Chapter 3

A sudden touch on my hand rippled through my coat, my eyes lowered to see what it was. A broken snowflake rested on my hand, and admiring its design; I knew what It meant.

"A thing so alluring can still be broken…in both reality… and dream."

The snowflake… another reminder of what could have been. A wonderful life that only gave sunshine, but it never was meant to be. I stared at the snowflake, my eyes feeling tired. My eye gave one blink, and my sight was covered in darkness for a second before it opened back again. As my eye landed back on my palm, the snowflake was gone. Instead, a broken orange leaf appeared in its place. Forcing a dive into another memory — a memory… I wished that would go away.

A few days after fall arrived. On the day of her birthday. I dropped my pen on the table as I held up the letter that I wrote just for her in black cursive ink.

Dear Ingrid,

These past few months have passed by like clockwork after I met you, and my life has been heaven ever since you came into it. All the memories that we have made become timeless inside my head, and I hope I still get to make more with you. But what about us? What are we?

Are we friends? Or more? The things we do when we're alone always made me ponder the question. And if what I'm thinking is true, then should we try it? After meeting you, I couldn't imagine another person standing beside me anymore, because all I think is you — only you.

I say this today, without no regrets, no hesitation. I only want you, and if you make me wait, then I will. When it comes to you, I will never say never… because I will love you forever.

Happy Birthday,

Love, Mikhael

My cheeks widened when I smiled, placing the letter inside a heart–shaped envelope. I got up from my desk and quickly walked outside. I went to the nearest flower shop to buy a bouquet of roses and sunflowers — they were her favorite. I stood beside the road, hailing a cab to take me to the campus. I arrived after a few minutes, hurryingly running to the top to catch up with her. I held the bouquet tightly with both my hands as I climb the stairs, continuing to run afterward at the top. I arrive at our room breathless, putting my hand on the door frame as I catch my breath. I move my eyes to search the room. But she wasn't there.

"Has anyone seen Ingrid?" I asked a friend of hers sitting at the teacher's desk.

"Oh, I saw her on the field; near the maple trees."

"Thank you." I immediately continued to walk on the stone pathway, stepping away from it when I reached the field surrounded by maple trees.

The wind howled strongly, making thousands of leaves fall from the trees. I could barely see anything. My feet became covered in orange leaves as time flew by. I hovered my hand over my forehead to squint, trying to skim through the gaps to see. I looked around for what seemed like an hour, but fortunately for me, the wind slowed its blow. The leaves now fell gently toward the ground as I stood. One leaf was a bit bigger than the others, falling towards me. I open my palm as it softly lands on my hand, my eyes believed it was unique. It had a large span, but a broken tip.

"… You've been hurt… haven't you?" I said lowly, caressing the leaf.

A sudden crack echoed from a distance, like someone on a pile of sticks. I raised my head to see what it was. I saw a figure standing a few steps from me, underneath the rain of leaves. I squinted my eye to see who it was, and I saw a back of a head with black hair and a few strands of red among it. I knew it was Ingrid.

"Ingrid!" I called out, smiling as I ran towards her. Hiding my flowers behind my back to not let her see.

"Ingrid! I'm here!" I shouted again, but she did not turn. Can she hear me? Or is there something else?

My run turned into a fast walk, batting away any leaves that fell in front of me. As I drew closer, the falling leaves began to dissipate. And I could finally see clearly. As the last leaf in front fell, I called out to her — one last time.

"Ingrid! Ingri- "I stopped and stood still; my eyes widened. My hands started to twitch. The flowers I held fell on the leaves beneath my feet. My chest tightened, and my breath constrained. I wish I could forget that very sight, but I know all too well; that it will torture me forever.

I snap back to the present, refrained from reminiscing. The clouds that I saw a few minutes ago, gave me a blizzard of winter after an hour of hiking through the mountain. I held my coat tightly around me, my feet almost buried under the snow. The wind aggressively blew snow on my classmates and me, making our vision blurry. I stopped trying to take out my foot which got stuck in a deep patch of snow.

"Wait for me!" I tried to shout as loud as I could, hoping that they could hear despite the roar of the blizzard.

I grab my foot with both of my hands, pulling it strongly as it gets out of the snow. After I set it down on a suitable surface, I turn back around to see the path to the peak, yet I couldn't see anyone; not even a single light. I was all alone. I tried to retrace their steps, but the blizzard already covered their tracks. Trying to stay calm, I continue to walk my way towards the original direction; pushing against the freezing wind. And still, no classmate or teacher of mine could be seen, not even at a distance. As I dragged my feet against the snow, I finally saw a light a few meters away from me. It was a cabin. The blizzard has become more aggressive, and I couldn't take the shiver any longer.

I move my feet over to the cabin. It looks abandoned, with broken planks of wood and small holes in its walls. I walk over to its door, quickly turn the knob and push it inside. I hurriedly turn around and slam the door shut, taking a deep breath while my hands stayed on the door. I let go after a few sighs, standing still behind the door with a hint of warmth behind me.

"Mika! You're alive!"

That voice — not again. I slowly turn my head towards the light, expecting the worst. It was her. Ingrid was standing beside a fire made by the wood from the cabin.

"Come here! I made a fire; you must be freezing!" She walked towards me, standing beside me before grabbing my arm as she showed me the way to the fire.

I tried to make her hand let go, but Its grip ran tightly around my arm. We stood together in front of the fire, my body feeling warmth once again. But I couldn't relax. I felt her head lying on my shoulder, and I couldn't make it move away. Silence filled the cabin, with my tongue tied. The blizzard blew loudly outside, but that was the least of my worries. For she broke the silence.

"You know… I didn't ask you why you're ignoring me so suddenly," she said with sadness in her voice, "Did I do something wrong?"

I refuse to speak. How dare she. I place my free hand on hers, forcing it to let go of my arm, "Just stop… just stop, Ingrid."

"Why are you suddenly like this? This isn't you. "She moved closer to me, her hand on my chest, "Is this about the letter? You don't have to be embarrassed about it."

I open my mouth, but no words came out. Her eyes shined wide on me, showing innocence, "You know… I also ponder that question, but I thought both of us already knew." She moved closer to my head, her hand on my cheek, "I want 'Us' to be more; I want to be with you."

My breath turned speechless, as her forehead met mine. Our warm breaths crashed against one another. This moment… is this a sign? Should I take this chance? She… is so surreal. I slowly open my eyes, looking down at her.

"Thank you…" I said softly.

"…For what," she asks, her eyes still closed.

"Thank you… for the pain; for the memories; and for the torments, you have given me, because I finally know, love can be so fake!" I yelled, pushing her away from me.

"What are you talking about Mika?!" she shouted back.

"Oh, don't you dare Mika me! Did you honestly think you can fool me again? After what you did!"

"What did I do?! You're the one who's suddenly angry for no reason! And you're blaming me! I thought you were better than this."

"… You honestly think I don't know?" I ask, my eyebrows raised furiously. She replied in silence, glaring at me with her hands crossed.

"You do… don't you?" My face broke, shaking my head as I revel in disbelief, "… Then let me tell you."