke up sick the next morning. I had spent the entire night sleepless and tossing around in my bed, as I had suffered a severe indigestion.

Eating under Jordan's watchful eyes had not been as easy as I had imagined. I had been so uncomfortable that I couldn't even chew on my food. Worst part of all was that Jordan didn't look away, not even once. His eyes remained fixed on me, and the challenge never left his gaze. It was as if he kept daring me to see how long I could maintain composure. And to prove a point, I stayed at that dinner table longer than necessary, eating more than my body needed, just to show Jordan that I didn't care that he was watching me, and that I could enjoy myself even while he watched.

And by the morning, I paid the toll for my rash action.

As soon as I got off the bed, I felt a little dizzy and nausea.  I immediately rushed into the toilet to throw up. When I returned to the room, ma Nana had arrived. She was standing by the door, staring up at me suspiciously as I walked in. I began to open my mouth to greet her, but her words came out first.

"Are you pregnant?" She asked.

"Wha... What?" I asked, taken aback and stuttering.

"I heard you throwing up there in the toilet just now. Are you pregnant?" She asked again, looking dead serious. She then moved closer to me, lifted her hand to my face and began to feel my crown with the back of her palm.

"I am not pregnant, Ma Nana." I said, pushing her hand away. "Just because I throw up doesn't mean I'm pregnant. You of all people should know that. How am I supposed to get pregnant when I haven't been touched recently? You know very well that Jordan didn't. He would never." I said.

"Well, that I do not know. I can not be sure." Ma Nana shrugged.

"What?" I asked, grimacing.

"Well, you see. I don't spend my nights in the main house, so I would not know what goes on here at that time while I am away. And you two did get a few nights alone to yourselves, in this main house. So, I couldn't vouch for you." Ma Nana explained.

Color rushed up to my face as a quick flash of memory from that one night with Jordan in my room replayed through my head. The night before Jordan left. I took a deep breath in, to calm my nerves and help me forget quickly. I had made sure not to think of that night for many reasons. I wasn't going to let ma Nana take me back there.

"If anything happened then, by now you would be about three weeks gone. So yes, it is the right time for you to start throwing up and acting strange. It is the hormones. The preg..." Ma Nana continued to say, mostly mumbling to herself.

"I'm not pregnant, ma Nana. I was only throwing up because I had an indigestion through the night." I yelled at the old maid, startling her out of her mini reverie.

"Well, if you were to be really pregnant, that would make everything make more sense. Some sense at least." Ma Nana barked at me, as if she was scolding me.

"More sense? What are you talking about?" I asked in confusion.

"What you did yesterday. So suddenly, out of the blue. If you are really pregnant, I would understand that it is the pregnancy hormones that is making you act so random and erratic." Ma Nana said, waving her hands wildly.

"What? I'm not pregnant, I promise you Ma Nana." I insisted.

"So, what were you doing yesterday? Why did you come down for dinner and cause trouble?" She asked.

I sighed.

"Ma Nana, for two days, you have been pestering me about leaving my room and coming out for air. You weren't happy that I was locking myself in. And now that I finally listened to you and took your advice, you are not happy?" I asked.

"I didn't ask you to come down and start trouble, kallos. I asked you to get some air from time to time." She said in her own defense.

"No ma Nana. You asked me to get pregnant for your Anax. That is what I am trying to do now." I said, as I walked past ma Nana to go sit on the bed.

Ma Nana stared after me, as if I had an alien head on my head

"This is not how I meant it, omorfi." She said weakly.

"This is how I mean it." I shrugged.

"You cannot get pregnant for Anax by picking a fight. You will push him away." Ma Nana said.

"How? How am I picking a fight? I only came down to join my husband and his guest for dinner." I said.

"Dressed like trouble? You were dressed like trouble kallos. And yes, I like that you put that nasty Aggela in her place, but Anax may get angry if you continue." Ma Nana nagged.

"Then let him." I shrugged. "And, oh yes. Do not bother bringing my breakfast up this morning. I will be coming down for that too." I said.

My plan was to be in Jordan's face, until he got tired, irritated or frustrated. And even if it killed me, I was going to do that.

"Omorfi moù!" Ma Nana moaned.

There was no one at the dinning hall when I got down there. I strolled over to the kitchen where I found ma Nana, deep in conversation with the kitchen maid, Dimitra. The two women looked up at me when I walked in, and I could see from their eyes that they had been talking about me.

"There's no one at the dinning." I said.

"Anax has his breakfast up in his room, I am going to take it up to him now. The guest is not in the mood to come down either. So if you still want to eat at the dinning room, then you must dine alone." Ma Nana responded. "Or would you follow me up to Anax room now?" She asked.

"Uhm... No. I'm already down here, so I'll just have my breakfast here in the kitchen. If that is okay with you, ma... Sorry, Dimitra." I asked.

The kitchen lady shrugged, then she went back to what she had been doing, probably before she paused to gossip.

I walked over to the breakfast desk and took a seat. Ma Nana avoided me completely. She wouldn't even look up at me. I could see that she was still sulking. I remained quiet as the two maids went about their job in silence.

Finally, ma Nana filled up her serving trolley and wheeled it away, leaving me alone with Dimitra. I suddenly became a little nervous. I remembered Dimitra's reaction the first day I had entered her kitchen, and that put me on edge. Being in her kitchen now, alone with her.

Just then, she turned around to look at me, and I flinched. She stared at me wordlessly for a moment. There was no expression on her face to see what she was thinking. Then she finally spoke, still without emotion.

"Nana is worried. She thinks you may push that little prick away by being hard on him." She paused briefly, then continued almost immediately. "She thinks you need to lure her boss in with gentle words and woman charms." She paused again. This time, longer.

I remained quiet. I didn't know what to say or how to react.

"I think you are on the right path." Dimitra resumed suddenly, startling me.

"What?" I asked.

"I think you are doing it right. That boy doesn't like gentle. He finds it boring. I don't know what you are doing, but I think it is better than whatever Nana has in mind. So, keep it up." Dimitra said, then she turned back to what she was doing without even letting me react.

I gazed at her back, my lips wide open. I wanted to tell her that I wasn't exactly trying to get Jordan's attention, or 'get pregnant' for him as they had instructed me. I wanted to tell her that I was only trying to rile him up with my actions, and possibly make him uncomfortable.

But my lips failed me. Not because I couldn't come up with the words, but because when I did come up with them in my head, my reasons sounded so vain and weightless. I still couldn't explain why I was acting out. Not even to myself. So how was I supposed to explain it to Dimitra? How was I supposed to convince her that I was not contesting for Jordan's attention, when in fact, a part of me kept telling me that that was exactly what I was fighting for. Because why was I acting out over a kiss, which the two of them weren't even aware that I witnessed? Why was I flaring up over a kiss between a man that I hate and his valid mistress.

There was no way to explain all this to Dimitra, so I sat there dumb, staring at her back.