Chapter 121: Seupai Geim (Possession)

"Please do not hurt me." "Don't you ever give me a reason to do so and I promise you that I will never hurt you..." He had me on his lap completely exposed and his for the taking. I was completely vulnerable in that moment and he knew how to get me where he wanted me. He knew that underneath everything that I was dealing with, that I was also hiding my feelings for him that he was teasing out of me every single day for years now. I was trying to build up a safe haven for myself away from him so I wouldn't get hurt when he eventually courted Hui-Jae. But he proved to be my eternal damnation when he seduced me more than once with such immense force that I was lucky to escape from him when he was distracted by the Emperor's diagnosis. He held me, he kissed me, he squeezed parts of me and he made me moan when he...did such unholy things to me that made me feel like my soul was being sucked out of my body every time he touched me. But it wasn't right; if he had these intentions for me, then why wasn't he talking to me about marriage? Why sleep with me when he had a woman? And why was he with us both at the same time? Why wasn't he repairing the relationship he had with my brother if he wanted me? Maybe it was because he had to ditch Hui-Jae before approaching Hwi and he wasn't done with her? I originally thought that I would be ok when I left Seon-Ho in the way that I had to, but I had never been so depressed, so heartbroken and so lonely in my entire life. I had been a person with friends all of my life, a girl without her mother to teach her how to become a woman, and a disabled poverty-stricken orphan with no hope that anyone would take me aa a concubine, let alone my wife. But the Seo blood was too proud to let me become a concubines even if I was considered a defective woman for reasons that were beyond my control. I could not get that night with Seon-Ho out of my mind ever since it happened; I know that he had become rather...odd around me in my last year of being his father's hostage and maybe I had given into temptation a few times here and there with him. We did have a lot of fun together that night and took advantage of the few moments we were alone and could breathe in each other's campy. But that night, he seemed determined to seduce me no matter what, he didn't even seem to panic when he heard my brother come for me. The look in his eyes, the way he was touching me more body than he had ever done before and that frustrated groan of his; I have never heard him ever make that noise in his entire life and he sounded so genuine as well, so entirely genuine that I still got goosebumps all over my body every single time I thought about it...

"Yeon!" "What?" "What are you thinking about that has you blushing so deeply like that? Your face looks like a tomato right now." "Ae-Cha!" "What? You're the one who is bashing like a baboon's bottom!" "Stop it!" "I thought you told me that you were virgin and that you have never had any experiences with men at all!" "I haven't! I haven't done anything with anyone!" "Yeah right! What else could be possibly have you blushing this much!" And now I couldn't stop thinking about that night we spent in his mother's quarters and something possessive me to trace him as much as he touched me over and over again as if he had every right to, as if he wanted to do that and so much more...just like I did when I...

"Ok then tell me, have you let anyone hold you?" "I..." what was wrong with me? I knew that men thought of sex all of the time, so what was my excuse? Why couldn't I stop thinking about him every time he touched me, looked at me, kissed me, stalked me? Even when I slept all I could do was think about Seon-Ho and how his big muscular body would glisten in the moonlight with sweat when he trained as close as he could to my quarters... "...have you even let a man kiss you?" "Well..." every single time he kissed me, it wasn't a light or romantic kiss at all. It was hot, it was sweet, he always pulled me right into his chest so I could not escape, and it was as if he was hungry for it...

"Ae-Cha?" "Yes?" "Is it normal...when a man kisses you...that he...his tongue..." "Oh my goodness! Yeon!" "What!" What is it?" "Have you done...it?" "It? What on earth are you..." "you know exactly what I am talking about! Men only use tongues in kissing when they want to...have a marital night with a woman!" Myself and Ae-Cha were both conversing next to a lake in winter and I was still blushing so badly that I thought my cheeks were going to burn in embarrassment. "How do you know...that when a man uses tongue...that he wants to..." "Have you forgotten my story already? Everyone in my village knows what happened to me." "I'm sure that it wasn't your fault..." "it wasn't! But out of everybody who was supposed to support me and love me unconditionally, only you seem to believe in me." "But...did you really..." "Yes, I gave myself to a man who swore to me that he loved me he that he would marry me. But as soon as he got what he wanted, he threw me out of the inn that he rented just as my spiteful stepmother brought my father into town. Everyone saw me half naked, and he rejoined his fiancé that night for a party. He had never even mentioned her to me, he kept the fact the he was engaged hidden from me the entire time that he was courting me. But I heard that he is still messing around to this day with any woman that walks in his sight.' "But...but you did..." "he used tongue in his kiss and so much more." "So you did to it?" "Yes." "Can you tell me what that is like? Please, I am so confused." "Are you sure?" "I need to know, I really do." "Ok then, but remember, you were the one who asked for it..."

As intelligent as I was, there were still somethings about my own sex that I was completely clueless about since had no mother or sister to guide me in life. All I had was a smattering of makeup and hair accessories that the kisengs taught me how to use, and therefore, I still didn't know about a lot of things, including the relations between a man and a woman apart from kissing. "There is something else I had to ask you." "Ok" "How can you tell if someone is being genuine with you?" "What do you mean? Can't you feel it?" "This man I have...sort of been involved with...is unlike any many you have ever come across before." "Why? Is he a bad man?" "He isn't bad, but he's not all the way good either." "What do you mean?" "He has had a very traumatising childhood because he is illegitimate, even hough he has half-noble. He has had no choice but to rely on manipulation to get what he wants. He is also a very petty person; he will always get his revenge for the smallest of grievances." "Like what?" "If...you ignore him...if you abandon him..." just thinking about it all was enough to make my heart race out of fear if I ever ran into him again. 'Yeon..." "What?" "Well, I'm not as experienced as you think I am, but that type of person will need leave your life." "Really?" "He will hunt you down like one of the dogs the royal family have when they go for hunting." "Well...Ouch! Why did you just pinch me!" "He's coming! The young master is coming! Quickly look busy so it isn't obvious that we have been waiting here for him!" "So that's why you dragged me out of bed so early! I wanted to meet his father so I could go over some homework..." "Yeon!" "Now what is it?" Books, books, books. Work, work, work. Chores, chores, chores. You are turning 21 soon and you are in the prime of your youth and beauty. Men are already head over heels for you, you should be thinking about a marriage..." "You're so beautiful Yeonnie, you have no idea..." he would always touch me after that; he would either stroke my hair or my bare legs under my skirt and he would kiss me...as if he really meant it. No one had ever told me I was beautiful before, but things were so complicated with Seon-Ho. I could still feel his anger underneath every single word he said. And now he was trying to marry me, so he could privately torture me and get his revenge on me because of how much I hid from him. I always knew he would be angry, as my brother was with me for a while. But never in my life did I expect him to take it this personally; everything I did was for him and my brother. So why was he acting as if I had tried to kill him and left him on his own to bleed out? Why was he taking this so personally? Was he really going to go this far? For what?

"Good morning Young master, did you sleep well? I..." "Good morning helper, and good morning to you Seo Yeon. How are you this morning?" "Good morning, young master." I managed to mumble before my thoughts immediately turned over to the devil of the man I had to leave behind for now until I returned to the village. Then what was he going to do to me? If anything that Ae-Cha just told me about...it, then I already had an idea...

"Yeon? Seo Yeon? What happened? Are you ok?" 'What do you mean?" "You look pale. Have you been sleeping well?" "Young master, I..." "I am well, thank you, young master. Excuse me, I have a lot of work to catch up on with your father, I will see you soon." "Yeon! Wait!" "Young master, please!" "What! What is it?" Even though I was walking away, I could already feel the tension between the son of my tutor and Ae-Cha. I pitied her a lot; after her public scandal in her home town, she was almost sold into a brothel by her stepmother until she ran away and found work as a teacher's assistant. But ever since she set eyes on the young master, like most women around here, she coldest get over his good looks and charm...and the money he was going to inherit once his father passed away, which would be any day soon due to his chronic illness. His father had been a tutor all of his life and would die doing so, so he told me. But I was worried about Ae-Cha; she clearly hadn't learnt her lesson despite how traumatised she was, why was she suddenly obsessed with the young master? She practically stalked his every move and always tried to bump into him to make up some excuse to get close to him. Didn't she learn her lesson already? What was wrong with her?

And then I thought about every single time that Seon-Ho just watched me, even when I was forced to kneel in his office for unnecessary punishments. He would just stare so intensely at me, but I still couldn't be sure. Even the dynamics of the relationship between himself and Hui-Je had changed so drastically that there was always a possibility that they could end up together. I understood my brother has his issues with his woman but avoiding it wasn't going to solve the issue, and the mere thought of Seon-Ho and Hui-Jee getting together was enough to keep me awake and crying all night long in my bed. I couldn't sleep or eat properly, and instead of enjoying my time being educated, I had carried on my job as a washerwoman just to distract myself from these awful thoughts that kept on creeping up in my head. Would Seon-Ho really go far as to exploit my feelings for him just to get even with me? He wasn't incapable of it; I had fully witnessed the dark side of him that his father kept on encouraging that he kept from myself and my brother. What if...what he wanted the both if us? Hui-Jee to be his wife and he would probably keep me as a consume, just to torture me...