Ch. 63 - Humble beginnings.

Time continues to pass slowly as we continue our conversation, I gave her some advice and guidance at where she could start in doing outdoor activities. I asked what her hobby is, she wouldn't be able overcome her fear of being judge as of now. But she could start building her confidence by doing her hobby.

"Sewing." She responded delightfully.

I told her about Haruna, a friend of mine who is also into sewing, introverted just like her. Yet she manages herself in the outdoors.

"Akagi." I look at her in silence as she calls me.

"How are you able to stand by your preferences, or decisions? Like, what do you think of as an inspiration or motivation to remain steadfast?" Asked Sarah.

"Well..."

I leaned back trying to think of what to say, trying to calm my mind so I could relax and say what I feel and had in mind. "Let me tell you a story, there was a married couple riding a horse, there were a bystander looking at them.

'Oh no! The poor animal is struggling to carry their weight!' said the bystander.

So the woman gets off, then the bystander said

'Ugh! He's letting his wife walk!' So the man gets off and let his wife ride the horse. The bystander then said 'They should be together in once place for it to be more romantic.' So they both get off and walk. But the bystander said. 'Fools! Doesn't even know how to utilize the animal!' Did you get what I said?"

I aksed Sarah, looking bewildered by what I just told her. Bemused, she aksed.

"I heard everything you said, but what does it mean?" I look at her straight in the eye and said. "It means, no matter what you do, good or bad, people would always judge you for something. They will always feel like they need to say something. They won't stop nor look at themselves in the mirror to see and accept their own flaws. So they just downgrade, discriminate and judge others around them." Sarah awed in amusement as I explained it to her.

"So in the end, as long as you're not harming anyone, just be yourself." I told her.

"A wise man in my childhood once said, those who mind doesn't matter, those who dont mind, matters. Dont lie to yourself to be likeable to others, so be yourself."

I added.

"Oh my~ That's such a good story! Its so astounding, like it came out of a fairytale!"

(A fairly tale?!)

"It really suits your personality, no wonder why you're so focused , you're beyond intimidation by others. You're true to yourself, I wish I could be just like you!" She exclaimed.

"Also, as for motivation, simply remind yourself of what you've gone through. The things you have lost, remind yourself of how you lost them, longed for it. Fuel up your desire to achieve it, at the end, it will be you who would benefit for your efforts."

I told her. I pull out my phone to show her the picture of my own house, from the outside look, the porch, my balcony where I sat down to calm down while looking at the see, and my own yard, where I grill barbecue.

"Lucky you, you've already done so much in your life. What's your secret?" Asked Sarah. "I just told you, simply just keep going. Dont let your fear get in the way." I responded.

"But how? I dont know how could I possibly muster my courage, or overcome my fear. As im looking at my life right now, how could I possible succeed in life? Everything is so difficult, I dont got the same opportunities or vision as you. You seem to have it easy." She told me in a gloomy voice.

"Sarah, life is hard, it never gets easy. Embrace that fact, that's the truth, life is cruel and full of hardships." I confidently responde. She swallows and look down. Feeling distressed and in disbelief.

"But remember..." I added.

"Its what you do with the feeling of desperation and what you do with that fear, is what matters. Set goals that you knew you can't achieve. This way, you'll really able to challenge yourself. Sure you'd feel doubt, you'd feel weak, it's okay as its natural. But what you do with that fear is what matters, whether you use that fear to motivate yourself, to actually take on the endeavor, that seems impossible to you. You'd force yourself to get better, to work harder, to push yourself over to your limits. Always doubt yourself but dont let it hinder you, let it motivate you. Sooner or later, without realizing, you're far better than when you started that journey. This way you'll really be able to improve yourself."

She smiles at me after what I said. It warms up my heart knowing she is willing to listen, to learn. That she's not argumentative or disagreeable, nor in denial of her situation.

"That's how I get to where I am right now, I didn't have anything easy. Remember this, in your path to success, the first step is always the hardest. That first step is to overcome your fear, once you did it, everything else would be easy." I added.

"So the solution to my problems is just within myself?" I nod as a response.

"You're smart, you have potential, just trust yourself and give your best. The results doesn't come out right away."

"Aw~ Thank you~" She gladly said with a smile on her face that reminds me of my childhood. Suddenly a waitress approach our table, holding menus on her hand.

"Good afternoon, sir, ma'am!" The waitress cheerfully greets us. "May I take your order?" She said as she hands out her menus to us.

"One red verlvet cake, please~" Sarah told the waitress. She eagerly wrote it down and looks at me.

"How about you, sir?"

"A cup of coffee, please." I casually responded.

"Will that be all, sir?" Asked the waitress.

To which I simply replied. "Yes."

"Okay, but dont you want to try our new appetizers?" The waitress cheerfully aksed. I look at her silently. She leans closer to me and opens up the menu, she points her hand at their new appetizers.

"We now serve, fried calamari with tartar sauce! Would you like to try them, sir?" The way she is cheerfully talking while leaning close to me makes me feel nervous. I dont want to reject her offer as she reminds me so much of Chinatsu, she is just as cheerful as this girl.

"Sure, I'll try that." I told her. "Excellent! Our fried Calamari is best eaten with our chicken sandwich paired with our fries!" She exclaimed.

"You'd get ten percent off the total price of you order all three of them, would you like to order those too?"

"..."

I cant believe she manages to persuade me to buy all of those, I am being careful with my diet to maintain my physique. But I guess I could take a cheat day for today and just compensate tomorrow by reducing the consumption of high calorie foods and more exercises.

"Wow, I cant believe you could eat that much."

Sarah said as she eats her cake. "You sure you don't want some?"

I said as I offer her my plate of fried calamari.

"No thanks, im allergic to seafoods." She responded. "Oh sorry."

I remained silent and just eat my food.

"Um...I know I have no right to judge you for it, but won't you gain weight for what you're eating? I mean, those are high in calories right?" She worryingly asked.

"I know, but I just couldn't turn down such a cheerful waitress, enthusiastically doing her job. So I just decided to comply and agree to her recommendations." I replied.

"Why? Is it because she's cute?" She told me. I look at her and chuckled.

"No, no, its because I could relate to what she's doing. Standing all day on your feet, always being presentable and having to smile all day. Walking around and talking to everyone to convince them to order something from the menu. I know how hard their job can be."

"You do? Do you use to work as a waiter before your father promoted you into being chef?" She curiously asked.

"No, my father only showed up to me when I was 18 years old, but before that. I used to live with my aunt, and I work alot of different jobs." I told her.

"Woah! Really?" She aksed in dismay.

"Wait, so...how was your life before?"

"Miserable." I immediately replied whilst starring at her blankly.

"I couldn't remember a time when I was able to get a proper rest, or a moment for myself, or to relax from the stress that consumes me everyday. After school, I would work part-time as a waiter and after that, I would work as a cashier. I would also take extra jobs in contraction sites on the weekends if I have not nothing to do. Because of it, I lack sleep. I was always awake late at night and would need to woke up early."

I told her. Her face looks so shocked and in disbelief, bewilderingly wondering whether I am exaggerating or not.

"Eh? That sounds really bad! How did you manage to do all of that? And why did you take on so many work all at once, couldn't you only have one?"

She said as she intensely stare at me in doubts and horror. "Its not that easy.." I scoffed.

"I dont have much of a choice, my life was filled with destitution and poverish situations. I don't really have anyone to support my back, so I resorted to such a reckless lifestyle. After I graduated from Highschool, I spend most of my time working different jobs. I didn't pursue my dream or my studies, that's why I never went to college."

I told her in a stern tone.

"Sounds like you've been through alot, it must've been horrible so horrible for you."

"Yes, you thought I had it easy?" I chuckled menacingly.

"No, even opportunities and emotional support was deprived from me. Everything you see that I have right now, I achieve it all through hard work. Since I didn't have my parents growing up, I ended up working harder than others. It was painful and difficult."

"Im sorry to hear that, I guess your right. Life isn't exactly easy." She respond.

Not wanting to discourage and make her anxious about the burdens and trials of life. I thought of something to assure her.

"However, I want you to remember this, no matter what happens, no matter how heavy the burden you're carrying on you shoulders. Never lose hope." I told her.

"I want you to know, that you're gonna be okay. You are smart, you are calm, you have supporting friends and family, you are not alone. Even of you get hurt, even if its painful, whether it makes you filled with sadness or anger. Or when it feels like your world is falling apart, let it all out. Cry all your sorrows away, dry up that flood and look inside you. Because after all of the pain, sorrow and anger you felt, is something beautiful flourishing inside of you. You would be able to look back and realize you have learned something new to take with you. All of your experience will mold you into becoming resilient, allowing you to get stronger and be better than your previous self, you would be able to bloom into something new. That's how pretty much I've survived, I just kept trying. Flowers would not grow without rain. So don't be ashamed of feeling hurt or doubt, but allow yourself to get past this temporary feeling and situation."

"That's what I've always wanted to hear~" She delightfully said. "Ive always been troubled with my current situation, I find myself lost in my thoughts as im always worried. But what you said made me feel at ease, you enlighten me with your thoughts. Im always complaining to you about my situation, but you had it harder than me yet you manage to endure all of it. You've become such an admiration for me~" She says in an endearing manner.

"Just remember to smile, don't be afraid. Look at me, when I was young I was poor. So after years of hard work, im no longer young." I jokingly said. She started laughing and looks at me.

"Im glad you're able to just laugh it off."

"That's just me."

Our time together went smoothly afterwards, we finished our meals but we continue to spend some time together. She told me about her plans in the future, she tells me how willing she is to achive her goal and her parents expectations of having a better life, so she wouldn't end up like her biological parents. Especially like her mother. I look outside and it was already late in the afternoon, I still plan on hitting the gym and so I said my farewells and as I was about to get up, she stood up and held my hand.

"Wait." She says.

"There is something I want to tell you." I stared at her and asked "What?" She glances around before talking to me again.

"However, I don't think I can tell you about it here, I know a park nearby. Its relaxing and pleasant, its really important."

She begged me to stay for a bit longer and proposes we go to a nearby park. I don't quite understand why she needs to go there to tell me something, but im not much in a hurry so I decided to give it an hour before finally departing to go home. She wasn't lying when she told me it was just nearby. Just for a few minutes walk, I saw a breathtaking view of green fields of grass. An pleasant sight that allows me to see the clear sky, unobstructed by huge buildings. It was illluminated in a vibrant orange colour of the setting sun. We took a walk and pass by several other visitors, playing around or simply just with their friends and family. I felt the fresh air blowing on my face, however, Sarah remained disturbingly quite. She didn't say anything on our way here or hadn't given me any hint as to why were here.

"So why are we here?" I aksed. "Sat down under that tree over there." She points at a big tree and walks towards it without saying anything else. I feel troubled and quite curious, is there something she hid in that tree? I just followed her lead and sat down next to her as she sat down on the grass, facing the sun set on the horizon. We couldn't really witness the sun to fully set as they were some buildings obstructing the view. But the colour of the sky and the birds souring up high is worth watching.

"So you just bought me here to watch the sunset, huh? Neat." I told her. She didn't reply and so I just continue to glance around the place, trying to think of enjoy the view.

"Akagi..." She suddenly mentions my name, breaking the silence and builds up my anticipation.

"Its really hard for me to say this, but..." She says.

Suddenly she rolled over at top of me, places her hand on my shoulders. Looks at me in the eyes with her face close to mine, I could feel her breath. And judging by it, I could tell she's nervous. I was nervous too, as she was on top of me and we're out in public.

"Akagi, please be my boyfriend!"

The wind was blowing peacefully, and the tree above us were whistling in silence. As the sky continues to glow in an orange color. For a long time I've shunned my heart to everyone except for my family and a few friends of my choosing, for a long time I've isolated myself from meeting new people or to find romance. And now, out of nowhere, I suddenly felt different. Her words, her proposal pierced my heart and I was shaken in an indescribable feeling. But overwhelmingly, I don't quite feel like rejecting her. No one has asked me to be involved in a romantic relationship with them, and it seems like I was powerless to repel her charm.