Fuel to Fire

Jordan stopped in front of me, maintaining a subtle smile on his face.

"Hi there." Jordan said, waving again, even though we were standing face to face. It was supposed to be awkward, but it didn't. It made him look cute, and cute was a word I had never dreamed I could ever associate with Jordan. A smile stretched across my face, and I couldn't stop it. I didn't try to stop it, would have failed if I tried because that small shameless part of me had somehow overpowered the last of my common sense and I was smiling from my entire being.

"Hi." I said softly, grinning from ear to ear. Jordan grinned too.

"Sorry I sprang this on you." He said, waving at all the preparation in the garden. "It's a fine night, and I was craving barbeque, and company. And then I remembered that I never treated you to a proper dinner since you arrived the island. I hope it's not too late to fix that." He said.

"Uhm... I'm standing here, right? So I guess..." I shrugged. Jordan flashed another disarming smile, then he gestured me towards one of the recliners.

"Well then, please." He said.

I took the seat, while Jordan went back to check the barbeque.

"You can have some fruits first, while I get this done. I'll have these ready in a minute." He promised as he turned the steak in the open fire.

I sat down, watching his broad back as he worked. For the first time, I was seeing Jordan so relaxed. It was refreshing. Strange, but refreshing. It was as if the Jordan I had always known had somehow evaporated, and some stranger had taken over his body. This stranger was new, but very warm and safe.

Jordan looked over his shoulder and our eyes met. He smiled and I quickly looked away. When I looked up again, Jordan was just coming over, holding two plates. He placed them on the table and sat on the recliner close to me. We were in an open space, but his air immediately filled the place. It felt so heavy that I could almost touch it. It was a cold night, but it suddenly felt so warm.

"Here." Jordan said, smiling up at me. "Koumbara doesn't let me near the kitchen, but I'm a pretty decent cook, you see. So you don't have to worry about the barbeque. It's safe, at least." He assured me with a telling smile on his face.

I cackled. I couldn't believe it, I cackled out loud. And I didn't feel any shame or cringe at all.

"If I don't wake up tomorrow, at least Ma Nana would know who is responsible." I said.

Jordan threw his head back and laughed aloud. He looked so tender. So pure. So vulnerable. Just a few days ago, I could swear that the man before me was a beast with a stone for his heart. But there he was, sitting before me, laughing. His head thrown back, his eyes shut and his laugh lines showing. He looked so heavenly.

Jordan stopped laughing and sat up.

"No, no. I promise. It is safe." He said, touching his chest gently in promise. "I can't vouch for the taste, but for sure, you'll live."

I smiled. I couldn't stop smiling.

"Let's eat." Jordan urged. He reached into a flask that sat at the foot of his recliner and pulled out a bottle of wine and two wine glasses. "Wine?" He offered. I nodded, and he poured me a glass.

After Jordan had confirmed that I approved of his culinary skills, we ate mostly in silence. But the silence was not uncomfortable at all. It wrapped around us, like a thick blanket, keeping the rest of the world out. It didn't feel like the last time I dined with Jordan, at all. It was a whole new feeling. A welcoming one. Our eyes met over our forks from time to time, and every time, I saw a softness in Jordan's eyes that seeped into my soul, reaching down to the softest part of my heart. My heart was restless, but it was not painful. Rather, it was a sweet kind of restlessness. An itch that I wanted to take time to treat.

When we finished eating, we relaxed into our seats, staring into the fine night sky and sipping from cans of drink. The bright moonlight flooded the garden, and it's reflection on the surface of the pool was almost mystical. A cool wind blew, and I closed my eyes, drawing in a deep breath. When I let it go, it was so refreshing.

"See, I was right." I heard Jordan say beside me. When I turned, he was staring at me with overflowing warmth in his eyes. "The evening. It's perfect, isn't it?" He asked.

"Yes." I nodded. Our eyes still locked. "It's not just the evening, it's the garden too." I said, turning away from Jordan's gaze. It was beginning to get so intense, I didn't think I could handle it longer. I could still feel his eyes on me, even when I turned away, and it made me nervous. So I continued to ramble. "I've been here for how long now, and I never even knew you had a garden here. I never saw past the pool. The last time I was here, all my attention was..." I trailed off when I realized what I was about to say. It was Jordan. All my attention had been on Jordan, as he was all I could see! His godlike body, emerging out of the water. I looked up at Jordan again. He was still staring at me. So warm. So intense. So intrusive.

"You should come out more often then." He said softly.

"Yes. I guess." I said, nodding as I looked away again. A small shiver ran through my body, shaking me lightly. I wrapped my arms around me.

"It's cold." Jordan said, as rose to his feet, picking a folded blanket from the side of his seat. He knelt before me and put the blanket my arms and feet. "Here." He said, tapping my knees lightly through the blanket. Then he rose to his feet and returned to his seat.

For a full minute, I held my breath. I had lost all the air in my lungs when Jordan suddenly entered my space, leaning so close to me as he put the blanket on me. And when the air returned, I didn't dare breath, because I feared that I would be unable to control my breath. And then Jordan would see, and he would know, just how much he affected me. So I held my breath a little longer, until I regained control.

I felt blood drain from my face when I looked up and found Jordan staring at me. My face felt dead, and I could feel embarrassment burning up my neck and chest.

Had he seen? Did he notice? Did Jordan figure out that I had held my breath because he made me breathless? Because his presence turned me into marshmallow, set on fire?

"Were you in love with Daren?" Jordan asked suddenly.

I was taken aback.

"What?" I asked.

"When you dated Daren, did you love him?" Jordan said.

I remained quiet, staring at him. I had definitely not expected this kind of question, at least not this evening. We had maintained the peace for that long, and I wondered if Jordan was willingly trying to start trouble.

"The word 'Love' is quite strong, and I can't tell if that's what I felt." I said. "But I would say I liked him. Sincerely. Not for his money, and definitely not for his name. I didn't even know he was Rockshire when we started dating. He did shower me with gifts from the start, but it wasn't the gifts that got me. I was just happy that I found a nice, decent man, who also cared about me a lot. I was happy. Daren made me happy. It's just sad that he turned out to be..." I trailed off, then shrugged. "Well."

Jordan looked away, then he sipped from his drink. He sighed softly, before he spoke again.

"So, you cared about him a lot." He said. His voice sounded low.

"Yes. You can say that. Daren was a year older, but he is only still a baby. Most times, I wanted to protect him. He was so pure, so innocent. Like a puppy..." I was still talking, when Jordan suddenly interrupted me.

"Why do your eyes glow like that, when you talk about him?" He asked.

I stared at him blankly for a moment.

"What?" I asked, blinking.

"You said you don't love Daren, so why do your eyes light up when you talk about him?" Jordan repeated. I kept staring at him as he continued. "I saw you go completely distraught and devastated when you thought he had attempted suicide. I watched you cry over and over. You gave your freedom up so easily, because you thought you could save him like that. And yet you say you don't love him? Cute? Innocent? I told you all about who he really is, and you still use words like that to describe him?"

"It's not Daren's fault that he is like that. He is sick, that's why. You can't expect me to judge him over something he has no control over. It's not like..." I was saying, but once again, Jordan interrupted me with a sharp, cutting laugh.

"And now you are going to defend him." He drawled.

"Yes!" I stamped. "If I had known that Daren was that sick, I would have done anything to help him! I would have been nicer. I regret treating him the way I did."

Jordan turned a sharp glare on me.

"Even though you know he could hurt you? You still wish he you were nicer to him?" He asked.

"From what you told me, Daren poses no threat to anyone else, but himself. He would never have hurt me. Keeping me away from him makes nothing better. It only puts him in more danger. Have you checked on him recently? Is he okay?" I fired at him.

Jordan's eyes widened, his nose flared and the muscle in his jaw flexed. He looked raging mad, but when he opened his mouth to speak, his voice sounded so calm. Calm and piercingly cold.

"So, you want to go back to him? You worry that he might not be doing well, so should I send you back to America?" He asked through clenched teeth.

I sighed in frustration. Then I scoffed.

"I really don't get it, Jordan. Do you desperately want a fight this bad? Because I don't get why you are so mad. Are you mad that I don't love your nephew, or that I care about your nephew, or that I should not care about your nephew! What exactly is your grievance?" I cried.

Jordan rose to his feet, walked towards my seat and stood over me.

"How about we start with answering questions sincerely? When I ask you a question, how about you answer in all truth?" He said.

I scoffed again, in amusement. I rose to my feet to meet him, but his height was intimidating. I didn't back down though.

"You think I didn't answer your questions sincerely? Why should I be insincere with my answers? I have no reason to lie to you. It couldn't get any worse than this!" I raged.

"If you can't see your own lie, I could not point it out for you." Jordan shrugged, staring down at me with hard eyes. With that, he turned away from me and stumbled into the house.

I stared at his back as he walked away. A rollercoaster feeling welling up inside of me. I was spinning in circles as I tried to understand what had just happened. In less than a minute, a perfect evening had gone up in flames. I began to wonder if this was Jordan's plan all along. Had he planned it to string me along, and then rattle me up. Just for fun?