Chapter 4

"Good morning your Grace," Marguerite greets walking into my room with a tray, "I've brought your breakfast." I sit up in the bed trying not to wince from how sore my body is, giving her enough room to put the tray down across my lap.

As I start eating Marguerite begins browsing through my dresses trying to pick one for me to wear. I've never had anyone to do this for me before so it's strange to watch someone, practically a stranger, analysing my dresses to select the right one for the day. Not that it should be too difficult as my only plan for the day is the tour that Mrs Merrick offered me yesterday.

By the time that I've finished my breakfast Marguerite seems to have settled on a dress. A simple white long-sleeved dress with a dark yellow pattern that I'd easily been able to put on myself, unlike some of my newer dresses that require the assistance of a maid. It's one that I'd brought with me to London so while not made from as fine a material as the ones Lady Anne provided me with it'll do well for a day exploring my new home.

With how large Knole House seemed when I arrived yesterday it may take more than a day to see all of it properly and that's without including the gardens. And as I begin to dress for the day I start to realise that I probably won't be able to spend all day walking around. The very thought of it fills me with dread as every time I move it sends more of that aching dull pain through my body.

Last night with the Duke had been rather awkward at first, I had no idea what a wedding night entailed while he could hardly stand to look at me. But we both had a duty so the Duke positioned himself over me and in a surprising act of kindness promised to be as gentle as possible. I hadn't known what he meant until he'd pushed up my nightgown and was touching that most private part of me.

His touch there had started to feel strangely good when he abruptly moved his hand away then something entirely different was pressing into me. It was unrelenting and became accompanied by pain as it pushed deeper inside of me until the Dukes hips were pressed against mine. For just a moment he stayed still panting heavily near my ear; then he started moving.

That didn't feel as terrible as when he first started but it was no where near as enjoyable as when he was touching me with his hand. I did my best not to move in fear of it hurting again and kept quiet knowing that the last thing he'd want to hear is my voice. Thankfully it came to an end quickly as the Duke stilled inside of me with a soft groan before pulling out and leaving the room without another word.

Feeling strangely empty I pushed my nightgown back down and pulled the sheets over me intending to try to get some sleep. The knock at my door prevented that though as Marguerite walked in with a few other maids. Swiftly they had me out of bed and while I changed into a new nightgown they set about replacing the sheets on the bed. I didn't understand why until I spotted the blood on the nightgown I was wearing and on the soiled sheets. They left as quickly as they arrived and I was finally left alone to curl up in bed and sleep.

"Is there anything else I can help you with your Grace?" Marguerite asks drawing me out of my memories of last night.

"No thank you. Do you know when Mrs Merrick will be available to give me tour?"

"She should be along shortly." With a curtsy she leaves me alone in the room to wait for Mrs Merrick to arrive. I dare not try going to find her myself as I'd be likely to get myself lost and I don't want to cause any trouble when I've only just arrived. So far I've only met a few of the servants and other than Marguerite the reception that I've received has been lukewarm at best.

Once I know my way around though I do hope to get along well with the servants here. As the Duke had made very clear last night I'll be staying here at Knole House for the foreseeable future regardless of if he is here as well. That will leave me alone with only the servants who don't know me at all beyond that I married the Duke after forcing a compromise. Not the best first impression to give so now I have to do something to get at least a little respect and maybe some understanding.

"Your Grace," Mrs Merrick knocks on the door and comes in, "Would you still like a tour today?"

"Yes. Thank you for taking the time to show me around Mrs Merrick," I smile gently hoping to get one in return. I don't. Instead she simply nods and holds out her arm indicating which way we're going first.

She leads me to a chamber that she called the Brown Gallery which showcases various portraits and furniture. Although calling it a tour seems limited as not only is she showing me the house itself but also detailing the history of the house, which it turns out is quite expansive.

"The Archbishop of Canterbury, Thomas Bourchier, purchased the estate in 1456. It remained the property of the Archbishops, who greatly remodelled and expanded the older manor house, until the Tudor dynasty when it became a Royal residence," Mrs Merrick informs me proudly as she shows me , "Henry VII visited in 1490 and Princess Mary even lived here for a few months between 1532-1533 while the divorce was ongoing between the King and Queen."

Every word out of her mouth just further reinforces the fact that I'm not fit to be the Duchess of Dorset or to live in this house. With how old the house had looked when I arrived yesterday I knew that there would be some history but never did I imagine that history would involve the actual Royal Family. How low Mrs Merrick must think this house has fallen now having a lowly Baron's daughter as its mistress.

"Knole House official became a Royal property in 1537 and in the subsequent reins of Henry VIII's children the property was granted out several times only to revert back to the Crown. Eventually Queen Elizabeth granted Knole House to her cousin Thomas Sackville the 1st Earl of Dorset. This is him," She indicates the portrait hanging in the Great Hall, "He served Queen Elizabeth and King James as Lord Treasurer. And the Sackville family has lived here ever since."

"And this is Lionel Cranfield Sackville the 7th Earl of Dorset who after supporting the Hanover's was made the 1st Duke of Dorset in 1720," Moving on she shows me another portrait of a man in Georgian dress.

"Over here are the Duke's parents the 3rd Duke and Duchess," The rest of the tour focuses on making sure that I can find my way around rather than the history of the house. Small things still came up such as the fine furniture in the house largely came from the 6th Earl of Dorset who served as Chamberlain of the Household to King William and Queen Mary. That meant he saw to the removal of outdated and unfashionable furniture from Windsor Castle and Hampton Court Palace, which resulted in Knole House gaining many pieces of royal Stuart furniture.

"Forgive me Mrs Merrick but I'm still rather tired after yesterday's travel. I will return to my room to rest," I say as calmy as I can despite the overwhelming feeling of being inadequate. Ever since I arrived here the feeling has been growing inside of me but now knowing the history of my new home and the Duke's family, perhaps it would have been better to live in disgrace.

"Of course your Grace," She replies with a curtsey. The respect usually associated with the curtsey is completely eradicated by the hint of smugness in her voice and the satisfaction shining in her eyes. It seems to have brought her great joy watching my reactions as she explains the history of the house and family.

I leave her company as quickly as I can but taking care not to run back to my room the way I so desperately want to. Running would only make my distress clearer and give her more ammunition against me plus give the rest of the servants something to gossip about. During the tour we'd gone past many of the other servants and there are just as many about as I walk back to my room, keeping my head high and trying to appear indifferent.

Growing up in Edmour I'd learnt quickly to keep my feelings to myself lest they were used against me. Back when I was still a child there had been more money so I had a maid that looked after me, she was the closest thing I had to a mother and often in private called her so. Loving her so much I thought nothing of giving her whatever jewellery she liked the look of until one day she was gone without a word.

I'd cried for days before Humphrey finally snapped and shut me up with a slap. Then he informed me that she'd sold all the jewellery I gave her using the money to buy better clothes so that in her free time she was able to attract a wealthy man. She had never loved me instead she'd used my love for her to gain what she wanted which it turned out was the life of a kept woman. After that I'd kept my thought and feelings to myself not wanting to be hurt and used that way again.

Luckily I'm able to easily retrace my steps and get back to my room quickly. I breathe out a sigh of relief finding the room empty of Marguerite giving me the privacy I need to let go of my emotions. As soon as I shut the door behind me I lean against it already feeling tears falling down my face. I'd been keeping a tight hold of my emotions ever since the ball, not letting myself act on any of my feelings, but the past few hours have pushed me over the edge.

Still I don't dare to cry too loud lest one of the servants comes to investigate the noise. Covering my mouth to keep myself quiet I sink to the floor drawing my knees close to my chest. Burying my head there I allow myself to sob the sound being drowned out by my dress which is quickly becoming damp with my tears. I'll probably have to change it once I finish crying or perhaps I'll just leave it as I have no intention of leaving my room again today.

Eventually my tears slow and quiet enough that I can bring myself to stand up without having to worry about being heard crying. I don't go far though having only enough energy to curl up on my bed and cry there instead of on the floor. At the very least it's a more comfortable place to be until I can pull myself together and face the world outside of this room.

So more history, I've kept it as accurate as possible. The only change being my Duke replacing the 3rd Duke and Duchess's real child.