Chapter 154: Confrontations 7 (Daegyeol)

I hadn't done anything wrong, absolutely nothing at all. Everything that I did was for him and him alone so he can pull me up from the gutter where I lay in the brothel. I asked for support just like he wanted, and if he had a problem with that, then that was his fault. I socialise with women of power to help build up my contact in the first place and he also had a problem with that. He actually accused me of being a spy and a liar when I had done nothing at all…to his knowledge anyways. I punished a lowly girl and he couldn't even take that. Maybe…maybe he wasn't the powerful man that I thought he was, but I had bigger problems than that now. My baby needed a father and I didn't care if he hated me now or not. I was his responsibility from the moment that he separated me from my lover and he needed to make good on the promises that he gave me, one way or another. He bullied me intolerably after I gave him more chances than he deserved. So now I was not going to be held responsible for my actions.

Nam Seon-Ho was still a better man than most that I had come across in this life with a better temperament than most as well. He contributed his merit in the Liadong war and he set himself distinguished and high when he turned in his own father to the Emperor himself. Many women in the brothel were already jealous of our relationship and I had to take advantage of it somehow, for the sake of the child that I never thought I would ever have in this lifetime. Even if there were 1000 misunderstandings in the past, then I shouldn't let it undo everything that I have worked so hard on. We will have a life of harmony, we will have a good married life and he will give me a chance once I gave him time to calm down and forgive me. I didn't have time to think about this clearly and at this rate I was pushing him into Yeon's arms.

But I didn't expect him to almost jump a mile high into the air when I got close enough to him for the very first time. Anyone would have thought that I had stabbed him in the back with the way that he had reacted to my touch. "All of our lives, myself and Hwi have been bullied mercilessly by everyone! Bullying disgusts me and as a General Inspector, I cannot allow it! So how you suppose that I can ever fall in love with such a selfish and horrible woman such as yourself! When I have Yeon who has already promised herself to me! She is everything that you are not; she is a virtuous and refined woman who deserves all of the respect in this world!" Was this what he was taking about? Bullies? Was this why he was so hesitant to touch me in the first place? Was he really this…damaged? And that was why he preferred Yeon over me? Because she was younger, inexperienced and more easy to manipulate? Did he really feel more safer with Yeon than with myself?

"Who is it! What the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you stripped down to your goddamned underwear?" I couldn't believe that his first instinct was to fight me off and look away instead of taking the opportunity to have me whenever he liked. Isn't that what men did? When they were with alone with a girl that he liked? Just what was wrong with this man? Was there really something wrong with him? He didn't look amused or aroused in the slightest! He did genuinely look…disgusted with me.

"I am here because I have thought this through. I really did hate you so much before, and you yourself know why. You can like Yeon all you want to, but she can only ever be fit to become your concubine and you know it! How can someone like her become your main wife? Even if you are so infatuated with her, you still have me, don't you" "Haven't I made myself clear enough already?" "Seon-Ho! Please! I was wrong and I know that now! All of this is my fault! I was the one who didn't appreciate what I had! I was still lost in my grief with Seo Hwi and I shouldn't have used it against you for so many years! I resented you with my words but i..I secretly began to miss you when you weren't in my sight. I miss you and I long for you all of the time…" "wha exactly are you trying to do here? I have already made my feelings clear about who I want to marry more than once."

"I want to reconcile with you, for good. I want to live well with you and become your biggest support in your plans. I want to marry you and bear you children and…" "I already have someone for that!" He really snapped at me for the first time and I couldn't help but to jump into the air myself. Why was he being so mean to me? Haven't I apologised to him enough? What more would it take for him to forgive me once and for all so we could move on? I had to…sleep with him tonight so I could make him a part of the pregnancy that he still knew nothing about. So I had no choice but to move closer to him and try to hold him again, but he wasn't having any of it. He acted like I was on fire every time I got too close to him and it was actually making me feel more guilty than I ever have before.

"I promise you that I will stop throwing tantrums from now on. I can…even sell the brothel if you are so ashamed of it. I can be a very good wife to you if you let me and I can manage your household if you will let me. I will not entrain or socialise if you do not wish it and I will not contact random people anymore. I will d anything that you say, just please marry me and let me bear you a child s we can start our family."

"A child? Already? Before my promotion? Have you lost your damned mind! I do not want a family right now! And as an official in the palace, the Emperor has to agree to my marriage! Who are you in society's eyes for me to marry? A brothel madame? A gold-digger? A desperate woman who is trying to enter the world of nobility? Han Hui-Jae, you are not in control anymore and my world will not go as you please. When you are irate, you want to pul everyone into a deep abyss of pain. But when you regret, you instantly want a light remedy with no remorse at all. From the moment that you mistreated me, I wanted nothing to do with you at all. Now let me go!" "Seon-Ho! Please wait! I will do averaging I can to make you forgive me! Just you wait!" "Oh really? Is that what you are going to do? This is your final word?" "Yes it is and I will…" "Did you hear all of this? Hwi?" "Hwi? What on earth are you talking about? Hwi is dead and…."

*********************

I had tucked our guests int bed before I spent every single waking minute that I had to work on my embroideries alone. But I couldn't get Seon-Ho out of my mind, not in the least. I felt so bad for him after everything he was going through and yet…he had suddenly become more…affectionate and intimate as of late. We were always together in the same room and he always had his arm around my waist even if we were working on separate things. He always had me close to him enough to rest his chin onto my shoulder and smell my hair. He always pressed his cheek into mine whenever I forced him to take a break from his work and he always played with my hair whenever he thought that I was paying more attention to my work than him. He would gently bite my ears and play with my neck to distract me and he…only I could serve him. Only I could help him. Only I tend to him. And only I could get close to him. He waited for me, he spent time with me and he never let me sleep. Was this not love? I was already like a wife to him in more than one way and now he wanted to ask for my hand? So after my education was over and I took down my uncle's family, then we would both be in the palace forever? Him as a scholar, my brother as a teacher just like my father was and myself as librarian? The two of them would patch up ether relationship and we would marry and then…I would have no choice but to tell him everything that I had been hiding and my future plans even in the palace.

I was so lost in thought that I didn't even realise that he was standing behind me and just starting at me before I felt his lips on mine and his arms around my waist again. "My love? What has happened? Has she come back? Did she do anything to you?" "Your brother is handling it all now, let us just leave him alone to deal with this now." "What are you doing? Why are you undressing me again? Enough is enough now and I have to work and I…what is wrong? Why aren't you saying anything at all? Seon-Ho?" "Just be quiet and let me have you one more time, please. I need to test something." "Test something? What are you…" I could hear his heart almost beating out of his chest behind me and I could hear him quietly moan when he undressed me completely. "Seon-Ho…" "You are so young, so ripe and so hot for me. You are so beautiful, so young and still so tight. You…are the perfect candidate to be my wife. Because only you can bear my children. Only you…" "children? What on earth are you talking about?"

He suddenly grabbed me by the back of my hair and almost slammed me against the wall in was I could only describe as…passion? Or maybe something a little more violent? "Seon-Ho?" "Forgive me Yeon if I hurt you. But I have been holding back for far too long and I am tired of it. You know that I am not the most gentlest man and I am not normal, not really. So please, forgive me…"