Unnamed

2. Copy mannequins at the stores you like, since these models are usually staged by professional visual experts to convey a certain vibe. Instead of mixing and matching items, you can often just purchase the entire outfit on display.

3. Make sure your clothes fit. The coolest shirt in the world is a turn off if it's too tight or too loose. I recommend getting at least one outfit professionally tailored. You'll be amazed at the difference.

4. Invest in nice shoes. That's one stereotype that's quite true: women pay careful attention to your footwear. I have met women that complained about how they were so hot and bothered by a man, but couldn't bring themselves to sleep with him because of his terrible shoes. It may be seem shallow but a woman with options can easily disqualify a man for something that may seem trivial to me or you.

5. Don't wear sandals or open toe shoes unless you are at the beach.

6. Have at least one or two attention getting pieces. Mix up your basic outfits with some attention pieces, such as: a stylish jacket, scarf, a nice watch, necklace, hat, bracelets, rings, etc. Don't overdo the bling, unless you are in a rock band, but a few attention pieces will show that you care about your appearance and can give a reason for woman to approach you.

7. Invest in a nice suit. So many women have told me that a man in a smart, well-tailored suit is the equivalent to a woman in lingerie. So suit up!

Again, being well-dressed is no substitute for a fun personality and living a grounded life, but if you want to get your initial interaction with an attractive girl off on a high note right away, you have to dress the part. You'll notice a total shift in responses from women after you improve your style.

We also have some videos from professional style experts on our @TheAttractiveMan YouTube channel to help improve your style, as well as many other subjects on women, dating and lifestyle. Visit our channel at h'p:// www.YouTube.com/TheA'rac+veMan.

VIBE – THE ESSENTIALS OF SPEAKING WOMANESE

What the hell is vibe exactly? Many men think it's a particular attitude or personality trait, but your vibe is actually the sum total of all your nonverbal communication. It is the overall way that you carry yourself. It's your demeanor.

Everyone is giving off a vibe at all times, whether positive or negative, but a grounded man who puts some thought into how he talks, how he walks and how he dresses has that special je ne sais quoi vibe that women flock to.

Or put another way, it's not simply your suit, your squared shoulders or power voice that attracts people to you. It's the complete package that radiates a radio-like signal that females "tune into" on a subconscious attraction level. While every woman has their own unique vibe preference that turns them on the most, there are five universal traits found in every attractive vibe. I call these the five P's:

1. Purpose

2. Passion

3. Presence

4. Positive

5. Peaceful

Purpose

A grounded man knows what his purpose and life mission are. He's probably not even close to accomplishing those goals yet, but he's on a path to achieve them.

Both women and other men can sense if a guy has a guiding compass for his life that steers him in the right direction in every situation. This is what makes males look up to and follow such a man, and makes women vie for his attention.

And the great thing is, this doesn't require you to achieve some transcendent level state of nirvana. Just define your purpose, even in a general sense, and set small daily goals that bring you closer to your objective. Every time you achieve a goal that is in line with your purpose you will gain confidence. A form of enlightenment, if you will, that others can sense in you. The closer you get to your ultimate goal, or purpose, that confidence will increase even more.

If you don't know what your life mission or purpose is yet, then there you go: your mission is to discover your life's purpose. That's an epic and rewarding quest in and of itself. A great way to discover this is by immersing yourself in all kinds of experiences. Try traveling to different countries, or take different classes in your city, or do some philanthropy work and see what spikes your interests.

For example, when I was younger and played in a rock bank in Los Angeles, my life's purpose was to perform music on stage that had a positive message. And of course, try to be a famous rock star. A lot of my dreams and aspirations came true after my band and I toured with Linkin Park and appeared on MTV.

Now my purpose as a dating coach is to help as many people as possible and be the world's most transformative and world-renowned dating coach for men. That might sound egotistical, but that is my guiding compass to know I've impacted the most lives possible in a positive way. As I write this book, I'm still very far from my goal, but it drives me to work harder and up my game every single day.

A man without purpose is a man who is dead inside and just going through the motions of life. A man with a purpose, who sticks to his mission no matter what, radiates energy. He's a raw force of nature and women can't help but get sucked into his unbridled passion.

Passion

When you are on your purpose in life you will exude passion even without speaking. You'll be excited to wake up every single day. You'll jump out of bed eager to tackle the problems of the day. You'll have an insatiable hunger in your voice, in your walk, in your eyes, and in everything you do.

One of my passions is to help guys overcome fears and anxieties that are holding them back from getting what they want. I get so hyped up when I'm teaching a boot camp because it isn't a job. I want these guys to succeed. The fire inside me ignites when I see their whole lives transform right before me, and it's that fire that keeps me going.

I'm also passionate about traveling and have been to over 78 countries at the time of writing this book. My goal is 100. I just love variety in my life, and the cultural differences across the world never ceases to amaze me. I love to go from Japan to India to Sweden to Colombia all in one month, just to experience a plethora of cultural variety.

What are some of your passions? Your work doesn't have to be your passion. In fact, it's fine to be in a job just to pay the bills if you are saving up for something worthwhile, like traveling the world or starting your own business. But since many men link their careers to their identity, when a woman asks you about your job, you better have a rich and passionate answer. A woman will dry up faster than the middle of the Sahara with an answer like, "I'm an accountant. It's not bad." Especially if delivered in a lackluster, softspoken voice while you slump your shoulders.

Always talk about your career with enthusiasm and give a reason why you love it. A passionate answer that gets her attention would be more like: "I'm an accountant and I love it because I always loved math and numbers and every day is full of new fun challenges."

Even if you hate your job and it's just a means to an end, then talk about your real passion instead. "Oh, I'm an accountant… for now. It's not my passion, but I'm saving up to travel the world because I'm ready for adventure and freedom in my life."

If she can feel your raw passion, then she'll enjoy your presence.

Presence

Being grounded and fully present in the moment is the key to truly connecting with others in a deeper, subconscious way. When your mind is somewhere else, thinking about the project that is due at work or the laundry you need to pick up later or even contemplating whether she likes you or not, your awareness isn't fully focused on her. Your reactions may only be delayed by a millisecond, but that's ample time for women to intuitively pick up on it.

I don't mean just avoid distraction. When a guy puts a woman on a pedestal, thinking he needs to win her over, he instantly leaves the present moment to come up with the best response or witty remark to try and impress her. His mind is in the future thinking about what he should say next and she'll sense you're not 100% there with her, reacting and responding in the moment.

When you're speaking to someone make sure you are fully present. When you notice that you are in your head, remember the grounding exercises I told you about earlier: take a deep breath, feel your body and look for details in her eyes. This will snap you back into the present moment, improve your overall vibe and keep things positive.

Positive

Nothing kills an attractive vibe faster than negativity. The only people that love to be around negative people are other negative people. So what if your waiter is a little slow? Who cares if your Uber is late? Did someone bump you and slosh a little beer on your expensive new shirt? Being negative isn't going to improve the situation. Only positivity can salvage even the worst situations.

Being a "Negative Nelson" on a date is a surefire way to ensure you do not get a second date. Sure, maybe she's doing some complaining and wants a sympathetic ear, but no woman wants that negativity returned. They're looking for happiness in their lives, not sourness. So even if the bar is out of Tequila, or service is shitty, or you spill Bloody Mary all over your white button-up, it's not the end of the world. It's not even the end of the date… unless you make it the end by bitching and moaning. Never sweat the small things.

Get in the habit of looking at the glass half full and finding the positive in any situation. In the same way nothing in life is totally perfect, no moments in life are 100% negative. Unless someone's dying, you can always find a silver lining if you stop and think for a second.

This life changing principle of positivity should be an entire book in itself, but here's the key takeaway: just know that negative thoughts create negative behaviors. Catch yourself thinking negative thoughts and get in the habit of finding the positive in whatever you were thinking before that sadness or bitterness comes out in actions.

You don't even need to read the ample studies showing that positive people are more attractive than negative people. Positive thinkers just have the warming glow and radiance about them that attracts others like moths to a flame. In this hectic, crazy world everyone is searching for a little bit of positivity and peace.

Peaceful

The ultimate manifestation of an attractive vibe is the grounded man remaining peaceful in a world of chaos. When things don't go your way, instead of getting angry or worried, remain peacefully anchored and unaffected. What's the one trait every hero in history shares? What men admire and women swoon over? They all kept their cool when the world turned to shit around them.

When you learn how to control your reactions, you don't let your emotions control you or react emotionally towards others. The person who reacts less in an interaction is the one who has more emotional power over the other.

Be in control of your behavior at all times. A man who responds reflexively to fear and anger is a dangerous, unpredictable slave to emotion. A man that can tamp down his fear and anger and think clearly though is a living legend.

It's fine to feel emotion, absolutely, but take a second to center yourself before you react or they will control you, instead of you controlling the situation.

For example, if a woman says something to get an emotional rise from you like, "Go away" or "Fuck off!" don't get angry or apologetic. Take a deep breath and respond peacefully with, "Don't threaten me with a good time." The point isn't what you say, in fact, you can just turn and walk away. But make sure to control your rage. A man in control is sexy. And don't forget, there are plenty of other available women nearby watching the exchange with interest.

You probably won't get a lot of "Fuck offs!" in your life or something's off with your vibe, but even the most attractive man will get objections from women. That is a guarantee because even if you managed to only approach single women in a good mood, she'll still want to test you to ensure you don't crack under tension. She might say she doesn't give out her number, or that she has a boyfriend, or turn away from the kiss, or a million other objections.

These "Tension Tests" are her way of testing your reaction to see not just if you're a threat, but how emotional you are. If you respond with anger, nervousness, disappointment or any other negative emotion, she will lose her attraction. A woman can't feel safe around a man whose emotions are so easy to manipulate and has so little self-control.

This is why being grounded is so important. A grounded man is fully in control of his actions. When emotionally charged situations arise he can respond from a place of peace, not anger or resentment.

A woman doesn't want the Incredible Hulk, because a rage monster is threatening to her safety. She also doesn't want the scared timid mouse. She wants the strong lion.

CHAPTER RECAP

• What you say to a woman is the least important aspect of communication. How you say it, what your body is doing while you talk and how you convey your personality make all the difference when projecting confidence and desire.

• To project confidence with your voice: talk louder, slower and with a downward inflection at the end of your sentences (a command voice). To show confidence in your body language: take up physical space, maintain good posture, don't cross your arms and legs, slow down your movements, maintain eye contact, have a proud smirk on your face and generally be more comfortable than her.

• Projecting and maintaining an attractive vibe is not a particular thing you do, but rather the sum total of your style, body language and the way you talk. All of which are influenced by how grounded you are and your overall outlook on life.

• You can't fake an attractive vibe, at least not for long. Real success comes from finding your purpose in life before you meet a woman and then roping her in with the passion, presence, positivity and peacefulness that naturally flows from a grounded man with purpose.

EXERCISES

• Set your timer to go off every 30 minutes. This will be a "trigger" to remind you to straighten your posture. Every time your alarm goes off, put your shoulders back and straighten your back. Or, better yet if you can, place your back against the wall with your butt, shoulder blades and head all touching the wall and take a step forward. After you have straightened your back go back to what you were previously doing. Do this every day for five days in a row to help you maintain better posture so you always stand and sit up straight.

• For the next three days, every time you order food, coffee or interact with anyone in customer service, tell them what you want in a dominant tone. Make sure your tonality goes down in pitch at the end of your sentences. This will help you get into the habit of talking in a dominant (high status) tone and eliminate the submissive (low status) tone.  

PHASE II: APPROACH ––

BREAKING THE ICE AND MAKING A LASTING IMPRESSION

CHAPTER 4:

She Wants to Feel Your Desire

"Ultimately, it is the desire, not the desired, that we love." Friedrich Nietzsche

Now that you are more grounded and she feels safe in your presence and your body language is projecting confidence and high status, let's ramp up the attraction by learning how to turn women on with your masculine presence and show your interest for her in a way that gets her turned on within seconds. Sounds unbelievable, you say? Not for a grounded man, it isn't. By showing his clear, honest and direct intent, he can create desire and start building sexual tension in a woman at will. And the best part is, that's what she's hoping for.

"Being desired is the real orgasm," says Dr. Marta Meana, who's been studying women and sexual desire for over 20 years. "I'm not knocking orgasms, but being desired is extremely arousing for women. The reason is that being desired means that a man doesn't just want to have sex. He wants to have sex with YOU."

I'll give you one of my favorite examples from my Newport Beach days...

There was something very different about this girl.

She looked like your typical California bombshell with wavy blonde hair, thin tan skin, lean body, and eyes of an Egyptian goddess. I couldn't help but notice how her tiny dress clung to the curves of her perfect body. There was something special about her.

I watched as guy after guy strutted up to her, said their line and skittered away in defeat. Not because she was cold and purposely blowing them off or ignoring them.

She was deaf.

The barrage of men approaching her were obviously not used to handling someone born without the sense of hearing. They were so far out of their comfort zone they panicked before she even had a chance to respond. Even from a distance, I could see through their faux desire as they hit the abort button in their minds and wandered off to chat up another "easier" girl around the park.

Can you imagine how that must have made her feel? Here she was, all dressed up and looking absolutely stunning. She must have spent some serious time on her hair and makeup just so she could stand out from all the other pretty women roving the bar… Yet none of the guys really appreciated her as a unique person. Every man's desire proved fake as soon as they understood she couldn't hear them. All they proved was their desire for any woman, rather than her in particular.

And the sad thing is, I bet many of these guys were truly interested in her more than any other girl around, but they didn't have a clue what to do. If they couldn't convey their own attraction, how could they possibly hope to stoke her desire?

But I knew something simple they didn't grasp: attraction has very little to do with the words you say.

What a great opportunity to test this theory.

I moved towards her even though I had no specific plan to handle the situation. I approached with a sly grin on my face and just waited there in front of her like I had all the time in the world. The tension rippled through my body, but I focused on the here and now and cleared my mind. I could tell she was used to this kind of tension and it did not bother her.

We faced each other in silence, which seemed like an eternity, just looking and smiling at each other. I took a deep breath, making it clear I was inhaling her intoxicating feminine essence and savoring her beauty. Yet still I said nothing.

She could see in my eyes that my intent was clear. My gaze said it all. "Let's have some fun."

I wiggled my phone in the air, finally breaking the tension, and wrote a small message on the screen: "You're cute. Let's flirt."

She perked up and showed my message to her friend on the stool next to her, who was also deaf. Then she wrote back on my phone, "I bet you say that to every chick you meet."

I had to break eye contact for a brief second to type back, "Don't be silly. There's no other woman around worth talking to. May I sit?"

That's all it took. No complicated psychological games or carefully choreographed techniques. All I had to do to spark her interest was hold the tension and show my unashamed attraction towards her through my deep eye contact, regardless of the communication barriers.

I slid onto the bench, gently bumping knees with her. She blushed and tossed her hair around as I kept grinning, my eyes locked on her instead of the gaggle of young college co-eds hammering down shots in front of us.

Every woman loves to hear a genuine compliment from a guy who is grounded. I didn't just push through the tension, I swung it around to create sexual tension in seconds. As soon as the sun began setting, she waved bye to her friend and took me up on my offer to get a drink.

After a round or two of some fruity cocktails, some back and forth through text, and a few games of thumb wrestling, not to mention some intimate grinding on the dance floor, we headed out of the bar.

EVERY WOMAN'S SECRET APHRODISIAC

Every female, young or old, in any culture at any time wants to be desired. I'm not talking about being called beautiful. Each already is in their own way, since beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I'm talking about something rarer and far more precious:

Being uniquely desired. To find a man who treasures her individual beauty.

You're not the first guy she's ever met. She's known since puberty that many men have low standards and just want to get laid by any woman with a pulse. Their desire in her is purely transactional and has little to do with her as a person. Her mother, sisters, friends, pop culture and personal experience have taught her that most men view women as a tool to fulfill their sexual needs. A replaceable object that could be swapped out with any other willing female in the middle of sex and he couldn't tell the difference.

So yes, her "BS" filters are always up, but this cuts both ways. If you're showing genuine desire towards her, bearing witness to her beauty, then your compliments, even the unspoken ones, will turn her on and start blossoming her own desire.

DESIRE

Simple as this all sounds, the problem is that society, the media and political correctness in general have conditioned men to hide the fact that they have a penis and are attracted to feminine beauty. Don't get me wrong. Of course I'm a strong supporter of female equality and not advocating a return to some 1950's "man's world" mindset, but as a society we tend to overcompensate.

Showing genuine, honest desire is not even in the same ballpark as harassment or misogyny. It's the opposite, in fact. You're not objectifying her, but rather treating her with the respect and openness of an equal that she deserves… and desires. To every woman, being uniquely desired by a confident but non-pushy man is the ultimate compliment. After you've made her feel safe through your grounded presence, this is the next crucial step to unleash her own attraction.

On the same token, hiding your sexual desires is incredibly dishonest and a sign of disrespect. Why should she feel safe around you, let alone be attracted to you, if you can't even express your basic desire for her? That fakery is a fast track to the friend zone, at best, and downright creepy at worst.

Now, I'm not suggesting running around like a horn dog and saying any naughty thing that pops in your head. You don't even have to say anything sexual. A simple, "Hi, how are you?" shows plenty of desire if your demeanor, slow voice, relaxed body language, strong eye contact and suggestive smirk tells her that you find her sexually desirable.

You see, when a grounded man desires her it makes her feel safe. She feels like if there is danger, then he will protect HER, instead of another woman.

But when an ungrounded man explicitly shows his desire for her, it makes her feel unsafe. There's no underlining sentiment of respect for her or appreciation of her beauty. She only feels like he wants to take advantage of her to satisfy his own lustful appetite and isn't interested in making her feel safe.

Unfortunately, a lot of guys show their interest in ungrounded or outright sleazy ways that repel women, such as cat calling, whistling, staring too long without actually approaching, or looking down at her body while giving a compliment.

On the contrary though, when a grounded man shows his desire it has a completely different effect. Maybe he didn't say anything sexually suggestive, but his body language and energy leaves no ambiguity. He's standing very close to her so she can feel his masculine presence. He's looking deep into her eyes piercing her with his gaze. He's taking his sweet time creating deliberate pauses to ramp up the sexual tension. He's speaking low and calm as if she were already his lover. His energy and vibe demonstrates a demeanor, "I will give you the utmost sexual satisfaction," no matter what he's saying.

He's creating sexual tension that shows he's attracted specifically to her and not just horny for anything that moves. That might seem like a small distinction to a man, but it makes all the difference in the world to a woman. This honest and unique attraction to her decides whether she'll roll her eyes at your sleaziness or grin at your charm.

Sure, it's quite possible she's in a relationship already or just isn't in the mood, so I'm not guaranteeing the sexual tension will lead anywhere. But I can guarantee you she will light up and feel valued at a subconscious level. You will make her day.

Again though, showing desire is not about the actual compliment. You can tell her that she's beautiful, stunning, cute, adorable, pretty, etc. and that's all well and good. But there is nothing inherently special about any of those words.

What makes your compliment powerful is the way you say it, or don't say anything at all and just project the compliment with your body language. It's the emotion behind your words and actions that make her feel what you feel.

And I mean that in a literal sense, through the well-known principle of emotional contagion.

Emotional Contagion

As I've harped on before, women are experts at feeling you out. Women have evolved an incredibly high sensitivity to emotional contagion—the ability to subconsciously absorb another person's emotional state through non-verbal clues. Whatever you are feeling in your body, whether nervousness or confidence, she will feel as well.

If you walk up to her nervous and ungrounded, she will feel nervous as well, and will want to get out of that situation.

If you hide your intent because you are feeling ashamed of your sexual interest, she will feel that something is way off and might even feel creeped out.

However, if you are feeling calm and enjoying the interaction with her, that sense of serenity is contagious. If you are feeling desire for her, appreciating her as the most attractive woman around, she will very much appreciate that feeling.

Your "turn on" creates a sense of excitement and anticipation that something wonderful might occur. This isn't some magic trick, but rather basic human physiology. Research shows that the buildup and anticipation of pleasure is what releases the "feel good" chemical, known as dopamine. No, this doesn't mean she'll throw caution to the wind and jump in the sack with you right away, but if you aren't triggering these good feelings right off the bat, there's little chance things will go further.

Unapologetically expressing your desire for her can build up the anticipation for what might happen later, and that "anticipation" is what arouses a woman and releases dopamine. It's not about the actual reward, but about the anticipation for the reward.

GIVING A COMPLIMENT

Chances are you've been in a similar scenario before. You're sitting at your favorite cafe drinking your favorite blend of dark roast while checking your Facebook messages, when all of a sudden "she" walks in.

Long dark curly hair, hazel eyes, matching skirt and blouse that flaunts the perfect mix of professional and sexy. Her blouse buttoned one button too low revealing just enough cleavage to tantalize a monk.

She's hot and she knows it. At least everyone in the cafe knows it because every patron, including the women, secretly gaze at her with admiration or jealousy.

But no man dares to make a move.

So you realize, this is your chance. Everyone else is awing her and pretending not to drool. She could be yours, all yours. Maybe for a night, a year or a lifetime. Who knows!

All you have to do is say something and allow destiny to work her magic. Just say something, anything and your entire life could change from this moment on.

You sit there waiting for genius to strike, hoping something clever to say will enter your brain. But it seems, the gods of sex are not in your favor. You stay sitting there sipping your coffee because you can't come up with one single sentence to blurt out, and so, the gorgeous specimen of a woman leaves the cafe and out of your life forever.

Is that what you want? I'm sure it's not.

So what do you say in that situation?

I don't suggest you walk up to her Christian Grey style and tell her that it's taking all your self-control not to fuck her on the hood of your car right now. That probably won't go over well as a conversation starter.

And as you know by now, it's not what you say that actually makes her want you, but you still have to say something.

Well, the best way to start the conversation in any daytime scenario like this, is to be direct and give her a genuine compliment. Remember, don't hide your intentions because that shows fear, weakness and a lack of confidence. And you know that women can read your intentions.

Instead, own up to the fact that you find her breath-taking and just tell her.

So should you just blurt out, "Hey you are breathtaking!!!!?" Well, sure, you definitely could. The only problem with that is there won't be much sexual tension, unless you say it like, "Hey....you are....breathtaking."

Remember, pauses create anticipation, intrigue and suspense for what you are going to say next. If you immediately give the compliment within 2 or 3 seconds of the approach, then there was no buildup of her wondering what you are going to say next. Basically you killed the sexual tension.

Instead, take your time and make her wait for it. This shows her that you can handle the tension. What I recommend doing is "acknowledging the reality." Tell her exactly what is going on in that moment.

You can acknowledge her reality by saying, "I know you are busy," or "I know you are shopping" or just acknowledging whatever it is she is doing. This also shows respect that you realize you may be interrupting her. I also recommend acknowledging what she might be thinking like, "I know this is random," or "I know this is unexpected," or "I know most people don't do this."

You can also acknowledge your reality by saying something like, "I just saw you from across the street," or "I don't usually do this." You can even acknowledge what you are feeling by saying, "I felt like I had to say something" or "I'm kind of nervous." It's much better to acknowledge that you are nervous then trying to conceal the fact.

The beauty about this is that it no longer becomes a canned line where you say the exact same sentence over and over to every woman. You can change it based on what she is doing, what you are doing and what you are feeling in that moment. Also, the actual compliment can change based on what you think of her.

Sample Compliments:

Note: The commas represent 1 or 2 second pauses. And remember, what's important is that you feel what you're saying.

• "Hi. This is totally random, but I just wanted to say you have absolutely stunning eyes."

• "Hey, really quick. I know you are busy, and I am in a hurry as well, but I just had to come over and say hello." (this is still direct because your body language, tonality, facial expressions and vibe will all suggest that you find her highly attractive)

• "Hey I know you are on the phone and I know it's so rude to interrupt but I just think you are gorgeous, and had to say 'hi'. You should call your friend back." (Notice this doesn't have pauses since she is on the phone)

• "Hey, real quick, this is really awkward, because I don't do this often, but I had to take a chance and risk embarrassment, and come over here to meet you."

• "Hi. I was just walking in the other direction when you passed me. And I just thought, it would be a good idea to run back and make a fool out of myself, by telling you that you are absolutely adorable."

• "Excuse me, do you know where Starbucks is? Actually, I'm not really looking for Starbucks, and, don't take this the wrong way, but I just saw you sitting here with your friend, and had to tell you that you look, really pretty."

Remember that these are just examples. You don't need to write them down or memorize them, because you should be saying what is happening in the moment. Another reason it is so important to be present and grounded.

So make sure that during those pauses you breathe and ground yourself. Feel into your body and allow yourself to feel the attraction you have for the beautiful women in front of you. Breathe in her beauty and feminine aura.

Allow yourself to be turned on by her. It's your "turn on" that will turn her on.

I've actually gotten erections while talking to random girls on the sidewalk, because the sexual tension was so intense. I could tell she was feeling my desire and it was turning her on, and her getting turned on turned me on even more. It's a good sign when that happens.

Just remember, the best way to express your desire is not just through your words, but through your energy and vibe, which display nonverbally through the way you look at her, your tonality and your sly devilish smile. All of which, convey your intentions.

I've had several women tell me that the thing they loved about me the most, was the way I looked at them. They could see my naughty intentions through my eye contact, and they loved it.

She Needs To Feel Your Intentions

Women don't hear the words you say, they feel your intentions. Attraction is never about what you say, it's about why you are saying it. The reason you are saying it will dictate how you say it.

As I've said before, the actual words you say matter very little. It's the emotion behind the words that make her feel excited or not. If the emotion is needy and seeking her approval then it will turn her off. But, if the words are genuine with positive intentions, then what you say is more likely to turn her on.

It's the why that determine the emotion behind the words, and women are experts at sensing your whys. If you tell a girl she's beautiful because you think that will make her want to sleep with you, she will be able to tell and probably won't sleep with you. If you say it with the intention of impressing her, more likely than not, she won't be impressed.

It must be authentic.

When you approach a girl with an authentic compliment, it communicates that you don't need to hide your intentions. You are being honest, which makes her feel like she can trust you. A woman will respect a man who is genuine in his intent and doesn't beat around the bush or play games pretending not to like her.

The irony is, when a guy takes the nice guy approach and tries to hide his romantic interest in her, she can still sense that he is attracted to her. There's no reason to hide it because women can sense your intent from a mile away.

Why Compliments and Showing Desire Backfires For Nice Guys

Even when a "nice guy" shows interest or delivers a compliment in a sweet, caring way, it comes off as apologetic and approval seeking because his kind words aren't matching his body language and vibe. So his niceness doesn't seem genuine, which doesn't spark attraction.

The nice guy then tends to look down to break the tension and this makes him seem like a boy, not a man. She'll thank him because he said something nice, but there's no emotional connection. The most he can hope for is that she'll consider him a potential friend and maybe give out her phone number as a form of reciprocity… yet be annoyed when he asks her for a date because she did not feel attraction towards him.

She might find it sweet, but it won't turn her on because it comes off as needy and apologetic. Her instincts do not urge her to want to sleep with a guy like that.

The nice guy is usually not being genuine when he gives a compliment. He's trying to get a reaction out of the woman. He's giving a complement to get something in return, usually validation. He wants her to like him so bad that he breaks all tension in the interaction by talking too fast, standing too far away, and talking in a high tone. He wants to please her, and not offend her in any way, so that she will approve of him.

When the bad boy gives a compliment, he doesn't care about the outcome or her approval. He gives the compliment because it's what he feels. He doesn't care how she responds, he only cares about being true to his masculine instincts, which compels him to approach her. He's not thinking about what to say next, or caring about what she is thinking, or what the people around her are thinking. He's not analyzing the situation. His energy is in his body. He's trusting his instincts and letting them do the work.

On the other hand, the nice guy is in his head over analyzing everything. His thoughts are in the future, thinking about "What if people overhear me?" "What if I feel uncomfortable?" or "What if she rejects me?" These negative thoughts put him in a fearful state before he even walks up to her.

If he does manage to build up the courage to talk to her, then he's worrying about what to say next, instead of letting the conversation flow.

He's not grounded in the present moment. His energy is in his head and it shows in his nervous body language, making the girl feel uncomfortable. He has wavering eye contact, shallow breathing, and tense muscles. She can sense this and it makes her feel unsafe.

When you are fully grounded your energy is feeding back into your body instead of your head, giving you full control over your body. You can sit in the tension and the sensation of fear and nervousness no longer control you. The energy in your head just melts away and you feel calm and present and connected to her, in a way she can feel. And that feeling is intoxicating for women.

CHAPTER RECAP

• If your intention is to sleep with any woman that will have you, she can feel that. If your intention is to be with her and give her the utmost sexual satisfaction, she can feel that too.

• She wants a man with options who is a selector and chooses the women he wants in his life. This makes her feel special, because he chose her out of all his options.

• Don't rush through your initial opening statement. Use short pauses and embrace the tension to show her both your confidence and desire in her.

• Never forget the power of non-verbal emotional contagion. She'll feel what you're feeling, so be genuine and make sure your words and body language match what's in your heart and mind.

EXERCISES

For the next three days, I want you to walk up to at least one attractive woman you see each day and give her a genuine compliment about her looks. You can tell her that you think she is cute, adorable, stunning, beautiful or pretty, it's up to you.

Remember to hold that eye contact and smile. Take your time, there's no rush. Just enjoy the interaction, however brief it may be.

After the compliment, feel free to introduce yourself and ask her name and then start some small talk. If the thought of that makes you really nervous, then after the compliment simply end the interaction with, "Anyways, have an awesome day." Keep practicing until you can deliver a compliment without feeling any fear and then move on to more involved conversation.

Example:

You: "Hey, real quick, I know you are busy and so am I, but I just saw you here, and I thought it would be a good idea to tell you, that you are really pretty."

Her: "Oh, thank you!"

You: "Anyways, have an awesome day!"

Try to take it further than that, but if that's as far as it goes then mission accomplished. Make sure to feel good afterwards and pat yourself on the back because you made a huge step forward.

CHAPTER 6:

Selecting And Qualifying Her

"Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs."

- Mandy Hale

The Empire State building was lit up with Christmas lights. It was like something out of a movie, I thought while a fellow dating coach and I observed the city staple from a rooftop bar, "2 35th," on a chilly December evening in New York.

2 35th is one of the go-to spots for practicing "game" in Manhattan. On this particular night, there were three pick-up boot camps running simultaneously. I loved the challenge of my students competing for the same girls that other gurus were going for because I knew that what we taught our students worked ten times better than the lines, routines and gimmicks that the other companies relied so heavily on.

All our students were talking to girls, and the girls seemed to be hanging on every word. One was in the corner making out with a tall redhead, another bounced from the bar to the dance floor with a cute Latina, while another had just won over a group of nine bachelorettes from Staten Island.

I was pleased since it was only their second night out. Our coaches were watching and instructing, while I admired the view of one of New York City's most iconic attractions.

But something took my attention away from the scenic view to enjoy another view standing just twenty feet away.

Ryan, a good friend and competing coach living in New York, broke my gaze with an elbow nudge to the ribs. "Look!" He jerked his thumb at a gorgeous girl surrounded by a small army of overly attentive guys.

She was the hottest girl on the rooftop deck, and likely, the entire club. But that entourage of eight protective guy friends presented quite a challenge. No one approached her or so much as tried to catch her eye. Even the other dating gurus in the club kept a wide berth.

So naturally, I was chumping at the bit. I'm a good sport though, so I gave Ryan the first shot.

"How would you approach?"

Thinking for a few seconds, Ryan just shook his head. "I'd wait until she was alone, and then make my move. There's no way through that phalanx."

"That could take all night," I rebuked. "What if she never leaves the group?

What a waste of valuable time."

Ryan shrugged. "I'm patient. For a girl like that, I don't mind waiting." I wasn't impressed and he could tell.

"So what would you do, Mr. Guru?"

I knew the more obstacles in the way, the more attraction a girl feels when you approach. Remember, women notice everything. Which isn't always a bad thing. She's quite aware of the nerve it takes to approach in the first place.

"Just watch." I grinned and marched off while Ryan just snorted and settled in to watch me crash and burn.

I didn't know how this would turn out, but I wasn't willing to waste time waiting for the perfect moment. I don't wait for things to happen, I make them happen. If I've learned anything in life, it's that Lady Fortune really does favor the bold, and punishes those that procrastinate.

So I made a beeline for the girl, while still pondering what to do as her male companions glared daggers at me. I preferred being direct because I knew how much women love to feel desired by a confident man, but in this case, I could get my ass kicked. So I knew I couldn't give the girl a direct compliment… but I could say something nice to the "orbiter" guy standing closest to her, and make sure she hears every word of it.

"Hey, man. I mean no disrespect, but your girlfriend here…" I turned to grin at the girl so she could see my intent, "is absolutely stunning. You're a lucky fellow."

Yep, I complimented the guy on how hot his "so-called" girlfriend was. This got my intentions across to the girl. That was clear enough by her raised eyebrows and the way she craned her neck to hear everything. Yet her "boyfriend" would look like a total insecure douchebag if he got upset or defensive at my genuine gesture.

"She's not my girlfriend," he grunted with a hint of defeat. He waved his hand and laughed. "Go for it, amigo." Smart move on his part.

I could tell he was in the friend zone and most likely wanted to get out. But if he acted protective towards her, he would have only dug himself in deeper.

I introduced myself to her, plus another woman that suddenly appeared out of nowhere. It's never a good idea to ignore your wannabe lover's friend, no matter how much you wish she'd go away.

The woman I was fascinated with was named Ashley. She looked more impressed than most girls as she gripped my hand tightly. "Nice to meet you," she beamed with a smile. "You should take my number!"

Ashley was offering her number freely without even a conversation or knowing anything about me. What was I missing? I could tell from the look in her eye that she was very attracted, most likely because of the ballsy approach, so this didn't seem like an excuse to get rid of me. Nevertheless, even though she probably really wanted me to have her number, I knew it was an unconscious trap.

You see, if I were to get too excited at that moment and took the bait, then I'd have thrown away any notion of her being special. She would think that I didn't have many women like her in my life. That she was selecting me and not the other way around. Worst of all, it would show that I didn't have any standards other than liking a pretty face.

She was hot, but who cares? Hot women are a dime a dozen, especially in Manhattan. I wanted to challenge her to see if there was more to her than just her looks. Men are more than just animals; I wanted her to earn my attention and attraction to her. I wasn't willing to be just another guy begging for her to select him.

Which meant she had to impress me first. "Hmm, that's flattering, but I just met you. I don't know if I want your number yet. I don't know anything about you. Tell me one cool thing about you first."

"Wha…" She swapped a gasp with her friend and fiddled with her bangs. "Like what?"

Now I admit, it's always fun to turn the classic tension test right back around on a gal, but this was 100% about qualifying her as someone worth my time. Seeing her get a bit flustered was just a bonus.

I slid closer, ramping up the tension on purpose. "What are you passionate about?"

"Wow, this is good stuff." The guy who wished he was her boyfriend, who's name I had already forgotten, muttered while digging out his phone to take notes.

I laughed, tempted to give him my card, but I figured a free lesson would be more fun.

In truth, I felt a tinge of sadness for him. There really wasn't anything special about what I was saying or doing. This dude diligently taking notes was even better looking than me and knew her for a long time. There's no reason he couldn't have been climbing into a cab with her an hour later instead of some guy she just met, but I bet the thought never crossed his mind. More than just lacking confidence, like too many men, he didn't value himself as a selector. He probably missed countless opportunities just because he'd been conditioned to think of women as the prize and sex as some special favor women grant, like it was some type of lottery.

I'll spare you the R rated details of that night, since I'm not here to brag. Instead, let's explore how you could pull off the same coup by being the selector.

STOP TRYING TO ATTRACT WOMEN

Whatever you do, don't "try" to attract her. Let me repeat that so it really sinks in: Do not "try" to attract her. If you're confident, grounded and exuding an attractive vibe, seduction will come automatically. If you're actively trying to impress her, then you're sub communicating that you are not attractive enough and must do or say things to win her affection, which will hinder her attraction to you.

"Wait a minute…" I hear you snorting. "Isn't the whole point of this book to learn how to attract women? WTF!?"

There's no bait and switch going on. Everything we've been talking about boils down to one simple idea: Women aren't interested in guys that try to attract or impress them, no matter how hard they work. They're turned on by guys that DON'T NEED to attract or impress them.

That's also the solution to the ancient, "why do nice guys finish last?" riddle. Nice guys ignore the lessons in this book and think they have to "win" a female's affection. They think they must say and do all the right things to "score" the girl they want.

The supposed "bad boys" don't care if they impress her. Instead of bragging about themselves or doing things to try to impress her, they find out what's impressive about her.

Of course, some guys take this too far and act like they are too good for her. Or even worse, insult her with so-called "negging." These guys aren't bad boys nor are they playing 4-D psychological chess. They're just run of the mill assholes. And yep, they do get laid sometimes, but it's usually only by the most insecure women. Acting like a jerk and putting women down will not work for a woman with high self-esteem and healthy self-perception. And isn't that the kind of woman you really want?

We've all seen the guy at the bar that struts up to women with a rude comment, backhanded compliment or sarcastic verbal jab hoping that his degradations will win her over. Sometimes these are former "nice guys" that got sick of watching bad boys attract all the girls who friend-zoned them, so they overcompensate and adopt an asshole strategy. They're just swapping one pathetic show of desperation for another.

Don't be that guy.

THE SELECTOR'S MINDSET AND HIGH STATUS LIFESTYLE

There you are at your favorite bar soaking in the energy of the night. Grounded and poised, you remain calm amidst the chaos that ensues. You've already made your intentions clear to three lucky ladies you chatted with earlier in the night. They lit up and giggled as your eye contact engulfed them.

They were all cute, but you had your heart set on the brunette with curvy hips and high cheekbones. They were on their way out, so you saved her number and returned your attention to your wingman.

"Oh my God, look bro, over there, that girl is so damn hot!" your buddy exclaims.

You know his excitement is over the top, but you can't help but follow his gaze… and forget all about the new number in your pocket.

Every eye is on her. Every guy wants her.

With that low-cut black dress clinging to her sultry tight body, she's on a different level of hotness than every other girl around. She doesn't walk, she glides across the room with confidence and pose that would make Cleopatra proud. The guys struggle not to drool while the other women don't even try to mask their jealousy.

No one else has the balls to make a move, which means this seemingly impossible scenario is your golden opportunity. You're strolling calmly but steadfast her way before your buddy can catch his breath.

"Excuse me."

She turns and gives you a quick up and down examine… not exactly swooning over you. She slaps on a poker face and crosses her arms, keeping her pouty lips shut. It even looks like she smells something bad by the way she's turning up her nose. Instead of muttering an apology and scurrying away like most man in her past, you never break eye contact while channeling exactly what you feel.

"Have you noticed that you and I are the two hottest people here?"

She can see the desire in your eyes while she stares back. There's even a twinkle of anticipation in her gaze, but she's not letting her guard down yet.

Without smiling, she shrugs and shoots off a quick test to see if you can handle the heat.

"If you say so…" She spins away fast, not giving you a second to think of something witty, so you fire off the first thing that comes to mind.

"So I had to at least introducing myself. I'm..." Despite her back halfway turned away, you coolly stick out your hand.

She stops in her tracks and oh-so-carefully takes your firm hand, a little smile slipping out as she introduces herself. You take a step closer, hovering on the edge of her personal space to ramp that tension up.

Her thin grin gives way to a chuckle while you keep the banter up like she was an old friend. You break the touch barrier and give her arm a gentle nudge towards the bar, but you start moving first like you aren't concerned at all that she might not follow.

Naturally, this woman isn't fully turned on yet, but her subconscious is sure prodding her to follow this strange but confident and easy-going man. There's a warmth of security radiating from you, not to mention the breath of fresh air from meeting a guy that's not pathetically fawning over her and trying to impress her with cheap tricks.

For your part, you know she's hot, as that gave you the motivation to say hello in the first place. But you aren't desperate. You're still not sure about her yet. After all, she might be crazy, or a really negative person, or married to a jealous guy with an impressive gun rack. You don't assume any of that is true, but you are curious to find out what kind of person she really is before you invest time and effort into any sort of relationship. Even just a fleeting hookup. Life is short. If she's cool, you might get her number or even take her home later. If she's boring, cynical or unavailable, then you may dismiss yourself to meet someone who has the qualities you are looking for. Either way, it's your decision.

This must be your mentality when you meet women. If you're desperate for any hot woman's attention, she will notice. It's fine to let physical attraction guide you to a woman in the first place, but don't go all the way in until she starts to win you over. Be curious to find out who she is and what she is all about.

This is the mindset of a man of high status who has a lot of options.

Plenty of Sand at the Beach

Most guys think, "Wow she's so damn hot! OMG! I need her. My life would be so great if I had a woman like her." This is needy, desperate and unattractive. There's no way women can feel safe around such an eager man.

A grounded man would think something like, "She's attractive. I wonder if she'd fit my expectations and qualifications? If not, oh well, there are plenty of other women to choose from."

Seal this away in your mind and never forget it! There are MILLIONS of hot women in the world, and if this one doesn't work out, who cares! You're better off by cutting things short and finding someone worth your while. Dating is a trial and error project, so if you aren't making some mistakes then you're doing it wrong. Don't get caught up in the mindset of failure and rejection. I was there for many years of my life. I know what you're going through, but believe me when I tell you the only way out of that rut is to quit the self-pity and approach women from a place of power and choice.

It's true that one interaction with a woman can change the rest of your life, even if it never leads to a romantic entanglement. When I approached my ex, while shopping in Santa Monica, it completely changed my world. I moved to Las Vegas because of her and learned many valuable lessons, and I'm sure my life would be very different now if I wouldn't have approached her. That being said, it doesn't mean my life would be worse if I never met her.

Once you come to the realization that one girl does not determine your happiness, and that there are many options to choose from, you break free of the chains of doubt and insecurity and step into a caliber of man that few ever become.

And if you struggle getting over the stigma that society has shoved down your throat all of these years that men must fear women and sacrifice the world to earn their attention, then remember this: there's only one YOU. There may be millions of other female prospects out there, but there's just one of you.

This "truth" means you're unique, different, a one-of-a-kind special little snowflake. Don't waste time focusing on lies that leave you strapped in indecision and panic. Focus on what is true.

TRUTH: There are millions of attractive girls in the world and I will find one that meets my standards.

LIE: There is only one perfect girl for me and if I don't do and say everything perfectly, I'll crash and burn and lose my once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Focus, concentrate, and believe this. Soak it in until it resonates within every orifice of your body. Breathe it, eat it, and absorb it until even your dreams transform it into this new reality. Not in an egotistical or narcissistic kind of way, but in a healthy and balanced perspective.

You Are The Prize

If you don't see yourself as a great catch, neither will she. No matter what you're looking for in life, you must remember that you're the prize. Any person would be lucky to have you in their life.

Don't waste your time with people who devalue you or don't appreciate you. As contradictory as it may sound, you're better off cutting out the distractions and removing the deadweight. You can't be friends with everyone. That would require way too much time and energy, and no one has that much stamina.

With the mindset that you are the prize, it's no longer about fearing rejection, saying or doing the right things, or putting her on a proverbial "prize" pedestal. It's just about making her day and seeing if she's cool or not. And just as you would do in a car dealership or any retail store, you must always have the ability to walk away if you don't see what you are looking for.

Women, of course, are priceless treasures as well. When I tell you to think of yourself as the prize, I am in no way telling you to think that you are better than women. However, for this principle, I'm training you to shift your mindset from a victim mentality to winner mentality. Winners believe they can attract almost any woman that they want. And if a woman isn't attracted, it doesn't affect them in any way. They move on to find a woman who will be attracted.

Most guys have the opposite mentality. They are worried about meeting her standards and think they need to "build attraction" or put on a performance to win her heart. Let her worry about whether you meet her standards or not, and remember, you won't be everyone's cup of tea.

Some women will like you. Some won't. So what?

Being A Selector Is A Lifestyle

Being the selector is not a tactic or technique; it is a complete mindset. A way of being. It manifests in the way you think and act around her. It is a mindset that you embody because you know your worth and your value as a man.

A selector doesn't just let anyone into his life, he has standards for the people he brings into his inner circle. He doesn't just screen and challenge the women he lets in, but the men as well. He makes sure that everyone in his life brings him value, and in return, he brings them value.

The problem that a lot of guys have is they feel they are not good enough yet, and don't have enough value to give women. They feel they need to accomplish more and "get there" before they are worthy of a certain caliber woman.

There is some truth in that because the more you accomplish the higher worth you will place on yourself. The problem is that guys have this fantasy that when they achieve a certain amount of wealth, popularity or have six pack abs then women will suddenly start falling into their laps. When they finally realize their ideal perfect scenario, they are often sadly disappointed to find that it doesn't work out the way they imagined. Even with the money or muscles women aren't approaching them and so they become bitter towards women and blame women for their own dating misfortune.

Instead of hoping that your love life will magically fix itself when you achieve a certain level of success, start focusing on the success that you've already achieved. Instead of focusing on what you haven't achieved, focusing on what you have already.

It's so easy to forget about how far you've come when you only look at how far you still have to go. Most of us compare ourselves to the people we see on TV, magazines or Instagram and feel unworthy in comparison. Stop comparing yourself to others, because there will always be someone richer, stronger, more successful and better looking than you.

The only person you need to compare yourself to is you. Are you growing?

Are you evolving? Are you getting closer to your goals in life? Look back on your life and see how far you have actually come and give yourself a pat on the back, because I'm sure you've accomplished more than you realize.

In fact, I want you to make a list of 20 accomplishments in your life. Write down everything that comes to mind. Anything you've done that you are proud of, no matter how small it may seem.

Do it now. Make your list. I'll wait.

Creating this list will help you see all that you have done and how worthwhile you really are. When you start to focus on how great you are, you will start to see yourself as a prize. This not only increases your confidence, but it makes you feel like you have permission to be a selector of the people you bring into your life.

This exercise will help shift your thinking from, "I hope I'm good enough for her," to "I wonder if she's good enough for me?" It will begin to transform the "I need to impress her" mentality to, "she needs to impress me" way of thinking. You'll begin to stop being needy and approval seeking around women, and instead be a challenge and qualify women.

Being a challenge to women and qualifying them is simply a natural byproduct of that mentality and feeling like you are a selector of women.

If You're Faking It, Then She Is The True Selector

You can try to fake this mindset, but she'll see right through your charade. If you ask a qualification question like, "You seem cool but I don't know if we can hang out yet. Tell me something interesting about you," while thinking, "Oh my God, she's so hot. I want her so bad," she will sense something is off. Remember, a woman's highly refined subconscious intuition lets her focus on what you're saying and study your body for the subtlest inconsistency at the same time.

If you ask a qualification question like, "Tell me something interesting about you," with an ear-to-ear smirk plastered across your face and an aura of excitement, it will not have the effect of being a challenge. The question might technically be a qualification question, but it will just seem like you are overly eager to get to know her more, which communicates desperation.

You see, it's not the actual question that makes you a challenge. It's the way you ask it. It's your demeanor and the energy you convey.

Imagine a job interview, where a high-level executive is interviewing an entry level candidate. The candidate is nervous because he really wants the job, while the executive is calm and relaxed because he has many potential candidates for the opening. The candidate is leaning forward eager to give an answer that he thinks the executive wants to hear. The executive leans back with his arms closed judging each response. The candidate speaks fast, overly excited, his answers are rambling. The executive speaks deliberately with authority; each sentence serving a specific purpose.

Be the executive, not the candidate.

That doesn't mean you should cross your arms in judgement the entire time. However, crossing your arms for a few seconds, while squinting your eyes suggesting an, "I'm not sure about you yet," expression, usually doesn't hurt. After all, you are judging whether you want to see her again, or not.

After almost 10 years of coaching guys live in over 40 different countries, I've rarely seen anyone too judgmental or harsh in qualifying women. It's almost always the opposite. They are too nice sounding and "pleasing," speaking way too fast and overenthusiastic, like the entry level candidate.

This is yet another reason you must be calm and grounded in your interactions with women. When you put the ball in her court and make her qualify herself to you, it will create tension. Most guys break the tension by smiling because they can't handle that level of intensity. Instead, look at her intently, and as you hold that tension she will eagerly try to attract YOU with her answer, and her desire for you will unconsciously increase.

Make sure to speak slowly, pausing every few words and ending your qualification questions with a drop in tonality. If your inflection goes up it will not sound like you are testing her, it will sound like you are overly eager to get to know her, which is the opposite of challenging. That's right, such a tiny subtlety as tone going up or down can have a dramatic effect and make you seem like a challenge, or just desperate.

The most microscopic unconscious detail often can make all the difference.

PRINCIPLES OF A SELECTOR

Challenging and qualifying people does not mean that you put them down or see them as beneath you. It's actually all about equality and bringing out the best in others.

Being a challenge means that you only allow people in your life that align with your highest values and purpose. It means that you see more in others than they see in themselves and you help bring that out of them. It means you don't always take people's responses at face value, but instead dig deeper to find out their true desires or intentions.

For example, I was speaking at a dating seminar in Los Angeles and gave a talk on how to embody the mindset of being the selector. After I exited the stage, a lot of guys approached me to tell me how much they appreciated my talk. Instead of just saying, "thank you," and being done with it, I said, "Thank you so much, what did you all like about it?"

I didn't ask that question to be a dick, I asked it because it made them think deeper and remember what they enjoyed, which also gave me insight into what specifically they liked.

From what I've seen over the years, there are a few crucial life lessons to keep in mind to ensure you really become a challenge and aren't just fooling yourself. I'm sure you've heard of all these things, but have you ever really thought about how these fundamental life principals affect your dating life?

The Principle Of Workmanship

Man is meant to work, to sweat, to expend energy. We were not meant to sit around and do nothing. That's why we get bored if we aren't moving. It's not just you; it's everyone. We all enjoy something more if we had to earn it and work for it versus being handed something for free without effort

For example, I recall Christmas day in 2013 and I was thrilled when my grandparents gave me their old 2000 Saturn. It wasn't a luxury automobile, but I just returned from a yearlong boot camp tour overseas and I needed a set of wheels to get around. I thanked them dearly as I took the car to the DMV to transfer ownership.

Fast forward three months later. I'm living in San Diego and before I make my way to the gym, I notice something wrong. The driver side rearview mirror is hanging from the car, dangling from its cable. Someone, probably drunk, must have driven too close to the vehicle and smacked it right off, leaving a scratch on the door and no more side mirror.

"What the hell!" I exclaimed. But after a few seconds I thought, "Oh well, I still have my other mirror. Do I really need it?" After all, in three months I had never even washed the car once, gotten an oil change or made any other minor repairs.

This wasn't because I didn't care about the car. I was, and still am, grateful to my grandparents for their gift. But I didn't treat it like my previous car, which I cherished because it took me two years to save up the money to buy it. Since I didn't have to work for my Saturn, I just didn't put as much value on it.

It's the same with people. If you show too much interest too soon, when she didn't even have to earn it, she won't appreciate and value you nearly as much as she would if she had to earn your attraction. By qualifying her and being a challenge you give her the opportunity to work for your attention and earn your affection.

The Principle Of Preselection

Studies show that women find men who have other women in their life more desirable. The fact is that women want a man that other women want. No woman wants a man that no other women wants.

When many women want to date you it means you are "preselected" by women. If you are preselected by many women, she can safely assume you must have many attractive qualities that women in general desire in a man.

I've read in other dating advice books that the best way to use pre-selection to your advantage is by making up stories about how you're dating models or strippers. However, this is inauthentic and women have incredibly refined BS filters. She'll likely sense that you are trying too hard to impress her, so never say or do anything fake to impress a woman.

Instead, just be a man with standards who qualifies women. When you qualify her she will unconsciously feel like you have other dating options, because only men who have a lot of options can be picky as to whom they date.

A desperate man is not picky, he wants anyone that will have him. Through qualifying her you will convey the opposite. You will portray the characteristics of a man with options, and she will unconsciously assume that other women want you. She won't actually see or hear about how other women desire you, she will just feel it, because you are acting like the type of man who has a lot of women in his life. A man with options.

The Principle of Appreciation

Everyone longs to feel appreciated and understood, to be paid attention to, but this goes even deeper with women. Women, especially the most attractive ones, get bombarded with compliments about their looks from their friends, family, coworkers, photographers and agents.

Just imagine if someone kept telling you how great your smile looked. Wouldn't you get kind of tired of it? So, her looks should only be the reason you approached, not the reason you get her number or set up a date. Her looks grabbed your attention and caused you to say 'hi,' now she has to intrigue you to want more and keep going. If she doesn't then just leave. If she only seems like a pretty face and there's nothing more to her than meets the eye, politely excuse yourself and go meet someone else.

I know it sounds crazy to "reject" a beautiful woman, but hear me out. If she seems boring, dull, unpleasant, uninterested, unavailable or just doesn't meet your standards, then it's better to end the interaction than to keep going because why waste time and effort on someone who is not what you are looking for?

Being the selector is about having standards and seeing if she meets them. If not, just move on. This will actually do wonders for your psyche, because it reinforces the fact that you are the prize and helps you to stop putting beautiful women on a pedestal.

Women hate guys that see them as a prize or conquest because this makes them feel like a piece of meat. She will often feel very unsafe when she can feel that the man's only intention is to satisfy a sexual urge or conquest. She knows that once his needs are met he will no longer care about her and protect her.

This is why a woman needs to feel special. She wants you to see that there is more to her than just her outer shell. Qualification, seeing if she has the qualities you want in a woman, allows you to discover her interests, what really makes her tick, and show appreciation for her inner qualities.

For example, "Wow, I love that you are so adventurous. Tell me about some of your adventures?" or "I like that you are so passionate about dancing, tell me more," or "I can tell you have a good head on your shoulders, which is so rare these days," shows her that what she said is valuable and worthy. We all desire to be appreciated so give genuine appreciation. A generic, "that's cool," won't have the same effect. Instead, appreciate her attribute, and ask her to tell you more about it.

The Principle Of Caring

When you're asking your qualifying questions to see if she meets your standards, you must actually care about her answers. By caring, you show her that she has your undivided attention and that she can trust you. This doesn't mean that you have to like everything that she says, but by focusing intently on her, it shows you really care about what she has to say, instead of just going through the motions.

Believe me, women can tell when you are just pretending to be interested. The best way not to fake it is by being fully present and grounded in the moment.

QUALIFICATION – SHOWING YOU'RE THE SELECTOR

You've seen that being the selector is a life-long mindset, and qualification is a powerful way to convey that you are the selector. This doesn't have to be an elaborate process. Qualification can really be any point when you have her interest but take a step back and ask pointed questions to make sure you're not wasting your time and she meets your standards. Again, women notice everything. They will be pleasantly surprised to see you evaluating and testing them the way they do you and not just rushing to "hook up" with any willing female.

It allows you to take a step back and get her to put in the effort and attract you. And she will be happy to do so, if you already showed desire in a confident, grounded way.

Through qualifying her, she will see that you are not willing to sacrifice your time for just anyone. That she must be interesting, exciting, and fulfill your expectations before you'll take things further. This keeps you in control of the interaction and makes clear to her that if she wants to take things to the next level, it's not just her decision to make… she has to seduce you.

Determine Your Standards In Advance

Take a few minutes right now to figure out what you want. First, are you looking for a long term or short-term relationship? Maybe, you want a series of short-term relationships to have a little fun, but ultimately you would like to commit to one woman. The qualities you look for in a long-term relationship will be different than what you want for short term.

For example, I love women that are very touchy and affectionate, and that's important to me in a long term committed relationship. But for a short fling or extended booty call, cuddling and other forms of affection are not a requirement.

What are your deal breakers? These may change depending on what you want for each situation. If it's just a one-night fling, then you might be less concerned with her passions or beliefs, and more concerned whether she is fun, likes to party and lives life in the moment.

For example, I do not like to date smokers. For a long term committed relationship, smoking is a deal breaker. But for a night of fun or a few months of hanging out plus hooking up, I can deal with a smoker as long as she does it outside.

My dad was recently single and knew he didn't want to date a Democrat. After ending a few dates early because the women weren't of his preferred political party, my dad decided to add it to his online dating profile and ask women over the phone what their political beliefs were. This way he didn't have to invest time and money on a woman he didn't want to date. He was able to quickly weed out the women that didn't meet his standards, freeing him up to meet his 3rd wife. Who I'm glad to say, has made him happier than I've ever seen him.

You need to know what you want and know exactly what you don't want. In fact, specify what your dating goals are and then make a list of at least 10 to 20 non-physical attributes and qualities that you are looking for in a woman. Put the book down, take a second, and do this now.

Seriously, do it. It's important.

Good job.

Now I want you to make a list of 5 to 10 non-physical deal breakers. These are things that you do not want in a potential partner. They can be habits, actions, beliefs or values that you will not stand for.

Go ahead, make your list.

Okay, welcome back. I'm sure you didn't just breeze over that without actually making your list, right? No, what am I thinking, you would never do that.

This is really important because it sheds light on your dating goals and also adds to the next point. You must care about what you're asking so you know if she has potential or if you need to walk away.

I want you to be a man who seeks the inner beauty, not just the physical.

Qualification Question Examples

I'm not one to leave you wandering in the dark without some examples. So here are some qualification questions to get you thinking on the right track.

You meet a girl at the store or while walking in the park. Within the first few minutes, you'll want to ask something like, "So, besides your looks, tell me one cool thing about you." This is a broad question and opens the door for her to respond with something about herself. This will shed some insight into who she is and help determine if she meets a potential qualifier: Is she interesting?

To some, this question will sound harsh. Trust me, it's not. That's just your inner nice guy playing tricks on you and trying to prevent you from rocking the boat. Remember, you're in control and she has to work for you. Don't make it easy. You're still trying to figure out if she's worth your time.

Here's another way to ask the same thing, "Well, listen. I don't know if we can hang out yet (or "be lovers yet" if you're in a flirty mood), so, tell me one interesting thing about you." This is also a technique used in neuro-linguistic programming known as a presupposition. If she answers the question, then you can presuppose that she wants to hang out (or be lovers) with you. But the point of this question is that you're asking an obvious qualification question and it sounds like a challenge.

Here's another, "I'm a little picky about who I hang out with, so tell me something you're passionate about." Everyone loves talking about their passions.

Remember what I said earlier? People prefer to work for something to feel like they have earned it. This tells her that you're the prize and that she needs to work to attract you. This will also catch her off guard as she's already been preprogrammed to anticipate the same bland "You're hot! Where are you from?" series of questions.

Other broad qualification questions you can ask are: "How are you going to save/change the world?" "What are you trying to do with your life?" "What is something you've done that you are proud of." These are challenging and show that you have high expectations for women in your life.

If there's something very specific that you like or absolutely do not like, then you can ask about those. For example, if smoking is a deal breaker for you then say, "You don't smoke do you?" And if she does then politely end the interaction. You are not forced to stay there just for the sake of pleasantries. And if she doesn't smoke, don't just let her off the hook that easily, ask her a follow up qualification question.

Another example of challenging on something specific could be asking about health or fitness, if that is something important to you. You could ask, "I'm really into healthy living, do you eat healthy or are you on the Big Mac-ADay diet?" But be careful as this could seem insulting if she's a little overweight.

Another common deal breaker, especially for older guys, is a party girl. If you don't like party girls you could say, "You aren't the typical (name of your city) party girl, are you?" If she says "no," you can tell her something like, "Oh good. I'm getting over the whole party scene." Notice how that is challenging her then rewarding her answer.

And remember to always ask a qualification question with a challenging, quizzical tone, but add a small smile so you don't come off overly harsh.

Reciprocity

If you ask a qualification question and she doesn't answer quickly, don't disqualify her right away. If she's having a hard time answering, then it might be because she's nervous, or just having trouble thinking of an answer because it's her first time being asked a challenging question like that. When that happens, man up and go first. Give an example of what you like or what's interesting about you. Just answer your own qualification question first, and then she will likely reciprocate by answering in return.

But don't just give a one-word answer. Instead provide a quality answer that talks about the emotion, reason or motivation behind it. Remember, women