one mistake after the other

"Are you ready to give up?" I asked, having disarmed and tackled Austri, barely even trying.

I saw as he struggled under me, trying his best to find a way to distract me or ruin my balance, but it was no use. I was made for this, for battle. It was a shame I had been made a princess when I in reality was a warrior.

"Alright, I give up," he said, still struggling.

My victory made me smile quite a bit, it even made me laugh the slightest bit as I got off the 200 lb guard. He was no match for me, few people were, yet so many had tried. They saw a girl in her pretty dress and thought of me as a defenseless creature, betting on who would win in order to earn money, but I always came out on top.

"Your fighting skills have not suffered from sitting in a chair, looking bored for years," Austri joked.

His words made me laugh. It was true that a princess of Asgard was as important as the guard protecting the library. It had been too long since I had gotten my clothes dirty, acted out on my violent side, or even said a curse word when I wasn't in bed with a man.

"I am more than a pretty face, my good knight," I teased. Austri had always hated being called a good knight when he was only a guard.

"Well, your majesty," Austri said as he bowed down, showing proper curtsy, "Would you fancy another round, to justify my embarrassing performance of the last round?" he asked with a smile.

I cleared my throat, trying to find my "appropriate" voice used for public speaking and toasts at feasts.

"I would be delighted to spar with you once more, good sir," I said.

We both laughed at the ridiculous words, neither of us had understood why anybody needed to be so dull when talking. What was the point, to seem wiser? Austri and I weren't wise men, but children imprisoned by adulthood.

We both got into position, standing opposite of each other with our dull weapons so we wouldn't hurt each other.

"Are you sure he can handle losing again?" I heard someone ask from the spectators' space.

I looked up in surprise, only to see Lady Sif standing with the warriors three by her side. I knew someone had followed Austri and me into the training facilities, but I had expected it to be Thor. He had most likely sent them to check up on me, it was obvious since Frandal in particular looked worried.

"Well, Sif, if you think Austri cannot handle my brilliant fighting skills, perhaps you would like to take his place?" I asked, daring her to step into the ring.

I could destroy her if that was what I wanted, but I had no intention of such at the moment. I saw as she thought about it, and became rather joyful when she accepted my challenge. It had been too long since I had reminded her that I was the one in charge.

The warriors three were begging her not to spar with me, they probably thought of me as too fragile, that I would not be able to accept defeat, even though defeat was not an option. She was however determined to spar with me, to try to win over the goddess of peace and war.

Sif and I got into position from across each other as soon as Austri had left the ring, and the second the signal was given, Sif came charging at me. I had expected that she would do such and didn't move until she was a few feet from me. Then, I moved out of the way, causing her to lose balance.

I tried to sweep her off her feet, it would be the least harmful way to get the upper hand, but to my surprise, she was quicker at regaining her balance than I had thought.

While I was bent down she got behind me and stole my dull sword from me, disarming me. Magic was on my side, however, and I summoned a dagger in my hand. It wasn't dull, but I had no intentions of using it against her. It was more so she didn't have the upper hand.

We ran towards each other, weapons raised, and as we met in the middle of the ring, or the battlefield, our blades met, creating a deafeningly loud sound. This was finer Asgardian metal, stronger than anything on Midgard and many of the other realms.

The fighting had been going on for a while, Sif was obviously losing her breath keeping up with me, and the sweat was starting to drip from my forehead.

Sif laughed when I retrieved, trying to get a better view of the situation.

"I must admit," she said, gasping for air, "When I heard you were engaged to Loki, I was afraid he would suck the life out of you, but it seems to have made you more of a fighter. He was good for something then."

Her words made me stop. She had the audacity to talk about my beloved in ill manners while thinking it was the right thing to do? Those words lit a fire in me, a need to protect Loki's name and reputation, a desire to avenge him.

I was no longer in a joyful mood. I did not think about going easy on her, I did not think about the sharp weapon in my hand, I only thought about revenge. My blood was boiling, as I charged towards her once more. Sif tried defending herself, avoiding my blade the best she could, but my movements were too quick. A small cut began leaking blood on her arm, but that was not enough.

"Sif, do you need help defending yourself?" I heard one of the warriors three ask. I wasn't sure who asked but I knew their help would be useless.

She had no chance of responding, because the person talking to her had caused a distraction, and within seconds I made her fall to the ground. I placed myself on her, my dagger in hand, ready to show her the consequences of talking badly about Loki.

Just as I was about to sink my blade into her skin, someone flew towards us, pulling me off her and removing my dagger. I was pinned to the ground with no chance of escaping.

"Let go of me you imbecile," I yelled, mad that I had failed in defending my Loki.

"I will do no such thing," I heard a visibly upset Thor shout back at me.

I tried twisting and turning to get out of his grip, but he had locked me into a position that I was unable to get up from.

Then, all of a sudden I felt my powers being drained. Someone had put up the forcefield, keeping out all magic. If I did not get free soon they would all see my scars and within hours all of the palace would know how my beauty was ruined.

I tried frantically to escape, but I only saw one solution. It would mean I was stooping down to a lower level, but I became desperate as the last of my powers got drained. I lifted my knee violently, kicking Thor right in his junk, which caused him to let go of me while squeaking in pain.

I ran to the opposite side of the ring, facing away from the people around me. They couldn't see me like this, I wouldn't accept it.

"She has turned mad!" I heard someone say.

Maybe it was true, maybe I had indeed become a mad person. I never thought I could hurt Sif, she was supposed to be my friend.

"Shall we hand her into the all-father?" I heard someone else ask. It sounded like Frandal.

"No such thing will be necessary my friend," I heard Thor say. Of course, he was comforting them. I was the monster in the picture, who had tried hurting a proud warrior of the kingdom.

There was a bit of whispering, but no one dared go near me.

"Are you doing okay (Y/N)?" I then heard Austri ask.

He was the only person concerned about me, about my safety and sanity. I didn't respond, the guilt was washing over me which made words difficult as I ran my hands over the now visible mark on my neck.

I heard the gravel underneath us. It suggested that someone was moving, and it sounded as if someone was moving towards me. I then felt a hand on my shoulder, it was most likely Austri trying to comfort me.

He pulled on my shoulder, trying to make me turn around.

"I am a monster Austri," I whispered.

I was afraid to show him my new appearance, maybe it would scare him away from me, maybe he would never want to talk with me anymore.

"No you are not," he reassured me.

His words made me slowly turn around, my hand still trying to cover my throat. I could count on my best friend, right?. He would not let something as silly as scars get in the way of our friendship. I decided to turn around, doing as he wanted me to.

Austri's face became pale as a ghost the instance he laid eyes on me. As a matter of fact, nobody dared say anything when they saw me. I was scared, feeling judged as their eyes were left to wander on my "battle scar" that Laufey had left me.

"Your eye," Hogun said.

What was with my eye? Had Sif hurt me without me noticing? My hand went up to touch my eyelid, but everything felt perfectly normal. I turned to Austri for answers, but he had tuned mute as well as everybody else.

"Somebody, tell me what is wrong with my eye!" I shouted, which for some reason seemed to frighten most of the men that were there.

"W-well, it seems to have turned blue, as in, ice blue," Austri managed to stutter. It was clear he tried to sound confident for my sake, but it only helped a little.

I was unable to see for myself, there was no mirror, so I had to believe Austri's words and all of their stunned expressions. Would they keep my secret? I had no idea if they would or not, but I could not stay here. I needed to escape from this hostile environment.

"(Y/N), how can you claim to care so much for Loki if he is the one who did this to you?" Sif asked.

Did she think this was Loki's doing? It wasn't, this was purely from the touch of Laufey, the change of my eye was possibly Laufey's fault as well.

"No, you have gotten it all wrong, Sif. This was from the frost giants. Loki saved me, he defeated Laufey before I could die, without him the kingdom would be lost," I said, looking confused at the people around me.

Who had told them these lies? Who had told them that Loki had hurt me?

"He did no such thing (Y/N)," Thor said. "Loki was the reason the frost giants had access to Asgard, to begin with." He sounded annoyed that I did not believe his lies. His words made my blood boil once more, he had no right to speak about my beloved in such manners.

I walked towards Thor, my knuckles turning white from clenching my fists together.

"Do not speak about Loki so poorly, the public had given him a bad reputation and you chose to believe them. Loki was a saint, he was good at heart, and the only reason he hid his compassionate side what because he grew up in your shadow, Thor Odinson. Had it not been for you, marching into Jotunheim, provoking their king, and getting yourself banished, none of this would ever have happened. You are the reason he is dead, and I will never forgive you for that," I spat.

We only stood a few inches from each other, the rest of the group had backed down, not wanting to be in the middle of our confrontation.

"He was a horrible man, who only used others when he needed something in return, and it has always been in his nature. He used you, he manipulated me, and he stole my throne from beneath me," Thor said, raising his voice.

"You were never fit to be king, you bloody moron!" I shouted.

"And you should never have been allowed into the royal family you harlot. Do you think I did not see how you and my brother acted when I returned home? How I did not notice him giving you those disgusting looks? You enjoyed the attention he gave you like an alcoholic enjoys the taste of wine in the morning!" Thor yelled.

I had had enough. Without thinking I flung my fist at him, hitting Thor right in the face which made him collapse to the floor. He wasn't unconscious, but I had managed to overpower him.

"Loki loved me, he cared for me and the child in ways you never could, even if you tried," I said while standing over Thor.

This was it, I no longer wished to see him. He was a dead man in my eyes, and he deserved to be miserable.

I stepped over his dead-looking body and walked towards the gate. I turned around one last time before leaving the training facilities, hoping to see a bit of compassion from someone.

Austri was the only person who seemed worried for me, as always.

"I expect none of you to ever mention my scars again. My beauty is all I have left and I intend to remain the same in the eyes of the public," I said, not bothering to look at Thor. He was still on the floor, recovering from my punch, but he deserved the bruise that would form on his face.

I wanted to hide so desperately, but where would I go? Perhaps Loki's chambers? It was the most obvious place to go look for me, but where else could I turn?

I pushed the door open, making sure to cover my marks and my eye before getting too far into the palace. I did not want to be seen in the state I was in.

Loki's chamber was deadly quiet. It reminded me of his death, a painful and fresh memory that I wished would leave my consciousness forever. I had previously informed the maids that I would not attend dinner in the grand hall, and that they were to bring my meal to Loki's chamber. I had used the excuse that I was to collect my belongings and it would take a while.

His bed had not even been made yet. It had been about a week since his passing and his chambers had gone untouched. The living quarters still smelled like him, his clothing as well. My green dresses still hung in the wardrobe, my nightgowns as well.

I looked down at my hands. Loki's ring was shining brighter than ever, just like the day he had given it to me. I remembered him talking about a book he had always been fond of, a book about symbolics which contained some knowledge about rings. Something drew me to that exact book.

Walking over to his bookshelf, I noticed that I was still wearing Thor's ring on my other hand. The same hand I had hit him with. He would certainly have a mark from his own ring for a while.

I found the book, "A lovers sign, meanings and understandings of courting the right lady," it said. It seemed cheesy that he had brought this book to his room, but somehow it was sweet that he went so far as to study how to be a better man for me.

Turning to the first pace, a specific page number was highlighted, page 149, chapter 7. "Where to place your lady's ring"; the title said.

I walked over to Loki's bed and began reading. I quickly learned that the left hand was associated with love, while the right was associated with power. I moved the rings around after that so that the gold ring with emeralds on it was placed on my left hand, and the silver ring with the red ruby was placed on my right.

I had intended to marry Loki because I loved him, but my marriage with Thor was a wedding in hope of creating a stronger generation to lead Asgard. Thor's ring was only placed on my hand because it proved that I was a princess of Asgard and that he was my husband.

I did not love him.

I turned the page once more, and a handwritten note fell to the floor. I did not hesitate to pick it up, it was clearly something Loki had written and I needed to know what it was.

"My darling, words cannot describe how happy I am to stand with you on this day, in front of our people, where I finally get the chance to proclaim my love. Ever since we were children I knew you were special, a being from another planet that somehow understood me when nobody else seemed capable of doing so. Your beauty is one of a million stars, your wisdom is one of the councilmembers or the philosophers in the astronomy tower, and your humor is like no other. I truly mean it when I say that I love you until oxygen does not exist in any of the nine realms, and I cannot wait to start a life, a family with you. I love you (Y/N)," the note said.

Tears started falling as I realized what I was reading. These were Loki's wedding vows for our special day. I had no clue that he had even written them. His words made me remember how much I had missed him, even though I had pushed nearly all of my emotions aside. It was as if I couldn't contain myself anymore.

More tears fell, I was unworthy of love, and it had been proven when my beloved had been taken away from me. I dropped the book to the ground and made sure the note was placed safely so that his final words that were written to me would never be lost, and laid down in our bed, crying.

I wasn't sure how long I had been laying in the bed, crying while in fetal position, but after my tears had dried out and I was laying in our bed, unable to move, I heard a knock on the door. It was the maid with my dinner.

She walked into the room and placed the tray of food on the table a bit away from me. She was about to leave once more, doing her best not disturbing me too much, before I called out to her.

"Bring me a bottle of wine please," I asked her. My voice was almost none existent, but she understood what I was asking for.

About 10 minutes later she brought a bottle of wine and a glass for me. She poured a bit of the wine into the glass, but not nearly enough. I had intended to drown my sorrows with the delicious toxins, to forget who I was, or even better, to forget the mess I was in.

"Leave it be," I said as she was about to bring the bottle with her.

I watched as the maid put down the bottle in confusion. Who was I to blame her? She had no clue of what I had been through, what I tried escaping. I muttered a quiet thank you before she left, and once more, I was left alone with my thoughts.

Getting up seemed like a difficult task. I truly did not want to get out of Loki's bed, it was as if he would die once more if I did, but the need for alcohol was growing stronger. I desperately needed to escape this reality, and I did not care if I was ever to wake up again.

I got out of the bed reluctantly and walked over to the table where my dinner and wine were placed. The food looked delicious, but I felt no kind of hunger. I only felt the loneliness and need for alcohol.

Thor had called me a slut, associated me with an alcoholic, and if that was all he saw me as, who would I be to deny his wishes? Such a pathetic excuse of a man, yet he was granted everything he ever dreamed of.

The glass was cold in my hand, indicating that the bottle of wine had been fetched directly from the wine cellar. The wine itself made its way down pretty easily. The taste was not a familiar one, Laufey's damage had ruined it for me, but I didn't care. The reality was too hurtful to worry about how my beverage tasted.

Before I knew it, half a bottle had disappeared, I had managed to look past the bitter taste and gotten quite tipsy, but my feelings were still there.

I could hear voices outside the door, tonight was the night Odin had promised the people a feast in my honor, but I had no intention of joining them, I wouldn't risk seeing Thor or the warriors three, or even Sif. They were most likely telling the entire palace of what had happened earlier that day, and I couldn't blame them. Being locked up in the dungeon wasn't one of my worries, even though I would be left alone with my thought for eternity, or until I would go mad and kill myself.

I took another sip from the bottle, I still hadn't eaten a single piece of my dinner, I couldn't be bothered to do so.

There was a knock on my door, it was most likely another maid coming to collect my plates.

"You may enter," I halfway shouted, slurring my words.

I didn't look at the door, my only concern was the bottle in my hands, getting more empty by the minute.

"So not only do you have the audacity to punch me, you're hiding away in another man's chambers, drinking until you lose all sense of right and wrong?" I heard a man bicker at me. It could only be Thor.

"I don't see how this is any of your concern, husband," I hissed, still not looking towards him.

I could hear him walking towards me, but I didn't care to move, he was not worth my time. I took another sip from my bottle, but right as the liquid hit my tongue, Thor removed the container. I sank the small amount of wine I had managed to get in my mouth before turning to him, looking angry.

How dared he remove my only comfort in the horrible world.

"You have no right to just storm in here, and take away the last bit of joy I have left," I shouted. "You took away my innocence, my freedom, my Loki, and now my alcohol, shame on you Thor Odinson."

He was livid, I could see how he was trying to calm himself, to hold back the rage that was locked up inside of him. He was a mad man with the biggest ego in all of the nine realms, and I absolutely hated him for it.

"I took nothing from you, you were the one who agreed to this marriage, and unless either of us dies you are stuck with me, as my wife, and I will be damned if you ruin my reputation due to some short lived romance with my deceased brother," he growled.

I stood up from the bed, my legs feeling a bit like jello, but I tried hiding how much I had consumed. I grabbed the bottle from him once more, taking a large sip from the bottle while remaining eye contact with my supposed husband.

"Unless you wanted something I suggest that you leave," I said calmly, hiding all emotion in the meantime.

"Father wished for me to get you so we could celebrate your victory over Laufey," he said, sounding just as cold as I had.

I crawled back into the bed, covering myself with the silk sheets with my bottle in hand.

"Tell him that I have fallen ill. I am in no mood for festivities," I said, once more not looking at him, I had no reason to.

Without another word, Thor stormed out of Loki's chambers, slamming the door on his way out. His exit didn't bother me the slightest, as long as I had my wine he could screw any woman in all of Asgard for all I cared, as long as he wasn't near me.