care to love

I walked to the door and dragged myself desperately out of the door before I collapsed again. I counted my breaths. I groaned. The way I was panting told me how tired my body felt but I refused to give it what it needed. My head swayed as I watched the trees swaying with the wind. As I glanced around again, the trees now appeared like shadows haunting me, creeping up to me. I winced at the repeated shots of pain running through my skull. I needed water. My body screamed to lie down. A wave of strong air hit me and I felt dizzier than before and my legs throbbed. I almost wanted to give up. I pushed back my sticky hair.

The pain bubbling in my body hardly lulled when I leaned there against the bark of the tree, my arm wrapped around my middle. I inhaled huge gulps of air when the nausea returned, bringing bile up my throat.

I was Agent Sefa Parrish who had trained in the military as well. I can't be weak. There was no room for weakness even though I was in great pain. I fought through the pain as I walked and walked. I had no idea if sweat or blood was pouring down my face and neck.

I took a deep shuddering breath as a wave of nausea threatened to bring me down. Exhaling a long stream of air, I moved my feet. I took a few more lazy steps forward, using a pole as support when dizziness threatened to overcome my vision. From the onset of vertigo, my stomach rumbled fiercely, my inside quivering in anticipation to puke. The sensation was awful and I hated it. Every other moment, I allowed my body to relax just enough to keep going again holding the dizziness at bay as I made my way slowly.

Hot tears rolled down my cheeks as I puked at last. I released the contents of my stomach. Soil and blood mixed with the growing pool of vomit.

Every bone in my body was sore, exhausted and not wanting to move.

I felt like shit.

Absolute shit.

Every breath was painful.

"Fucking Ronny" I muttered angrily as I realized something.

'Whatever the hell he had injected in my body was messing with my head again. It made me drowsy somehow and lightheaded. I am glad though, I could snap out of it earlier owing to that pen'

I walked and walked and walked. The sun was getting lower and lower. My body protested but I ignored it. I finally found people, otherwise I felt this place was inhabitable. Strange stares and loud gasps were making me angrier.

Raising my hand, I signaled the taxi driver. After less than a twenty minutes drive, we reached his doorstep. I was relieved.

Fortunately, I had money on me.

"Miss Parrish" the gardener called out to me, surprised and even worried to see me in this state.

"How are you in this state?" His expression was funny as his eyebrows met in the middle. His eyes had so many questions for me which I wouldn't answer.

"Anse-"

Everything about him softened then.

"Come inside first"

As we entered the house, I felt uneasy and light headed. Each step I took forward became heavier and heavier. My legs gave up on me. A pair of arms embraced me from the side. I felt strange from the closeness.

"Slowly and carefully"

His voice was closer than normal and goosebumps grew on my skin. He was caring for me like the nice person he was. Why was I feeling so weird? What was happening to me? He didn't mean to make me feel this way. He couldn't have known. I pushed his hands away mumbling that I was fine whilst my body rested on his. His arm wrapped around my shoulder and I further leaned into him. My eyes searched for Anse. My heart sped up as I saw him coming out of the kitchen. His eyes found mine in an instant. He froze. He was too shocked to say anything. All I wanted was to pull away from Hunter and fall into his arms.

"Anse" I whispered, weakly stretching my fingers out to reach for him.

I was so relieved to see him. His eyes scanned me up and down urgently as he approached me in quick strides. 'Sugar' surely slipped from his lips but I heard nothing. He didn't have to ask me anything and I didn't have to say anything as he bent down and picked me up, pulling me tight in his arms.

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

It took one look at the mirror to understand the curious and crazy glances everyone was giving me. I didn't even care at that time. I was lost in my own world most of the journey. I was looking so disgusting. Dirty. Half of my face mixed with dried blood and my hair was sticking to my forehead and my neck though it appeared less messy with the hair band. I bit my lips, wanting to collapse for real. No wonder Anse was shocked. Even Hunter was at loss. I just wanted a long bath to erase the fatigue and memories of the past hours.

Anse set me down on the sink, my back facing the mirror. His large hands pushed my thighs apart a little so he could step in between.

"Where does it hurt?"

"Everywhere"

His eyes contained a hint of a smile. I liked it too much. My heart warmed and a smile tugged at my lips but I couldn't find it in me to smile through the throbbing headache.

"Where does it hurt like real bad?"

I pointed to my head.

"How did you get this one?" He asked as he examined the bruise.

His fingers wrapped around my jaw delicately to tilt my face a little to the left and he leaned closer to inspect my temple allowing me to breathe in his scent.

"With a rod maybe"

He removed his hands from my face to intertwine them with mine gently.

"Can you look at the ceiling?"

I tried to look above his head but winced at the slight discomfort. As I continued raising my eyes, the discomfort increased and I held his elbow. I looked back at him.

"Did you vomit?"

I indeed smell like vomit.

"Yes"

"Are you feeling drowsy?"

"A little"

He caressed my cheek, his thumb lingering a bit longer.

"Alright. You need a shower"

"And you'll help me with that"

He took a moment while he held my hands.

"I will. First I need to look at your wounds. Then you'll take a quick sponge bath and I'll treat your wounds"

He inserted the needle into my upper arm. He gently rubbed his thumb over my arm in soothing circles.

"It will numb the pain for some time"

He then spread a cream over the puncture wound.

"Are you gonna tell me that I should have gone straight to the hospital instead?"

He gave me the look 'so you know what you should have done then'.

"But I need you"

"I don't want you to need me. I want you to want me"

Indeed, I was too overwhelmed to think straight with Ronny and everything going on.

'Had Ronny already receive medical help? Would he be alright?'

"Hmm, I agree it was stupid of me to come here directly. I should have gone to the hospital before…"

He nodded.

"Next time, call me the earliest and should you find me unreachable, you must treat yourself first. Now, imagine the worst scenarios"

"I could have bled profusely. Or worse my skull could have been cracked open"

I rolled my eyes. He exhaled a little loudly.

"I thought when my personal doctor is here, why should I visit the hospital?"

I cupped his face.

"I want a proper bath. I feel disgusting" I gritted my teeth.

"You are not disgusting sugar"

There he went with the nickname making me blush. I bit the inside of my cheek muttering an 'okay'. I pulled my hands away.

After some time, my body was feeling numb. Breathing came easier. No sharp pain was accompanied with every breath.

My breath hitched as he pushed his sleeves up to his elbows. I was mesmerized as I watched him washing his hands. He took out a small white towel. I stared at him until he leaned down closer to me. It drove my stomach crazy with butterflies. I was really attracted to his eyes, those lashes and dilating pupils. They made me feel hot and tingly.

He dipped the cloth in tap water and he touched it close to my temple. It was cool and soothing against my hot burning skin. He scrubbed my face gently and carefully. He pushed my hair back and scrubbed more.

I couldn't help imagining the ways he would help me. Would he stay outside of the bathroom and make sure I don't fall? Maybe he would strip me bare and fill the tub with warm water and he would wash my hair with those hands. I wanted him to join me and hug me with his bare skin. I wanted to see the water running down his body.

"Stop looking at me like that"

"Like what?"

"I need to focus on your bruises and you're distracting me"

"I just-"

"No. I won't" he was scrubbing down my neck.

"What?"

"You're not getting railed on this sink nor in that bathtub. Not in the shower. Nowhere"

"Why?"

He immediately stopped and took a few inches away from me. He straightened his back.

"I'm not risking your health for pleasure"

"Look at me. I'm fine"

I just wanted to feel those lips and those fingers on me everywhere. Just my imagination made me wet.

He arched an eyebrow, annoyed.

I looked away and stared at nothing. I am not even allowed to daydream now.

"I can clearly hear your thoughts like you're whispering in my ear all the deeds you want me to do with you right now"

"You can't hear my thoughts, though that's exactly what I'm thinking"

He chuckled. I stole him a quick glance. His eyes sparkled with amusement. My heart exploded with how cute he looked.

"I definitely did," he argued.

He always figures out my thoughts.

I looked away from his piercing eyes and a smile adorned my lips. He tugged my chin to face him. He placed a languid kiss on my cheek.

"My lips are here"

I raised my thumb to my lips, pretending to be annoyed.

"Has the pain subsided?"

"Bearable. I feel better"

"Do you still feel dizzy?"

"Not really. It's just the light is making me feel a bit uneasy"

"Alexa, dim the light a little" he ordered and she obeyed.

"How long has it been since you've last eaten?"he asked.

"I've no idea"

He pushed the inside of his cheek, already expecting the answer and he looked to the side, narrowing his eyes, something he usually did to control his anger. His eyes stayed focused there for some time before he looked at me again.

"How come you aren't starving then?"

"I-"

"Can you take yourself seriously for once?"

I sighed. He was holding back his anger.

"Do you realize how I felt when I saw you in this state? I felt…I could have lost you and I wouldn't even know. You are hurt everywhere… you look terrible"

"I am sorry, I made you so worried, babe"

My hand cupped his neck. My eyes fell on his trembling lips and moist eyes. I felt bad for not realizing my ignorance would hurt him.

"But hey, I don't have these muscles just for show" I proudly said as I flexed my arm.

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Fifteen minutes later, I watched as he messed with the faucet and water started filling the tub. I was too excited. I couldn't wait for the bath he promised me and after the bath, he would apply cream on my body. It was wonderful. He kept his eyes on me while he wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted me, settling me down. He helped me steady myself. I let go of him and he gripped the hem of my shirt. I raised my sore hands carefully and he yanked it off my body. I was left in only my bra and jogger which were soon discarded. I looked up into his eyes. My heart beat faster as he stared at my naked self. He seemed to have forgotten how to breathe. I could feel my cheeks blushing. I could feel the heat and tension making its way down between my legs. My body burned with desire.

His eyes dropped to my puckered nipples, hard and achy for attention. I caught his slight intake of air. His pupils dilated and his hands flexed on my waist, itching to pull me closer. He was dressed from head to toe. Suddenly, I felt too exposed and shy under his eyes.

"You will let me heal your wounds properly"

His voice was garbled and cracked when he said 'sugar' lastly.

He sounded so concerned and… worried.

For me.

Now that I was bare in front of him, I watched his face as his eyes lingered on the bruises painted on my body, especially on my ribs and shoulder with a pained expression. He took my hand and walked me to the bathtub and helped me get in. As I dipped my feet into the warm water, relief rushed my body.

When he helped me sit down, a faint discomfort burned in my ribs through my body momentarily. I just stayed like that for a few moments, letting the warmth soak into my skin. I felt my muscles relaxed a little. It felt too good. I let the steam cloud my mind. When he didn't make any effort to remove his clothes, I realized he wasn't going to join me. I held his hand tighter.

"Join me" the two words flowed out of my mouth before I could stop them. He took in a long breath. He gripped the back of my neck softly and whispered seductively.

"Do you really want me to join you?"

I buried my hands under his clothes and felt his flesh. It was a weird feeling. Weird enough to make me drag my fingers against the skin of his back. I tugged his body closer. I had really thought I wouldn't have seen him again and that thought made me so terrified and desperate.

"Later without any questions, you'll do everything I say including a full body check up"

I nodded, impatiently.

"Join me now, Anse"

And he did so.

Every inch of his bare flesh was pressed against my back with his arms around me. This was exactly what I wanted. It was quiet except for Anse's labored breathing behind me, judging by the tension in his body but he said no word.

He ran the conditioner through my hair that gave off just the slightest smell of eucalyptus. His hands took the time to massage my scalp very cautiously so as to not touch the wound. He drew his fingers from behind my ears, letting his hands continue their way down my neck and shoulders. A smile peaked in my lips as he drew his fingertip lightly on my shoulder blades. He rinsed my hair. It felt like heaven.

He had another white cloth in his hand. He dipped it in water and made sure it was dripping. One of his hands went to tuck all of my hair to the other side of my neck and he brushed his lips lightly on my shoulder. He scrubbed the skin on my back before I felt him place another kiss on the side of my neck. I felt a blush crawling up my neck. He dipped the cloth again and this time he brought it to my chest and squeezed it. The water ran down, in between my breasts. He searched for more bruises and wounds I had on my body. His hands lingered longer on the stabbing wound I had caused with the pen on my forearm. I laid my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes.

"Sugar"

I turned my head around to look into his eyes. He cupped the side of my neck and leaned closer, pressing his forehead against mine. His thumb stroked my cheek. Thinking about how he was caring for me filled my chest with love. I couldn't hold back the tears that sprung in my eyes.

He captured my chin between his thumb and forefinger to observe my face.

"Why are you upset?"

His concerned voice only made me more overwhelmed.

Giving a shake of my head, I met with his worried eyes but I couldn't dredge up a verbal answer.

'I love you so fucking much that it hurts'

He captured my lips, earning one of my surprised gasps. The next second, I hooked one of my arms around his neck and slided my fingers through his hair. I shivered as my nipple touched his bare chest. I ran my tongue across his bottom lip and he parted his mouth just enough for me to snake my tongue past his lips. I craved him in every way I could imagine. He slightly nipped at my pulse point, my carotid. I exposed more of my neck to him. He kissed slow trails across my clavicle that always made me squirm while his hand slowly skimmed down to my sides to settle on my thigh. The hand on my thigh ran to my waist and caressed it. I arched into him, my hand intertwining with his under the water. He brought his lips to my face again. I teased his lips with mine as I breathed through my mouth. A couple of seconds passed by as we breathed in the air and he closed the distance between us. His insistent mouth was parting my shaking lips, sending wild tremors along my nerves. I lifted the hand I held in his hair and skimmed his jawline. He pulled away shortly and placed a feather-like kiss on the tip of my nose. The gesture was so gentle and affectionate that it made my heart swell.

"Tell me what happened?"

How did the subject change so abruptly?

The look in his eyes was hard. He looked fierce. He just switched in a split second. It made me slightly nervous. Was it weird to find this side of him hot? I turned my back to him and he pressed my body against him, one hand cupping my hip gently. My cheek rested against his chin.

"Tell me everything that happened starting from when I left five hours ago"

He gripped the side of the bathtub so tight that his knuckles went pale. I wrapped my fingers around his hand and felt his body relaxing a little under my touch.