Chapter 19

As I wake I find myself unable to move, something heavy and unyielding is preventing all of my attempts to move. Blinking a few times I manage to see clearly and find the source of my impediment. Sometime during the night William and I have moved closer together so now I'm held securely in his arms, one of his arms is acting as a pillow and I'm facing towards his chest so I have to tilt my head up slightly to see his face.

It doesn't quite feel real to be this close to him. This is closer than we've ever been even taking the fulfilment of our marriage duties into question as it feels closer and more intimate. Not wanting the feeling to end I find myself trying to breath as quietly as possible and not move so that I don't wake him up.

I'd been unsure of sharing a bed with him but now I can see the appeal of it and hope that we can spend many nights just like this. Perhaps even every night if I could have my way. That is unrealistic though as at times we will be apart for one reason or another.

After only a few minutes though I feel William start to move and I hold my breath hoping that he's simply moving in his sleep rather than waking. He is waking up though as his eyes open sleepily taking a few moments to focus clearly on my own. But having been caught watching him sleep I blush and look away from him. The action makes him laugh though, which being so close to him I can feel his chest moving with the laughter.

"Good morning my wife," He greets quietly as his laughter calms down.

"Good morning," I mumble back the sound muffled even more as I bury my head into his chest. He probably only hears because of how close together we are.

"I believe this may be my favourite way to wake," He says his hand that isn't trapped under my head coming to gently pry my face out from his chest so that we can see each other again. With his words though my blush hasn't died down at all, in fact this may be the brightest red that I've ever been.

"We should get up. Marguerite will likely be here soon with my breakfast," I tell him yet neither of us move to separate. It's surprisingly comfortable being held so close to him and he must feel the same as his arms tighten slightly around me drawing me a tiny bit closer.

"Or…" He draws out pausing to press a quick kiss to my lips, "We could stay here, like this, for as long as possible. We are married after all so no one shall say anything. And surely Marguerite, with as much as she cares for you, will be pleased to see us getting along so well." A wry grin covers his face as he knows that he's right.

Before I can think of a response there's a knock at the door, a brief pause, then Marguerite enters the room with my breakfast tray just as I'd predicted. But just as William had said she barely even takes a second look at the two of us still sharing the same bed.

"Good morning your Graces," She greets completely unruffled by how she's found us as she places the tray down on the table, "Shall I inform Mr Bucke that you'll be along soon your Grace or will you be dressing later?"

"Dressing later Marguerite," William tells her completely unashamed while I'm trying to hide under the covers as best I can, "And if you could send for more breakfast as well. The Duchess and I will be taking our time this morning."

"Certainly your Grace," She replies smoothly before leaving the room with a curtsy.

"William!" I exclaim as soon as she's left shocked at how he outright stated that we'll be staying bed for a while longer. He simply chuckles and finally releases me in favour of climbing out of bed in search of food.

I'd start to sit up myself intending to join him at the table but before I can even make to stand up he's returning to the bed with the tray in hand. To my disbelief he sets the tray down in the middle of the bed between the two of us within easy reach of where we can pick at the food while remaining close. He sits back down on the bed reaching an arm out inviting me to sit close to him again.

It's an offer I can't refuse after discovering how comfortable it can be so I tuck myself into his side easily. We don't say anything simply enjoying the feeling of having the other close as we pick at the tray of food. Between the two of us we finish off the tray quickly as it was only meant for one so we're both happy when Marguerite returns with another tray.

At William's urging we spend most of the morning together in bed. I couldn't have imagined enjoying it as much as I did, just the two of us alone without being bothered by anything. The absence of any distractions allows us to focus on each other learning more about each other that we didn't know before.

To my surprise I learn that William isn't fond of hunting, so much so that he rarely hosts hunts at Knole. It's not at all what I'd expected from such a high-ranking member of the ton. Even Humphrey as lazy as he can be joins in on hunting whenever he can, not at Edmour though as the land is too mismanaged to allow for good hunting. That reveal is a relief though as I'd never been fond of the idea of hunting despite not having been on one before.

I enjoy getting to know the little things like that about him and am rather reluctant for us to part as midday approaches. It's only William's request to sleep here with me again that has me leaving the comfort of his arms to get dressed. We do also agree to promenade in the park after luncheon which I'm excited about. Perhaps the one thing that I miss about Knole is the gardens as the house here doesn't have the same outside space to allow for such beautiful gardens.

Before we can do that though William does have to go and do some work just to keep on top of it while we're so far from his estates. He'd revealed this morning that the new that he'd inherited from that distant relative is in Scotland so it's quite far away which explains his extended absence while dealing with it. I should like to see it one day though but he's said that when he visited it was in something of a disarray. I'm sure he'll soon have that estate running as smoothly as Knole does.

Knowing how he enjoys music I seat myself at the piano in the drawing room while he's working to get in some practice. It's such a beautiful instrument and it sounds even better when it's played, filling the house with music. Hopefully it makes work easier for William so that he can finish quickly and we can go out to the park sooner.

Luncheon comes soon enough and William arrives in the dining room not long after I do. As we'd only had what we could pick at for breakfast the cook serves us a more filling lunch than we usually have. It'll keep us energised for our walk; I find myself eating enough though that I'm looking forward to the walk even more to walk off this meal.

"Ready to go, Eleanor?" He asks coming to stand next to my chair offering me his arm as the plates are cleared away.

"Yes," I reply happily taking his arm. It still thrills me that we've progressed to the point where we're going out in public together as when we married it seemed clear that I was to be kept out of sight. Now he can't seem to wait to take me to new places and experiences regardless of who sees us or the opinion of the ton.

The weather is quite pleasant today so it's not surprising that there are several other couples in the park with us. As it's not quite the fashionable time to promenade it's still relatively quiet, the other couples seemingly seeking the same piece as we are. There are no surprises encounters with a friend nor acquaintance of William's this time as when we went to the concert.

We do a couple of slow circuits of the park, stopping to admire the various flowers, before returning home just as the park begins to fill with people arriving for their own walks during the fashionable time of day to do so. With his work for the day finished William has the time to spend the remainder of the day with me in the drawing room.

That's how we spend the next three weeks, spending time together every day. To make it even better every night William joins me in my bed and each morning I wake in his arms feeling closer to him with each new day.

The only sore point of the last few weeks was when my courses came for the first came since I lost the baby. It started at some point during the night and waking up with blood between my legs, just like that day, was terrifying. My hysterical crying wakes William who in a surprising show of strength carries me away from the bed yelling for Marguerite. She arrives quickly and immediately starts to resolve the situation getting a maid to come and change the sheets while a few others start preparing a bath for me.

During this William keeps hold of me rubbing my back and trying to calm me down. Although my crying even outs some I don't stop completely. Not even when the bath is ready for me and he lifts me again to carry me over, by that time though it has reduced to the occasional silent tear.

He doesn't leave my side at first while I'm in the bath until Marguerite shoos him away to clean himself up while she helps me wash. Only does he then leave but not before pressing a kiss to my forehead and promising me to be back soon. Keeping his promise he comes back into my room not long after, dressed in clean clothes, just as Marguerite is helping me out of the bath.

The days that follow as my courses continue are hard. It's not just how they started this time but how it reinforced the knowledge that my baby is dead and gone. I'd known that eventually this would happen but the actual reality of it still hurts as my body makes it clear that my body at least is ready for another baby.

William is great comfort the entire time even as the usual cramps set in and all I want to do is curl up in pain until it passes. This must be such a shock for him as although we've been married for months I'd gotten pregnant straight away so it's the first time that my courses have come during our marriage. He's been more than happy though to hold me through the pain and to call for countless cups of tea to sooth my upset stomach, on the first day he'd wanted to call for the doctor but I'd reassured him that this is normal. There'd be little that the doctor could do.

We have still asked Doctor Blundell to come to Bath to check my health. Over the last few weeks following the advice we were given I've been sea bathing and enjoying the waters here which he'd stated would be beneficial to my health. And I've not told William yet but I think that I'm coming around to the idea of another baby, knowing now that it isn't likely to end the same way and that William will be by my side the entire time.

That was something he'd repeated as many times as I've needed to hear it. The loss of our first child has hurt him just as much as it has me so he's determined to be present for the entirety of the next pregnancy in case something goes wrong again. Not that I believe it will as we're no longer arguing and he now has doubts about the letters and Mrs Merrick, I simply hope he finds out the truth.

Even a fast rider takes several days to reach London and return with an answer. So we'd only just received the doctor's answer to our request, he's unfortunately unable to journey to Bath due to teaching commitments in London. His refusal had made William angry at first until I reminded him that he was the one to hire Doctor Blundell and knew of his recent commitment to teaching.

It's put yet another reason in my mind as to why we should leave Bath. While it's been a lovely being here away from all the terrible memories I know that it was never meant to be a long-term solution. I've noticed the toll that trying to manage the Knole estate from so far away along with rectifying the terrible estate of the new estate in Scotland.

While he's managed to make time for us to spend together it's only been accomplished by working late and rising early every morning. Perhaps if it were just one estate then it would be easier on him but Knole is a large estate and the other has been neglected for more than a decade. With Humphrey's disinterest in managing Edmour it'd taken me by surprise the amount of work it truly takes to keep an estate running well.

Seeing the exhaustion setting into his eyes solidifies my resolve that we can stay in Bath no longer. I may hate being at Knole but it's preferable to William working himself into an early grave out of his sense of duty. With my choice now decided I make my way to his study where as with every morning he's buried in work.

"Eleanor, is everything alright?" He asks in concern as I've never come to his study before unless it's been to remind him of a meal. As we've not long had breakfast he knows that isn't the reason I'm here so he's jumped to immediate concern.

"Yes everything is well. There's just something of importance that I wanted to discuss with you," I say taking a seat on the other side of his desk. I'd realised that I couldn't say I wanted to return to Knole out of concern for him as he'd resist saying that he's fine to remain here. Stubborn man not wanting to upset me, he'll not agree to go unless it appears that it's my wish to return.

"Of course. Please you can tell me anything," He replies still appearing very concerned. I suppose that this sudden desire to speak to him has caught him off guard.

"I want to return to Knole House."