Ch. 29 - Airi's situation.

Its 3:00 am in early morning, it was dark and I dont think anyone is awake at this point. It was also so quite all I could hear is the ticking of the clock and the noise of my air conditioner. My feet are tingling in cold so I cover myself in many layers of blanket, I wish I could turn it off but it would also turn off the air conditioner of my roomate who sleeps just behind this very wall. Living in a dorm provided by my scholarship wasn't as easy as it sounds.

I can barely fall asleep tonight, just like every night I am having trouble sleeping. I am mentally exhausted studying so much, I've always lack paying attention to the lessons and I am unable to concentrate for longer periods of time. So I study hard so I can keep up and pass. Even though I am tired, my mind is shrouded in darkness, I constantly feel anxiety, pain, fear and frustration. I am in absolute misery. However, I was glad to meet someone online who kept my mind clear and distracted from my problems. He turned out to be a good listener and he gave me some advice, im glad I have someone like him to talk to. Sadly, he was very busy today.

My name is Nurul Sarah Farrissa binti Angelia, im an scholar in a University on Yokohama, Shogo university. Im a 19 year old muslim woman who loves to play games just as much as studying to keep my scholarship and pass my studies. My legal guardians forbid me from using my real name on social media in an attempt to hide me from being taken away by my parents to work scandalous jobs back in Malaysia. So I use the name "AiriAries."

No matter how much I try to fall asleep by clearing my mind or thinking happy thoughts, I always get a sudden flashback of memories that I despise and hate. Whether its how lonely I am, how im always left behind or why did my parents leave me. I can't get it all out of my mind...

...

"Bestie...bestie!...BESTIE!!!"

I suddenly woke up to my roommate's calling and the sound of her alarm clock, I look at her and she was carrying her alarm clock in front of my face.

"6:47?!"

I rub my eyes and look at the time stamp and its already quarter to 7 AM. I dont even know at what point did I doze off, however I dont think I got too much sleep.

"Come on bestie, you gotta get up and prepare for class. I've prepared some breakfast come join me."

I struggle to get out of bed and my eyelids are still heavy. Nonetheless I get up and stretch my body to wake myself up.

"What did you prepare, bestie?"

I ask her.

"Bestie, you know all I can afford for breakfast is eggs and bread. You gotta stop asking me."

She replied.

I was half asleep so I lounge into her and she had to drag me all the way towards the table. We've both use to act like this towards each other.

I sat on the table and thank her for preparing something to eat. I eat the bread and egg separately while she place the egg on top of her bread and folded it, eating both at the same time. She always does that and when I ask why, she said its how they eat from where she came from.

Her name is Althea Tolentino, she's a 20 year old girl from The Philippines and she also won a scholarship to study here. We've both been close since our countries both share the same culture. She always try to look after me and in exchange I help her with her studies, she works part time in a local grocery store to help herself and not be much of a burden to her other family members while I solely rely on my legal guardians for aid. She's alot more motivated and diligent compared to me, I admire her for being able to balance her time working, studying and looking after me whenever she's home. Sometimes I feel like a reliability to others I wish I could do something but I can't.

"Sarah, im gonna take a shower first. You get your things ready."

"Okay bestie, thanks for the food again!"

"No problem, bestie~"

She took a shower while I prepare my things and pick new clothes to wear. I will take a quick shower as well when she finish.

We exited the dorms and made our way towards the main building. We walk by the sidewalk together not saying a word, as we drew closer to the main building the streets became increasingly speckled with other students doing their daily commute. Students arrive on buses, some on trains, while others are driven by their parents or rode a bicycle, but there are alot just like us who just walk our way to school everyday.

"Its good our school is only walking distance away from our dorm right?"

Althea said. I just quietly nod and smiled at her in response. I enjoy the quite mood and I was still pretty sleepy so I didn't know what to say. The silence was suddenly abrupted by a loud notifications sound and vibration from my phone, I always set it on max volume cause im a bit of an airhead and its hard for me to notice things.

I pause for a moment and look it up, Althea slowed down but decided to stop and wait for me. So I took my time and open it.

I don't know whether I could maintain my innocence anymore, I gasp and my heart keeps pounding so hard as I was shock to see a half-naked picture from Rem.

(Akagi's online username.)

I remember just last night and the other day, he mentions in his previous stories that he has abs and muscles and girls would even tease him, however I couldn't exactly imagine how it look likes. Because

as a muslim child, I was raise in our religious belief that we shouldn't ogle at the expose skin or body of people in the opposite gender, in order to remain modest and not get tempted by the devil into sexual immorality. I haven't seen men stripping to show flex their bodies or expose themselves like this before. I couldn't believe his body was gonna be the first one I'll witness!

I knew I shouldn't be looking at this, but my uncontrollable curiosity, pent up desire and an unknown feeling building up inside me prevents me from averting my eyes from his lean toned muscular body. His muscles aren't big and bulging but are well defined and in proportion with the rest of his body.

"What's the hold up?"

I didn't realize that I was starring at it for a long time now and Althea is looking at me confuse and worried.

I wasn't feeling done or satisfied looking at this picture yet, so I save the picture to my phone album and put it back on my bag. I try to calm down and smoothly walks towards her, unfortunately cause of my white skin tone my face can be clearly turning red.

"Woah, you just turned into a tomato. What's wrong?"

My face was beet red and my mind is still filled with images of him shirtless, I also can't stop imagining him doing some different poses, flexing his body.

"Nothing, I just read a cheesy short story on my phone."

I said as an excuse, Althea raise an eyebrow at me ans she doesn't look convinced at all.

Althea just sighs in frustration and didn't question Sarah anymore, she just told Sarah to inform her if she feels sick. She doesn't wanna get wonder into something first thing in the morning. She can just ask Sarah later.

We reach the main entrance of the Shogo university and waiting for us in the gate is my friends from Malaysia, Fatimah and Ishraaq.

Fatimah has always been my bestfriend since I was little, she knows me more than anyone and she is wise. Ishraaq has always been like a big brother to me, he's always quite but he cares about us deeply, especially since we're in a different country.

Then there's also Johara, she's originally from Indonesia but we all get along really well, she likes to chat and hang around us. We all move here for almost the same reasons, for our studies and our parent's work.

They greeted us warmly and we all walked together inside, telling stories while walking around the campus towards our own classes with the sun rising above us is one of the moments I enjoy, because of our studies and different class hours, we rarely talk personally like this, its usually through online communication. So I am very grateful for moments like this we're I can physically interact and talk with my friends, I always feel out of place since I stand out the most as I am struggling to blend in to Japanese society and culture. I feel lonely and I am having difficulties socializing with other students other than my friends. I am thankful for their company and their willingness to continue helping me, I only feel less lonely with them. However, I can't properly open up my feelings to them or talk to them about my problems. Because I already know that im a reliability since I always cannot stand on my own and im always causing them trouble with my incompetence. Im always problematic and all I ever do is overthink and cry.

But thankfully I have found someone who I was able to talk to and help me get over it by giving me advices, he is some what wise and only says facts. The fact that he is willing to listen to me and spend time with me telling me stories and improving my mood even though he can't see me. It feels different when I talk to him, he is not physically here with me and the way he talks gives you confidence to be more open and he doesn't judge you poorly for what you have to say. It also like you can trust him and he doesn't just talks to you to get some rumours and gossips. Just thinking about him makes me remember the photo he sent, makes my body tingle and makes my head go blank.