helpless

21 July 2021

Sitting at the Cafe, the smell of my black coffee infiltrated my nostrils as I took a sip slowly savoring the strong sugarless hot liquid. I clenched on the small black cup in my left hand. I twirled my finger around the rim of the cup. I needed a distraction from smoking and I thought this would be a perfect place where my brother and I used to bond over coffee. It's barely been 2 days since I last smoked. I can do it. I won't serve as a slave to it. I switched to lollipops and avoided alcohol as well. Alcohol consumption and cigarette smoking were notorious to health if not taken occasionally. Just don't think about them. I genuinely won't miss them.

My phone buzzed on the table. Notifications from Eliana flashed on the screen.

Lara:

(Hey Sefa)

(Wanna chill out tonight?)

Me:

(I'll pass. I've got appointment)

Lara:

(Are you sure? Owen and chief would join us)

I thought Ian hated gatherings.

Me:

(Enjoy!)

Eliana said she would join me here. She had some information about the case.

Eliana:

(We should meet up some other day I guess.. I'm busy)

I tucked the stray strands of hair lazily behind my ear, staring at my phone's screen as I slided into Anse's chat. I could feel myself empty, drained. Last seen 11 October 2020... 5.15 pm.

I read his last text again. I must have at least dropped a hundred voice mails along with messages. Something tugged at my heartstrings.

I looked at my old messages.

06 December 2020

Me:

(Why didn't you stay with me?)

(Anse I love you)

(I really do)

I slided a dozen messages down.

23 December 2020

Me:

(Where the fuck are you bastard?)

(Do you think I can't live without you!)

I can't believe I texted that. I was maybe drunk. I skipped them all and slided further down.

12 March 2021

Me:

Audio;

(I've gotten myself a beautiful bottle of expensive wine. I'm gonna share it with a perfect stranger tonight)

Gross!

13 March 2021

Me:

(Just know that I puked on his face as he was just about to kiss me)

(He left me alone on the street)

(I would never sleep with anyone who isn't you)

I skipped them all. I typed in, an attempt to console my hopeless self.

Today

Me:

(And now after some months. You became a memory. I never wanted that because I wanted us to last, you know?)

(Mr Hartley assigned my team a thrilling task)

(He's been less grumpy lately)

(I'm happy xD)

(Hope you'll text me back)

While going through our old messages, the corners of my lips curled upwards.

15 January 2020

Anse♡:

(I told you to wear safety pants underneath your dress)

(How could you forget such a basic and crucial thing?)

Me:

(It's fine)

(I'm just partying with my colleagues)

Anse♡:

(Aren't there dickheads at the pub eyeing you?)

(When will you return home?)

(Don't flash your panties as you dance)

Me:

(You're upset baby♡)

(I'll get back to you then)

Anse♡:

(Well, I still don't agree with anyone checking my girl out, not even for a sec)

(Don't consume alcohol too much)

(You get wasted easily)

(Where are you?)

(That's it)

(I'm coming to get you)

I had never forgotten to wear safety pants. I just wanted to tease him and have him come to fetch me.

I chuckled at his possessiveness. Was it fake? I never reported him missing. Why? I knew lodging only a missing complaint won't help. The assignment wouldn't be in my field of work. Besides, the paperwork process within certain limits would make it longer and difficult.

First steps would be the police identifying the potential risk of that missing individual through getting too much information such as the name, age, description, clothes in which he was last seen, why would such a step be taken out of the blue and any vehicle involved in the case. Thereby, an appropriate response is expected. Usually, cases involving vulnerable people; depending on their age, gender and disability, are considered to be a high-risk case whereby a more favored and detailed approach is adopted. Most importantly, the text he left would play against the case. He left on his own accord and his parents wouldn't help me either.

I realized many things. He had changed his number. Obviously. He had left his car somewhere near the airport and not at the parking area and he wasn't spotted in any camera. After that his sim was destroyed and he took along with him his belongings from the car.

Had he been kidnapped, would he have gotten the time to do all that? He didn't wish to be found.

He had not been on the list of passengers of flights on days following his sudden disappearance. Maybe, he was still in this city. He would have approached. Someone would have spotted him somewhere. He would have reported to work. Why would he ignore his work because of our break up? Why did he never take his documents? He had always been responsible and on the safer side, keeping copies of every single sheet of his important documents! He may have had all the copies of everything. Some originals were here while some copies were missing...

Neither did his parents report anything. They were rich, they could have appointed the best detectives and officers on this case to find their son. They lived abroad managing such an enormous profit making company. They never talked to me again about progress or whatever. They didn't care. Anse never talked much about them but in the end, they were his parents. Anse must have gone to them. He needed not to work owing to having his own company.

Most probable, they knew about his whereabouts but faked ignorance. Maybe, after all, he doesn't want to be found. Then, why does my heart tell otherwise? All the possibilities had that 'maybe' in them. I felt so helpless. And at that point, I lost all hopes.

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

The sound of the steps was becoming louder and louder. Whoever was walking behind has been continuously trailing me since the last ten minutes. In a futile attempt to chase away the bad thoughts, still alert, I made a sharp turn to the right side behind a parked truck. I was scared to turn around. The footsteps don't stop, instead they come closer. I am being followed. No doubt.

Gathering my strength I had, I turned my head to glance at the silhouette behind. A tall dark figure with dark clothes and a black hoodie over the head. No face. His forehead and eyes were covered by a black cap. Now, terrified I reached out for my phone inside my pocket, my fingers trembling and quickly glanced around.

Me:

(Old Bridgeway)

I text Ian.

I pushed my body into a jog through the dark alley, shoving my phone inside my pocket. The street lights were dim, too weak to help. No one to reach out for help while the shadow seemed to not be subtle about following me anymore. Searching for a way out, I broke into a sprint. I could outrun him if I sped up right away. I started running as fast as I could. Just two more turns and the busy boulevards would be seen. The stranger mirrored my speed and was coming closer aligning with my pace. He was closer now.

I could feel him, panting behind me. I turned around a blind spot abruptly pushing myself to my limit. He couldn't keep much to my pace so using this to my advantage, I turned and kicked his stomach. A crack sound was heard and he bent over, air torn from his gut.

"Why are you following me?"I grunted, an intimidating look on my face.

Judging the way he ran, he had endurance and was trained. Your attacker can't get a hint of your fear. Don't leave his eyes Sefa. Study his moves. He got up, holding his abdomen. I bet I fractured one of his ribs. He threw a weary punch at my head but I was quick enough in sidestepping the charge and grabbing his hand to bend it behind his back. Then, I gave him a push. He fell on his face but got up quick enough. I slammed a vicious kick to his skull with great force. Then, I aimed another at his groin. He squealed in pain.

"Fuck!"he whimpered.

He doubled over in pain. I seized the opportunity to get as far as I could from him. Four strides and tyres of a black car screeched as it pulled over abruptly, two masked men getting off with guns, in my direction.

Am I gonna be killed or abducted? Fuck, I should have taken my car today. Where are you Ian? It would be too late.

I gulped. I pulled out my gun swiftly and pointed it at the stranger in front, already on his feet, breathing hard clutching his hurt buddy with one hand and his stomach with another. His left hand was about to pull out his gun. I cocked my gun and shot him in the leg and in the arm. Blood gushed out of his gash and he groaned at the sharp pain. I heard gunshots in my direction. A large red stain formed on my right sleeve. Blood dripped onto the ground from the bullet wound on my right arm, forming a little puddle. I tried to escape as a sharp pain pierced my biceps making me grunt loudly.

"Freeze" Another masked man groaned, cocking his gun behind me.

A fist connected to my head. Dropping my gun on the ground, I stood still, holding my wounded arm with my hand trying to calm the intense pain. I won't give up. My front kick missed one of the attacker's gut as he bent to clamp his hand on my thigh. He lifted me and threw me over. Next, the other man picked me up. An undercut from my left hand and one of his teeth got knocked out.

"Damn. Why is she so strong?" He shouted in pain.

A hand with a small cloth slammed over my mouth, muffling my scream while another hand snaked around my waist, tugging me back into an unfamiliar body. A strange strong smell hit my senses. Chloroform. My heart leaped in my throat.

No...

I still had time before this smell acted on my senses. Holding the hand to my mouth, I bit it and tried pulling it away. Too late. Right below my earlobe, I felt a tiny prick in my neck. Everything had been well planned. My body went rigid while I attempted to struggle and escape my captor. As if he just became stronger and much heavier than me in some seconds or I became weaker. I tried to struggle but then, my limbs wouldn't cooperate. Whatever he injected in my veins was making me drowsy. Right then, I started to fade into unconsciousness. My surroundings swayed. My vision blurred.