Unnamed

My ex-girlfriend, for example, only dated meathead-type guys who were much taller and buffer than me. I mean these guys were like NFL linebacker big. She was likely attracted to their physical appearance and body structure because it triggered her instincts of feeling safe. So then, how was I able to win her heart even though I'm only average height and only 135 pounds at the time?

The answer is simply through my body language and vibe. Through nonverbal communication, I was able to make her feel safe even though I was much shorter and weaker than her normal "type."

SAFETY AND SECURITY – THE GREATEST INFLUENCER OF WOMEN

This idea of making women feel safe really hit home for me when I was at a relationship seminar in San Francisco a few years back. The female relationship expert on stage asked all the men in the room, "When was the last time you felt like you were in danger?" Personally, I thought about a time two years ago when I was in Istanbul and had seen a man get shot in the middle of the street after a fight broke lose.

Most of the men answered that they hadn't experienced danger recently. Which makes sense. For your average male, unless death was staring them right in the face, danger was just an abstract concept.

She then asked the women in the room the same question and added, "If it was within the last year, please stand up." There were about 300 women in the auditorium. Every one of them rose. Then the speaker announced, "If it was less than 6 months ago, remain standing and everyone else sit down." Only about 15 women sat down. Then she continued, "If it was less than a month ago, remain standing." Again, only a few women sat down.

She continued, "If you felt like you were in danger this week please stay standing." To the surprise of every man in the room, most of the women remained on their feet. Finally the speaker said, "If you felt like you were in danger today, please remain standing." About half of the women didn't waver.

I was shocked. Of course I knew intellectually that safety and security were important to women, but this was an eye opener. I couldn't believe just how persistent the fear of danger was for so many women.

Safety is the reason women make most of their choices in life. It's the reason many of them opt for big SUV's, because while men look for power, speed and comfort when choosing a car, women usually focus on safety before anything else.

Safety is the reason they choose to shop where they shop or live where they live. It's also why they choose to sleep with the men they sleep with.

I know girls who share their location with a friend before they go on a Tinder date, never go to a bar or party alone, nor walk alone at night. It's not some vague feeling of unease. They are legitimately worried about their safety. Perhaps for good reason.

After the speaker made her dramatic point, I turned to my girlfriend sitting next to me. She hadn't stood up with all the others, but I could tell from her tense body she wanted to. "When was the last time you felt unsafe, sweetie?"

I was expecting her to take a moment and cast about for some story from before we met, but to my amazement, she didn't even bat an eye. "Last night when we got into an argument."

That floored me. It wasn't even a big fight, but the argument itself wasn't what scared her. She was afraid that I might not be willing to protect her if she needed my protection simply because I was momentarily unhappy.

Just as shocking, here I'd been sitting next to her all day completely oblivious to her fears.

Why is it that a man could go years without ever fearing for his life, but a woman could feel existential danger almost daily? I'm not trying to belittle those legitimate fears women have… but it's not like most of them are being physically attacked or directly threatened on a daily basis. Yet the fear for them is just as palpable and real as someone sticking a gun in their face. So where does the constant fear come from?

The root cause is back to that subconscious animal brain. The fact is that most women are smaller and physically weaker than men. Since the beginning of our species, they weren't as well equipped to fight off physical threats in their environment. In this new world, they might not need a man for safety— and let's be honest, most guys would be just as terrified as her in a lifethreatening confrontation—but there's usually a small part of her mind that keeps her from feeling true peace without at least the semblance of a man's protection. Remember, we're not talking about reason here, but about instinct.

FEMALE INTUITION - A WOMAN'S SIXTH SENSE

But this search for safety and security while being the physically weaker sex has given women a sixth sense akin to a superpower, that famous "female intuition." Because a woman relies more on her subconscious to analyze her surroundings and pick up on threats ahead of time, she is always going to be far more sensitive to the context of any encounter with a strange man, rather than the specific content of what he's saying. His verbal communication can lie. His non-verbals cannot.

Which should not be discouraging, because this also gives any man who's aware of her needs a huge advantage. You don't have to be six-foot, 200 lbs. and a former Army Ranger to fulfill her subconscious need for safety and security. Simply projecting strength of character and being grounded with your non-verbal cues (more on that in Phase III) is enough. Her sixth sense will pick up on your subtlety and attract her to you on an instinctual level.

Conversely, if your non-verbal communication isn't sincere, if you're "faking the funk" and don't genuinely feel what you're projecting, you can bet her female intuition is going to notice and raise some red flags.

THE BIGGEST ATTRACTION TRIGGER

So again, if you want a woman to feel attracted to you, just make her feel safe around you. Projecting strength and security at your first meeting is merely the first step though. You now have to keep making her feel safe for the attraction to lead anywhere romantic.

But exactly how do you do that?

One obvious thing you can do is to watch out for her safety. Hold her hand when crossing the street or place your hand on her lower back to guide her across. Walk on the side of the street closest to traffic and lead her by the hand through a crowd club. Be decisive and take the lead.

Those are some good practical examples, but what really makes you an attractive protector of women is your overall "beingness." That means being unaffected and calm, especially in the face of adversity or tension. This will shoot your attractiveness to the moon, and don't worry, I'll teach you exactly how to do this in Phase II.

Let's look at a real example. I had two clients recently, Spencer and John.

Spencer is good looking, drives a Lamborghini and lives in Orange County, California. He's built like a model, ripped, uses steroids and has what Hollywood would call a perfect physique.

John, on the other hand, comes from a small town in Kansas. He has a medium-wage job, nothing in savings, average looks, average height and it wouldn't hurt if he lost a few pounds.

Who do you think does better with the ladies?

Popular culture would tell us that Spencer, the physically attractive, rich, fit guy, should win any romantic contest. It's just survival of the fittest, right? The strong eat the weak, and evolutionarily this makes sense because someone who is stronger can be a better protector, and someone rich can be a better provider. He should find it easier to attract women, and that's what most men have been conditioned to believe, but that's just not always the case, and I'm going to show you why.

Spencer was struggling to get dates and to keep women engaged in conversation because, despite his wealth and physique, he was unwittingly pushing every girl away. These women didn't even need their sixth sense to see he was trying too hard to impress them with his muscles, good looks, fancy car, wealth, and status. On top of his boastful attitude, Spencer also had a very needy mentality, which made the context of every conversation scream desperation and insecurity no matter what wealth he showed off.

Women don't like posers and can sniff one out in a heartbeat. Spencer was too anxious around women and was always trying to be the man he thought they wanted. That made him seem fake and approval seeking… and most definitely not a protector.

Spencer displayed too many negative qualities, like indecisiveness, emotional instability, pleaser, and nervousness, which made women feel unsafe around him. Their instinct kept telling them to flee. Anxious men, timid men, and men posing as something they aren't make women cringe. Those men convey to women that they're weak, overly invested, desperate, lack genuineness and need a woman to make them feel good.

Women have a million years of evolution behind them to hone their BS filter, so they'll usually base their final decisions on whether something feels right or not. All his superficial advantages couldn't overcome the gut feelings of insecurity women felt in Spencer's presence.

John, on the other hand, who was far from the Christian Grey type women read about in romance novels, still ticked all the subconscious triggers women need to feel comfortable and safe.

When he approaches women, his body language is solid and grounded. He doesn't try to please them or play any games. Instead he tries to discover what it is about them that makes them special. He strikes the right balance of confident, clear intention, but without coming off as needy and dependent, and so the women feel more secure around him.

Because John has grounded body language, seems solid and confident, has good eye contact, is completely comfortable around women, he can easily create sexual tension at will. He has girls eating out of his hand, so to speak. No, John doesn't get every girl, but doesn't seem to care. He's just having fun and living in the moment, which the hottie's he does bring home appreciate. Spencer though, usually goes home alone, discouraged, and defeated. And when he does get lucky, he drives her away fast with his desperation and clinginess.

So the point is, you don't have to be the most attractive, strongest, tallest, or wealthiest because lasting attraction isn't based on outward appearances or possessions. Looks and wealth might catch a girl's eye, but she'll flee fast if your personality doesn't make her feel right. If you can stimulate the right emotions though, especially that of safety and security, you will win the girl nearly every time.  

CHAPTER 2:

Speaking A Woman's Secret Language

"Communicate with your behavior. Never overtly tell a woman anything.

Allow her to come to the conclusion you intend."

- Rollo Tomassi

It was day four of our seven-day boot camp in Budapest. One of our most anxious students, Alex, had made huge strides in just a few days, with over 15 new numbers in his phone and even a handful of instant dates.

Alex was a lanky, pale, online poker player from Finland with thick glasses and an awkward smile. On day one, he seemed so uncomfortable in his own skin that I almost had to hand him a barf bag before he talked to anyone. He had bad posture, consistently slouching due to his tall stature, and his social skills were lacking, to put it gently. That was all likely due to the years of sitting at home in front of his computer hoping to win a few bucks.

It was no wonder that Alex was 29 years old and still a virgin. No shame in virginity, of course, but this wasn't a case of him just not finding the right woman. This was involuntary celibacy, but he was determined to finally feel the warmth of a woman before his 30th birthday.

It was a Wednesday night in Budapest and our group of four students and two instructors headed to Szimpla Kert, a trendy open-air nightclub on the culturally eclectic Kazinczy Street.

The students made heads turn as they entered the club with newfound confidence and charisma. The guys looked sharp and strutted in like they owned the place, a huge transformation from the timid group of boys I met just a few days prior.

Tonight the joint was filled with an international crowd of Europeans, Americans and Australians, and plenty of beautiful women to help sharpen their skills even more.

They fanned out instantly, approaching girls as we instructed. I'd given them a mission for the night: move five different girls, or their entire group of friends, to another section of the club within ten minutes of meeting. And as always, I brought my wireless microphone so that I could listen in and give feedback.

I first mic'd up Alex, who was eager to practice and implement my advice.

He zeroed in on an attractive redhead from Down Under And without hesitation, strolled over to her.

"Hi, I'm Alex." Gone were his slumped shoulders or halting voice. He straitened his back, locked eyes with the redhead and spoke like he would to a close friend. "I don't believe we've met."

"I'm Heather." Her cheeks blushed as she squeezed his firm but casual hand.

After an extended handshake, Alex introduced himself to her friends, and then focused his attention back on Heather.

After chatting a bit about herself, Heather gave a smile. "So where are you from?"

"Oh, I'm from the future." Alex shrugged and flashed her a broad grin. "There was a horrible robo-apocalypse and I came back to tell you that our unborn child is the only hope for humanity!"

Heather burst into laughter as Alex grabbed her hand, pretending to pull her away from the group. Laughter, after all, is a great social lubricant.

They kept chatting and bantering back and forth like old friends before Alex suggested grabbing a drink at the bar. Heather accepted the invitation without hesitation. As she took his offered hand to stand up, she asked a simple question that turned everything upside down.

"So what are you doing here in Budapest?"

The next thing out of Alex's mouth made me snort my drink out of my nostrils.

"I'm here on a dating workshop learning how to be more confident talking to girls." Alex replied without batting an eye.

In all my years of coaching I'd never heard a student volunteer that information so freely. After all, needing a dating coach doesn't exactly seem like an attraction trigger. However, confidence and not giving a fuck sure are. I silently applauded Alex's honesty.

"Really!?" Heather threw back her head and guffawed. "I don't believe you. I mean you seem pretty confident and good at talking."

"It's true. That's my coach over there." Alex pointed directly at me as I buried my face in my phone and hit random buttons.

"Wow, that's crazy. I've never heard of such a thing." Heather shook her head. "Why do you need a dating coach?"

"Because I'm 29 and still a virgin."

I prayed Heather wouldn't notice me in the distance as my mouth dropped. This wasn't quite what I had in mind when I told him to be honest and genuine.

I never met a female gushing to her girlfriends about how she can't wait to meet a "29-year-old virgin lacking confidence and social skills and needing a dating coach."

Sighing, I stood up to go give Alex a pep talk as soon as the redhead ran away, but froze halfway off my barstool.

They were both laughing and rubbing shoulders as he ordered drinks at the bar. I had to turn down the volume on my headphones. Heather's rapid stream of questions and giggles was hurting my ears.

I plopped back down and raised my glass in a little salute.

In retrospect, I shouldn't have been surprised. It wasn't about what he was saying, but how he was saying it.

Heather could feel that Alex was honest and genuine and didn't need to hide anything or pretend to be someone he wasn't. He embraced his weaknesses and just owned up to who he was with a "take it or leave it" attitude, clearly a refreshing breath of originality that made Heather feel safe and secure. What she saw was exactly what she was going to get from this man, with no nasty surprises in store.

Twenty minutes later, I met Alex in the bathroom to retrieve the mic and congratulate him on his progress. "You are doing great, man! I suggest trying to bounce her to another bar and I'll grab some students to talk to her friends."

The plan worked. Ten minutes later, I spotted Alex and his redhead walk arm in arm out of the bar as her friends enjoyed the company of the other students.

Two hours later, after two more students left with girls, my phone buzzed. I quickly opened it to see a text from Alex.

"I'm no longer a virgin!"

MAKE HER HEAR WHAT ISN'T SAID

The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't said.

- Peter F. Drucker

A famous study in the 70's by Albert Mehrabian concluded that 93% of communication is nonverbal and only 7% is verbal. Now, I don't believe that's completely true in all contexts. For example in a lecture, the information conveyed is fairly important compared to the influx in tone or presenter's posture. However, when we meet someone for the first time, there is no doubt that our subconscious puts significantly more importance on what the person's body language is communicating. Especially for women, since identifying threats from a distance is an old survival trait.

Women know that words can lie but body language tells the truth. These non-verbal cues always reveal a person's true thoughts, feelings and intentions. She doesn't need to accurately predicate what's going on in your mind. Just having a mismatch between your words and body language is enough to make her feel insecure.

For example, if your body language is timid because your mind is full of thoughts like "I need to impress her" or "I hope she likes me," even if your words are clever, she's going to subconsciously recoil.

Let this really sink in: attraction is communicated mostly through subconscious and non-verbal communication. Whatever sweet nothings or witty quips you whisper in her ear mean nothing if your non-verbal communication isn't stirring her emotions and sparking feelings of attraction and connection. And it all starts from the moment you meet.

You see, when we first meet someone, our subconscious brain is sizing them up not just to determine whether they are friend or foe, but for how their relative "status" compares to ours. In chapter 5 we'll explore high status in detail, but the key thing to understand now is that our brains make a snap judgement about the other person, based on subconscious, non-verbal clues.

THE GRAMMAR RULES OF SPEAKING WOMANESE

To bring this all together in a way that will help you "in the field," just remember this:

1) Context over Content – She feels what you are not saying

Not only is she noticing how she feels about you, but she's also interpreting how YOU feel. That female intuition is better than any lie detector. They are very in-tune to how a man is feeling, and they focus more on how he's feeling than what he is actually saying.

For example, one guy could give a woman a compliment, such as, "You are very beautiful," and the woman won't feel it. She won't feel beautiful because the words don't match the emotion that the man is projecting. On the other hand, another man might tell a woman something that isn't considered a compliment, such as, "Hi, my name is…" and the woman will feel his emotion behind the words. Without him having to say it, she'll feel beautiful and desired.

2) Female Intuition - Women notice everything.

They will instinctively bristle at even the sweetest compliment if the guy's body language is projecting nervousness, neediness or creepiness. On the other hand, simply saying "hello" with sincere body language, energy, tone, vibe, look in his eyes, etc., will make her feel turned on and radiant with just that simple gesture.

3) Emotional Contagion – What you feel, she will feel as well.

Ask yourself, "What am I feeling when I communicate with her? What vibe am I giving off?"

These are the most important questions when starting a conversation. You're wasting your time with focusing on, "What do I say to make her want me?"

Emotions are contagious and women are quite sensitive to "infection." So, if you're feeling nervous and scared, she will pick up on your insecurity and feel the same way. However, if you're confident, calm and every slightly turned on… she can't help but catch the same feelings.

4) Talk is cheap.

Saying something attractive matters very little. Being something attractive though is what really matters. So let's dive into the details of bringing out your most attractive qualities.  

CHAPTER 3:

The Key to Attracting Women

"When adversity strikes, that's when you have to be the most calm. Take a step back, stay strong, stay grounded and press on."

- LL Cool J

I was 27 years old and with my band days in the past, I was on a new path of helping men rediscover their manhood and become confident with women. Since I had such an incredible transformation from coward to Casanova, I had clients from all of the world seeking me out to teach them everything I knew about women and dating.

My new-found charm and charisma attracted a beautiful, petite, yet busty blonde, named Amanda, who worked in Las Vegas as an atmosphere model and bottle service waitress. A girl like this, who gets hired for her beauty, was someone I would have deemed way out of my league a few years earlier.

She was just the sort of girl I had spent my life dreaming about, but on one fatal night I felt like our relationship was in sudden jeopardy.

I was living in a small two-story condo in Newport Beach, California, with my drug addict roommate, John. His coke habit had turned him into the most unbearable person imaginable. A sweaty stimulant-fueled humanoid, who spoke at 100 miles per hour, kept me awake every night with his electro-house beats, and had more random mood swings than a menstruating teenage girl on Prozac.

I decided it was time to move out and get a place with my girlfriend in Las Vegas. I reasoned that Vegas would be much better for my business as well as my sanity. After all, who wouldn't want to learn how to meet and attract beautiful women in Sin City?

But there was a problem: my name was on the lease, which meant that if I moved then John had to move out as well, preferably nowhere near Las Vegas.

He didn't like that idea.

The night before we were due to vacate the apartment, he still hadn't started packing. I was getting really annoyed because if he didn't move out I would be the one that would get stuck with his bill.

That night, he was at the club and high as a kite, as usual. Amanda was there and suggested we speed up the process by packing up some of his things in a garbage bag.

Needless to say, when he returned home, high and drunk, he wasn't happy to find his things in a trash bag in the living room.

Red faced and with a vein bulging from his forehead, Josh let loose a hurricane of hate at me.

He got in my face, yelling and screaming at the top of his lungs. His arms wailed in the air like he was King Kong. His face was so close to mine that I could feel his saliva peppering my skin. I could barely breath over the stench of stale alcohol from his retching mouth.

He was so close that he inadvertently head-butted me.

Normally, I would have just socked him a good one and temporarily turned his lights off, but this situation was different. Not only was he high on coke, which would give him extraordinary energy, but there was a low hanging window right behind me, and we were several floors up.

If he pushed me through it, then I would probably die or be paralyzed. I was in deep shit.

My girlfriend was in the kitchen watching what was going on, with one hand grasping her phone in preparation to call the police.

Despite all the chaos, I don't know how or why, but for some reason I didn't feel anxious or tense. A deep sense of calm wrapped around me like a blanket. I felt fully in control of my body, mind and emotions. In fact, all of my senses seemed heightened like I was aware of everything around me. I didn't know it at the time, but in that moment I was totally grounded.

I didn't yell back nor did I back down. I just nodded and tried to share my sense of tranquility. "Hey man, let's talk about this. Everything is fine. I understand you are upset and I don't blame you. Let's just sit down and talk it out."

"Fuck you, man! I'm going to kick your ass!" Josh roared and cocked back his fist.

I just kept my hands at my side. "Look, I know you're mad. Shit, I would be too, but we've been friends and roommates for a while. I'm sure we can work this out." As I said this I glanced at Amanda, who stared back with the widest eyes.

I thought for sure she was going to dump me. I assumed she must have thought I was a coward for not fighting him. But the probability of me going out that window was higher than I was willing to risk.

"Son of a bitch!" I didn't budge while Josh stamped around in a little circle in front of me. I reached out and squeezed his shoulder.

"It's going to be ok. We'll figure this out, bro."

Josh just collapsed onto the couch and buried his face in his hands. "Where the hell am I going to go now?"

I plopped down next to him and handed him my phone. Within a couple of minutes, he was calling up some family he hadn't talked with in years.

While he cried and worked things out on the phone, I slid into the kitchen. The first time I felt fear was when I glanced up at her gaping mouth. I stiffened in preparation for all the ways she was going to call me a coward. I mean, after all, how could she feel safe and secure around a man that wouldn't even defend himself?

She blew my mind by snuggling up tight against my chest and moaning.

"That was the sexiest thing I ever saw!"

"Huh?"

"Yeah, you totally took control of the situation and didn't let him affect you. I've never seen anything like that." She purred and shoved me towards the door. "Can we go to your room now?"

This was an "ahh haa" moment for me. Little did I know I had just displayed the most important trait for attracting women.

Women Want a Man Who is Grounded.

The single most important thing you can be to spark attraction is not being rich, handsome nor brilliant.

Every woman has different tastes in men, but the number one masculine quality that makes every female from any culture or age feel safe and secure is a man who is grounded. This is the core pre-requisite to being attractive to any woman.

That means exactly what it sounds like. A grounded man is solid and unshakable, no matter what life, or women, throw his way.

Imagine a forest lashed around by a hurricane. All those trees are men. On a calm day, they all look alike: strong, powerful and unshakable. At least until a big storm comes. That's when all the superficial leaves get stripped away and only those with the strongest roots will stay standing.

Funny enough, quite often that storm is the raw, wild and unpredictable force of femininity itself. Consciously or subconsciously, many women try to push their man down. Not out of spite—no woman wants to break her man— but out of an instinctual need to test her mate and feel his strength.

This is why being grounded is so critical. Not just for meeting women in the first place but having any sort of deeper relationship. She'll never admit it, even to herself, but a small part of most female minds will try to create tension just to verify she's safe with you. After all, if her man can't handle stress from a smaller and weaker woman, then how can he protect her from something truly dangerous?

This crucial motivating factor is something most men never think about, and it shocks them to find out how important it is to women. Even most dating coaches never talk about this because they have no clue groundedness is such a universal trait women are looking for.

When you master this simple but all-important principle, you will be leagues above most men out there. I'll never forget how this realization shook my world.

TENSION IS A GROUNDED MAN'S SECRET WEAPON

Before I show you practical ways to ground yourself, you need to grasp the all-important role that tension plays and how it makes or breaks all your interactions with women. Tension can involve any stressor, ranging from just being out of your comfort zone to facing mortal danger. The details don't matter, only your reaction does. A grounded man isn't just stoic in the face of tension; he seeks it out, embraces the stress… and wields it to his advantage.

Let's look at TV host/comedian Jimmy Fallon. He's a man who appears very ungrounded and nervous most of the time. He doesn't seem sure of himself. He's always releasing tension by looking away, smiling or laughing. In fact, he was known on Saturday Night Live as the actor who always laughed when he wasn't supposed to. Pull up some interviews and watch his eye contact with his guests. He always breaks eye contact first to avoid tension. This is his form of humor and it works to get a laugh, but I don't know too many women who find Jimmy Fallon incredibly attractive.

Now let's look at another TV host/comedian, the 50-something, ScottishAmerican, Craig Ferguson. It can be argued that he has a similar level of physical attractiveness as Fallon, although Fallon is significantly wealthier and more famous. Yet, many famous female celebrities are outspoken about how attractive they find Craig Ferguson. If you watch him during interviews, you'll notice that he has an innate ability to handle tension with his guests, especially the attractive female ones. In fact, he will introduce the sexual tension and just let it sit there for a moment, while remaining perfectly calm and in control. Even without saying another word, women find him more grounded, more confident and more attractive.

Women instinctively desire a man who doesn't crack under tension, can take control and can handle the situation when the shit hits the fan. This is a man who is a leader and makes decisions quickly. When danger presents itself, she wants to know that he will make a decision fast and lead her to safety. If he is ungrounded and easily shaken, then he will likely panic, putting her life in danger.

The main job of our male ancestors was to hunt for food and protect the tribe. To do this, they had to constantly face dangerous situations.

What do you think the chance of surviving was if the cavewoman picked a mate who was scared of simple tension?

Nowadays, if you notice the jobs that women find the sexiest, it's usually a firefighter, soldier, police officer, CEO or something similar. The one thing all these have in common is their ability to handle tension. These men are willing to run full speed ahead into the tensest situations and take charge. Even though it's uncomfortable and unpleasant, or in some cases even life threatening, they are going to get the job done no matter what.

Remember the movie Ocean's Eleven? It's obvious the most attractive characters are Danny Ocean and Rusty Ryan. When shit hits the fan and their brilliant plan seems to be falling apart, what are they doing? They are calm, confident and grounded.

In one scene, Rusty is eating an apple as if everything is fine. Nothing seems to faze him. Even when he gets a punch to the face, he remains calm and is still smiling.

Yet, what do the less attractive characters in the movie do when things go awry? They panic. They sweat. They don't know what to do, so they call on Danny or Rusty for help.

A guy who isn't grounded doesn't make her feel safe because he's neither calm nor confident during tense situations. He becomes anxious and afraid and can't handle the tension. The same is true when he's talking to a beautiful woman. His body tenses up, his nerves take over, and she can feel it. He breaks eye contact, talks too fast, laughs too much, and stands too far away, all of which breaks the tension.

It's your ability to step into tension and handle tense situations that makes you a man that women find attractive.

A masculine man is a master of tension. This allows her to completely surrender into her feminine nature. When you are grounded you are tapping into your masculine and you'll notice women around you will seem more feminine.

This is what happens with guys who are naturally good with women. They don't need to do or say much to attract a woman. A natural just shows up in his masculine grounded state, which allows women to be in their most feminine state. For a woman to be attracted to a man he needs to make her step into her feminine side. Only a grounded man can do that.

This is exactly why it only takes a few seconds for a woman to put you in the potential lover category or not. When you approach a beautiful woman for the first time, there is a lot of tension in that moment. If she gives you an objection or resistance, then there is even more tension. When she can feel that you are not afraid of the awkwardness and remain calm in the intensity of the moment, then she will feel that you are a masculine man who can protect her.

When I approached the woman with the "squirrel line," it created a ton of tension, but she could tell I wasn't afraid of the stress in that moment. And even though it was a horrible opener, she could tell I was confident enough to say it, and I wasn't apologetic or nervous in my attempt.

GROUNDING YOURSELF

In modern Western societies, we don't have any ritualistic passage into manhood. Young men are no longer cast out alone into nature or have to pass some dangerous test to prove they can handle tense situations.

And unlike ancient civilizations, we no longer have to hunt for food, use our physical strength work in a dangerous factory or build railroads, or get drafted to the military to fight wars.

Nowadays joining the military is no longer mandatory. We can work a cushy job and sit safely in our cubicle. When we want food we can visit a restaurant and have it served to us on a silver platter or just order online and have it delivered right to our doorstep.

Think about it. Without tremendous tension, how could a lump of coal turn into a diamond? It's the same with creating a grounded man. With so little external pressure in our cozy modern world, it's no wonder so many modern men will never harden and live up to their full potential. Now, I'm not saying you have to go out and join a fight club or enlist in the military, but you must dig your own roots and ground yourself in this cushy, tension-free modern world. No one and nothing is going to help. We are no longer forced to take life-threatening risks or get out of our comfort zone just to survive. In a lot of ways this is great because our lives are a lot safer and more convenient than past generations. But this type of society has also created a lot of soft, tension-avoiding ungrounded men…

Also known as "nice guys."

THE NICE GUY VS. THE BAD BOY

Girls always complain about the bad boy, yet they prefer to sleep with him over the perceived nice guy almost every time. Why is that?

Nice guys tend to spend their whole lives avoiding tension. They stay in relationships that are unhealthy and they work jobs they don't like because it feels more comfortable than quitting and starting all over. Nice guys tend to avoid all the tension in life.

The nice guy isn't grounded, so he always breaks when faced with tension, which makes her feel unsafe and not able to trust him. No matter what sweet nothing's he whispers in her conscious ear, her subconscious will recoil at his disingenuous personality. Women are suspicious of a nice guy because he hides his intentions. He avoids tension by telling her what he thinks she wants to hear.

The bad boy says whatever the fuck he wants and barrels through any tension he creates. He isn't afraid to express his intentions. Sometimes that's a turn off, but more often than not she's attracted to his genuine personality, even if it's not the most "refined" or sophisticated. She can trust that what she sees is what she'll get. The mere fact that he isn't afraid of the tension created by showing his desires makes her feel safe on a subconscious level, even if her conscious mind is telling her he'd make a crappy long-term partner.

Now, I'm not saying that you should become an asshole. That's counterproductive. At some point, she'll ditch an immature bad boy in search of a real grounded man who can also be caring and reliable. There's a world of difference between being an asshole that doesn't care about anyone other than yourself and being a simple bad boy who doesn't care if he "scores" or not.

Instead, embody the positive qualities of both the nice guy and the bad boy. It's easier than you think. If you're the nice guy type, don't hide your intentions. Stop worrying what she will think about you if you show interest in her. Step into tension instead of backing down, while never losing your generous side.

Be a nice person who is reliable and who people can count on, while also being a man who is honest in his intentions and can step into tension when necessary. That is the perfect combination and women will love you for it.

PASSING HER SUBCONSCIOUS TENSION TESTS

Her attraction for you will increase even more when she tests you and you pass those tests.

Remember, men have the ability to both keep a woman safe and also cause her physical harm. This is why it's so important for her "survival" to test the man. When you pass her test and remain calm and nonreactive it allows her to trust that you won't physically or mentally hurt her, since you didn't get upset or emotional when she said something you didn't like.

Remember, women are not attracted to you because of what you say, but rather by who you are as a man. Even if she's not consciously thinking about it, she can't turn off her survival instinct that's trying to figure out if you're a potential threat or possible mate.

Now here's the deal, she actually doesn't want you to fail her test. She wants to see you win. She's hoping that you really are a confident, masculine and grounded man.

She doesn't want to break you down and knock you off your game. She wants to feel that she cannot break you or knock you off your game. She wants to know that nothing she says or does in that moment can shake your emotional state. So she may give you a small, "tension test."

For example, she might say she doesn't like your shirt. If you get defensive or worried, that's a red flag to her. If you just shrug and carry on like you couldn't care less, then you've "scored a point" in her book.

Or she might say she has a boyfriend when she really doesn't. Naturally a tricky one, because you have to read her body language to gauge whether that's a "back the hell off" warning or a test to see if you could fill that role. Either way, if you remain unflustered and relaxed, neither backing down with apologies nor pushing ahead like a horny teenager, you can't go wrong.

Whatever tension test she shoots your way, whether a verbal jab or a cold stare, remember that she's throwing you a curve ball to see if you are easily shaken.

The key is to remain grounded. That shows her that you aren't afraid of her and allows her to feel your strength as a man. When you stand up to her it shows that you can stand up for yourself and take charge of the situation. It allows her to step more into her femininity and surrender to your masculine presence. It shows her that you have control over your emotions and can remain calm under pressure. An ungrounded man, on the other hand, lets his emotions control him, which is a disaster because he will likely either overreact or retreat, ruining everything.

Think of James Bond when he is being attacked by the hot female villain. She is trying to stab him with a knife as he gracefully deflects. He's calm and poised while she tries her hardest to cause him harm. He deflects again, this time cracking a corny sexual innuendo. Finally, she gives up and in the next scene they are rolling around between the sheets. Yes, it's fiction, but a good example of male/female attraction and remaining calm and grounded during tension.

The cool thing is, when you become a grounded man, women will give you a lot less of these, "tension tests." Their ability to read men tells them that you are being your true self. They might still tease and poke at you, flirting (details on that in Phase III), but they won't feel the need to test you.

The guy that gets tested all the time is the guy who is using lines and routines to make her think he is confident, masculine and grounded. He's hiding his insecurities, so she needs these tests as a way to discover them quickly. You definitely can't blame her for that.

When I used to live in Las Vegas with Amanda, there was also another coach there who regularly ran boot camps in the club where Amanda worked. This coach would tell all his clients to go up to girls and ask, "Do you like horses? Because you look like this girl in school I knew that loved horses." This opener went on and on, artificially driving the conversation by making her prove she wasn't this "horse girl" from middle school.

The opener would have been fine it if was true, but it was fake and designed to make the guy seem cooler than the girl, thus hiding his shortcomings. Not a good plan.

Amanda heard this line more than once and was not impressed. She could sense the desperation, neediness and insecurity a mile away. As soon as she tested them by saying something that wasn't part of their "script," the guy would crumble and scurry away with his tail between his legs.

This is just one of the many stories Amanda would tell me about the barrage of needy, insecure guys trying to pick her up with canned lines and routines. Now, lines and routines can actually work fine if you are grounded and secure in yourself. Without grounded confidence though, even the best lines will fail. And even if you do get past the opener, if you aren't grounded, then you will be easily shaken by the first objection or tension test she throws at you.

HOW TO INSTANTLY GROUND YOURSELF

As you can see, being grounded is a life-long process of seeking out and embracing tension. Something you must practice every day to build confidence and stay unwavering in the face of adversity… but what happens if you falter in a moment of weakness? You're not superman, after all.

Well, you can instantly reground yourself in any situation by following a few simple steps.

First, you need a method to snap yourself back into the present moment and get control of the emotions and thoughts rampaging around in your mind and body. You see, ungrounded people operate on autopilot most of the time. Their minds are drifting, moving between the past and the future and mostly just reacting to their environment reflexively. They also tend to get bogged down by constantly thinking about past failures or future worst-case scenarios. These thoughts, which are often not conscious, make them feel tense and nervous in even the slightest uncommon or uncomfortable situations.

So the first step to being grounded is to be fully mindful of the present moment. When you are mindful of what is happening right now in the moment, not the future nor the past, you can respond to the situation with a calm sense of clarity. Only in this state can you manage the stress caused by the cortisol running through your blood and turn off the fight or flight response.

It's the same principle police academies and military boot camps drill into their recruits. And if this technique can keep you level-headed in a life or death situation, imagine the sexy self-control you'd have in a simpler "crisis," like approaching a beautiful woman.

To put your mind back into the present moment you must focus on what is going on in the here and now.

Here are three tried and proven techniques used by Buddhist monks for centuries to bring your mind back to the present and keep calm under pressure:

#1 - Embrace The Feelings, Good And Bad

When you become aware of the physical sensations affecting you, your awareness goes from your head down into your body. This helps to quiet your mind and ground yourself into the present moment.

When you experience a strong negative emotion, such as anger, nervousness, regret, jealousy, etc., instead of reacting from an emotional place, simply pinpoint where in your body you are experiencing that feeling, and then allow yourself to experience it fully. Embrace the emotion, allow yourself to feel neutral towards it, and remind yourself that all unwanted feelings are temporary.

This allows you to be present with your emotions and embrace them, instead of constantly running from them. You'll soon realize those nervous feelings are normal and natural, and will soon no longer control you.

This technique works incredibly well when you are feeling the fear of talking to beautiful woman, also known as approach anxiety. Most guys will try to fight the feeling or let the feeling control them, and therefore, not approach her. Instead, feel the nervousness in your body and allow yourself to experience it fully by pinpointing its exact location, describing the feelings to yourself, becoming acquainted with the feeling, and breathing into it and embracing it. Just remind yourself that this is normal and it soon will pass.

You'll be surprised how this simple technique of allowing yourself to fully feel the negative emotion, gives you control over your mind and body and allows you to take action, despite the unwanted feelings. This simple technique is one of the main methods Buddhists monks use to stay grounded and centered all the time.

Take a second right now to feel the sensations in your body, and notice whatever you are feeling. This helps bring you back to the present moment.

#2 - Deep Breathing

Breathing is predominantly an unconscious mechanism controlled by your autonomic nervous system. However, when you can take control and breath consciously, it focuses your awareness on your body, bringing you back into present consciousness and thus, calming your mind and grounding your energy.

Start by taking 3 deep breaths. In through your nose, and out through your mouth. Fill up your lungs. Hold during the inhale for 3 to 4 seconds and release through a 7 to 10 second exhale.

The long exhale is the key component to relaxing your body and relieving stress. Professional free divers have a similar breathing technique to help them slow down their heart rate.

Take a second to do this right now.

How do you feel? Do you feel more calm and relaxed? Did the monkey chatter in your head stop?

Do this anytime you are in an anxious state, especially before approaching a woman.

#3 - Scan the Vicinity

Now that you are more connected with your body by embracing what you are feeling and focusing on your breathing, I want you to connect with your environment by scanning the vicinity around you.

Start by asking yourself, "Where am I?"

Notice the details around you and deliberately become more aware of your surroundings.

What do you hear?

What do you smell?

Engage each of your senses one by one. Make a conscious effort to smell and observe the air, see details that you didn't notice before, and hear the faint sounds in the distance.

As you take in the world around you, there will be no room for additional thoughts and the monkey chatter in your head will go away, and you'll become more present in the moment. Take a second to do this now. Put the book down for 10 seconds and scan the vicinity around you.

This is a simple mindful exercise you can do anytime you aren't present, as well as, the moment before you approach a woman.

When you are actually talking to a woman, instead of scanning the environment around you making you appear disinterested or distracted, your focus should be on her. So instead, connect with her eyes.

Making deep eye contact and noticing all the details in her eyes will bring your awareness to the present moment. Notice the different colors, the size of her pupils and the fine lines surrounding her eyes. This will force you to focus on her and she will feel that you really care about her and what she's saying.

Remember: being grounded and present and your ability to handle tension are the single most important factors in making a woman feel safe in your presence, and thus, making her feel deep primal attraction towards you. And only when you are grounded can delivering a compliment, flirting, connecting or anything else you'll learn in this book, actually work. Start implementing the strategies in this chapter right away and you'll begin to notice women looking at you in a whole new light.

HOW TO STAY GROUNDED OVER TIME

The second time I went skydiving I was still very nervous. My body was full of tension and fear. I was in my head thinking, "What if the chute doesn't open?!" I was trying to hide it as best I could, but I was definitely not comfortable and certainly not as grounded and calm as my instructor.

A few seconds after my instructor and I jumped out of the plane, free falling towards the Earth like a bullet, I felt totally present in the moment. I was devoid of thought and simply enjoying the sensations.

"Welcome to my office," the instructor shouted with pride. He seemed to experience no fear when jumping out of that plane because he put himself in that situation over and over again.

This made me wonder whether he experienced fear when he approached a beautiful woman, or if he was just as calm and centered. My guess is that he probably experiences anxiety much less than the average guy who runs from tension at all costs.

I rarely feel any nervousness or even discomfort when approaching a beautiful woman. Because, just like the sky diver, I've been through the situation so often my mind and body are trained to know that nothing bad will happen. I've stepped into those tense and potentially embarrassing situations so many times that I've grown to love the tension.

However, years ago when I first started approaching women I hated the uncomfortable feeling. I would try anything to break the tension by standing too far away, talking too fast, breaking eye contact, fidgeting and sounding apologetic. Back then, I felt like I was interrupting women when I approached them on the street. With an attitude like that, naturally my results were slim.

But as I approached more and more women, I got used to it and I began to internalize the fact that I wasn't interrupting them. In fact, I realized that I was actually making their day by giving them a genuine compliment. As a result, my anxiety decreased and I became more comfortable, confident and grounded.

The more grounded I became, the more my body language improved. Without even having to think about it. My eye contact grew stronger. I stopped fidgeting. I was comfortable standing closer. I was slowing down my movements and speaking calmer. I looked and felt a lot more confident and in control.

As my results improved, I started playing with the tension even more by standing closer and leaving ever longer pauses with even more intense eye contact. The women seemed to love it.

You need to go through this process yourself to really feel the change.

Just like any new sport or skill, it is not going to be comfortable at first. But as you keep practicing, eventually you will become better at it, and your comfort, skill level and confidence will increase.

For example, think of your favorite athlete. When he goes to kick the ball or shoot the winning shot, do you think he is full of nervous and anxious energy? Probably not. He's calm, yet excited. He's grounded, yet energetic. He has practiced so many times that he is prepared for almost anything.

Practice and repetition are what makes you feel comfortable and grounded.

Seek Out Safe But Tense Situations Every Day

To speed up the process of becoming a grounded man who can handle tension, put yourself in tense situations on a regular basis. Make fear your friend and start conquering your fears one by one.

Make sure you are safe as you do it. If your fear is jumping off a skyscraper then make sure you do it with the proper safety or bungee gear. Jumping off with a parachute you made with an old backpack and a bed sheet is not ballsy, it's just stupid.

Start with simple things like holding eye contact with people as long as possible. Do this with strangers as you walk by them. You'll notice most look away quickly, but a few grounded people will hold eye contact with you. It might feel awkward but remember that eventually the tension will break.

One time I did this exercise, while strolling on the boardwalk in Newport Beach, California, and I made eye contact with a guy standing outside his beach house drinking a beer. As I got closer, he held my gaze and I could feel the tension building. I was determined not be the first to break the stare so I embraced the tension and pushed the envelope. As I stood a few feet in front of this stranger, squeezing the tension until something had to pop, he finally said, "do I know you?"

I just smiled back and started chatting. Then ended up having a beer with him and his very attractive female neighbor.

Other ways to put yourself into safe but tense scenarios could be speaking up when you would normally stay quiet or by introducing yourself to someone of perceived "higher status." Go to a bar, restaurant or club and ask to speak with the owner or manager. Then simply introduce yourself and tell him how much you enjoy his establishment.

I also recommend public speaking, joining an improvisational comedy group, going skydiving or bungee jumping, traveling alone or visit an open mic comedy night and getting on stage with no material prepared. Most of these activities will be out your comfort zone and will stir up tension in your body. Which is a great thing so start getting used to it.

Take a cold shower

One of the easiest and most effective ways to hone your nerves under tension is taking cold showers. Crank up the shower to its coldest temperature. It should be below 45 degrees Fahrenheit. Step in and try to remain as calm as possible. As the freezing water hits your skin like shards of glass, take a deep breath, feel the tension and embrace the feeling. Stay in for as long as you can, while staying as calm as you can. At first, this might feel like torture, especially early in the morning when you just wake up. You might only be able to last 10 seconds, but eventually you will be able to stay in for minutes at a time. If you can stay calm here, surely you can keep your cool in any less painful social situation.

If you cannot take a cold shower because you live in a warm environment then ice baths are even better. Fill a bathtub up full of ice and stay in for 90 seconds. When you get out you will feel amazing and be full of energy and later that night you will sleep like a baby. Serenity

Another habit to help you become more grounded is regular meditation. Don't be intimidated. This isn't some elaborate skill you need to learn. In its simplest form, mediation is just sitting still and clearing your head for a few minutes. Turn off that analytical mind and focus on nothing but feeling the internal sensations of your body and noticing sounds around you.

So simple yet so powerful. Meditation helps you remain calm and centered in the midst of the storm. It will help quiet your mind, return you to the present moment, build patience and feel into your body.

Sure, there are many different techniques and forms of meditations you can experiment with, but if nothing else, just set aside ten minutes a day to sit quiet and focus on your breathing. There are plenty of guided audio approaches to make shutting off your mind easier, for example phone apps like Breath and Headspace.

The great thing about mediation is you don't have to be good at it or do it "right." Just trying, even if you can't completely shut off your mind, will slowly calm you down and ground you in the moment.

CHAPTER RECAP

• Women unconsciously classify men first and foremost by the way they make them feel, whether safe or unsafe, regardless of the man's other qualities. While every woman has her own preferences, the only universal constant is that she always feels safe around a grounded man.

• Being grounded is the ultimate weapon in life and tension is your whetstone. The only way to keep this skill sharp and never dull is to seek out new sources of tension every day. This will drastically improve every aspect of your life, in addition to making you irresistibly attractive to women.

• Women test men to to ensure they can can keep their cool and stay calm and grounded under pressure. Women quickly lose attraction for men they can easily rattle and emotionally affect.

EXERCISES

• Start a daily mindful meditation ritual if you don't already have one. Pick a time each day and stick to it. I recommend the morning or half way through your day. Start with 5 minutes and after a few days bump it up to 10 minutes… and then 20 minutes. Focus your awareness on your breathing. When thoughts enter your mind, simply go back to focusing on your breathing. This will help you control your mind and become more present and grounded over time.

• For the next three days, anytime you notice your mind drifting use the three methods of deep breathing, feeling your body and scanning the vicinity, to quickly snap yourself back into the present moment.

• And don't shrug off the cold showers. Tomorrow morning, get the water as cold as you can and stay in for at least 20 seconds. If your water isn't cold enough to make you shiver, then buy some bags of ice and take an ice bath. You may hate may now, but you will thank me after you've conquered this bit of tension.

CHAPTER 4:

Being a High Status Man

"Shallow men believe in luck. Strong men believe in cause and effect."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I had just arrived in Medellin, Colombia and was starving. Without changing clothes or taking a shower in over thirty hours, I decided to drop off my things at the apartment and head down to the city for some food, despite my dirty clothes and foul stench.

Not a minute too soon did something enchanting catch my eye. A slender, yet curvy, tan, dark hair, dark eyed, Colombian "paisa." She was walking alone, sipping a cup of frappuccino topped with whipped cream, and her catlike eyes and busty top, with clearly no bra, made my head do a 180 as she floated by.

"I'm in no condition to approach," I muttered to myself. "I'm starving and I'm smelly…but what the hell? YOLO."

"Un momento," I said in a horrible gringo accent. She smiled patiently, waiting for more.

"Do you speak English?" I said with a glimmer of hope. She responded with a clear "no."

It's been over two years since that last time I was in Medellin. Could I still remember how to compliment a girl in Spanish?

I mustered, "Esto es muy raro, pero a ti vi aqui, y creo que, tu es muy hermosa."

That seemed to work, as she smiled and responded, "Gracias."

I introduced myself and tried to find out what she was doing now. "Que ahora haces?"

She understood, but my Spanish was bad and I had no idea what her response was.

Even though I couldn't understand her, I was comfortable in her presence, despite all my shortcomings. This, by default, made her comfortable and instantly created a sense of rapport.

I attempted to qualify her with, "Cual es tu pasion? I love to play la guitar. Y tu?" using hand gestures to mime out me playing guitar.

"Soy enginero," she replied.

Wow, not only was she absolutely gorgeous, but as an engineer, she clearly was also muy inteligente. She was winning me over.

I was still starving, so I invited her to join me to grab some food and a drink. Without hesitation, she agreed and off we went.

Even without speaking the same language, I could feel we had rapport. This was a nice reminder that communication between a man and woman is not about the words being said. It's about what is felt.

At this point, I had probably approached around 5,000 women and I was very comfortable approaching, even if she didn't speak English. I could tell my presence also made my new luscious Latina future lover feel very comfortable.

After we sat down at a nearby restaurant, we began playing one of my favorite date games, the Questions Game. We went back and forth using Google Translate to ask each other various personal questions.

After a few non-sexual questions, I decided to amp things up. "When was the last time you had sex?" I asked. To my surprise, she replied, "Tres meses," or three months in English.

Her next question shocked me even more. "Prefieres el amor o el sexo?" which means, "Do you prefer love or sex?"

This felt like a test.

I typed into Google Translate an honest answer and showed her my phone, "Love is rare, so I value it more. But sex can be amazing even without strong feelings."

She did not look happy. Her face went sour, she leaned back and crossed her arms. This was obviously not the answer she wanted to hear. But it was honest and I was not going to explain myself, even though rapport seemed to be broken. Besides, I knew that Google may not have accurately translated my text.

Oh well. I remained calm, smiled at her and waved down the waiter to get the bill. At this point I was contemplating whether to bail or not. It didn't seem worth trying to recover, especially with the language barrier. After all, I really didn't want to keep hanging out with her while feeling dirty and grungy.

At this point I had only known her for about thirty minutes and I knew it was too soon to invite her to my condo, but I really wanted to take a shower, so I decided to go for it. "I need to take a shower; you can come over, but no sex." This was obviously ironic since she was the one who seemed to have hang-ups about sex without emotion.

I showed her the Spanish translation on my phone and she laughed, at my "no sex" remark. I emphasized the "no sex" challenge by wagging my index finger and said, "No, no, no!" Her bitter look softened and she relaxed into her chair.

Even though the tension left her body, I was still surprised when she said "Si," to my request to go back to my apartment so I could shower.

But off we went. Although she didn't jump on top of me the moment we entered my apartment, she did end up spending the night with me, likely because of the connection we both felt despite the language barrier.

From all the adventures I've had throughout the years, I've learned to always expect the unexpected. Women will surprise you, so never assume anything. And, this was yet another reminder that it's not what you verbally say that counts, it's about what you say non-verbally through your body language that turns her on.

NINE STEPS TO MASTER HIGH STATUS BODY LANGUAGE

Let's explore the specific ways a grounded man projects his high-status without saying a word.

Step 1: The Rule of Investment

It's a universal rule in business or social situations that whoever is more invested in an interaction has the least influence. The person least invested has more control because they are more willing to walk away. Essentially, they don't need anything from the other person, which gives them maximum leverage.

Think of a job interview, where the candidate badly wants the job and the owner of the company, who is interviewing the candidate, has lots of other potential candidates. How would they be sitting?

The candidate would likely be leaning in, making a lot of eye contact (or breaking eye contact out of nervousness and intimidation) and qualifying himself to the boss. The boss, on the other hand, would likely be leaning back, speaking less and far more likely to call the interview finished if they hear something they aren't looking for.

So, keep in mind this idea of investment as we go through the following body language principles.

Step 2: Be More Comfortable Than Her

Your level of physical comfort tells everything about how invested you are and is the first thing she'll notice. The more comfortable you are, the higher she'll subconsciously gauge your status.

For example, have you ever noticed how most guys stand uncomfortably around girls at the club, while they are comfortably perched on bar stools? It's clear that the men are actively trying to pick them up. The longer they stand next to the girls, who are more comfortable than them, the longer they subcommunicate their willingness to be uncomfortable just for a chance to talk with them.

An attractive high-status man doesn't sacrifice his own comfort, for an extended period of time like that, just to talk to a woman. So anytime you approach a girl that is sitting down, either keep the conversation short and sweet, or pull up a chair next to her. Better yet, if there isn't an opportunity to sit, then after a short introduction suggest that you two move somewhere else to talk.

Don't obsess over the details though, since that'll only make you subconsciously uncomfortable. For example, you may lean forward while the other person is leaning back because you are excited about what you're saying. Don't stress about every little detail. Get out of your head and focus on the overall context of how you're communicating with her. That's the only way to guarantee you'll stay relaxed and in control at all times.

Step 3: Perfecting Posture

Nothing conveys a low status male more than slouching. Bad posture is an instant turn off, since fair or not, it signals weakness and insecurity…yet so many of us do it anyway.

Proper posture is attractive, both in males and females, because it conveys confidence and tells the world that you are proud of who you are. Smart clothes or bulging muscles are superficial qualities that don't guarantee you'll stand out from the pack of men vying for a woman's attention. But projecting pride and confidence from your posture is a universal attraction trigger if for no other reason than it's so rarely seen.

And yes, I realize slouching comes so naturally that we don't even know what good posture feels like. I've had a few clients that overcompensated by puffing out their chest to an extreme, which made them look like they had a stick up their ass. Not exactly a turn on.

To know not just what perfect posture looks like, but how it feels, find a wall and stand with your back against the wall. Make sure your butt, shoulders and head are all touching the wall at the same time. Now, take a step forward without moving your head, back or shoulders. That's how high status should feel and that's how your posture should always be.

It might seem weird or unnatural at first, because you've been slouching your entire life, but this is high status posture, so get used to it. Your first few steps might feel robotic and stiff, but practice until walking and standing tall becomes second nature. Then you'll start to see women noticing you and trying to catch your eye long before you approach them.

Remember, this is a lifestyle change and not something to try out when you see a pretty girl. One of the biggest culprits of slouching is our cell phones.

Stop looking down at your phone. From now on, when you look at your phone, I want you to bring it up to eye level. This simple habit will take some time to master, and you will probably be the only one doing it, but it will improve your posture and relieve any tension in your neck.

Of course, when you are speaking to someone much shorter than you, or someone sitting down while you are standing, by all means bend your neck and look down at them. Just avoid bending your entire body down. Don't sacrifice your posture just so they can hear you. Instead, speak louder.

I've seen a lot of my students hunch over and put their hands on their knees in order to get closer to a girl who's sitting. At best, this uncomfortable posture makes you look like a silly schoolboy. At worst, it appears needy and untrustworthy. So don't do that, ever.

Step 4: Open Up

You've probably heard that open body language is more confident looking than closed body language, but loosening up goes way beyond appearances. In the same physiological way that forcing a smile when you're not actually happy releases happiness-inducing endorphins, acting confident and calm actually makes you feel relaxed and in charge.

One of my favorite examples is simply raising your hands above your head, in the victory pose position. If you're feeling insecure, try that for a few seconds and your body will automatically release a small amount of testosterone and steady your attitude. So try that out next time you need a quick confidence boost.

I don't want you obsessing too much about every little detail, but here are a few important "don'ts" to remember that will make sure you're keeping open body language:

• Stop crossing your arms. Crossed arms generally makes you appear closed off and unapproachable. However, there are a few exceptions. One is if you're answering a particular question about yourself and you maintain a proud expression on your face. Another is when you are qualifying someone. This can make it extra challenging, as if you are really judging that person. Think of how the boss would sit if he's interviewing the candidate for the job. Probably with his arms crossed, at least for a brief period. If you do cross your arms, only do it for a few seconds to get a subliminal high status message across.

• Keep your hands out of your pockets. Unknowingly, women often perceive strangers, with their hands out of sight, as a potential threat. Does he have a weapon in there? Is he reaching for a knife? Since women are constantly concerned with their safety, this is a big no no when approaching. Burying your hands deep inside your front pockets also causes your shoulders to roll forward and instantly gives you bad posture.

If you have to do something with your hands, hang your thumbs in your pockets or belt loops and keep your hands visible. Even putting half of your hands in your back pockets is fine, because at least it helps roll your shoulders back, which straightens your back and opens up your chest.

• Don't play with your hands. Ideally, you're keeping your hands casually in front of your body, but don't clasp them together like you're at church or fiddle about like you're in trouble. That all makes you seem nervous and untrustworthy. A far better and more open position is just allowing your fingertips of both hands to touch. You'll often see important people holding their hands like this when speaking to an audience.

• Hold your drink at your side. If your hands are occupied with a coffee, beer or shopping bag, don't hold anything up in front of your chest like a shield. This creates a subconscious barrier between you and the woman. Instead, keep whatever you're holding down at your side to maintain your open stance. What's the worst that can happen? Someone bumps you and spills your drink, which just gives you an opportunity to show how calm and grounded you are when you laugh it off.

Step 5: Take Up Space

Taking up a little extra physical space dominates a vast psychological space. This shows her you're confident, comfortable in your own skin and aren't intimidated by your environment. You don't need to flail your arms like a monkey or "manspread" across three seats, but simply take up a little extra space to show you're not afraid of claiming what you want.

So when standing, spread your feet apart instead of keeping them close together like a soldier at attention. When sitting, put one arm (but not both) around the chair or cushions next to you and keep your legs spread apart. When walking, take normal strides and let your arms swing naturally instead of shuffling about.

A good rule of thumb is to never let your joints touch. Keep your knees, wrists, ankles and elbows from crossing or touching each other. That means you should avoid crossing your arms or legs as much as possible.

It's important to remember though that there's a fine line between being sure of yourself and being intimidating. The goal isn't to demonstrate aggressiveness or domination while strutting about like a rooster, but rather make her comfortable by showing her your non-cocky confidence in yourself.

Step 6: Your Feet Tell All

This might surprise you, but feet can tell quite a bit about someone's intentions. People have a lot of practice suppressing their eye movements and facial expressions, but few ever think about their feet. If you're wondering if someone is interested in what you're saying or not, just look at their feet. If both are pointing towards you, then they feel comfortable around you and want to listen. If both feet are facing away, that means they have somewhere else they'd rather be. If one foot is pointing towards you and one is pointing away, then they are 50/50.

But this is more than just a way to gauge mood. Where you place your feet can even subtly influence someone's mood when first meeting. When I approach a girl walking during the day, I like to be right in front of her. That way both of us have our feet pointing at the other on first contact, which forces her subconscious to evaluate my body language and decide whether she wants to hear me out or not. I've found this to work much better than approaching from the side or behind, where her feet will be pointing away and it's easier for her to not engage. It might sound counterintuitive but approaching her headon shows your intentions and demonstrates that you're not a threat right off the bat. Plus, having our feet facing each other adds to the intensity of the opener and subconsciously makes her more invested in the interaction.

Of course, when I'm qualifying her, I take a step back and point one foot away to show that I'm not 100% sure about her yet. Try this out, because it helps convey the fact that people must earn your interest in them.

Step 7: Piercing Eye Contact

Eye contact is a sure telltale sign of status. It will show your comfort level and perception towards people you encounter. Can you feel comfortable, let alone attracted to someone who's eyes are darting back and forth? On the other hand, when you meet someone who maintains strong eye contact the whole time, you can feel their confidence and make an immediate connection.

This doesn't mean you need 100% continuous eye contact and stare at them without blinking. It gets creepy and uncomfortable when anyone takes eye contact too far as if trying to peer into your soul. Like all social mores, you don't want too much of a good thing. So master the intensity by maintaining a strong gaze while adding in little break so you don't wear them out with your energy.

Here's a good rule to follow: maintain eye contact about 90 to 95% of the time when you are talking and about 70 to 80% of the time when the other person is talking. This shows the other person that they must work for your attention, and that you are not 100% invested.

Of course, there are exceptions. If you're talking or hearing about something quite important, then near 100% eye contact is expected.

When you do break eye contact, do so in a slow and controlled manner. Looking away quickly or bashfully will make you appear nervous, thus lowering your status.

Step 8: Slow Down Your Movements

High status individuals tend to move slowly and with a sense of purpose. Exactly what you do with your body is less important than how you do it. A man of high status is as relaxed with strangers in a social setting as he is hanging out with his buddies in his own living room. He doesn't fidget, show nervous ticks or make quick and jerky movements. Focus on slowing down and controlling your movements so no matter what you're doing it comes off as casual.

For example, when you walk into a bar or club, instead of doing the average guy move of staring around like they're lost or cruising in fast circles like a shark, stroll in like you own the place. Take your time as you walk in. Don't look around like you're searching for something. Head to the bar, a table or wherever with purpose. When you reach your destination, then feel free to casually scan your surroundings. Do it slowly, controlled and make sure you have a slight self-satisfied smile on your face. Just think, how would the owner look and move?

Similar to talking up space, slowing down your movements draws attention to you simply because most people move their bodies quickly and without selfcontrol. High status people are not afraid to have all eyes on them. They're used to it. So you better get used to drawing attention to yourself.

Step 9: The Perfect Smile

In the same way not smiling at all when getting to know a new person is considered rude, too much smiling is also a bad thing. Logical or not, in many cultures men are expected to smile only when they have a reason to. Don't get me wrong, a charming grin is great and can be very disarming, but too big of a smile, doing it too often or not having a clear reason to light up are all ways of releasing tension. At best, you'll seem uncomfortable with tension and trying to cover it up, but at worst you'll appear fake and untrustworthy.

Just like anything in your arsenal, don't overdo your smile or it loses its effect. Let people earn your grin and they will appreciate it even more.

A great alternative to a cheery smile is a proud, self-satisfied smirk. Or try out a sly devilish grin. For a high-status man, these are facial expressions that are always justified. Studies show that women are attracted to men with a prideful look more than any other facial expression. So instead of smiling all the time, flash your best prideful smirk.

NUTS AND BOLTS OF TALKING TO WOMEN

Once you've taken the control of your body language away from your subconscious, it's time to master talking to women. I've probably said it a hundred times already, but I can't stress this core principle of speaking the language of attraction enough: How you say something is a thousand times more important than what you say.

The sweetest, most heart-wrenching love poem might as well be a cheesy pickup line if you mumble it quickly and quietly. On the other hand, even chatting about the weather can peek a woman's interest if you're speaking with casual and commanding confidence.

So here we'll dive into the specifics of exactly how a high-status man talks to women. We'll cover specific ways to flirt and turn the conversation sexual in Phase III, but none of those techniques will work until you have the three fundamentals of verbal communication down pat.

Volume – Turn up the confidence dial.

Speaking loud and proud is important not just to make sure she understands you, but also so she can feel your confidence. Most guys don't want to come off as obnoxious, or they want to minimize "embarrassment" if she turns them down, so they often try to match a woman's naturally quieter speaking volume. This may spark suspicion or pity from her, but rarely attraction.

From a woman's perspective, a strange man she just met that's talking in a low volume is either scared and lacking confidence, or he's up to something and doesn't want others to hear what he's saying, which makes her feel scared. Either way, arousal is the last thing on her mind.

Obviously don't shout, but also don't worry about scaring her off by raising your voice. And most definitely don't care if outsiders hear you. Speak up and own what you're saying at all times.

Speed – Slow is smooth.

The next huge problem I notice in my boot camps is when guys speak way too fast, which makes them come across as nervous and unsure about themselves. That's not always the case, but nonetheless what she's hearing from the speed talking is the man's afraid she won't stay and listen to what he has to say. Regardless of the words, she'll feel you aren't confident in your ability to hold her attention if your mouth stops running.

So it's crucial she feels your confidence instead of your worries. Take your time saying your piece. Enunciate your words and pepper your speech with short, tension-building pauses. Most men don't take their time when talking to her, so she can't help but feel a little intrigued.

This doesn't mean you should speak in slow motion or with a trace of hesitancy. The exact opposite, in fact. Speak carefully but also casually, as if you were telling a story. Make sure to leave one or two second pauses wherever you would use a comma. This suspense-building approach really peeks her interest and tickles her intuitive female need to hear your "tale," even if you're just saying hello.

If the setting is right and your body language is making your intentions clear, this also creates sexual tension without actually saying anything suggestive, simply because sharing a moment of intimate silence with a stranger is tantalizing. Even if that moment is just a brief second, it's not something she experiences on a regular basis. Oh, maybe she's married or otherwise not in the mood, but you can bet she won't forget that little thrill you made her feel.

If you're wondering how to reconcile "always be confident" with "give a lot of pauses while talking," there's no contradiction. It's all about where you break up your speech. Long pauses between thoughts comes across as nervous, but pausing in the middle of a sentence, when it's obvious that you have more to say, creates a cliffhanger effect. Her female intuition will kick into high gear and try to anticipate what you will say next, which gets her fully involved in the "story" you're telling.

For practice, read this sentence out loud and pause for two seconds every time you see the word pause:

"Hey real quick, this is a little awkward (pause) and I know you are shopping (pause) but I just saw you here (pause) and I had to risk embarrassment and at least say hi"

Does it feel a little too slow? That's good, because I want you to slow things down to the point that pauses feel too long and a little awkward. Then slow it down even more. That's usually the perfect speed for you to speak.

In the same vein, don't rush to respond after the woman is done speaking. Most guys answer so quickly that even if they don't cut her off, it still feels like they were just waiting for her to "shut up" so they could talk about themselves. Instead, take a second or two to think about your response first. Taking your time shows that you really care about what she said and putting some thought into your response. That is so far beyond the normal male urge to avoid tension and fill the awkward silence, that she'll feel intrigued, respected, valued… and even desired. Not to mention when you wait a second or two to respond, it also shows you are comfortable and confident in the silent tension, yet again demonstrating your sexy groundedness.

Tone - Don't be afraid of your "power voice"

Using a submissive or excessively sweet vocal tone is a big mistake I see my new students make in boot camps, right alongside maintaining poor eye contact and speaking too fast. I get it, I do. Even if they aren't nervous, most guys don't want to come off as a pushy jerk. They want to be the "nice guy," the gentleman that makes her feel safe and respected. The problem is they're creating the opposite emotion.

Stop sounding pleasing and accommodating. When your tone goes up at the end of your sentences, like everything you say is a humble request, you are not making her feel comfortable. The best you can hope for is that she interprets this submissive tone as just you lacking confidence. Maybe she'll think you could make a "nice" friend, but that's it. However, if you keep doubling down on that low-status tone, her female intuition is going to bristle and make you feel untrustworthy and fake. Maybe even a potential threat.

I know it's not fair, but that's the incredible influence your tone conveys, with both men and women.

On the other hand, if you slow down and think about your tone, you can wield this influence to project positive feelings, no matter what you're saying. If you've ever seen a professional public speaker, business leader, police officer or Army sergeant command an entire room just by changing the pitch and tone of their voice, then you know what I mean.

Exercising your own power voice doesn't require a complicated study of linguistics though. For our purposes, there are just three types of tonalities: powerful, submissive and neutral tone.

Submissive tonality is when the ends of your sentence go up in pitch like you're asking a question. It makes you sound unsure of your own words or desperately seeking rapport. Basically it screams, "please like me."

But you can avoid this by just not raising the pitch at the end of your sentences. Instead, practice neutral, where your pitch stays even, and highstatus tonality, where your pitch drops at the end of a sentence. Sticking with a neutral tone, punctuated by a powerful tone to emphasize specific points, and all in a slightly louder than average volume is what makes a command voice so useful.

Note that a neutral tone doesn't mean monotone. You should talk with enthusiasm and passion in your voice. You don't want to sound like Ben Stein from Ferris Bueller's Day Off. In fact, monotone sounds tend to put us to sleep. Neutral tone simple means you neither go up nor down at the end of your sentence

A powerful tones, on the other hand, inflects down at the end of the sentence. For example, when giving a command like, "Listen up!" Even when delivered at a normal volume, this tone sounds authoritative. Naturally, if overused, you may come off as condescending or aggressive, but interspersing a high status power tone occasionally with your neutral tone is far more attractive to women.

An easy way to remember this is to think of tone as verbal punctuation at the end of your spoken words. Try this exercise by saying each line out loud using each of the three tonalities:

"I just saw you over here and I wanted to come over and say 'hi?'"

Say it out loud with a submissive tone (pitch goes up at the end of your sentence). No repeat it with a more neutral tone (no change in pitch at the end). One last time, this time say it with a powerful tone (pitch goes down at the end).

Which do you think sounds more attractive to a woman when a man comes over to say 'hi'?

To master your tonality, I recommend recording yourself. Next time you have a conversation with someone, record the conversation on your phone and listen to it carefully. When I first started studying my recordings, I was shocked at how many mistakes I was making. I was so focused on confident body language, I didn't even notice my tone was making me sound like a scared little boy. Another great option is to have a dating coach review your recordings and give you feedback.

Our coaches are happy to help, and as a bonus for reading this book we will do it for free! That's right, at the end of the book we'll have a link where you can jump on a Breakthrough Call with us so we can assess your current situation, figure out how you want your dating life to look, and craft the fastest plan to get you there. But, you must read this entire book to get it, no skipping ahead.

YOUR PSYCHOLOGY DETERMINES YOUR PHYSIOLOGY

I don't want you to over analyze your body language or obsess over having the perfect tonality. Because when you do that, you will be in your head instead of being grounded in the moment. Fortunately there is a much easier solution.

What you are thinking and feeling in the moment, and your overall beliefs about yourself, will be quite clear to a woman through your body language and nonverbal communication. If you are feeling grounded and allowing yourself to feel attracted to her, instead of hiding your intent, then your body language tends to fix itself automatically.

If you are thinking, "Oh shit, there's a hot girl, wow she's so hot. Okay I'm going to approach, but it probably won't work" or "she's probably going to reject me," then guess what? That thought pattern becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and she probably won't be turned on by your approach.

Those self-defeating thoughts come out in your body language and vibe. Your body will appear timid, weak and small. Your voice will sound low in volume, high in pitch, and fast in speed. Your overall vibe will project desperation and fear, no matter what confident words you're saying.

However, if you walk up to her thinking, "I'm going to go make her day and see if she meets my standards," your body language will be completely different.

You'll project more confidence and charisma. You'll be more grounded and poised. That high-status body language will come naturally because you'll be feeling great about yourself and excited to chat her up. And that energy is contagious.

You're driving thoughts should be, "it gives you pleasure to give women pleasure," and "let's see if I'm into her or not." These thoughts and mindsets will drive your words, your actions and body language, which allows your desire for her to naturally be expressed. She might not be able to read your mind, but she will feel your intention and it will turn her on.

STYLE – WE ALL JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER

For better or worse, humans have been conditioned for eons to make snap judgments about a stranger's status and inner character based upon just the cloth covering them. That's why style—everything from your haircut to shoes —is a crucial aspect of nonverbal communication.

The way you dress might not mean much to you, but other people will read volumes about you from your choice of garments and stick to those first impressions whether they're accurate or not. Especially women, who often assume clothing is a physical representation of someone's personality or mood.

In fact, if there was anything close to a magic pill when it comes to attracting women, style would be the main active ingredient. A man with a poor or sloppy sense of style who suddenly starts dressing better can drastically increase his attractiveness overnight with some simple cosmetic tweaks. Now obviously I'm a strong proponent of more fundamental life changes like holistic self-improvement and hitting the gym… but I'm a realist as well. Which means no self-improvement program is complete without doing some shopping.

Remember, we're not talking about falling in love, just establishing initial attraction between two strangers. She doesn't know about your strengths, successes or character yet. All she has to go on when she first sees you is your body language and sense of style, so make it all count if you want to progress to the point where she admires you for your deeper personality.

While the specifics of style are incredibly subjective, and vary from event, season, location and a million other factors, some style rules are universal. So stop and look in the mirror before you head out and answer the following questions honestly:

1. What is your style conveying about your attitude and personality?

2. Does it show something exciting, like you're edgy, mysterious or kind of a badass?

3. Does it show something negative, like you're lazy or don't care about your appearance?

4. Is this what a confident, easy-going and high-status man would wear or are you trying too hard?

A few quick tips on improving your style:

1. Go shopping with a woman or at least ask multiple women their opinions. They don't always have perfect suggestions, since they have their own tastes, but their advice is invaluable to discover weaknesses in your current style. You'll discover things about what a woman is looking for in your style that you likely never even thought about.