Chapter 20

The words hand in silence in the room as I wait for William to reply. It surprises me how I've been able to keep a level tone while speaking as the though of going back to Knole House and Mrs Merrick still fills me with dread. I'll happily brave it for William though. Plus he seems to be having his own doubts about her now so perhaps it shan't be as terrible as before.

"Is that truly what you want?" He asks in surprise, "I've had only a few letters back from Thomas and from what he writes Mrs Merrick hasn't done anything that would give me cause to fire her within his earshot. I can't dismiss such a high level servant with only Thomas's word and rumours, I don't want you to be hurt again."

"Knole House has been home to your family for generations. I should like it to be where we raise our children so please let us return there and make it our home, as it should be," I say trying to convince myself of the words at the same time.

"Very well. When would you like to leave?" He smiles a hint of excitement creeping into his tired eyes.

After discussing it we plan to depart early tomorrow morning and I manage to convince William to only work this morning and to rest this afternoon in preparation for the journey. Delighted by that accomplishment I leave his office to inform Anley and Mrs Fenton of our impending departure so that the necessary preparations can be made.

The news of us leaving sends the house into a flurry of activity as footmen and maids hurry to make everything ready. Clothes are packed under Bucke and Marguerite's careful observations, minus nightclothes for tonight and what we shall wear tomorrow. A few other articles of clothing will remain here as well as they're more suitable for use in Bath such as sea bathing clothes, we'd have no use for them in Knole or London.

To keep myself out of the way I retreat to the drawing room to read in peace so I can relax before the stress of travelling. I'm sure that this journey back to Knole will be less stressful that the journey here and it will hopefully take less time. With my health being better I hope William doesn't feel the need to be careful about the speed of our travel.

I rather dread the idea of spending another week trapped in a carriage. I'm simply not used to spending so much time in one after all I've travelled more in the past year than the entire rest of my life. Even though I've only been to London, Knole and Bath, nothing outside of the normal for many members of the ton, it's been incredibly enjoyable to me.

In the future I hope that my children can enjoy travelling to new places as well. Even if they only visit the same places I have it will still be a more entertaining childhood than my own. I'm sure William won't deny our children even more than that though, having travelled Europe himself during his Grand tour it seems likely he'll want our children to have similar experiences. We also have the new estate in Scotland to visit as well.

"I thought I'd fine you here," William says suddenly making me jump and nearly drop my book. I'd been so invested in the story that I've lost track of time. I thought that he'd still be working and that I would have to find him rather than the other way around.

"William, don't scare me like that," I chide as he sits down next to me.

"Certainly, my dear. I shan't scare you again," He replies his words sincere but completely undermined by his teasing grin that promises no such thing, "Luncheon shall be served soon."

"We shouldn't be late then," I say rising to my feet and leaving the room without waiting for William to do the same although I hear him follow close behind me with a chuckle. It only takes him a few steps to catch up with me and take hold of my arm to bring my hand to rest in the crook of his arm. Like that he escorts me to the dining room with only a few minutes left until luncheon is served.

"So how goes the preparations?" He asks while we're eating. Secluded in his office he may have only heard the servants going past the room and little else as no one wants to disturb him while he's working.

"I believe it's going very well. It's been left in Anley and Mrs Fenton's capable hands although Marguerite and Bucke have taken complete control of packing our clothes. Between them all I'm sure that everything will be arranged perfectly," I inform him not at all worried that something will be lacking or left behind.

"Excellent," He replies, "We shall be home before we know it." I know then that I truly have made the right decision. He seems so happy to be returning to the place that has always been home to him, so regardless of how scared I am I can't ruin this for him.

After an early breakfast the next morning we say our farewells to Anley and Mrs Fenton as we set out on our journey back to Knole. William had promised that we won't make as many stops as last time so it shouldn't take the full week that it had to get here. That knowledge does little to ease the boredom of endless hours in a carriage though there is at the very least a small comfort in knowing when it shall come to an end.

Marguerite as before keeps me company in the carriage but with my better health she doesn't have to spend hours reading aloud to me. Instead I occupy myself with embroidery until we get outside Bath and the road becomes too uneven to continue without stabbing myself with the needle, that would only serve to ruin the embroidery with spots of blood.

Sleeping and reading occupy most of my time over the four days it takes us to travel back to Knole, the only break in the monotony are my conversations with Marguerite. But finally we're coming to a stop outside of Knole House and looking out the window I can see some of the servants assembled for us by the door. Including Mrs Merrick whose stood there watching our approach with a sour face.

William dismounts and comes to help me down from the carriage, a sharp contrast to the last time we arrived here together. He'd ignored my very existence back then but now he readily smiles at me as he assists me down from the carriage. Arm in arm we walk towards the door and the assembled servants who bow or curtsy in greeting.

"Your Graces, welcome home," Delves greets with a bow while Mrs Merrick remains as she curtsies beside him, "I trust that your journey was pleasant."

"Yes thank you Delves," William replies, "We'll take some tea in the drawing room." With that order he leads me inside to the drawing room without a single word to Mrs Merrick. On our journey we'd discussed what to do about her but dismissing such a long serving servant would certainly cause rumours and without proper evidence her dismissal could cause issues with the other servants. It'll need to be handled carefully.

Currently they've all been following her lead without a care for the proper hierarchy of the house that should place me second only to William himself. Hopefully now that it's clear how he cares for me that will change. His suspicion of Mrs Merrick surely won't go unnoticed along with the reason as to why.

"After we've rested there's something that I wish to show you," William tells me as seat ourselves on one of the settees in the drawing room.

"Something to show me, what is it?" I ask curious as to what it could be when we've been away for so long.

"It's a surprise," He states as our tea is brought in along with some biscuits, "You'll simply have to wait for a while longer." With a teasing grin he picks up his cup of tea and prevents any further discussion by focusing on that and eating nearly all of the biscuits.

Both feeling rather tired after so many days travelling we remain quiet enjoying the peace of a nice cup of tea and biscuits. It'll still be a while until dinner so neither of us are too concerned about eating too many of the excellent biscuits that Mrs Tapps has made. I've missed them while we've been away, not that I could have many while I pregnant, so I happily eat my fill of them.

"There we've finished. Now what did you want to show me?" I ask setting my cup down and turning to face William straight on.

"Very well my dear," He says with a much put upon sigh before standing, "If you'll come with me." Taking his arm once again I let him lead me out of the room and upstairs. He still refuses to tell me what the surprise is but I go quiet as we come to a stop at the door of my room. The very room that I lost my baby in.

"William... Please I don't think I'm ready," I beg desperately wanting to get far away from this room. I'd not really given any thought to where I'd sleep once we returned but I don't want it to be here. I never want to step foot into this room again.

"It's alright Eleanor," He tells me soothingly pulling me into a hug, "Everything will be fine. Please just look." Releasing me with one arm, keeping the other wrapped around me, he opens the door to the room. And it's...

Different.

Completely different to that day. I stare in shock slowly moving out of William's hold to get a better look at the transformed room. He must have been planning this since we left to have it finished already. Knowing how I'd hate returning to this room he's ensured that it bears no resemblance at all to before.

"Thank you," I whisper turning back to him with tears in my eyes, "Thank you. Thank you." I repeat quietly walking back to where he's still standing by the door and burying my head in his chest I cry out of a strange mix of happiness and sorrow.

"I could not bear to look at it either. All I'd have been able to see is you covered in blood on the bed. So I left orders with Delves for the entire room to be redecorated and it's an entirely new bed as well, the old one I had burned. We shan't be haunted by memories here now," He whispers back wrapping his arms tightly around letting me cry for as long as I need to.

"It's wonderful William," I tell him my eyes now dry as I look up at him. Overwhelmed by affection for him I lift myself onto my toes to be able to reach him and place a kiss on his lips. I'd only intended a brief kiss but his arms tighten slightly around my waist preventing me from backing away as he prolongs our kiss.

I'm out of breath when he finally releases me from the kiss. Coming to stand with my feet flat again I find myself unable to break eye contact with him so we remain close simply staring at each other. It leaves me with no more doubt that I love this man, deeply and truly love him. And with that thought firm in my mind I find the courage to ask something of him.

"William," I start quietly breaking our deep silence, "I know that you wanted to wait for the Doctor to visit again and give his approval but I'm ready. Please I want another child."

"Are you certain?" He asks looking deep into my eyes as his own darken with something that I still can't identify.

"Yes," I reply with my voice as firm as my decision. The past few days falling asleep in his arms has filled with a strange feeling that I don't quite understand but when we kissed just now I felt it again, only deeper and more intense. Perhaps that feeling will return while we perform our marital duties now that I love him and he at the very least cares for me.

"Then tonight," He states just as firmly as he leans down to kiss me again. Only briefly this time though before releasing me again, "I'm afraid that I have to leave you for now. The estate management waits for no man regardless of how much he'd rather be bedding his wife."

He walks away from me then leaving me with a blush on my cheeks in response to his statement of wanting to bed me right then and there. I walk back into my room slowly taking in every detail of the new furnishings as my mind starts to wonder on what will happen tonight. Struck by a sudden idea I ask a passing maid to send Marguerite to my room.

"You called for me, your Grace?" She says arriving soon after I'd sent the maid to find her. There's no surprise on her face about the redecorated room but she likely saw it before me while unpacking my clothes.

"Yes," I state taking a seat and wringing my hands in my lap as I try to figure out how to explain myself, "The Duke will be spending the night here," I eventually settle on too embarrassed to say the truth out loud to her.

"Yes your Grace," She replies hesitantly not understanding my meaning as it's become common for us to share a bed, "Bucke and I thought that you would-" Seeing the blush deepening on my cheeks she pauses.

"We intend to try again. For a baby," I tell her eventually my cheeks flushed bright red in embarrassment even though she'd have known in the morning anyway.

"Congratulations your Grace," She says sincerely, "Is that why you called for me?"

"Yes. I'd like to make it... special. I was hoping that you'd packed some of those nightgowns that Madame Corbin made for me," I ask knowing that she'll have a better idea of what was brought here from Bath.

"Certainly," She replies with a pleased grin making her way to where she'd had the maids put the nightgowns. The ones that William doesn't know about.

Everything has been getting better between William and I over the past week. Since our walk around the park we've become closer and closer with the affection between us getting easier with every passing day. A few hours a day at least we'd be together just the two of us but William does have to spend several hours each day in his office to manage his various estates.

It leaves me with time to spend by myself and today I'm truly going to take advantage of this time. A secret that I want to keep from William. I'd had the idea the day before yesterday and so had sent Marguerite to make an appointment with Madame Corbin. Today was the earliest time that she had available.

With William occupied with his work for the next several hours I call for Marguerite and the two of us head out to the carriage. I'd left instructions with Anley and Mrs Fenton that unless there's an emergency to not tell William that I've gone out.

"Your Grace, welcome back," Madame Corbin greets as we enter her store, "I didn't expect to be seeing you again so soon. Is there something specific that you require?"

"Yes. I know that my previous order contained some basic nightgowns but at the time you mentioned other options for nightgowns. Could I see some examples?"

"Certainly," She replies leading me deeper into the store and fetching a design book for me to look through. I'm shocked at the designs she shows me as each nightgown is completely scandalous compared to anything I've seen before yet incredibly beautiful. With both Madame Corbin and Marguerite's help, as many of the styles have a French origin, I leave the store having ordered four new nightgowns in these new and exciting styles.

"Do you really think that he'll like it?" I question Marguerite as I hold my favourite of the new nightgowns close to my body.

"I'm sure His Grace will be very pleased," She replies with a teasing smile. I can't help but laugh feeling rather giddy at the thought of wearing this tonight. I'm looking forward to it.