Ch. 64 - Second chance.

It took a while to able to sleep comfortably, im thankful to be able to have my own bed, elevated from the floor, in contrast to what I use to sleep on back in Malaysia. But I never got fond of our new life in here, even though its beautiful and life is more easy in the urban cities of the land of the rising sun. It was more stressful to cope with the pressure that our new environment demands. Every night, I would always get a flash of my old home, the grass, the trees, the clear, unobstructed skies. The fresh air, our friends, my childhood. It feels depressing as I look at where I am right now, and the things I used to enjoy all turned into memory. Everything happened in a flash, and im deeply saddened by it. I am overwhelmed by the amount of standards I need to maintain

and requirements I have to uphold, in my studies and in my family. I've been so much of a burden for my foster parents, and I want things to change. I want to repay they're kindness and succeed in life, so I would be able to live happily and avoid the same fate my biologically parents. That's why I have to work twice as hard as everybody else. But I didn't prepared for the grueling mental torment that would befall to me, and the toll of being outcast as I am 'Different'.

Not everyone was welcoming and friendly towards me, they ignore me and act like I dont exist. Because I dress differently, act differently, look differently. I was getting sick of always being left alone, so I mustered up the courage and swallow my shyness and approach them. I want them to know that I am not so different, I socialize and hope that once they knew me better. They'd allow me to get along with them. I just dont want to be alone, I want to have some friends, I want to be reliable to others and them to rely on me. So I could be a part of this environment. I dont want to alone.

Unfortunately, not everything is what I anticipated. They just chuckled to whatever I say, whenever I explain and introduce my culture to them. They especially made fun of how my accent sounds cringe and somewhat squeaky. I feel like I just humiliated myself. It destroyed my confident in myself, I felt shunned and more isolated than before, I frustratedly regret on how I clung into desperation to seek hope.

Fortunately, there was hope. Because of hoe I kept introducing myself, word spread amongst the university students about a 'Another veil-wearing one' from a foreign country. And it attracted my fellows who were also struggling to adjust their lifestyle here. And soon, my friends from Malaysia got accepted to study here under a scholarship program. I wss thrilled to see them again after being separated for years, also, the girl I met from The Philippines. Althea Tolentino, who also happens to be my roommate, was so active and so positively self-assured. She doesn't seem bothered at all and she is so cool to being able to handle what I've been struggling for with relative ease. As if this isn't her first time going through such an ordeal. With them, I was able to restore my confidence and desire to assert my image. I was able to be myself again in the Campus, whenever I am with them, I no longer feel ashamed of what I am. However, not all is always bright for me. They all had lives of their own, they had their priorities and set goals. And I still felt the stinging sensation of being excluded and discriminated in some manner. I hate it.

I hate it so much, sometimes I want to simply throw my life away if I was ever going to suffer silently like this. No one really seems to care, no one can really stay by my side on my ups and downs. I want to open up and lighten the emotional baggage im hurdling on my shoulders. But I'd just be a burden again, why can't I find the one who would fix me? Why can't I find people who would really love me? Even my own parents left me, how could I possibly expect to meet someone, who would fill the void in my heart? I want to give up my life, but its too late. Or is it? In times like this, whenever I feel suicidal, I would suddenly hear a voice, softly whispering to me. Please dont give up yet, you've come a long way in your life already. You have survived your childhood, now that you are transcending into adulthood. Continue to hold on, tighten your grip. Hold firm. Once you pass this stage in your life, you'll have much more freedom and more flexibility. You'll have new opportunities and you will grasp your dreams. You still have to wait for your soulmate. He will be there to listen when your down, to accompany you in your journey, to make you laugh, to show you love. Just wait, just a little bit more, your suffering is nearly over...

The voice suddenly vanish and I was left wondering on my own, having nothing in my head but thoughts.

Then I heard a beeping noise, its getting louder and louder. Its raising my conciousness and it feels like my eyes were getting wider. Then I woke up in my bed, the noise I kept hearing is from my phone alarm. I turned it off and look around me, I was in my dorm bedroom. It was all a dream. A rather peculiar one. But what I heard still plays in my head, what could it mean?

"Akagi..." I muttered.

"I want to see, Akagi."

My morning started rather dull and lifeless, I was sitting at the table with Althea. We were fiddling with our phones, but I couldn't pay attention to what I was looking at for my mind is to someone else. Yesterday was amazingly frustrating, it was my opportunity to make my move to try and entice him, in order to tempt him to ask me to be his girlfriend. But it ended in failure. Even though when he looks so cute as I make him blush, he manage to stood his ground and remain steadfast. It still bothers me, but I couldn't bring myself and confess my feelings to him. I am stuck in this predicament. I want to seek some advice from Althea, as she was previously in a relationship back in her homeland. But she's currently having her period and it would be a big blunder to make her recalls those memories.

I sighed in frustration and bump my head on the table surface. I turned my head and look outside the window, feeling pathetic and confused.

"What is wrong?" I heard Althea in a stern tone.

"Hmm..." I groan miserably.

"Did your date with that guy didn't bear fruition in a way you wanted?" She aksed worryingly. I lift my head up and look at her straight in the eyes.

"Yes." She looks back at her phone before saying

"Sawing palad." (Unfortunate) in her native language. I didn't know what it means but judging by her stern pose and serious tone, im sure its not good.

"You know, bestie, sometimes nothing is going to happen if you're gonna keep waiting. If he's not interested at all then make him know that you're interested in him. Some guys just wont budge at our temptations just they're are goal oriented, some of them at least..." Says Althea.

"But what if he rejects me? Im not entirely sure if he will accept my confession, for if he did not, I dont think everything will be the same."

I told her. Feeling anxious just by thought of it.

"You're overthinking way so much about it bestie, you see, back in my home, we have this saying called 'First come, first serve' in any situation. If you're not gonna take the opportunity, then you'll be left with nothing. Same thing for romance, if you dont confess to him now, any other girl could take him away from you."

What she says send shivers down my spine.

"You said he's funny, handsome, and smart. You think no other girl would notice those traits and not feel the same as you do? You don't get to see him everyday, so you're not exactly sure how many women you're competing with. Unless you want to him snuggling with a another girl, drop the shyly act and approach him."

She then shrugs off and went back into fiddling her phone. She has a point to make, how am I sure I could stall it for so long? Who knows what's he doing now, who is he with? All these thoughts bombards my head with frustration and anxiety. But if I had to make the first move, then...

I stared intensely on ny phone, preparing myself.

*Phone rings*

When all of a sudden my phone was ringing due to an incoming call, its from Akagi. My jaw dropped as my eyes widen, my heart started racing as I grew nervous for each second I stare at my phone, hearing my ringtone. I was caught by surprised and couldn't think straight.

"Go to your room, go to your room!" Althea says in urgency.

I went to my room and answered.

"Hello, Akagi. Umm...Why did you call me?"

She then walks inside and laid down in her bed, I couldn't hear what are they talking about from here.

But looking at my bestie getting nervous over a guy makes me laugh. Its the first time she engage herself in the world of dating, seeing how her naive personality get exposed with the romantic feeling that comes along. Makes me happy and feel nostalgic, I remember how flustered I was when my highschool crush became my boyfriend. I just hope she doesn't end like me, heartbroken and bitter. Minutes, later, she burst out of her room shaking, her eyes sparkling with a devilish grin on her face.

"Bestie!"

"Bakit?" (What?)

"He asked me if we could meet!" She excitedly told me.

"Well what did you say?" I found myself getting invested in her endeavor.

"I said yes!"

We both burst in joy in celebration. She immediately started to get ready, searching for what she would wear in her closet. She is so nervous that she couldn't entirely concentrate. I get up and went to her for support. I pat on her shoulders.

"Hey, calm down. Relax, bestie a word of advice. If you think this guy is the one you want, and you are certain to what you feel about him. Then let him know, this is yout chance. Okay?"

She nods and smiles at me. My bestie is so cute and naive, I admire her personality and optimism on how she view the world. Later, I made sure to wear makeup and a new hijab, I was quite excited I didn't have time to shower!

I hope he doesn't mind. Ugh! Im so nervous! As I turn by the corner of the avenue, I saw him standing in front of the Bistro. He looks so cool and handsome! He's sharp eyes, expressionless look, the wind blowing on his hair. He looks menacing but so mesmerizing at the same time. Ahh, Allah, is he the one for me? I took several deep breathes as I got closer, I calm down and shouted his name.

"Akagi~"

He turned his head at my direction as he heard my voice. His face suddenly shifted from an intimidating pose to a rather calm and friendly look. He seems excited to see me. Glad to know he feels the same as I do. We talked about our lives, shared our fondest memories, I opened up to him and the way he thoroughly listens to me, the way he understands me is precious in itself. But the way he awkwardly smiles and scratches the back of his head, when he makes me laugh. Is marvelously appreciating. It makes my heart pound heavily as a smile like an idiot.

Because whenever you're close to me, I end up starring.

Because whenever you smile, my jaw drops.

Because I love you. Alright, I'll confess, I love you.

Sarah told to herself, wanting to come up with the most romantic and effective way to capture his heart. She then remembers the mesmerizing sight that engulfs a nearby park during sunset. She plans to set the mood accordingly to what they both admire, to maximize her chances. She took Akagi to the said park, and she waited for her moment as they both sat down under a tree. Careful thinking of how she will put her confession into motion.

I knew that its now inevitable to turn back, now that I've dragged him all the way here. He's sitting right next to me and its making me really anxious! This is my first time making a move to a guy I like, moreover, this is my first time engaging in a romantic relationship at all! How should I do this...I am completely baffled by my overwhelming emotions. Wait, I should do this like how characters in anime and manhwa confesses to their desired partner! Yes, I should use my charm as a woman to overwhelm and win his heart and mind.

"Akagi.....Its really hard for me to say this, but..."

Suddenly, my body moves on its own and I landed on his hip. My face was so close to him, and he look shocked and his body froze. I place my hands on his shoulders and with all my heart, I told him.

"Akagi, please be my boyfriend!"

After I said, the heavy sensation in my chest slowly fades away and I felt quite a relief. However, the ordeal is still not done. I embrace myself for his answer, whether he accepts or rejects my confession. At least I would be able to sleep knowing that I tried. "You know, even though I said I hate boys when we first met? To be honest, I've never been the same since the day we met and I always felt a strong attachment towards you. Even though we only met and married each other in game, I took way more personal and way too serious. But I've fallen in love with you!" There, I did my best and told him what I feel, the feeling that has been building inside of me for so long.

"Pfftt...Ahahaha." Akagi chuckles at me.

I was bemused by his response and I couldn't interpret what he means by it. He continues to chuckle and rub his face, at this point I was a bit insulted on how he reciprocates about my feelings.

"Eumm...W-why are you laughing? Did I make you laugh?" He fixated his eyes to me and said with his usual straightforward manner.

"You really can't live without me, can you? *Sighs* Alright, I'll admit. I did get some of your hints, and I was aware about what you feel since you kept teasing me. But I remained stubborn and suppress myself from being allured."

He continues to stare at me in the eyes. So he was aware that I was trying to make a move, to be fair I was kinda overdoing it. He really is stubborn, stoic and unhinged.

"However, I realize to myself that I couldn't kept this up for so long, and I'll eventually give in to the temptations of love. I couldn't stop thinking about you, that's why I ask to see you again."

My heart is trobbing really fast, loudly that its disrupting the silence between his words.

"Im glad you that you feel that way, I admire on how you could can bring yourself together to say that you love me, because I love you too, Sarah."

Oh my goodness! He said it! He said he loves me! My crush says he loves me!

Sarah's emotions are sprilling out of control as dopamine and euphoric chemicals rush through her body. She feels happy and enlightened to hear his response. She smiles brightly and she erupts in joy as she embraces Akagi, in which he responded by gently holding her. While whispering in her ears.

"You flatter me, you know?"

While blushing as Sarah caresses his hair, being playfully glad to have her feelings accepted.