Ch. 31 - Family talk.

"So ever since then, whenever I talk to you I look at it and feel alot more at ease knowing thats how you look."

Sarah, ended up telling Akagi the full story of her day and reaction to that picture. He felt shivers around his body as he feels being molested by how she said she keeps looking at it everyday at will. He covers himself with a blanket and rub his shoulders.

"You are the only person who actually made me honest about myself and to how I feel. But you leave me and ever since then I was completely devastated.

I wish we could stay for much longer."

Sarah's message kinda hits me hard, I know that we both have the same problems and after she told me im really the only one she felt safe talking to about her thoughts, I felt guilty and shamed. Who knows what she might do if we didn't encounter one another at the catering.

"You see, Airi...I didn't exactly thought of that. I just couldn't accept the way you act around me. And you said your religion is Islam, my religion is Christianity. So we can't be in a relationship anyway."

I try to tell her a much more reasonable explanation for the break up. But no matter what reason I give I feel like the outcome will remain the same, I dont wanna be in a relationship.

"Oh, I see. You have a fairly- no. I good reason then."

"Also, you're still a college student. I will be nothing but a distraction, you should focus on your studies."

I added.

"You weren't a distraction for me, and I already understand, you dont need to tell me that."

Her reply seems to be in a stiff tone. She might be upset at me but I can't blame her.

"Im sorry."

She didn't reply after that. For a moment it was just silence, I get up and sat down at the side of my bed. Thinking of a way to redeem myself, if there's a chance for me to do so.

Minutes later she replied.

"I try to forget about you, cause I feel like left out. But I couldn't, my emotions are a being bottled up and I have no one to talk to. But when I stumble upon you I knew I couldn't, and some how I feel like I need you back."

I feel like she's exaggerating a bit but I do feel her sadness. But what am I supposed to do? I try to avoid as much people as possible but the way she explains what she's going through to me. I can't help but feel pity, she already saw my face, my whole body to be exact. And we've exchanged personal stories, answered her questions and give her encouragement and advice. She tried to forgot about me cause even though our relationship towards each other wasn't very clear cause she got hurt by it. She now came back to me troubled, she's asking for my help, I dont wanna be seen rude or a neglectful person. First impressions are important.

"Well, we can still be friends if you want."

I thought to myself maybe it wont be that bad. One person isn't much and we're only communicating online, she just needs encouragement. I've already done that to Chinatsu and Ryota, my confidence level is alot higher online than in real life.

Sarah : "Really? Well if you want, I accept."

Akagi : "Yes, its always bad to bottle up your emotions. You at least need someone to talk to about it."

Sarah : "Ah~ That's one of your best teachings. Don't worry I will."

Akagi : "Exactly, Airi. Don't worry I'll always be here when im done with my work."

Sarah : "You can call me by my real name, Sarah."

Akagi : "Sarah?"

Sarah : "Yes, my name is Nurul Sarah Farrissa binti Abdullah."

Akagi : "Wow that's a mouthful."

Sarah : "Yeah, its long right?"

Akagi : "Yes, my name is alot shorter, its Akagi Masahiko."

Sarah : "Hehehe, its nice to know your actual name, nice to meet you!"

Akagi : "Nice meeting you as well, the real you for a change."

We try to get back to pace of when we're still chatting almost daily together. Even though she's a bit weary and insecure now after I leave her alone even for a few days, but I couldn't exactly blame her. And I wont blame myself either. I started to wonder why im the only one she talks to, this might not be the perfect time for that. Considering we just meet again and that would be inconvenient.

A few minutes has pass and it started to get cold, I feel irritated by the clothes who got really sticky and rough on my skin after I didn't bother wiping my own sweat and just let it dry off. I stand up and I open my old closet to see if I still have some clothes here, I open it up and warm air with particles of dust mix in the air rushed and whirls towards me. I blink my eyes to not let any dust to get in my eye, I cover my nose because to prevent it from triggering my allergies. I searched inside my closet and some of my pld clothes are still there, I wasn't even surprised at this point. They maintain my room as if im still staying here. I glance around inside fearing that some bugs might be inhabiting in here, I cautiously grab a sweater, I shook it and hit the sleeves to get rid of some dust and potential bugs. I turn it over and shook it again. I took off my top and felt the cold breeze coming from the window, it was refreshing so I stretched my body to ease my fatigue.

I caress my body to warm myself with my hands, I obliviously walk towards the window with my body expose, its already dark so I dont think anyone would see me. I shut it and close the curtains as well, I brush myself and lift up my arms as far as I can before putting on the sweater. It feels a little tight around my shoulders and its itchy around my back. But its alright.

*Knock knock*

I heard a knock on the my door, it must be my stepmother. I assume she's already done cooking so I knew she's trying to call me to the dining table.

"Be there in a minute!"

I shouted.

I heard the sound of her footsteps fades away as she gets farther. I grab my phone and say goodbye to Sarah.

"Hey, I gotta go now. Lets talk next time okay?"

"Where are you going?"

Sarah asked.

Akagi : "Well I gotta eat dinner and sleep, of course."

Sarah : "Oh I see, I will see next time then."

Akagi : "You take care and stay healthy, goodbye and goodnight."

Sarah : "You too, Goodnight~"

I leave my phone on my bed and made my way to the table.

At the dinner table I sat and ate quietly, it was good. My father and mother are talking to each other but I couldn't hear what they're talking about as I sat at the other end of the table. I stare at the meal my stepmom prepared for us, aand as I savor the taste and smell, I suddenly remembered the last I woke up to my biological mother. Its been a while since I woke up to the cooking of other people who matters to me, it feels quite nice and pleasant.

"Masahiko, what do you think of having a younger sibling?"

I almost drop my utensils upon suddenly hearing such a random question from my father.

I swallowed the food in my mouth first and then clear my throat.

"Well, it will be nice...I guess..."

Kanae laughs.

"What do you mean I guess?"

My father ask.

"It would be good! You two finally starts a strong commitment and a potential inheritor to the restaurant after me."

I stumbled upon words that I didn't process enough in my head. But its still what im trying to say.

"Yes, its nice to have a baby again. You're all grown up already and have your own home. So your mother wont get lonely anymore."

He replied.

"What are your plans in the future, Masahiko?"

Kanae ask.

"Have my own house and be financially stable."

I proudly replied as I feel like I already accomplish my goal of having my own house.

"I see, you already did bought yourself a house. But it lacks something to be called a home."

She said. Is this some what of a metaphorical saying of grown ups that I am not understanding? What could I be missing?

"What do I lack?"

I curiously ask.

She clears her throat and say...

"You need to have someone who will make you glad to come home and cherish everyday."

I figured thats going to be the answer, I already assume that this is going to be another conversation of convincing me to get a girlfriend, or a wife at this point. To be fair, my life could be pretty lonely sometimes, but even so I intentionally keep it the way it is. I have lived in solitude for several years before I got to where I am now. Im used to it.