Explanation (2)

[ Perspective: Vaccine ]

"Go back..."

"Hey?! Wait!"

Without hearing a single thing, he pushed me into the portal and turned his back on me. His figure moved confidently toward the strangers, yet his expression showed the opposite. I wondered whom we had just met...

After that, a familiar nausea washed over me. It was that terrible dizziness you could get from riding a high-speed roller-coaster or standing on a boat in the middle of a storm. Thanks to having experienced it several times, I managed to NOT fall to the ground and didn't have to awkwardly give excuses for my circumstances.

But... this time is quite different than usual. The nausea is much stronger and heavier as if a massive stream poured out rapidly from a broken dam. My surroundings kept spinning and almost made me vomit. I held my head and properly pulled myself up from the ground after trying to stand up earlier.

"Ugh... I can never get used to this sort of travelling. Every time it was done, he would throw me in here without a second thought– Can't you at least be more gentle?!"

As I said, winds were crashing on the rooftop, leaving a space between me, and my speech echoed far away.

There was no reply again.

"As expected... The voice of a character can never reach its creator."

However, I could feel that it was surprisingly quiet today. As if his presence had completely... gone. There's no sign of any scenario playing currently, and there are no people here either. I couldn't hear the script reading inside my head anymore, and it made me paranoid.

"I guess he went to sleep right away. It was quite a busy night after all, but... where is this?"

The unsettling feeling was still there, but I quickly dismissed them and took a look at my surroundings. There are no white concrete walls or forests nearby. It's a completely different location, a location that had never been in the previous scenario before.

It's a university made of faded red bricks and blue cross-gable roofing. Straight walls and tall windows, you can find it anywhere in European schools. Since the university is in the evening, the walls are even brighter in the sunset. Even I could feel the warm casting upon them, yet the cold was still behind me.

But wasn't I supposed to be at Doctor's University by now? When did he add this place from reality into this world? No, in the first place, why did he send me here?

"Hm?"

Then, something far away caught my attention while I was concentrating. It was a small figure standing on top of the building, talking to himself.

"Who is that?"

I wondered as I tried to figure out who that was. His appearance is that of a modern civilian. He wore all black from shirt to pants, with a simple dark blue windbreaker. Strangely, he doesn't have a face except a pair of glasses on his nose.

"What is he talking about..."

I tried to listen to his speech instead. Maybe he could say something about himself. However, as the speech went on, I became more aware of who this was.

"Why is he here? No, wha–what are you going with that conclusion—"

A horrifying realization lurking behind my mind has come to light. It can't be mistaken, although his presence is weaker than before. It is him. And he was planning to kill himself!

"This must be a joke."

Well, there's nothing to be questioned about anyway. He always likes this. A selfish, violent, and crazy man who you can't do anything to, as a character.

However, I could feel that something was wrong. Anxiety violently shook my body, urging me to go immediately. As if this is his final speech to the world before he's gone completely, never to be seen again.

"He will be fineee… Who am I to worry for..."

He won't just die like that. There's so much stuff he has to work with; there's so much stuff to deal with, and there's so much to do! So he wouldn't leave me like that, right?

"..."

He wouldn't do that... right?

"...F*ck it."

So I ran.

Across the grass fields, across the halls, across every building that I found along the way. I could hear my footsteps on the ground, and I could feel my breath slowly heavier with each step I took, I could even hear my heart beating faster.

The memories about him started to resurface, one by one.

???: "Welcome to the 4th wall, Vaccine."

Vaccine: "Huh?"

???: "Let me introduce myself, I am your creator, JD."

I was swept up by confusion at the time, like a newborn who opened their eyes to the world. It was the first time I met him. And a lot of time has passed since then…

There was a time when I was annoyed by his behaviour...

"What are you doing?"

JD: "I'm designing Covid-19!**** Isn't he nice?"

"What?! WHY ARE YOU MAKING HIM? Isn't one enough for my work??"

JD: "Welp, It's midnight! Let me sleep already."

"Hey!"

There was a time when I was flustered by his taunting...

JD: "Well~ look what we have here! Didn't you say you didn't want her?"

"SHUT UP!////////"

There was a time when I was already tired of his shit...

JD: "Do you want to join The Organization?"

"No–"

JD: "Okay, you're in."

"Haizz... Whatever."

... And a time when I appreciated his consideration.

JD: "I'm sorry."

"What are you even sorry about? It's weird."

JD: "For what happened before? I... didn't mean to."

JD: "So, I'm sorry about that."

"You don't need to. It's all in the past now."

JD: "Nah, I still find the need to apologize to you properly."

"..."

"Fine."

When I opened my eyes of awareness for the first time, he had already grabbed over my control. I could only watch his tyranny over my own emotions and actions for nearly a year. I could have hated him or despised him to the core, yet after "that incident", he set me free and kept caring about me, treated me like a friend but never stopped apologizing every time he reminded himself about his mistakes.

That is why his speech and his image that appears far away have hit me. Everyone makes mistakes. And everyone deserves to be forgiven. Even if he changes his appearance, he's still my creator. I don't want him to leave too soon.

However, I was currently nowhere near him in the slightest. My intuition continued to lead me towards the back of a building, I was almost out of breath, but I could feel myself getting closer.

"Huff... huff..."

Even though the stairs felt longer than before, I'll bite my tongue to keep going forward. I hold on to it, so just tell me... what happens to you…

What has happened that you've chosen such an extremity?

"Ah."

There, I saw him.

…in a completely different location from mine, but I easily recognized those buildings. It's a city of the 21st century.

Apartments and a few landmarks can be seen in the distance, and the noisy streets can be heard vividly. The white clouds resemble cotton on the blue-painted sky, stretching to the end of the horizon. Unconsciously, I reached my hand out…

"JD?"

…but an invisible wall has separated us, preventing me from reaching him. And it seemed like JD hadn't known about my presence yet. I attempted to call him a few times.

"Hey, JD!"

"Hey!!"

"Do you hear me, JD!?"

However, the wall stopped any sound from going through except for his speech to reach my ears.

And it was nearly over.

"Wait!"

I punched it, but the force bounced back on me. I pushed it, but the wall showed no sign of budging. I slam my head on the wall, hoping that it could get through.

But it's all in vain.

*THUMP*

"Why?"

*THUMP*

"Why are you doing this?"

I asked. Likes every other time he does something without telling me the reasons why. Every time, it is like a puzzle, trying to find the missing pieces and putting them all together to see the whole picture that he drew. It was tiring, but that's just what he wanted.

*THUMP*

"Is this one of your trolling, right? It must be!"

He didn't answer.

*THUMP*

"Can you stop now?"

*THUMP*

"This was intended, right?"

Frequently, I would be picked for his own entertainment, self-talking, is what he called it. However, I didn't understand such things at the time. Replying to him with the same kind of tone was like breathing to me as I increased my strength with each punch.

*THUMP*

"Hey..."

*THUMP*

"It's not funny anymore..."

At this point, my mind had been broken. The powerlessness could have slowly eaten away all of my strength. Instead, it's making my blood boil hotter. With the last bit of my sanity, I screamed my lungs out.

"STOP!"

*THUMP*

"I SAID STOP!"

*THUMP*

"JUST STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING RIGHT NOW!"

*THUMP*

I could feel it becoming hotter and hotter every time I punched the wall. Blood had already been starting to run down my hands, enough to paint a picture on the wall in front of me… yet I didn't stop. I poured all of my strength in an attempt to force through.

Maybe something will happen.

*THUMP*

"LET ME GO!"

*THUMP*

"LET ME GO!"

*THUMP*

"JUST LET ME GO!"

Then, I saw him move… He finally moved! I have been waiting for this for so long. We could talk things out after this and end this scenario. However, he did not walk toward me.

Oh.

Instead, where he was going…

*THUMP*

"PLEASE!! PLEASE DON'T GO!!"

*THUMP*

"I'M PEGGING YOU! PLEASE DON'T—"

Don't go, don't leave me here... My legs had given up, and my body had slid down to the wall, but my hand still slammed this d@mn wall repeatedly.

*THUMP*

"Why..."

*THUMP*

"I was so close..."

*THUMP*

"Why are you doing this to me..."

*THUMP*

As I continued to slam my hands against the wall, I realized that I hadn't expressed my thoughts to him yet. All these three years of travelling were enough for a mere character like me to develop consciousness, yet I merely stood by and watched his plays and films.

At the end of each scene, only a silent greeting him.

I wasn't even scripted to be there in the first place.

*THUMP*

"No..."

How lonely was he for him to stand there with a cracked smile, knowing that no one would applaud for his marvellous scripts?

It's so suck that he couldn't share it with anyone other than himself.

*THUMP*

"No. That's not..."

How hopeless was he to continue to improve his creations for years in solitude like a maniac just so he could show off?

As a matter of fact, he did show it and proudly bragged about it like it was the best project in the world behind our backs.

And we you know that.

*THUMP*

"THAT'S NOT TRUE!"

Then what are you going to do now?

*THUMP*

In the end, I couldn't hate him. Instead, I find myself sympathizing with him. As if there was a connection between us, I started to understand the intentions behind his actions... It's silly and stupid, but at least I could understand him to some degree.

Just like that, we travelled for three whole years, went through the highs and lows of life, and shared our moments. The more we travelled, the more he felt like a relative to me.

"I..."

As he's ready to take the last step. I hesitate.

What if... this is not what he wants? What if my concerns are meaningless? What if my efforts turned out to be harmful to him?

"I shouldn't stop him. It's not my place to do so..."

It was clear now. This wall, he might have put it here to stop me. My efforts are worthless in front of absolute power, which is what he wants to say, right? You don't need to be concerned about him… is what his message wants to say to me, right?

Is this your final resolution?

I heard it again. Even though I was alone, behind me, that faded voice spoke up in each statement, seemingly trying to stab me. Unfortunately, I could barely see a thing in this state; I only had enough energy to answer three times at most.

"Yes..."

Are you going to wait for his command again?

"What else could I do other than wait for him..."

I have to wait...

And wait...

Wait for the new script to arrive...

Then act as the script said... Act like what he said, act like what he wants. After that, a grand ending will be waiting at the end of the play, and he will be satisfied.

The silence warped over our surroundings. Until the others decided to ask me one last time.

Is this what you truly want?

Their question was unexpected. That's true... Why have I never thought about it? I got up from the ground, slowly but steadily, supporting myself with the invisible wall.

What do I want?

I have wished to be able to judge his creations myself so I could discuss them with him all day long. He has been craving for someone to talk to about his work. I could see what his excitement would be like when he found one.

"Ha ha ha..."

I wanted to express my thoughts to him so he could finally understand me. Maybe in the future, he could at least have sympathized with me and stopped his trolling for once.

"Hahaha."

I wanted to be his companion, a friend... So that he won't be alone anymore, even in the crisis. At least we have each other's backs and face the problem together. However, I couldn't say all of that, I would pass out right away. I grip my hand tightly, putting all of my thoughts into one to finally come to one conclusion. Because in the end…

"I don't want my creator to die."

Then…

Suddenly, a hand placed on my back and pushed me forward, successfully getting my body through the wall. All my wounds were healed, and I felt energized. When my mind started to become clearer again, I heard the last thing coming from behind—trying to encourage me in our last meeting with only one word:

Go.

Last Chapter Next Chapter