Agony

I barely touched my food through out breakfast, as I sat there at the table wondering if I was going overboard.

"Maybe I am being too much." I thought to myself. "Maybe I am overreacting to everything."

But no matter how hard and how long I thought about it, I could not find a valid reason why I should keep being angry at Jordan. And even then, I could not help but keep feeling so angry. My anger felt justified, but my actions seemed too much, as it seemed to be lacking base.

When I finally left the breakfast table that morning, I had resolved within me to reign back my madness and behave more properly. There was no way I could stop myself from being angry, even if I tried. But then, I was determined to listen to Ma Nana's advice and remain calm, not acting out in anger. Not because I wanted to appease Jordan, as the old maid had suggested. But because I didn't see any headway in my current course of action. Plus, it didn't seem to be bothering Jordan. In fact, all my actions had the exact opposite effect on him than what I had anticipated. It was becoming frustrating.

As I made my way up to my room after breakfast, Just as I was walking past Jordan's room, the door opened up. I froze in a mix of dread and excitement as I looked up, preparing to meet Jordan's eyes. I had not been expecting to run into him like that, and I wasn't ready to see him just yet. So a cold shiver ran allover my body as I lifted my gaze to meet his.

But I was immediately startled by what I found.

It was Jordan's door alright, but it was not Jordan that I saw standing in front of the open door. It was Aggela!

She was wearing a flimsy, almost see-through  robe with nothing else underneath. The robe was loosely held by a belt tied around her small waist, and one of the sleeves was falling off her shoulder, revealing her upper arms, most of her chest and a good amount of her breast, hiding only the skin around her nipples. But even her nipples could be seen pressing against the fabric of the robe. Her hair fell around in a mess, wild and tousled, as if it had been pulled severally, and roughly fingered through.

When Aggela looked up and found me starring at her, she flashed me a small evil smile. Then with her shoulder, she gently nudged at the door which she was still holding slightly open, and it gave way, opening wide.

I looked into the room beyond Aggela, and there I saw Jordan sitting up in his bed, bare chested and covered in his duvet which looked ruffled. My eyes feel to the space beside him on the bed, and the imprint showing where Aggela had been lying, was still very visible there.

When I looked up at Jordan again, he was staring back at me with a blank gaze.

Aggela chuckled beside me.

"Good morning." She whispered with a sarcastic drawl, as she walked away.

I stood before the open door for a moment longer, gazing straight into Jordan's eyes. To my amazement, he showed no sign of discomfort, or remorse, or even surprise. He showed no expression at all. He just sat there on his bed and kept staring at me with a vapid expression on his face.

When I could take it no more, I quickly looked away and walked as fast as I could and ran the rest of the way to my room.

I got into my room, slammed the door behind me, lay across the bed and shed a few tears. I just couldn't believe it. I felt hurt, disrespected and overlooked. I knew Jordan didn't owe any loyalty. I wasn't expecting any, but then I couldn't believe that he would disrespect so much by spending the night with another woman, even while I was right in the next room. The more I thought about it, the more I felt hurt and the more I cried.

As I cried, I realized that I had been crying quite too often lately, and for the most unimaginable reasons too. I had a lot of reasons and things that I could be crying over. Like how I was still being held in captivity. Or how I was supposed to be free, growing in my career at this time, probably getting bigger gigs if I was lucky. But here I was, languishing on an island, doing nothing at all while everyone else were getting on with their lives. If I was crying about my lost freedom everyday, that would make valid sense.

But I was not crying about that at all. In fact, in recent days, I barely thought about that anymore. About who I used to be. It was as if I had put all that behind me already.

Now, all I worried about was the most awkward things. It was like I was chasing shadows, and whenever I couldn't catch these shadows, I would break down and cry.

I had cried myself dry, and was lying back down across the bed, starring into the roof above me, when Ma Nana walked into my room that afternoon. She was still very mad at me, and sulking. I could tell by the way she kept her distance, refusing to come close to me like she would usually do whenever she came into my room.

"Would you be coming down for lunch?" She asked.

I looked sideways to look at her, without sitting up or turning fully.

"I don't want to eat." I said weakly.

Ma Nana glared at me with concern in her eyes, which she tried to conceal.

"What?" She asked.

"I don't feel like eating anything." I said, then I turned on my side, turning my back towards the old maid.

She remained quiet for a while, but I could feel her watchful eyes on me.

"Dimitra said that you barely touched your breakfast. You cannot starve now, omorfi." She said, sounding a little softer.

"I have no appetite." I groaned tiredly. "Just go."

Ma Nana went silent again, and I thought she was leaving. But the next moment, she came up beside me, and turned me around.

"What is wrong with you? Do you have a death wish or som..." She was saying, but suddenly paused when she saw the tears running down my face.

"Kallos, what is the matter?" Ma Nana cried, her voice revealing all her concern at last.

I couldn't hold back anymore, and began to sob uncontrollably. Ma Nana sat me up and held me in a warm embrace. I stayed in her arms, crying my eyes out, while she gently pat my back and whispered small Greek words into my ears, comforting me.

When I stopped crying, Ma Nana asked me softly.

"Do you want to talk about it now?"

I looked up at her with bulgy eyes. My face was hurting so much from all the crying.

"Ma Nana." I called with a small voice.

"Yes, omorfi moù." Ma Nana answered eagerly.

I heaved a heavy sigh before I talked again.

"When you took breakfast up to Jordan this morning, was Aggela in his room?" I asked.

Ma Nana's eyes widened.

"Did you see them?" She asked. I could read from her expression that she had hoped that I would not see them. I struggled to fight back tears, as I asked again.

"Did she spend the night in his room?"

"Kallos." Ma Nana whispered, and once again I could read from her expression that my intuition was right. I whimpered softly.

"So, when I came down for breakfast this morning, did you know already?" I asked.

"Kal..." Ma Nana began to say.

"Just tell me, Ma Nana. Did you know?" I cried.

"I was discussing that with Dimitra before you walk in." Ma Nana replied at last. "I really hoped that you would not find out. How could Anax do that? It don't make sense!" She went on talking to herself while I resumed sobbing. Then Ma Nana came back to me. "Omorfi, you must forgive Anax! This is all that snake, Aggela's fault. I don't know why Anax let her stay, but she is causing trouble." Ma Nana pleaded.

I couldn't listen to her pleas. I was consumed in tears and agony. I couldn't care about anything else.

"Omorfi, you must stop crying now, please. Dimitra will sure put Anax in a fix. I could not scold him, I wanted to, badly. But I could not. But I trust that Dimitra can. She will talk to him. He must stop hurting you like this, especially not with that snake, Aggela." Ma Nana kept talking.

I wasn't listening to her. I was trying so hard to stop myself from crying, but I just couldn't.

I felt so pathetic. It felt like I was coming down with something. Something really bad.