Chapter 2

I was so happy in February because of everybody around but as soon as March came around everybody started leaving and I was stuck here I had a new school with new surprises waiting for me, I was excited to make new friends and maybe this year can change my life. soon the first day of school came by I was very excited when I woke up in the morning and thought that I would Nail it. I was dropped off by my mother and wished to good luck as soon as a stepped inside the school I saw faces that I did not recognise my classroom was 6 A on the fourth floor and I was greeted by my class teacher as soon as I entered the classroom I was introduced to my classmates and me thinking I will make good friends here, was happy to talk to everybody. it was an overwhelming feeling when I came back home but I got through it, after the first day there I made a group of friends that I don't even speak to anymore. I settled into my new life relatively easily, nothing much happened in my life it was the same old routine: wake up, go to school, come back, do your homework, go play, come back, have dinner and go back to sleep. it got boring but I was happy then April went in the same way but the fun part was coming in May

In May, we went to Nani's place and had a lot of fun, it was a wonderful summer vacation because it was the last time, I visited Nani's place. the memory from that year still replays in my head so, I hope I can find some closure by writing it down. I still remember the hot temperature, the swing outside on the veranda, the kitchen that looks out to the railway line, my Nani's parlour that was still running and the huge Peepal tree in the middle of the courtyard and also remember the evenings when the elders sitting out in the courtyard and playing cards and us kids running round trying to play hide and seek.

We return to Jaipur in June end as my school was starting in July when I went back after the summer vacation, my group of friends greeted me warmly, what I didn't know was that they were wolves in sheep's clothing. Everything seemed normal at first, calm as the sea gets before the tsunami. but soon I started to hear rumours about me being a slut, to be honest at that time I didn't even know the meaning of slut. But the wolves were behind the whole thing. So, let's see the event that was the reason behind the rumour, I being a good as well as a teacher's kid, was always a teacher's pet. I always wore a perfect uniform, also coming from Hyderabad, my English was better than my classmate's as in Hyderabad I couldn't communicate with people in Hindi, it was either Telugu or English, as I don't know Telugu, gradually my English improved. Due to my good English, I was selected for various dramas, debates etc. what I never thought was that people will get jealous of me; I mean I am useless most of the time and can be a huge burden to people, I don't think I can be somebody to rely on. Soon, the concept of jealousy was very new to me. It started with them being annoyed and passing remarks, not talking to me, to ignoring my presence. It was still okay, but one day, heard one of them say" Why are you here? you don't deserve to be alive." From that point on, it got worse; this continued till the end of the year.

My parents and teachers had no clue that I was being bullied. I became quiet, anxious and scared. I think this was when my anxiety must have taken form. It was a living hell for 5 months, soon the winter break came around I was so happy, I never wanted to set foot in this school again. But the days went by in a flash, and I was standing at the front gate of my nightmare on the chill winter morning of January. I wasn't wearing the uniform as I was celebrating my birthday, I thought it was a new year and maybe everyone will forget about it and move on, but I was so wrong. I never thought that my birthday in 2012 will turn into the day for the first time to kill myself. The day started well and I was happy, but it changed by the first break, the girls from the group of friends I so mistakenly made, pulled me out of the classroom saying they had a gift for me. They took downstairs to a small classroom where most of the seniors used to make out. They pushed me in and locked the door, when I turned around, I was greeted by one of our seniors with a smile. I thought nothing was wrong until I saw the look in his eye, he looked like a predator and I was the prey. he got a grip on me, I didn't know what was going to happen at the time, just knew something was not right. I screamed and clawed for my release from his grip. before I knew it, his pants were off. I didn't know if I should keep screaming or give up. thankfully someone heard me. It was one of our seniors from the same class as him. She instantly realized what was happening and pulled me towards her as soon as she got close enough to do so. She hid me behind her and was shouting something but everything was muffled to me. She saved me from getting raped on my 12th birthday. Even though nothing happened, people assumed I slept with him and that was how I got the title of slut. After this incident, the bullying got worse, I never mentioned this event to my parents. thankfully the senior who helped me, got him kicked out without even taking my name. soon she became my only friend for quite a while, and I still talk to her. I told her everything, bullying, my family, and she encouraged me to stand up for myself, that it was not my fault.it didn't help, I was still miserable and weak.

One night in April, when I was crying in the bathroom, I remembered my mother reading a quote" You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them". That was it, I was at my breaking point either I could let this go on or I could fight. Me being my mother's daughter, I chose to fight. it was hard, but every time they used to say something, I used to clap back. One day, I came home with a busted lip and lied to Mom that I fell the stairs. This went on till August 2012 when my bullies got a reality check, and they realized that they would have been responsible for my rape if it would have happened. They apologized for everything, but sorries can't fix the trauma I went through. Soon everyone who was on their side at first turned against them. I started making friends again but with a grain of salt. Everything was getting back to normal or maybe even a little better. I being a kind person forgave them but they were never my friends again. So, by the time of winter break, I was one of the popular kids. With the hope that the next year will be happier, I walked back home.