Chapter 2

That was her name — a beautiful one — but I didn't know how much it would mean to me afterward. How much it reminded… of everything. An hour has gone by and the bus had already begun its course, and I ultimately decided to sit at the very back of it. Before I decided, she insisted that I should sit with her; but I refused, and I sat in the back seats instead.

The bus was now full, I could see all my classmates from my seat. They were talking their ears out during the trip, and only a few closed their eyes. It's a shame, she was not one of the few. I don't know why, but sometimes, I take glances towards Ingrid; I could see her beanie from behind, and the arm she rested on the window. She glanced back when I once again took a look. She smiled, her eyes squinting at me. I move my eyes quickly away from her, hoping my intentions were not obvious; I would hate for her to think that.

Trying to find a distraction, I take out the earphones I placed in my pocket; inserting the cord into my phone and its head into my ears. I relax my back on my seat afterward, resting both my arms at the back of my head while I lay back; I let out a sigh as I close my eyes. A song of Romantic Homicide played in my ears, unknowingly making my eyes open.

In the back of my mind… you died

And I didn't even cry… No, not a single tear

"Not a single tear? If only that was true."

How can I make her disappear when she is right there? Sitting beautifully just a few paces away from me. I sit back straight, my eyes already gazing toward her. I could see her smooth cheek from where I am while she looks out the window. My eyes stuck on her, yet they did not know what to feel.

After a while, the bus stops outside a large gate. We have arrived. I move my head over the window, wiping the moisture on its glass. The mountain stood high toward the sky, and I could see the start of the hiking trail over the gate.

"Everyone, please listen up!" the teacher shouted, wearing winter gear and a large backpack filled with tools, "Wear your gear and pack your bags before stepping out of the bus, we will start our trip to the top of the mountain when everyone is ready." He stepped off the bus ahead of us.

I stand up and take off my earphones, placing them back inside my pocket. I open my bag and take out my white winter coat, placing it over my body along with my goggles and beanie. As I prepare the rest of my equipment, a red strand caught the corner of my eye. It was Ingrid standing up, zipping up her red winter coat over her shoulders. The coat was a gift from someone — someone I prefer not to remember. She finished before me, walking towards her friends at the front of the bus. Laughing and giggling, her friends had the same wide smile as her and a laugh you could hear for miles like her; I never liked them.

After I finished wearing my gear, she and her friends stepped out of the bus; and I followed suit. As I exit, the large mountain hovered above me while I look up. Its peak pierces the sky. I lower my head to see my classmates gathering at the other side of the open gate. While walking towards them, I see a long flight of stairs at the spot they gathered. Its steps lead up to a portion of the mountain.

"Okay, is everyone here?" asks the teacher, arriving just in time after he asked, "Good, let's begin our trip; everyone, follow me!" The teacher took the first step toward the mountain.

My classmates followed soon after, quickly climbing the flight of stairs. I stayed behind them, admiring the snow falling from the mountain. But a wave of pain suddenly caressed my back, disturbing my gaze. I turn my head to see what It was, but before I could, someone's shoulder brushed against mine. I move my eyes back to the front to see who it was, and to my dismay, it was Ingrid again. Smirking at me. She began to climb the flight of stairs with her friends, giving me one last look before she continued. I stood silent at the start, staring at her while the wind flew through the gaps in her hair; and her hips swung elegantly as she climbed. Ironic… a familiar memory came into mind — a memory where I was happy… with her.

It was months after I got to know her — after spring. In the middle of summer in August. The wet breeze from the sea crashed against my cheeks as I sat on white sand. A rock rested in my palm before I threw it out towards the sea, while another gust of wind moved my hair off my forehead. I took a deep breath as I took in the view: a beautiful sunset over the horizon. Life was simpler back then, with fewer memories and fewer torments. I crossed my legs as I sat still relaxing, with only the sounds of waves in my ears. Until I heard her voice again.

"Mika!" Ingrid called out while she ran, quickly sitting towards me, "Sorry, I'm late; I got busy with something."

"Busy? With what?" I asked, my eyebrow raised.

"Just something for school, don't worry about it," she said vaguely, making me curious but I ended up ignoring it.

"I'm really for being late, I will make it up to you soon!" she declared, patting my shoulder gently.

"It's okay really, should we go home now?" I asked softly.

"Sure, we should — WOW!" she yelled loudly after she saw the sunset at the sea, her eyes turning wide, "I knew sunsets are beautiful, but this is a whole new level!"

My eyes never backed away, they kept staring at her; admiring her joy as the sunset made her feel restless. After a minute, she finally rested back on her spot, but she kept gazing at the sun, "… We should do this again sometime Mika, it's really a wonderful sight to see!" she said, relaxing on the sand with me.

"… Not as wonderful as you."

"What was that?" she quickly turned to me.

"Nothing!" I replied, trying to calm my voice.

"I heard that hehe; you don't have to hide it," she giggled lovingly as she looked.

I went silent afterward, averting my gaze toward the sunset instead. An awkward air moved around us, the silence lasted longer than I wanted. But something wrapped around my arm suddenly, and a small weight was added to my shoulder. Slowly turning my head, I saw what it was. Ingrid… rested her head on my shoulder with her arms holding mine. My eyes lowered down, meeting her gaze and smile.

"… Thank you."

That moment… I wanted it to last forever. I kept admiring her eyes, and perhaps, she also admired mine. Her eyes took a glance just below mine, towards my lips. I did the same, wanting her to know. That I want her. Slowly, I moved my head closer to her; I could feel her breath crashing down on my cheek. She didn't try to stop me, so I didn't. Our lips a breath apart, closing in for a touch. Wanting to make a lasting memory, yet it was anything but happy.

"Mikael! Ingrid!" a familiar voice called out, stopping me in my tracks. Ingrid however, quickly let go of my arm and stood back straight.

Both of us stood up from our spots, looking towards the cottage at the beach. A boy was there, walking down the stairway and towards us. It was him.

"Jared! You're here." Ingrid exclaimed, giving him a quick hug as both of them laughed.

"Just In time, we were about to head home; come with us!" she offered, her hand resting on his shoulder.

"Sure, If I'm not bothering you guys," he said, looking at her eyes, then slowly at mine.

"You're… not, Jared," I said somewhat eagerly, hoping they won't notice my hesitation.

"See, Mika's fine with it; come on let's go together!"

"Well, if you insist!" A smile donning his face.

"Yeah! The last one to climb the stairs gets to pay the bus fee!" Ingrid quickly sprinted towards the stairs, pinching Jared's side as she passed by him.

"Oh, you're on!" Jared followed her, running towards the stairs.

I stayed behind, standing still as I watch them play like children. Their smiles were as wide as a field when they met at the top. Jared placed his hand on her head, rubbing her hair to make it messy, and Ingrid replied with another pinch on his cheek. And I was left standing back on the beach, watching them have fun… without me. A sudden ache bolted inside my chest as I watch, an unfamiliar feeling. But I already hated it. Ingrid fixed her hair, making it as smooth and clean as before, then stopped. Her eyes met with Jared's, and he stared back with a smirk as he giggled. My hand twitched at the sight, not knowing what it wanted; but my mind made it calm.

They're just friends — just… friends… right?

I stopped the thought as I moved through the thick patches of snow, climbing the mountain path toward its peak. The air had turned colder, and with every breath, it got thinner. I climbed behind the rest of my classmates, following the trail that they have made in the snow. Despite the falling snow, the sky held its beautiful blue, with patches of dark clouds seen in the distance.

"Okay everyone, let's take a quick break!" declares the teacher, dropping his bag on a small rock in the snow.

My classmates soon followed his example, dropping their gear and then resting on the flat rocks that they found. The small rocks in the area were now occupied, leaving me with no dry surface to lay down my gear. The large rocks, however, were free; but most of them didn't have a flat surface, except one. I lay down my gear on a large flat rock that spanned a few meters on the ground, allowing me to rest at an end. But it was not peaceful. I take off my boots to get rid of any snow that got under my feet, smacking the padding underneath for it to come out; but to my surprise, a glint shined on my eye, forcing me to squint. I quickly moved my hand near my eye to see where it was coming from. To my annoyance, it came from a girl holding a mirror on the same rock I was sitting on, but on the other end.

I open my mouth, about to tell her to put down the mirror. But when the glint disappeared, I saw clearly who it was. It was one of Ingrid's friends, and she was sitting beside her. I instantly turned my head away, a breath running down my lungs before continuing to empty my boots. A pound of my chest told me to look, but I refused, enduring its call. My ears, however, could not be helped.

"Tell me, Ingrid," I heard her friend speaking to her, "What happened to your friend, Jared? Wasn't he supposed to be coming along on this trip?"

"… Oh him…" Ingrid says, her voice rippled a low tone, "He changed his mind… I don't know, I don't care much so I don't have a clue why."

She does not know. My eyes lower down, almost coming to a close. Staring at the snow beneath me, I slowly breathed the cold breeze, calming my heart as it began to slowly drum. Better for both her and me to just let things be the way it is, I told myself. I slide my boots back on my feet, standing up before grabbing my bag to swing it over my shoulders.

"Break's over, Let's continue everyone! We don't want to lose any more daylight," says the teacher, already walking over the snow.

I waited for my classmates to walk ahead of me before I continued to climb along with them. The falling snow became thicker, and the ground turned deeper as we continued. I look up at the sky, hoping to see it blue. Instead, darkness colored the clouds as the snow fell faster.

"… I got a bad feeling about this," I say to myself, standing still with my palms out to feel the snow.