Chapter 34

Ha Ra's POV

I hate him. I curse every fucking moment that I spent with him. And worse, I hate this. The thing that keeps growing inside my tummy. The devil with two hands and two feet. The thing that keeps me from seeing him.

Sehun. Damn, I miss this guy. I hate that I miss him this badly meanwhile he keeps a positive attitude despite everything that I have done to him.

He just will not give up no matter what.

I couldn't even face him at the office today. I was too embarrassed to do that after everything. He would show nothing but kindness and love while I would show nothing but fake smile and dark lies.

Currently, in my living room, I look at all the wines and beers. They are alcoholics, right? I can just drink them and everything will be fine.

I spent my whole life thinking that my mother was a monster for hating me until her death. I still hate her for what she made me go through and I hate myself even more because I now understand why she hated me.

She could have had a beautiful life out there, with one of the richest men at that time. Everything was settled. Then the day before their wedding, she felt the urge to vomit in front of her in-laws. It was the breathing monster me that ruined her life. Til today she doesn't even know what happened and whom she slept with. All she remembers was she went to a girl's night party and the next time she woke up, she did not have underwear.

Everything turned red from black and white. Her very own mother abandoned her. She was left helpless. Everywhere she went, she was a laughing stock and so was I. Worse, my grades were always on the ground. The highest mark would be C. People said children born like how I was would always have special luck. I wonder how I have been nothing but a curse until now.

I still thank God for the skills I have in make-up art. It's the only thing that makes the thick air a little bit thinner. At least I can still draw cartoons with the make-up that I keep thinking about inside my head. One of the big ways to express me and how I feel.

I have always wanted to launch my own make-up lines, but that dream will forever be a dream. I don't even know how to start partly thanks to this monster who is about to waste much of my energy.

I look at my watch, It's still 6 and dark is about to take cover. I take my coat and head outside. The air inside has been suffocating me since morning. Darkness welcomes the light of the moon and the stars.

Currently sitting at the garden bench hardly controlling myself from thinking about how shitty my life is, my nose registers a familiar smell. A familiar perfume that I had to bear with for some years, followed by a person wearing a dark striped hoodie and a dark mask.

Justin fucking park.

"What are you..." He looked like a kidnapper himself. Not many people were around. How the hell did he know I would be here? Coincidence? Is he actually blackmailing me?

"Listen to me carefully, I have no time to explain how I got to know about this but we both know we don't want that little monster you are carrying," His voice showed fear and partly anger. It's always known to me he isn't the daddy type. The question is, how did he know about it? Does someone know about this already? Did D.O. tell him? But how would he know about Justin? Oh God!

"I knew you'd say that and that's why I didn't tell you. Now please leave!" God knows how much I am trying not to let him see my tears. That everything is okay. That I will be okay. I don't need him to be a caring daddy for me to live fine with my own child. Damn this child.

"Oh!" My guess he smirks, tilting his head so he can see my face, " Let me guess. Do you think anyone would want you even if you have a child? To be more specific, do you think the bastard called Sehun will consider having this monster as his own?"

"Stop it. Stop calling it a monster," It hits differently when someone calls it these kinds of words. I hate that I too have the same feeling when I am the mother. I am supposed to take care of it from anyone, including its own father which I badly have to do.

"I don't know what the guy has told you, but one thing is for sure. He hates being a father more than anything else. What makes you think he is going to be one for the bastard that is not even his? Wake up woman, If you really don't want your life to be a living hell than it already is," He takes a white paper bag and hands it to me.

"Think hard about it," He gets up and leaves.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the father. Justin Park. What makes me think that Sehun will be any different? Even if he accepts me with this baby, things will surely be different, won't they?

It will simply be an act of mercy and I will have to obey every single thing he will order me. I will have nothing but humiliation while he will be one with everything and every option.

Like mother like daughter.

I open the pepper bag and take out an orange box, obviously containing pills. I take a look at it and read it. Mifepristone, the word is written along with a picture of a pregnant woman. Wait! Is this? Oh my God. I run my hands through my hair in disbelief.

He really wants the baby gone. He doesn't even have a second thought. Oh God! Please show me exactly where to get my strength, the world is becoming colder for me and even colder for this little thing inside of me.

Is it actually the right thing to get rid of it? Is it really a mistake? Do I really need to create a legacy of misery?

After about an hour, I finally reach my house. The one I used to live with my mother before she passed away. All those memories hit my head. How she pretended to be busy with TV when I arrived home from school. How I had to teach myself everything.

The first time I had my period, I told her. I was scared. The only thing he ever did was throw a box of tampons on my bed, " Use them," Not being able to know what to do with them, I called for her again and she was already gone. I had to go to the internet cafe to actually get an idea of what to do with them.

What if I will be the same type of mother as this child? Will I be able to pretend everything is fine? I sit at the round dining table. I take out the orange box and open it, exposing three pills and a paper of instruction.

So it only takes these three pills and everything will be back to normal. I take one pill and place it in the palm of my hand. This is it. This is for my own good. For its good.

My lips and the pill are only an inch or two apart when someone drastically knocks on the door. I close my eyes. Who could this person be? Very few people know where I live. I try to take the pill again when the stranger knocks on the door.

I hurriedly hide the medicine under the couch and step closer to the door. I take a deep breath before I finally open it. My heart explodes when I see his face. The tall muscular guy. The only man who has shown me kindness and made me believe good men exist.