Chapter-3 Minami-san's Happiness

Minami-san SCREAMED at the same time I did, while Miss Bobtail

bounded happily onto the roof.

Minami-san dropped the blade onto the stone floor. After getting over

my shock, I looked between Minami-san, the blade, and Minami-san's wrist,

and was shocked again. Red blood dripped from her hand.

"What're you doing?! We need to fix that!"

"Wh-who are you?"

"I've got a band-aid—here, put this on and let's get you to the

hospital!"

"Wait, um…I'm fine. Stop fussing, would you?"

I was panicking, but Minami-san had already calmed down. I only

learned her age later, but she was very much a mature high school student.

Hearing her request, I thought of how Hitomi-sensei had taught me to

calm myself down and started breathing deeply. Breathing like this opened a

gap in the tension in my heart and my nerves relaxed, as they had that time I

found myself wrapped in slightly-too-large pajamas.

Deep breath in…and out.

I repeated this breathing many times finally and began to relax. I

handed Minami-san a handkerchief and band-aid.

"I've got one," Minami said reluctantly, pressing her own handkerchief

to her wrist. My band-aid was set down on the rooftop, unused.

I looked at Minami-san's wrist and the downturned corners of her

mouth. "Is something wrong with your head?" I asked.

"Probably," she said dully through those twisted lips.

"I see… So when you are weird in the head, you start cutting up your

own arm. That could never happen to me, then. I hate pain."

"So do I."

"But you're still cutting your arm. You really are weird." "Shut up. Go away."

Not listening, I climbed up onto the roof. I sat down beside Minami-san

and Miss Bobtail, quietly observing her wrist. I could sense Minami-san

making a sour face, but I just couldn't leave an injured person alone. But

looking at the painful cut, I grew frightened imagining it on myself, and

turned to look at her face instead.

"What're you looking at?" she asked.

"Your arm. It looks really painful."

"You're a child. Go home already."

"What are you doing up here, Minami-san?"

"It's none of your business. And where did you get 'Minami' from?"

"Well your name's written right there, isn't it? Even an elementary

schooler can read that."

I pointed to the letters embroidered on her navy blue skirt. I could only

dream of wearing something so sharp and rigorous. However, Minami-san

only looked at her skirt and let out a sigh.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm not doing anything."

"Are you alone?"

"It's…nice to be alone, isn't it? Nothing says you have to be with

someone."

"That's true. I've had the same thought."

"You sound pretty conceited for a child."

"I'm not conceited. Well, maybe a little more than the other kids. I

know how wonderful books can be."

"People hate you, don't they?"

"Probably," I said, mimicking her.

She scowled and turned to look at Miss Bobtail, who was looking back,

her head tilted. She surely thought this whole thing was as strange as I did.

As she could not speak, I had to be her representative. "So, Minami-san."

"Yeah?"

"Why were you cutting your arm?"

"Why do I have to explain something like that to you when I've only

just met you?"

"I don't see why not. I'm not going to spread rumors about you."

She turned her face away, still scowling, and I just assumed that I

would not be getting an answer. However, at length, she finally replied.

"No reason. Helps me calm down."

"If you need to calm down, you should breathe in, open your heart, and

take in the smell of the sun in an old wooden house."

"This calms me down in the same way."

"Well that sounds weird."

"You…wanna try it?"

She clicked open the box cutter, covered in dried blood, and held it out

to me. I quickly shook my head. As she closed the blade, she looked like she

might have been smiling, just a little. It was impossible to tell, with her eyes

almost fully covered by her hair.

"What would you do if I was some kind of bad guy? It'd be easy to cut

a kid like you."

"It's fine. I haven't gotten any bad smells from you."

"How's that fine?"

"You don't smell like a bad adult."

"That's because I'm not an adult."

I really was getting worried about her wrist now, and mustered the

courage to reach out to touch it, but she snatched her hand away and wrapped

her arms around her knees, leaving my hand swinging through empty air.

"There's still a lot that I don't know about the world," I said. "If there

are people who can calm down by cutting their arms."

"You're awfully haughty for a child."

"You know, I had no idea this place was here."

"I see."

"Do you always come here, Minami-san?"

My little friend had begun wandering the rooftop, her tail swaying, so I

stood up to follow. As soon as I started walking, I realized how much wider

the rooftop was than I had imagined. I came back, close enough to see the

blood on Minami's wrist.

"What're you hanging around here for?" she asked. And then: "I only

found this place recently."

"What are you doing here?"

I scooped my little friend up in my arms and spun around. Miss Bobtail

cried out and I let her go. She wobbled as though the ground had gone out

from under her, and flopped down at Minami-san's feet. I laughed.

"Don't pick on it."

"I'm not picking on her. We're playing."

Minami stroked Miss Bobtail's back, as though pleased by the black

stripes of her fur. Hearing the cute, pleased mewl she let out, it occurred to

me again what a wicked girl she was to resort to such flattery.

"So, what are you doing here, Minami-san? If I was coming to a big

open place like this, I think I'd dance. How about you?"

"I don't dance. I just sit and look at the sky."

"And then you cut your arms. Now that I'm looking, I can see that

you've cut them plenty of times…you really are going to die."

Minami-san looked at her arms and sighed. I had no idea what that was

supposed to mean. Should I continue this conversation? Her expression said

both that she wanted to talk and that she didn't. I was sure that I had never

made such a complicated expression. When I wanted to talk, I did, and when

I didn't, then I didn't.

I reminded myself to ask Skank-san about the face Minami-san was

making. If you wanted to know about adults, you should ask another adult.

Instead, there was one other thing that I wished to discuss, so I turned my

sights towards that.

"Hey, Minami-san."

"What? Shut up already."

"I was wondering if you like to draw pictures."

"What's this all of a sudden?"

I had spied the notebook and pen hidden away in her shadow. Perhaps

she understood what I was getting at, because she quickly shoved the

notebook under her butt and pulled a face, as if to say "You were just seeing

things, there's no notebook there." But I was sharp enough to see through

such lies. I pointed at her behind.

"Why do people who draw always hide it? There's a kid like that in my

class too. He draws such wonderful pictures, but he hates people knowing it.

Why do you hate showing off?"

For a few moments Minami was silent, staring up at the sky. But, as

my little black-furred friend sprung away to chase a small white butterfly,

Minami sighed again.

"It wasn't a picture." There was a pause, as though she was mustering

her courage, before she spoke again. "I was writing."

"Writing? Were you writing in your diary?"

"No…I was…writing a story."

"Whoa! That's amazing!"

Minami averted her eyes, as though worried she would be smashed to

pieces. But as the words leapt out of the bottom of my heart, she looked

surprised. Maybe I'd let my voice get a little too loud again. However, I

quickly saw that it was not my battle cry that shocked her. Something very

peculiar had caught her surprise.

"You aren't…gonna laugh?"

I was unsure of what she meant.

"Laugh? Me? At what? Why would I laugh, when I haven't even read

any funny jokes? If you're saying that I would laugh at people who write

stories, then my stomach would probably twist up and kill me while I was

busy reading. Why would seeing someone write a story be funny enough to

make me laugh?" She shook her head. For the first time, I glimpsed her eyes through her

swaying bangs. They were beautiful, just like Skank-san's. And Granny's.

"That's not it!" she said, as loudly as I had.

I was not surprised. If I got surprised at things like that, I would shock

myself so badly that I really would die. I decided to implore her.

"Say, let me read that."

"Huh?" she said, surprised again.

Obviously, if there was a story then I wanted to read it. But I knew that

was not normal for a child of my age, so I could understand her shock.

"I've already said so, but I am clever. I know how wonderful stories

can be."

"What's that supposed to…no!"

"Why not? Oh, do you have some other engagement?"

"I mean, I don't."

"Then please, let me read it. I know how wonderful stories are, and

honestly, I've always thought that I'd like to write one of my own someday."

Minami's face showed not the slightest hint of movement, but the

secret I had revealed seemed to grant her power. She pressed her hand to her

mouth and grumbled, utterly resigned.

"Why do I gotta show this to some stupid brat I just met?"

She handed me the notebook.

I'm sure that Minami-san knew that a girl's secrets did not come cheap.

I had not told anyone that I wanted to write a story before. Although I had

grand plans of one day moving everyone with something I had written, this

was the first I'd ever told anyone. In exchange, I secured the chance to read a

brand-new story. I think that's what people call negotiating.

"Ah, wait."

"What is it?"

"I completely forgot. I'm reading about Homeless Huck right now."

"Huh, I read that when I was a kid, too."

"I've never read another story when I'm already in the middle of one.

That's my rule. I want to be able to completely immerse myself in a world."

"Then give it back." Minami pursed her lips and took the notebook

back. "I get what you mean, though," she muttered, placing the notebook

back under her backside.

It was like a treasure chest she was hiding so no one could find it. It

made me want to read her story all the more.

"I'll finish reading Huck soon! Let me read your story when I'm done!"

"I'd prefer you just forget about it."

"No, I won't forget. Life is like the contents of a refrigerator!"

"What the heck does that mean?"

"Even if you forget about the nasty peppers that are in there, you'll

never forget about the delicious cake!"

Minami-san laughed, as though simply expelling air from her lips.

"You're really something, brat."

I didn't get any bad feeling, like I was being badmouthed. Although

she kept calling me "brat," which I knew was something that people said

when they were being cruel, I got the same wonderful smell from her "brat"

as I did from Skank-san's "little miss," and Granny's "Nacchan."

I suppose that Minami-san recognized me as a friend. It was probably

because she enjoyed stories just as much as I did.

If only everyone in the world loved books, I thought, then it might be a

more peaceful place.

No one could ever think about hurting other people if they knew about

something as exciting as stories. And yet, given that she knew this, I still

could not understand why Minami-san would cut her own arm. She still

would not say much about it, but I could get her to speak about other things,

such as books.

She knew about way more stories than I did. However, even she did

not properly understand The Little Prince, and I realized how truly

impressive Granny was, that she could solve questions that even a high

school student could not grasp. Minami-san said that she liked the part about the fox in the desert.

"Well, I'll come back here again."

"You don't need to. But I mean, you can do whatever you want. I don't

own this place or anything."

"I can't wait to read your story!"

"Whatever."

"Don't cut your arm anymore."

Minami-san said nothing, but waved her right hand to shoo me and my

tailless friend away. As we carefully descended the stairs, Minami-san was

still up there, watching the reddening skies.

Today, I had gained another destination for my daily walks.

"Happiness won't cooome, wandering my way sooo, thaaat's why I set

ooout to find it todaaay!"

"Meow meow!"

By the time we made it down the mountain, there were no more

children left in the little park. Instead, there was a lone adult, sitting on an

unswaying swing with a terribly sad look upon his face. I was suddenly quite

concerned for him. I felt like I had seen him somewhere before, but I could

not recall who it was. But, as I went to approach him, I noticed my tailless

friend moving on. I just ended up just heading home for the day.

When I arrived at home, I was surprised to see that, for once, my

mother was home before me. She looked between the flier I had left on the

table and her pocket planner, and gave me wonderful news about the

observation day. I found a new resolve—I had to think even more seriously

about happiness. I dove into my soft bed that night with my mother's promise

locked safe inside my heart.

The next day, I was faced with a very difficult choice.

"Life is like a bowl of shaved ice. There're so many good flavors to

eat, but you can't eat all of them. You'd get a tummy ache."

I had to decide between Skank-san, Granny, and Minami-san. If I went

to see all of them, I would run past the curfew my mother had set. I could only visit two places at most. It was as difficult as choosing between

strawberry, lemon, and soda-flavored ice.

"So why'd you come here?" Minami-san asked, drinking a bottle of

barley tea with a sullen look on her face.

"Oh? Well yesterday you said I should do whatever I liked," I replied.

"Go play with your school friends."

"I don't have any school friends."

"Seriously? You really are a loner, huh?"

"That's not true. I do have friends. I have this little one, and you."

"You can't just decide I'm your friend."

She looked at the sky and let out a snort. I mimicked this, watching a

bird flying above. I thought about how difficult it would be to sleep in a bed

if I had wings.

"I came here because I don't know anything about you," I said. "I want

to learn more."

"You don't need to know anything about me."

"That's not true either. Life is like a Japanese-style breakfast."

"What the heck does that mean?"

"There's nothing that you don't need to know about."

"What are you talking about?" she said. "You're really something."

"I'm not something," I said. "And I don't want to be 'something,' I

want to be more clever."

"Weird for somebody so impressive to say they don't want to be."

"People who are impressive can't make time to go out with their

families on Mondays, can they? There's no point in being that impressive."

That was all I said, but…

"You talkin' about your parents?"

I was surprised to hear her say this. She really did have a high

schooler's smarts. However, I was loath to nod in agreement, so I was silent.

Minami-san huddled up again, wrapping her arms around her legs. "Might not be such a good thing to be so clever after all."

"That's not true. I want to be super clever! There's no way you can

write a story without being sharp, right? I never knew that there was a tree

called the 'baobab' before I read The Little Prince. I didn't know there were

talking roses, either."

"There are no roses like that."

"What? Are you saying baobabs aren't real either?"

I began to grow uneasy. Not once in my whole life had I even seen a

baobab tree. But then, Minami-san was a high schooler.

"Baobabs do exist. They're big trees that take over a hundred years to

grow. People say that they're the biggest on Earth, and that they were some

of the very first trees. I've also heard that God was angered by the baobab

tree's jealousy once and turned the tree upside down, which is why its

branches look like roots."

"Who was the baobab jealous of?"

"Of the palm tree, who was more slender; and the fig, with its fruits."

I was deeply moved by this.

"That's a unique and wonderful story. How like you, Minami-san."

"There're just myths. It's not like I made up those stories."

"Still, you're much more clever than I am, if you know all these

interesting stories. I hope I can grow even more clever so that I can know

them too."

"Hmph," said Minami-san, as though she had no interest in either me

or the baobab tree.

However, I could tell that she was not unhappy. When I begged her to

tell me more interesting stories, she had plenty to say. The most interesting

one was that the phrase "under the rose" meant "secret" in English. I did not

speak English yet, but I was sure that when I was an adult and I could, I

would need to find a reason to use it.

I completely lost myself in talking to Minami-san that day. By the time

I realized, it was already time to head home. I had completely forgotten to

visit Skank-san or Granny. All the next day, I wanted nothing more than to talk with Minami-san again, but no matter how boring it was, I still had to go

to school.

The idiot kids were still idiots, and my neighbor Kiriyuu-kun was

scribbling secretively in his notebook, so school was as boring as ever. Still,

at least there was one good thing. During break, while I was alone at the

library, Ogiwara-kun showed up. I decided to strike up a conversation right

away. I was dying to tell someone about all the things that Minami-san had

said, but had no one else to spill them to.

Just as Ogiwara started to leave, not even noticing me at the far end of

the library, I chased after him, making a face as though I was leaving, too.

"Ogiwara-kun!"

"Oh, Koyanagi-san. I didn't know you were in here."

"Yeah! What did you borrow?" I asked, pointing at the book in his

hand.

He showed me the cover with a smile. I knew exactly what that

expression meant. I, too, knew the joy of holding a brand-new book.

"The Memoirs of a White Elephant, huh? I've read that one too."

"Yeah, I wanted to read it when I found out it came from France, just

like The Little Prince."

Of course, that was Ogiwara-kun for you. He chose books the same

way he laid the groundwork for our conversations. Taking advantage of this

newly laid foundation, I told him about the baobab and the rose as though I

had known them the entire time. Ogiwara-kun showed proper surprise for

each. Surely, he and I were the only ones in our class who would find such

things interesting. Because we were both clever.

We talked on and on, but I still was not satisfied. However, our

conversation ended abruptly when a boy from our class called Ogiwara's

name from the other side of the hall. Ogiwara turned and left as though he

had forgotten we'd even been speaking. Of course that would happen. Not

only was Ogiwara-kun clever, but he had plenty of friends.

I would have to find another outlet after school for everything trying to

burst out from inside of me. Sitting under the blue sky on a concrete rooftop,

I told Minami-san all about what had happened today.

"He's got your heart racin', huh?"

"I mean, we were just standing there."

"Not what I meant."

The corners of her lips were turned down again today, but that did not

mean she was angry. Bit by bit, I was coming to learn about her.

"Oh right," I said. "I'll be finished with The Adventures of Huckleberry

Finn soon."

"Yeah? And what about it?"

"Then I can read the story you wrote. I'm really excited for it."

"No idea what you mean," she said grumpily.

She was sitting on her notebook as always. She had probably been

writing before I arrived.

"I'll see you next time, then."

"Do what you want."

Minami-san's "Do what you want" carried the same meaning as Skank-

san's "See you later, little miss." I waved at Minami-san's back. After that, I

stopped by Granny's home, and told her about the same things I had told

Minami-san. It was a wonderful day.

Lately, I was attending language arts class with some rather

complicated feelings. Although I looked forward to it, it felt sort of like

standing at the bottom of a long set of stairs. It was the same feeling that the

hero of a fantasy tale would have when facing down a massive dragon. I was

the type to stand proudly before both steep hills and dragons, but there were

children who would shrink back into their own shells. My neighbor was just

once such child.

"Hey, what're you drawing there?" I asked Kiriyuu-kun.

"I, uh, nothing…" he replied, reluctant as always.

Although he was fine as a partner in group projects, I worried how he

would fare as an ally on an adventure. Because he was my neighbor, we also

ate lunch together. After that, I headed to the library alone and then, after

school, I decided to head to Minami-san's building again. There was a particular reason for this.

"It's better to have lots of allies on your adventure."

"Meow."

Miss Bobtail seemed to enjoy Minami-san's company as well.

Although we were completely opposite in appearance, our tastes in people

usually aligned.

"You here again?" Minami said brusquely as we came out onto the

rooftop.

Her words carried the same meaning as Granny's "Good to see you."

I sat down on the ground beside Minami-san, copying her huddled-up

pose. "Salutations," I said. "I trust you are having a marvelous day?"

"What the heck is that about?" She returned my refined greeting by

spitting her words out on the ground, but I had already figured her out. She

worked very hard to sound that way. "It's not marvelous. Looks like it's

gonna rain."

"It didn't sound like it was going to rain from the weather report. They

said it was only a ten percent chance, which means that nine people said it

wasn't going to rain, and only one person said it was."

When I started to think about one person standing against nine, I had

the urge to cheer them on, but I couldn't do it. If it rained, I couldn't meet

with Minami-san here.

"That's not what the percentage means."

"Huh? Really?"

"It's based on how many days it rained in the past on days like this one.

A ten percent chance means that if you took ten days like this from the past, it

would've only rained on one of them. It doesn't mean that one person was

standing apart from their colleagues."

Once again, I was moved. That was Minami-san for you. I was thrilled

to see that I had found the perfect ally for my adventure.

"I guess if I'm the hero then she's the fairy, and you're the sage living

in the forest."

"What're you talkin' about?"

"There was something I wanted to ask you about," I said.

I launched into it straight away. I always was the type to eat the most

delicious thing first.

"About my story?" she asked.

"I mean there is that, but this is something else. I'm dealing with a

really difficult question in class right now."

"Is it a math thing? You need to deal with that stuff on your own, brat."

"That's not it. I can solve my own math problems. This problem is

really hard. It is part of language arts class. The question was, 'What is

happiness?'"

"Happiness…"

"Yeah. I wanted to ask what happiness means to you? It might give me

some idea."

She did not answer me right away. She looked up at the clouded sky,

stroking my little black-furred friend on the head. When she finally opened

her mouth, her voice was clouded as well.

"I've never known happiness."

"Not even when you're writing? You aren't happy then?"

"Writing is fun, but I dunno if it makes me happy. I think happiness

means being more fulfilled than that. Like your heart is full of good feelings."

She gave me an idea that was easily comprehensible. Only a high-

schooler could give such a reply so readily. I wished I could grow up more

quickly.

"I see…so that's why I'm happy when I'm eating a cookie with vanilla

ice cream on top."

This also meant that I was filling Skank-san's and Granny's hearts with

good feelings just by showing up. I was so overjoyed, it felt like the sky

might clear right then and there.

"Minami-san, when does your heart feel full?"

I looked at her arm. There was no blood today, but she quickly hid the

scabs with her hand.

"Never."

"Does that mean you don't have any happiness?"

"Probably," she said, mimicking me, mimicking her.

"What about when you're reading books? Or eating sweets?"

"It's fun, and those are tasty, but I don't think that's happiness," she

said, feigning gruffness.

"What about when you're eating dinner with your mom?"

"My mom and dad are gone."

"Gone? Do they live somewhere else?" How typical of a high school

student, I thought.

"They're dead."

My tiny jaw dropped in shock. Minami-san forced my lips shut with

her fingers and let out another sigh. She did not look me in the eye.

"They died. A long time ago, in an accident." Her fingers were

gripping her skirt. "It's been a long time, so I don't cry about it anymore.

Still, I think even a brat like you can understand why I'm not happy."

She still did not meet my eyes and so she had not noticed. But the little

one sitting on her lap was looking right at me. I quickly placed a hand over

her tiny eyes.

"So, sorry," she said. "But I can't help you with your home—"

Minami-san finally saw my eyes, and they silenced her. She saw my

face and, in one clean movement, reached into her pocket and pulled out a

handkerchief. It was not stained with blood today. She handed it to me.

I made use of it right away.

"You can keep that."

In the end, I was unable to say anything more that day. Looking at it

later, the handkerchief she gave me had the same pattern as one my father

bought for me once. I began to wonder if Minami-san's father had given it to

her.

I left her behind and traveled to Granny's house, to find that she had

baked sweets for me again today. However, before she offered me any, she

asked "What's wrong, Nacchan?"

As I sipped the orange juice she'd poured, I told her about Minami-san.

However, I avoided the parts that would bring up Minami-san's notebook and

her precious story. I was worried that Granny might grow cross with me. I

was a horrible child in that way. And yet, Granny offered me the financier

cake she had made.

"I think that girl, Minami-san, is happy," she said mysteriously.

I shook my head with such force I'm surprised it didn't come off. "I

don't think she is."

"No, she most certainly is. After all, she met you, the first person to

ever cry for her. That's why she gave you her precious handkerchief."

I looked down at the damp, soiled handkerchief.

"So, there's no reason to worry so much over it. And there's no need to

apologize to her. Still, I want you to promise me one thing, Nacchan."

I looked her straight in the eye and nodded.

"The next time you see Minami-san, greet her with a smile. If you like

her, that is."

"I do like her!"

"Then you have to fill her heart up with memories of your smile, rather

than all those painful things."

"I wonder if I can."

I felt unusually weak, but Granny placed her soft hands on my slim

shoulders.

"People can't get rid of their sad memories. But if they can make lots

of good memories, then they can live happily. Your smile has the wonderful

power to do just that. For Minami-san, and for me."

"I wonder…"

I thought of Minami-san's face when she had handed me the

handkerchief. I screwed my eyes shut, and thought with all my might—with

my brain that was sharper than those of the other children, but not yet at the

impressive level of an adult. And then, I made a decision. I met the gaze of my little friend with her own shining eyes, then stood,

displacing her from my lap.

"Granny, I'm going home now. I need to hurry up and finish reading

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn!"

"Aha, well if that's what you've decided, then you better go do it!

What about your snack?"

"I'll take it with me!"

The sweet, tender financier tasted how I thought the sun would, if you

made it into a dessert. And I realized that the sun had reemerged from the

once-cloudy sky, as well.

On the way home, I saw that adult from before in the park at the

bottom of the hill. However, I still could not remember who he was.