Unnamed

If you love art galleries and high society cocktail parties then the rock bar would be a bad choice. If rave parties, crawling with young teenie boppers, are your thing then avoid the laid-back cougar lounge. I think you get my point.

The same applies for dates, however consider the preference of your date as well. If you love rock music and she loves hip hop you may want to spend some time at both. The point is to do things that are fun. This is why dinner for a first date is typically a bad idea because it's just not really fun to eat food with someone you don't know. Plus it's a little awkward to try and talk with food in your mouth. And usually the nicer the restaurant the stuffier the atmosphere.

Instead, I recommend either a fun local bar or a fun activity such as ice skating, bowling, roller skating, laser tag, dog walking, hiking, indoor rock climbing, etc. Of course, age and athletic ability may come into play with some of these activities, but the point is that they are fun and will create a more memorable experience than the average dinner date.

Personally, I love to take girls to bars that have video games. Going to an arcade full of youngsters may seem juvenile to some girls, but if it's a trendy bar with some old school arcade games most girls will indulge the kid in them. This makes flirting and touching much easier and takes the pressure off having to talk the entire time. If you don't have a video game bar in your city then you can find a bar that has other games like billiards, darts or foosball. You don't have to be a pool shark, but you might feel a bit embarrassed if you scratch every shot while she knocks each ball in, so a little practice doesn't hurt.

Bar Games

Just about everyone loves to play games because they are fun. But what if you are in a bar or lounge that doesn't have any games? It's simple, you can make them up on the spot or play a classic bar game. Almost anything that was fun when you were in grade school is fun in a bar setting.

For example, as you shake hands, with a girl you just met, jump right into a thumb wrestling match. Who didn't love this as a kid? Plus, it's a great way to flirt through touching. Give it a try next time you shake hands with a cute girl at a bar.

A fun game that I often play on dates is Two Truths and a Lie. Take turns going back and forth confessing two things from your life that are true and one that is a lie. The other person has to guess the lie. You can even make this into a drinking game. If the person is wrong about the lie then she has to take a drink. Here's an example of something I might say if it were my turn, "I once had sex on a beach with a lot of people around. I used to have a job in finance and my boss had a crush on me. I once saw someone get shot in front of me." Then, she would tell me which one she thinks is the lie. In this case, it's the finance one. It's a great game that will turn sexual fast. Plus, after each turn you can talk about "truths" and learn more about each other, thus making it a great game to get to know each other and build rapport.

Another game that I love, that also turns things slightly sexual, is called shag, marry, kill. The game is simple. Just tell the girl, "let's play shag, marry, kill. I'm going to choose three random guys for you and you have to tell me which one you would marry, which one you would kill and which one you would shag. And you have to have a reason for each." Adding the "why" part is what makes it fun, because she has to explain her choices.

If you want to make things really interesting, when you are picking guys for her also pick yourself to see what she says. If she says, "shag," then, well, what the heck are you still doing in the bar? If she says "marry," then go into a marriage role-play. If she says "kill," then run like hell! But seriously, that could disqualify her because you want to find someone who is flirting back with you, not who wants to kill you.

More word for word games can be found at the end of the book.

Role-Playing

Role-playing can also be really fun because it allows you and her to step into a fantasy world, where you can do or be anything you want. Pick fun scenarios and then try to make them as outlandish as possible. Role-plays can often turn into an inside joke that the two of you reference throughout the night, thus deepening the rapport.

Here are some fun role-plays you can do:

• Getting married

• Over-the-top romance

• Breaking up or getting a divorce

• Pimp and ho

• Making her your body guard for the night that has to protect you from all the sex-crazed girls in the club.

Not only is it fun and flirty, role-playing provides context to take the interaction to a sexual level very quickly without risk of her getting offended, since it's in the context of a fantasy. After all, it's just harmless make-believe fun. For example, in a marriage role-play, I like to say, "I'll be the trophy husband, but we can only have sex eight times a day, no more than that!" And she will usually play along saying, "Aww really? Only eight times? I need more than that!"

More word for word role-plays can be found at the end of the book.

THE ART OF FLIRTING

Fun is all about feeling great about yourself, having a positive outlook, not taking things too seriously and enjoying the present moment. Just like every quality or attribute that women find attractive, being grounded and present is the foundation.

Flirting is what makes a girl feel like the interaction is more than just friends. Flirting is simply showing your interest in a fun way. The Webster definition of flirting is: behaving as though you are attracted to or trying to attract someone, but for amusement rather than with serious intentions. That's exactly what you want to do. But how?

It is very difficult, maybe even impossible, to have fun and flirt if you are not fully present in the moment. If your mind is in the past pondering the last bad date you had, those negative feelings will spread to her fast. Or if your mind is in the future, contemplating the worst-case scenario of what might happen if you go approach that hottie across the street, do you think you will be in a fun flirty mood?

Just imagine you are on a first date with a girl. Everything is going great, but then you accidentally knock your drink off the table and it crashes on the floor. Pieces of glass go flying and you splatter booze all over her favorite high heels. If you weren't grounded, you might reply in panic and embarrassment. Shouting, "Oh my God! Fuck, I'm so sorry. I'm such an idiot!" Well, what's done is done. You can't change it, but you can stop making things worse and even salvage the situation by putting your relaxed confidence to work.

A grounded reaction would take advantage of the situation. Try, "Crap, are you okay?" while you hand her a napkin. Then laugh and lean in. "Okay, good. I guess it's a sign that we should break up right now." Said with a cheeky grin. This calm yet fun reply shows her that you are okay with things not going perfect. That you can handle the situation and make light of an embarrassing incident, turning it into something flirty, such as a breakup role play.

So let's explore the art of flirting and how to keep things fun for both of you.

What is Flirting, Really?

Flirting isn't a defined step in the romance sequence, but rather an ongoing process in the game of seduction. Flirting is what makes a girl see you as a romantic or sexual option instead of just a friend. It's showing your romantic interest in a fun, teasing way.

Flirting, however, is not the same as blatantly showing interest. Subtlety is the key. Flirting is not blunt, it's implied communication. Remember, women speak covertly, not overtly. The best seducers in the world have mastered communicating covertly with women.

Saying, "Let's go home and have sex," is not flirting, because it's too overt and she knows exactly what you want. Even if she was down with the idea, she would likely change her mind because you took away all the mystery, anticipation and suspense. All powerful emotions that women crave.

If you said, "Let's go back to my place, but we have to try and behave," with a suggestive smirk, it would be much more flirty. Even though she probably has an idea that sex is on the table, there is no guarantee that it will happen. It's implied, rather than explicitly stated.

Let's take the example, "I bet you look hot in lingerie," or "I would love to see you in lingerie," verses "I don't want to see you in lingerie because I probably wouldn't be able to control myself" or "stop trying to make me picture you in lingerie?" Can you tell the difference?

The first two examples show direct interest with no uncertainty or ambiguity. I'm not suggesting these are bad horrible lines, but they lack the flirty element, while the latter two examples are more playful, add restrictions and place the blame on her, making them a lot more flirty, and will likely get the woman more excited.

Context Frame

Flirting is all about creating the right contextual "frame." A frame is just the context of the interaction at any moment. Remember, women care more about the context, than the content. The frame of, "Let's ask each other boring questions," isn't as powerful or effective as the frame, "Let's see what kind of trouble we can get into," or "Let's flirt and have some fun."

One of my favorite frames is that she's trying to get into your pants, because the context of her trying to pick you up is much better than the frame of you trying to pick her up, which is what most guys do.

If she does something nice or gives you a compliment, you can instantly create this flirty context with a quick, "you just want me for my body" or "you're just trying to get into my pants."

You can also misinterpret things she says to mean that she's hitting on you. For example, if she says, "it's time for bed" you could say, "I'm flattered, but I'm not ready to go to bed with you yet."

Even if she just says something routine, like mentioning she's a nurse, you could ask, "Are you trying to impress me? You're falling for me already, aren't you?"

If you can only remember one thing when it comes to flirting it's this: flip the context to turn whatever she says into her trying to pick you up. In fact, as an exercise, go out one night with the intention of turning anything and everything a girl says into her trying to get into your pants. Yeah, you will probably overdue it, but that's okay. You're amusing yourself and I want you to see just how far you can take it.

Teasing

One of the best ways to flirt is by teasing her, which is when you poke fun at her in a playful way. Teasing separates you from all the pathetic "nice guys" that constantly kiss her ass and try to please her.

When you tease a girl it shows that you must have women in your life because you aren't afraid to offend them. A man with zero dating options wouldn't dare to tease a woman, because he's too desperate and too afraid he might say the wrong thing and lose her.

That being said, teasing should never be mean spirited or make her feel bad in any way. It should always be done with positive intentions and make her laugh. Never tease a woman about lack of intelligence or her weight. One time I teased a really thin girl about being too fat and my friend totally called me out on it. I thought I was being playful, but he warned me that even a thin girl could become self-conscious.

Also, be careful teasing her about her family, close friends, passions, ambitions or anything she's talking about with a high level of enthusiasm. These things are important to her and shouldn't be made fun of, unless of course, you set the right context and she clearly knows it's a joke.

I have a short middle eastern friend who is 5'2," completely bald and has a face for radio, but he's confident as hell and dates a lot of attractive tall women. In fact, I've never seen him date a girl under 5'9." I love watching him approach the hottest girl in the bar by teasing them. He'll walk right up to the tallest girl in the bar wearing high-heels and tap her heel with his foot. She'll will look down like, "what the hell?" and see this short bald guy smiling up at her. "Without those heels, I bet you are only 5 feet tall." This always gets a laugh. Then she usually grows intrigued, wondering why a short guy like him has so much confidence to approach a beautiful tall girl like her. I've seen this approach work many times because it's fun and she doesn't expect a guy like that to tease her.

Here are some of my favorite examples of teasing in fun way:

Call Her Names:

"You're such a little brat!"

"Oh man you are such a dork."

"Hey princess cupcake."

Point out something embarrassing or cute about her:

"Your dimples are so adorable."

"Your nose twitches when you sneeze, it's so cute."

If she does something clumsy say, "This is why we can't have nice things" or "I can't take you anywhere"

Mock her:

Playfully exaggerating her accent.

Repeat what she said in a childish voice.

If she says she's from a boring town or somewhere you're not fond of, you could say, "Oh well, nobody's perfect," or "Wow I didn't know people actually lived there."

Playfully treat her lower status than you:

"That's it, you're fired."

"Bad girl, go to my room"

"Don't make me have to spank you."

Roleplay:

"You like football? We're officially best friends now."

"That's awesome. Okay we are getting married now."

"That's it, we're breaking up, and I'm fighting for full custody" Stereotype her:

"Alabama? So, what do you do when you're not dosey-doe at the local hee haw or cow-tipping?"

"You're from Inglewood? Do you have a gun in that purse?"

"If you're an accountant then where's your pocket protector and scientific calculator?"

Accuse her of trying to get into your pants:

"Are you hitting on me?"

"Did you just look down at my package? Oh my God eyes up here young lady!"

"Stop trying to seduce me, I'm not that easy."

Push-Pull

One of my mentors once told me, a woman shouldn't be 100% sure that you want her until you're inside her. I think that is a little crude, but the point is that it's those ups and downs on the emotional rollercoaster that keep the interaction interesting and makes her want to see what will happen. Push-pull helps you do that by showing interest and then playfully taking it away. Essentially, a push-pull is a compliment and a tease at the same time.

The reason it works so well is because if you show too much interest (pull, pull, pull) she'll lose interest because you are too easy and not a challenge. Too much interest too soon can feel insincere and even really creepy.

On the flip side, showing too much disinterest, overly teasing, or qualifying her too often (push, push, push) will eventually push her away and she'll think you're a jerk. The balance of push-pull helps keep that fine dynamic between you showing interest and her having to work for your attention.

For example, for a tall girl you could say, "I'm starting to like you, but too bad you're too short for me." The first part, "I'm starting to like you," is a compliment. This is "pulling" her towards you. "But too bad you're too short for me," is a playful tease that "pushes" her away.

Disqualifying

This one might seem out of left field, but it's just another example of being grounded. Just abut every guy in the bar is trying to prove himself and win over the attractive girls. He'll qualify himself to her by trying to impress her. Usually going on and on how he owns a business or is a lawyer, or a doctor and keeps talking about himself out-of-context, bragging about how cool he is every time she stops talking.

But have you ever met a truly high-status man? Someone who is secure in his accomplishments and secure in who he is? That type of guy does not try to impress people. He doesn't bother one-upping anyone else's stories. In fact he 'll usually downplay his most impressive qualities.

He might be a multi-millionaire, but when she asks about his job he says he works as a janitor at an adult movie theater or operates the slushy machine at 7-11. She'll know it's a joke, especially if he is dressed well, and she'll wonder why he didn't try to impress her, like every other guy on the planet.

When you disqualify yourself, it shows that you are so confident in yourself that you don't need to impress her. You might want her, but you don't need her. It shows that you'll be fine if she's not interested in you, which presupposes, in her mind, that you must have a lot of other dating options.

I love to use disqualification to also turn things sexual by saying things like, "We can't have sex because I'm bad in bed and my penis is only 3 inches long, like a baby carrot. And that's after the pens enlargement surgery." In a flirty sarcastic tone, she knows that I'm just messing with her, which is way more effective than saying, "I'm so good in bed and I have a huge dick."

When you disqualify yourself as a potential lover you are tapping into a powerful psychological technique. Remember, man or woman, it is human nature to want what you can't have. Plus, by taking sex off the table, it plants the idea in her mind. Something we'll talk more about in the next chapter.

If you think you've been showing too much interest and "pulling" her in too much, a great way to add more "push" is to disqualify yourself as a potential lover. This might include self-deprecating humor, but it should always be done in a playful tone, so she knows you aren't serious.

Some of my favorite disqualifies:

"You're nothing but trouble, I need a good girl in my life."

"You're too much of a good girl, I would just corrupt you."

"I can't believe you like Harry Potter, we can't be friends anymore."

Try interjecting a disqualifying statement, like one of the above, the next time are flirting with a beautiful woman.

Ridiculous Responses to Common Questions

Mundane questions like "What do you do?" and "Where are you from?" can turn the conversation boring fast. Especially in an energetic environment, like a bar or club, where fun trumps all. Keep things exciting and fresh by skipping all the "average" conversation and catch her off guard. Answering common questions with silly, unsuspecting answers is an easy way to inject a more playful vibe. Next time she asks you your name, you can say, "Joe, but my stage name is Hercules. I'm a stripper at the Peppermint Hippo down the street. I think I've seen you there."

If she asks, "What do you do?" say, "I'm an ass model. But no touching!"

"Where are you from?" can turn into a Terminator role play: "I'm from the future where a horrible robo-apocalypse wiped out most of mankind and I came here because our unborn son is the only hope for humanity. Let's go!"

I have a friend who turns this game into an artform. Whenever he goes out he'll have a different fake job that is both silly and sexual. One night he'll be a porn star stunt double, another night he's a customer service manager at a swinger's club, next an astronaut that's been grounded for using the Hubble telescope to send dick pics to Venus… each more outlandish than the last. As long as you're having fun with the answers, she will too.

After you give your ridiculous response, if she asks the question again, then give the real answer to her question. You don't want to overdue this technique or it can seem like you have something to hide. Just like any technique in this book, the effectiveness wears off faster the more you use them in the same conversation.

When girls ask me what I do for a living I often say, "I travel the world seducing beautiful women to give them the most intense pleasure they've ever experienced…but, unfortunately for you, it's my night off." The best part about it is, it's basically true. And did you notice my use of push-pull, showing sexual interest and then taking it away?

You can find more examples of ridiculous responses to common questions at the end of the book, but I challenge you to come up with a few of your own for, "what is your name?", "where are you from?" and "what do you do?"

No Filter, No Problem

One reason girls go for bad boys is because they have no filter. They don't sensor themselves because they don't care if the girl likes what they say or not. Women often find their "take it or leave it" attitude, the opposite of the needy nice guy's "pretty-please like me" attitude, irresistible because they are unapologetic about who they are. These guys convey to the world that this is who I am and I don't care if you like me or not.

Think about it; do you ever worry about what to say around your buddies? No, because you don't censor yourself, you have more fun and so do they. I want you to do the same when you meet women. The next time you go out to a bar just say whatever you want, whatever is on your mind, with no filter. Yeah, you might say some dumb shit at first and you might even offend someone, but you can't make an omelet until your cows come home. Don't agree? Not my problem!

Seriously though, you aren't going to ruin someone's night by teasing them too much. Absolutely worst-case scenario, they'll just think you had too much to drink. Odds are you'll never see any of them again, so what does it matter?

Learn the lesson, tone it down, and move on the next interaction.

Keep doing this and you'll cultivate the mindset that you can say anything you want and women will find it interesting. Permitting yourself to have this level of social freedom allows you to express your true self without holding back. Something that, once perfected, will be incredibly attractive.

Self-censorship, no matter how well-intentioned, has the opposite effect. It comes off as needy behavior, where you're seeking acceptance of others rather than living life on your own terms.

In the same vein, constantly talking about things that don't interest you or trying to cling to whatever topic she shows interest in is quite needy. You should both be equal conversational partners, bouncing back and forth between your favorite themes.

The other most common form of censorship is never correcting her. Oh, sure, let it go if she's doing something that's a minor pet peeve of yours, but if you disagree with an opinion she has, don't be afraid to tell her. A little tension and conflict can often add flare and make things interesting, because it adds to the emotional rollercoaster of the interaction. Obviously too much arguing or disagreeing with her core beliefs will likely have the opposite effect, but if you two are so far apart on such beliefs, it's good to know early before you invest too much time and energy.

THE MAGIC INGREDIENT

The only way any of these fun examples, flirty techniques, or anything else you've learned so far will work is to be random. The key is to mix it up. Don't keep doing the same thing over and over again, even if it's working, because it will get worn out and overused. Even if she seems to love playing games, don't play game after game. Spice things up and keep her guessing by trying out different things.

Do you want her to say at the end of the night that she had a "nice" time and wants to see you again, or that she had "real fun" and can't wait for more… playtime. So play a game, then share a story, after that ask a deep question, then play another game, then do a fun role play, then ask a qualifying question, then move to another venue, etc. That's just an example, but you get the idea.

There is no linear process here. There is no A, then B, then C when it comes to dates and meeting women at bars and clubs, because these are often long interactions that involve too many variables.

If you meet a girl for two or three minutes, such as in a daytime scenario, then yes, there is a beginning, middle and ending and that can be somewhat methodical. We'll go over the exact blueprint for those interactions soon. But for longer interactions it's going to take practice to hone your skill and perfect the art of banter. You'll have to learn how to feel out the situation and use your best judgement.

If the group looks fun and full of energy, then start with a fun opener. Then go into a game or role play. If the girls are lower energy, then start with something more chill like, "Hi, I'm Matt. I don't think we've met yet," then ask a normal question like, "Where are you from?" but give a ridiculous reply to whatever they say. "Texas? Oh no! I dated a girl from Texas once; it's safer to ride a wild bull!"

These are just examples. The point is that every situation is different and you need to match her energy and go from there. Try and test different things to see what works and what doesn't work.

Change it up and be random. Sometimes you are deep and other times you are playful. Sometimes you are a challenge and sometimes you are showing interest. Sometimes you are flirting and sometimes you just leave the interaction. This will keep her on her toes, make the interaction more fun and interesting, keep the emotions flowing and make you the multidimensional man that women love.

Remember, you are the selector, which means you should always have a selector mindset. That means that everything you do, even being playful and flirting with her, is screening to see if she is your type of girl or not. One time I told a girl, "Let's play a game," and she responded with, "No, I don't like games." Even though she was super hot, that was a deal breaker and I ended the interaction. I don't waste my time with boring girls that don't like to have fun. I want you to have the same attitude.

CHAPTER RECAP

• If you're not having fun and being grounded in the moment, then nothing you say is going to sound flirty. But if you're having a good time and being self-amusing then you can turn almost anything into flirtatious banter.

• Flirting and having fun is crucial for making sure you are not overly invested in the interaction. If you are stressed out and not having fun then your interaction will end badly because you are too invested and will appear needy.

• Being fun and flirty is also the best way to turn the conversation more romantic and intimate. If you keep things safe and platonic, instead of playful and risqué, you are at high risk of her not seeing you as a viable romantic option, and can even lead to those the dreaded words, "Let's just be friends."

• Don't stress too much about specific flirting techniques. Instead keep things random and spontaneous.

EXERCISES

• The next time you go to a bar, club or lounge I want you to make a goal to play a "bar game" with a girl. After you open you can say, "Are you fun?" or "Do you like games?" and then suggest a game like Shag, Marry, Kill or Thumb Wrestling. Try this on your next date as well.

• Go out one night with the goal of turning three things a girl says into a reason she likes you or is trying to pick you up. If she says, "My name is Marry," you could say, "Oh no I had a stalker named Mary. I bet you are going to stalk me. You kind of have a stalker vibe, but in a good way." If she says she's there with friends you could say, "Okay good so I don't have to worry about you trying to seduce me too much." It doesn't even have to make sense. Just do that three times in each interaction.

• Go out one night with the intention of getting rejected three times. That's right, I want you to try to get rejected. It doesn't count as a rejection if you walk away. She has to walk away from you. To do this, have no filter and say whatever you want, without being mean or offensive.  

CHAPTER 9:

Turning The Conversation Intimate

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."

- Billy Crystal

Valentine's Day in Las Vegas seemed like a prime spot to meet single girls seeking some male attention. With luck in our favor, my wingman Blake and I cruised down the 91 towards Sin City shouting, "Vegas, baby, Vegas!"

After checking into our hotel at 11pm, we hit the ground running. With no luck at the obnoxiously loud club, we decided to try the hotel casino. I spotted a group of four cute girls clustered around one well-dressed guy at a table. I decided to be bold and direct, but focused on the man. "All of you girls are so cute, I have to hand it to you, man. You are a pimp."

I have to admit, even my groundedness was tested as he took my offered hand and massaged the inside of my palm. He poured on the charm and introduced himself while the girls giggled.

"He's gay!" one of the girls snorted.

"All the more impressive." I changed tack fast and introduced myself with a joke. "My name is Matt, but my stripper name is Hercules." A great line for Vegas.

After some banter and a few more laughs, I thought it was time for a change of scenery. The gay friend offered me a seat right next to him, but I knew the longer we stayed in the same spot that I approached them, the longer I remained the "new guy" in the group. So I suggested we grab drinks at the bar. They eagerly complied.

As we hurried to the bar, I focused my attention on my favorite girl in the group, Silvia. She had tattoos, drank Jack Daniels and smoked cigarettes, all good signs that she'd be fun and up for a spontaneous adventure. On top of that, she was giving all the obvious signs of interest: laughing at my jokes, prolonged eye contact, and touching more than normal.

I qualified her with, "Tell me something wild you've done in the last month." She began telling me about how she went skinny dipping in Lake Mead just two weeks prior with some people she hardly knew. Another good sign.

After a round of drinks at the bar, I managed to slide her a bit away from the group for some more intimate conversation. "Let's play a game. I'm going to ask you five questions. All you have to do is get all of them wrong and I'll buy you any drink you'd like. But answer just one correctly, and you buy the next round."

"Okay, go ahead." She arched her back and perked up at this twist to the flirting game.

"All right, so the first question is, what's your name?" "Eva Longoria," she said with a laugh.

"Okay, very good. Hmm, let's see, what city are we in?"

"Melbourne, of course." I could see the confusion in her eyes as she tried to figure where I was going with this, but she seemed to enjoy the mystery.

"You're good. Okay, what's the name of this Casino?"

"Uhm, Blueberry Casino!"

"Haha, clever. Ok, wait, how many questions was that?" I made an elaborate show of frowning and scratching my head.

"Ha, nice try! Umm ten!" She clapped her hands and winked, thinking she had out-witted me.

"Aww damn! You got me!" I threw up my hands. "You are good. Have you played this game before?"

"Of course not. I'm surprised though. I figured you had some trick up your sleeve." She winked again while waving over the bartender.

"Ha! That was the fifth question. And you got it right. So you lose!" I chuckled and patted her knee while she furrowed her brow and looked off into space. "I'll take Tequila."

After a second she shook her head. "You sneaky son of a…! Okay, that was a good one. I guess I owe you a drink."

While she ordered the shots, I slid closer and hummed. "Have you ever done a body shot? Now that's a fun game."

"Yeah? How does it work?" She clucked her tongue. "Hope there's no

tricks."

"Nothing to it." I kept my eyes locked on her while taking the lime from her hand and sliding it between her soft lips.

"You put the salt on your neck and the lime in your mouth." The salt wasn't sticking to her neck, so I took the liberty to add some saliva with my tongue to solve the problem. She didn't seem to mind my tongue stroking her neck, so I took the shot, licked her neck again, this time longer, and grabbed the lime with my teeth. The lime fell and we began making out.

She was an amazing kisser and her hands slid across my thighs as carefree as her tongue darted around. It sure seemed like everything was lining up, so I got a little sloppy and simply blurted out that we should take this upstairs to my room. Suddenly there was a big gap of air between us and her hands were up on the bar.

"Now, now, I'm not that kind of girl. Just got a little tipsy." She straightened her hair and glanced over at her friends at the far end of the bar, where my wingman was doing his best to distract. I realized my mistake fast. You see, most girls won't comply to such an overt suggestion, even if they want to. I needed to be more covert in my requests instead of putting sex right there on the table.

You see, women have the same sex drive as men, but they've been conditioned from birth by a perverse "slut shaming" culture to not show it. No matter how eager she is to jump in the sack, part of her may worry about judgement from her friends, from you, and even from herself.

But this is only a speed bump for a grounded man. I recovered my cool fast and laughed. "I just felt bad that you were spending money on me when I've got an unopened bottle of Tequila Gold upstairs."

She rolled her eyes and snorted, her defenses up… but she didn't move to rejoin her friends. She was giving me a second chance.

"I understand you. Maybe better than you think. And I can tell you have a bit of a naughty, free spirited side."

"Maybe." Her body was loosening up again and she uncrossed her arms.

"I think every girl has a naughty side. In fact, I think women are much more naughty than men."

"Hmm, I don't know about that…"

I tapped my finger on the bar. "It's not only true, but I can prove it."

I knew I was far from any typical closing routine, but I was having fun. Besides, proving to her that women are designed to be highly sensual would give her permission to act out her naughty desires. I decided to prove it with a little help from science.

"Think about it," I continued. "A woman has a part of her body that is only designed for pleasure. It serves no other purpose but pure, female sexual satisfaction. Men, on the other hand, use our fun tool for other purposes."

She nodded and narrowed her eyes, some of my energy rubbing off on her. "Plus women can have ten or more orgasms in one night, while a guy can only have three or four."

This statement had the added bonus of presupposing that I can give a girl ten orgasms and that I tend to have three or four. I never said that, but it's assumed.

"And a girl can have four different types of orgasms," I continued, "while a man can only have one." Truthfully, a guy can have two, so I'm told, but talking about inserting a finger into a man's anus to stimulate his prostate was not where I wanted to take this conversation.

"Wait, four?!" I wondered if she knew she was licking her lips. "What are they?"

"I'll show you. Right now." I paused as long as I could bare to gauge her reaction and amplify the sexual tension. Her wide eyes twinkled with intrigue. "Let me see your hand." I shaped her hand into a circle and began demonstrating the four locations of a female orgasm on her "hand vagina." Showing her how much I knew about female orgasms, while demoing on her hand, was doing the trick. I could see the arousal in her eyes and feel the heat radiating from her palm.

At this point, I had proven that it's okay for her to be naughty, since women are just as, if not more, naughty than men, while simultaneously illustrating that I knew a lot about a woman's body. But would she be afraid that I would judge her? Of course I wouldn't, but I wanted her to know that. Again, directly stating, "Let's go have sex, I won't judge you I promise," is not the way to go about it. So instead I went with a more covert approach.

"So that proves that women are definitely more naughty than men. And I think it's a shame that our society judges liberated women who freely express their sexuality. It's a sick double standard, since a man can have sex with lots of women and it's totally cool. But if a woman sleeps with a lot of men she's looked down upon and judged. It's not fair. I think it should be equal. I prefer women that are confident in their sexuality and don't hinder themselves because of society or what others think."

"Oh my God, you are so right. I'm so sick of judgement. It's not fair." Silvia sighed and bobbed her head.

Her anti-slut defenses were down and I knew that if we were intimate it would be a mutually gratifying experience with no regrets.

It was time to make my move. But there was still another problem; her friends were there and would likely be protective, concerned and judgmental if she ran off with a total stranger. But that was my job to fix.

"Let's take another shot," I declared. She obliged. "But not here, I have some better drinks in my room." This time the same indirect proposition landed.

"Sounds like fun, but I can't leave my friends." I knew she was going to say that.

"Of course. So just tell your friends that you have to go to the bathroom, while I make a phone call and we'll meet by the elevator over there. We'll only be gone a few minutes; your friends won't even notice." To infuse an element of danger and excitement I added, "It will be our little secret." I knew she'd go for it.

And off to the elevator we went.

SEX ISN'T A PRIZE, IT'S A MUTUAL REWARD

Too many guys think sex is some prize they have to win and they feel

"lucky" when they get it. However, women are sensual creatures that crave and desire sex just as much as we do. You must have this mindset and believe it to be true. Sex is not something you take or get from a woman. Sex should always be seen as a mutually gratifying experience for both of you, or else neither of you will enjoy intimacy to its full potential.

It may seem like men want sex more than women, but that's partly because us men are more upfront and direct in our communication. Men are also quicker to have sex because we aren't worried about our safety.

The majority of women feel that same biological urge just as hard as men do, but it's a dangerous world out there. Imagine if the roles were reversed. Say you were surrounded by attractive but physically stronger women asking you out all the time. Any one of them could be a nutjob in disguise, so how do you sort out the pyschos from the good ones?

For a woman, feeling rapport, trust and safety with a man before letting him into her life is more than romance; it's a deeply ingrained survival instinct.

A woman's need to feel safe extends beyond just knowing you're not a violent man. She needs to feel comfortable that you won't judge her afterwards, because if you look down on her, then she's afraid you won't protect her. This should go without saying, but a grounded man has no archaic sexual notions like "slut shaming." He respects a woman's sexual liberation and adventurousness, the same as he would in another man.

Just as important, she also needs to trust that you won't brag and tell everyone about your "conquest" to anyone because that could ruin her reputation. The animal brain equates being outcast by the group as potential death, because in ancient times we needed the safety of the group to ensure our chance of survival.

So, how can you make her feel safe and secure when it comes to having sex with you? Remember the power of emotional contagion? The single most important thing you can do to make a woman open up to you sexually is to be confident and comfortable expressing your own sexuality.

Sexual Confidence

Sometimes women will actually bring up sexual topics to test a guy's sexual comfort level and sexual confidence. I'm not talking about your sexual experience or the size of your member, but rather confidence in your sexuality and ability to show her a judgment-free good time.

I had a client, Amir, tell me that he was on a third date with a woman when she said something shocking. While driving to the sushi restaurant, his date leaned over to him and whispered, "You know, I love giving blow jobs." Amir hadn't even kissed her yet, so this shook him up a bit. He was definitely ungrounded.

Amir also had the limiting beliefs that women were not sexual, that they didn't enjoy sex and that they disliked talking about it. Since what she said put him so far out of his comfort zone, Amir thought the best thing to do was immediately change the topic, "Oh, uh, okay haha. Well anyways, this restaurant serves really good sushi."

She was testing his sexual comfort and he failed. Needless to say, there was no sex that night and she never returned his calls.

Maybe next time he'll learn his lesson and say, "Really? What's your technique?" or "I don't believe you. Prove it!" Even if it turns out she was just bluffing, she'll respect your confidence… and next time she won't be teasing.

The point is, you have to be comfortable with your own sexuality and be comfortable with the notion that it's normal, and natural for a woman to enjoy sex. Women love TV shows like "Sex and the City." The number one selling book category is romantic novels, also known as "chick porn," because they are filled with explicit sexual and sensual imagery.

Not only do they enjoy doing the act, but most women love talking about sex, at least with someone they're comfortable with. The emotional connection from sharing such intimate desires turns her on just as much as the "dirty" details get your motor running. So you must be comfortable discussing it as well. When the two of you are chatting about intimate topics, not only will she view you as sexually confident, but since she's looking at you while sex is the topic, the thought of having sex with you gets subtly suggested to her subconscious. Simply planting the seed of intimacy into her mind, is a major step to escalate the interaction to the bedroom.

PLANTING THE SEED

If she's telling you how excited she is to visit her grandmother's house next weekend to celebrate her 93rd birthday, it might not be the best time to blurt out, "So what's the craziest place you've ever had sex?"

On the other hand, if she's talking about a "crazy" thing that happened last week, then it's a good time to try, "Speaking of crazy…" Context is always the key.

If the right context doesn't present itself, you can still indirectly talk about someone else's experience to set the tone. For example, if she says she wants to go to Italy you could mention, "My friend, Stacy, went to Rome and met this charming Italian guy in a café. She had sex with him within an hour of meeting. It was the first time she ever did something like that. Crazy, huh? I guess there's something about Italian men (self-point) that sweeps women off their feet. Good thing I'm part Italian." This is just an example, so come up with your own naughty story.

You could also reference a popular movie, TV show, book, podcast, etc. A question like, "Did you read, 'Fifty Shades of Grey?' What was your favorite part?" could easily veer into a conversation about bondage, dominance and rough sex. The options are endless to steer the conversation towards even the most niche kink without scaring her off.

Sexy Games and Role Plays

Games and role plays can also become sexual fast because they put a fun flirty context around the conversation. At a bar, I love to start an interaction off with an "innocent" game of Shag, Marry, Kill and see how far I can take it. Something like:

"Let's play a game, Shag, Marry, Kill. I'm going to pick three people in the bar and one of them you have to shag, one you have to marry and one you have to kill."

We'll play the game, as she tells me who she'd do what to and why. Then it's her turn to pick people for me to shag, marry and kill. This is where I'll try to make things really sexual. Before she picks the third person, I'll say, "Let's make things interesting. How about you pick yourself?" Most women will agree because they're curious about what I'm fantasying over.

I'll first "kill" one of the other two candidates, because you should never "kill" the girl you are interested in. I'm not that much of a challenge. Then, I'll get really close and look deep in her eyes and murmur, "Hmm… are you any good in bed?" This creates a lot of sexual tension right off the bat, but in a way that's unlikely to upset her because it's in context of the game.

Regardless of her answer, I'll continue to make strong eye contact, amplifying the sexual tension even more. With a slow, deep tone I'll say, "Okay, well I would definitely shag the hell out of..." pausing 3 to 5 seconds for dramatic effect, "HER!" pointing to the other girl. She will laugh, releasing the tension.

This is great because it leads right into a marriage role play: "Then I guess we are getting married. Don't worry, wifey. We'll still have lots of sex. But no more than eight times a day. I'm not a piece of meat, okay?" as I give her a big hug. You can keep making it fun by describing how you will fly to Las Vegas and get married by the fattest Elvis impersonator you can find. Or you can go into deeper rapport by having her describe her perfect honeymoon. I prefer to tell her my friend is an ordained minister and have him do a half-assed wedding ceremony, instructing me to kiss my bride. And boom, we are already making out.

The Questions Game

Another great game that can turn things sexual is the Questions Game. This works great for a date because it's fun, you get to know each other, and it can escalate to sexual questions and conversations.

Tell her there are three rules: Rule number one is that the questions have to be unique, no repeat questions.