Escapades of the drunken spider! Part 1

After having been a food tester for a while, and discovering my preference for raw meat. I began planning how to get saline solution. The easiest place to get it would probably be a pharmacy, however I was not sure whether I could buy it over-the-counter or not. My biggest problem would be if they ask for any type of identification, since I obviously have none… hmmm, something to acquire in the future.

The second option would be to simply make it myself. Considering that I already have all the ingredients required to make a saline solution. The only problem with this option is the fact that I would have to wait 24 hours for it to refrigerate.

After carefully considering the costs and benefits of going with each option, I choose the second one. Mainly due to me not really wanting to end up in an awkward staring contest with some employee in a pharmacy. Definitely not because of my heliophobia… okay you got me, I don't think I am ready to go another round with the sun.

Well in any case time to unleash my inner pharmacist. While I was preparing all the ingredients for the saline solution, my spiders arrived with a little gift for me.

It was the most pristine looking lab-coat I have ever seen. As I was putting on the lab-coat some of my spiders were tying up my hair, to prevent it from getting in the way.

Having put on the lab-coat I was wondering how it looked on me. Luckily a group of my spiders came to me with a hand held mirror. I gratefully took the mirror and began inspecting my new appearance. I definitely had the scientist look down with the lab-coat and all. However my unique features made me look more like a mad scientist, than any old run of the mill scientist.

Being satisfied with my new outfit I nodded to myself and spread out my arms.

"I am a mad scientist MUHAHAHA" I said in my best Stine's Gate impression.

Earning myself a few judging looks from my spiders… "stop looking at me like that, it's a reference, it's supposed to have terrible pronunciation!" I said in an effort to defend myself. Causing my spiders to pet me, in a way that felt similar to how you would console an upset child. I would be upset, if it didn't feel so nice. "Ha" I sighed. It is hard to know a bunch of references that no one in this world will understand.

Regardless I started heating up distilled water, and after a while mixed in the ingredients. It did not take me long to finish making the saline solution. After having finished the solution I put it in the fridge to cool down.

As my spiders were cleaning up I couldn't help but shake my head. The fact that I was actually resorting to drinking salt water, made me feel kind of silly.

But as I was thinking about whether this had any chance of actually working. A special word made me think about a very important question. That word was drinking. Which I'm sure most other college students can attest, leads your thoughts towards alcohol. So this all let me to the question, can demons get drunk?

And of course I couldn't let this important question go unanswered. So I was planning to go out drinking, when the sun had set… Purely for scientific purposes of course. What's that? You're saying this is a stupid idea… There are better ways to deal with stress? You are absolutely correct. However, the question must be answered, for science!

So that is why I am currently altering my appearance, and getting ready to go out. I started by turning my hair black, then I made it shorter and styled it in a ponytail. After that I slightly altered my facial structure, and turned my eyes blue. Finally I made minimal changes to my height. Looking at the finished product, a completely new face stared back at me… Honestly if I had this ability back on earth I would never buy make up.

As I was contemplating the economical benefits of being a shapeshifter, my spiders arrived with tonight's outfit. A pair of jeans, a hoodie and a white T-shirt. The shirt had a print of a cute chibi spider on it, with the words I love written next to it. Honestly it was absolutely adorable.

I took the new clothes, and went to take a look at the clock. It is 7 pm so the sun should be going down just about now.

"Hmmm, I think I will give it a little more time" I said to myself.

Having come to the conclusion that it would be better to wait a bit. I decided to cook up a quick portion of supplemental soup, just in case drunk hungry me doesn't have much self-control.

After eating my bland and tasteless soup I put the new outfit on. I walked over to the door, and put my hand on the handle. "Haaa" with a sigh I pushed open the door and stepped out into the garden.

As I stood in the garden I took a moment to feel, the atmosphere of the night. I looked up into the sky and saw the moon, as well as several stars. The night sky was way clearer than I would expect from being in a big city. Not that I'm complaining. I suppose that either the house is doing something to combat light pollution, or my eyes have simply become better after I became a demon. I could honestly see both being the case.

Having finished appreciating the night sky, for now. I looked over the lawn, my eyes caught sight of the doghouse. Did the entrance grow a bit bigger?

"Come forth my scavengers" I decided to call out the scavengers. Mostly because of two things, first I wish to ask them if they noticed something happening when the garden expanded. Secondly I intend for them to follow me while keeping hidden, and ensure that drunk me gets home safely.

As I was watching my scavengers moving out of the doghouse, I made a frown of confusion. Something is not quite right here, there is at least twice as many as last time I saw them.

"Do you guys multiply?" I blurted out.

"Hiiiiiiiiii" my scavengers replied.

Ah yes, I forgot I can't understand them. Well considering their sudden increase, I guess I can assume that they indeed can. Wait! Doesn't that mean I'm going to end up with a massive spider army?

Meh, considering the wild things that goes down in Marvel, having an army of terrifying arachnoids doesn't seem like a bad thing. Oh well, that sounds like something for future me to worry about.

Anyways getting back on topic, I should probably give my scavengers their orders. "Cough cough" I made a coughing sound to gather my scavengers attention.

" I have two important things to say. First off, did you guys notice the garden expand?"

"Hiiiiiiiiii" my scavengers made a loud sound and looked around, seeming somewhat confused.

Right… I don't know what I was expecting.

"Okay… the second thing then" I said in an incredulous tone.

"I will be relying on you for a very important task. You will be acting as security detail for me, as I attempt to answer a very important question, through the use of a practical experiment. It is important that you remain out of sight, and get me to return before sunrise. That is all any questions?"

After the briefing my scavengers did a polite spider bow, and began hiding around in the surroundings. They were actually surprisingly good at being stealthy. You wouldn't notice them if you weren't looking for them, and that is coming from someone with night vision. So yeah, I highly doubt that any humans would be able to find them in the dark.

Having finished setting up a safety net for myself, I went out into the city.

Now I have two options, I can either go to the supermarket and buy a bunch of alcohol. Or alternatively I can go to a bar and drink myself into a stupor. Both options have their pros and cons, but since I am not really hungry right now, and I am kind of craving any kind of social interaction… I think I will go with the bar.

And so began my aimless walk through the city of New York, in search of a bar. After searching for a while I found a place in a back alley. It had a bit of a weird name, or I guess no name? It was called "The bar with no name" it sort of gave me the mental picture of someone trying really hard to come up with a name, just to give up. Only for a friend/employee to jokingly call it the bar with no name, and then everyone was like, you know what let's just use that. At least that is my headcanon.

Well a bar, is a bar regardless of its name.

With a little shrug I entered the bar, it kind of had a dark and mysterious vibe going for it. It almost seemed like some hidden illegal place, for the more unsavory types of people.

It seemed to have a bit of a rough clientele. I am relatively sure that at least 95% of everyone here is a gangster, or some other type of criminal. Hmmm I wonder if coming here was a mistake? Meh, I honestly don't mind all that much right now. Besides considering all the advantages of being a demon… Yeah I can't really see any normal gangsters being able to do much about me, especially at night.