Chapter 39 - Fear versus shame

Ah, what a warm, cosy feeling. He was comfortable in that warmth to the point of wanting to tangle in it some more. Tightening his arms around the warmth, Leonardo slowly opened his eyes, still sleepy.

Little by little his blurred vision became clearer, making clear the figure of Benjin sleeping in front of him.

Had that puppet slept in his room again?

When he had sneaked in... Wait...

The memories of the previous night came back strongly. Frozen in place, Leonardo stared at Benjin sleeping like a baby.

What the hell had they done the night before?

Looking down at his body he realised he was dressed, which didn't match his last memory. Had he fallen asleep right after he'd cum? How embarrassing.

His heart wouldn't calm down in any way.

At least not until he finally left the mansion.

Leaving Benjin sleeping in his room while Leonardo fled was an act of cowardice. But he really needed to get his thoughts in order. He had a matter that needed to be resolved that morning.

― So all I have to do is be with her while you go to class?

― That's right. I know you have your job at the plaza, but I really need someone reliable at the hospital. And I have a presentation today.

― Vincent also looked worried and asked me to keep an eye on her.

Aslan was a good friend. He should buy him some snacks later, since he was depending a lot on him. Looking through the car's rear-view mirror Leonardo confirmed that the girl was still fast asleep.

She looked like a doll. If it wasn't for her breathing, which is so calm, he would think she was dead. How could someone remain unconscious for so long? Could it be one of those cases where the person experiences such a shock that their mind chooses to shut down for survival?

What had she been through?

― Oh... This is really going to drive me crazy ― Sighed the brunette as he leaned his arm on the car window.

― You look tired. How hard is college?

― There are many subjects at the beginning of the course, and all the teachers ask for work at the same time. I still have band practice, the internship and the classes with that clown... Please tell me I'm alive and I haven't turned into a zombie yet.

― You look like one ― Laughs Aslan ― At least the Dreamland stuff you have some help with, and at college you can count on those guys. Aren't you overloading yourself?

Leonardo grimaced as he drove through the city. It wasn't the question of being overloaded, it was that he needed to occupy himself in order not to explode. I mean, exploding would be too dramatic.

From the moment he knew what was happening, every clue he got was a drop in the sea of his fear.

He was working hard not to be afraid. Although that morning there was another subject that stole his attention and caused a certain embarrassment.

At least every time he looked in the rearview mirror Leonardo remembered that there was something scary waiting to be solved.

Fear versus shame.

Which one would dominate his thoughts that day?

― The exam period is coming up, so the band won't be performing at the bar. Soon all this will calm down.

Aslan glanced over at the university student and scratched his cheek, looking indecisive about something. He rubbed his fingers over his lap, watched the landscape passing by the window, opened and closed his mouth without saying anything until a small flare of courage came.

― Ray kissed me.

Leonardo's eyes widened and he turned to his friend without knowing what to answer, finding Aslan with red cheeks. What an unprecedented sight.

― Are you kidding? I thought he wasn't into that... And how did it, um... Did it work?

― He stood there like that, playing at seduction. So I challenged him and... He did.

Short and sweet, straight to the point. Leonardo regretted the lack of details for Ray's sudden behaviour. Those two were always around each other, always teasing and fighting. Knowing of Aslan's feelings, the young master had begun to observe the interaction between them, coming to the conclusion that he had no idea what Ray's feelings were.

If he, observing from outside, did not know, who would say Aslan himself.

― Did that mean anything? Like, did you guys talk about what happened or just pretend like nothing happened?

It was Aslan's turn to lean on the car window looking disheartened.

― I didn't get the chance. And I don't even know if I do, because I have a vague idea what the fuck he's gonna talk about.

― So you'd rather pretend nothing happened? I thought you'd be happy for Ray to take some initiative.

― It's ridiculous that I feel happy with a lousy kiss after all this time liking him. I wonder how Ben can handle it...

That last whispered sentence caught Leonardo off guard. He had fought bravely not to occupy his head with the memories of the night before, and with that simple carefree phrase all returned embarrassed.

― Why are you talking about him?

His lips closed when he heard his own voice. He was not to be asked, indeed. But his mouth seemed connected with his thoughts leaving him in a tight skirt. Embarrassed, Leonardo had not had the courage to look at his friend, paying attention only to the city streets.

― I didn't want to comment on anything like that, but since you brought it up... how was last night?

The traffic light had turned red the moment Leonardo suddenly hit the brakes. The jolt had frightened the two boys, making the brunette's heart race.

That's... He was nervous about the brake.

Not because he remembered what happened the night before.

― Leo, that was dangerous!

― It was bad ― Smile the nervous guy ― I was surprised by what you said...

Aslan blinked in amazement trying to find some way to approach the subject. In the end he had chosen to be honest, but in a delicate way.

― Ah, I was going to ask if you needed anything and I went to your room. So I heard... something.

Something was definitely moaning. Leonardo had his forehead on the steering wheel wishing to disappear from the planet. Taking a deep breath as he returned to driving, the boy tried to keep calm.

― I... I have no idea how to feel.

― What do you mean? You didn't like it?

Ah, gosh, it was embarrassing talking about it with someone. It was completely different from telling your friends about dating a girl. Leonardo was talking about sleeping with another guy.

It was all terrifying news.

Should he tell him that slept with the circus trapeze artist and that the next morning he ran away before he woke up? All because you feel stupidly nervous and ashamed, not sure what to think about the night you had?

Well, Leonardo had chosen to tell.

Aslan was a good listener and friend he had made at Dreamland. Just as he had been sincere in talking about Ray's kiss, he was expected to put the same trust.

That's why he told him.

― So you accepted Ben's feelings?

― It's not like I have a lot of choices there. He's always around and...

― Leo, don't be like Ray pretending you don't know anything and then want a kiss.

― Why the hell are you comparing us? ― Growl the college boy.

― At least admit it to yourself, man. What's wrong with liking Ben, too? He can be pushy, but his feelings are sincere.

Aslan was saying that because he felt in the same place as the trappist? After all it was him they were talking about before entering the other subject. Anyway Leonardo had noticed that point and therefore could not answer.

Does he like Benjin?

Him?

― All right, all right. We can talk about this another time, and you'll give your sermon.

― At least think about it. Give him an answer, be honest once and for all so as not to wear you out.

The Chevette had passed through the entrance of the hospital finding a spot near the entrance. Before they left, a car had parked next door. A known figure left the car, putting a coat on his forearm along with his bag. Occasionally the man had looked at the Chevette, recognizing the two boys staring at him.

― Oh, you really came...

― Mathias.. Wait, you'd better call him a doctor, right? ― Laugh Leonardo to notice the coat ― I'm dropping her off early, since I have to fly to college.

Mathias had a look in the back seat noticing the girl lying down. Scratching his nape, he sighed tired.

― I'll call someone to take you to my office. But if you go to class, who will be in charge of it?

― My friend over here.

Aslan and Mathias looked at each other. The displeasure was clear, Leonardo understood. Silence and analysis, as if two predators evaluate their opponent and choose whether to fight or not.

― All right, I'll come back with the stretcher.

When the doctor entered the hospital, the brunette turned to his friend realising that he had followed Mathias with his eyes. So the manager of the plaza, one of the attractions of Dreamland, could make a suspicious face like that?

Why?

― You really don't mind coming?

― Whether it's your request or Vicente's, I'd have to come. Our young master is already dealing with serious problems even though he is new to his position.

Beware... Vincent had asked Aslan to come, whether Leonardo invited him or not. That girl was definitely making those attractions uncomfortable. He should have a conversation with that clown later.

It was not long before Mathias returned accompanied by some nurses who helped get the girl out of the car. Aslan had also come down waving farewell to the brunette.

As Leonardo watched them enter the hospital, he felt something was strange.

It would only be one more thing on your endless list.