His Feelings ( Descision)

   Kim Seungmin

   And few minutes later, she arrived. Dizzy, bit of messy hair. Must be wanted to sleep but came. She sat down asking me to play game. But I don't wanna give attention to game.

  It's you! Shall I say?

  After her sweet demand I could not say No!  And I played. With the most unused tricks to fail for it. And I died!

  Hyunjin didn't liked it, nor Felix! But I loved it! I showed my dissapointment! With little mockery and little excitement I got close to her. In order to keep her mind out, talking some things I sat beside her. .

  When I walked with Hyunjin I realised something.

  Hyunjin was here, he was nothing to Felix. But he spends his time with him so much. He texts him, he calls him. He make sure to let him know he is here.

  And I want to do that too! She thinks of me nothing! And I want to change that nothingness into something important!

   As Hard as I tried but still I wasn't good at keeping her mind at ease. And she finally lost every thought. But as soon as I sat beside her,

  A thousand starts gathered encircling us. Twinkling and glowing. What she was thinking I don't know. But I was sure I was part of that thought of her.

  And I was happy for it.

  But from where I sat, I wasn't able to see her. Not even my eyes allowing to have a slightest sight of her. And I sat while counting the stars in front of us.

  I don't know how much time paused but when I felt something was when half of the movie was complete. The ring disappeared!

   I woke up from my thoughts when her curls slightly landing on my cheeks and her head resting on my shoulder.

  She fell asleep!

  As when I tried to get close to her earlier my hand was little lowered and I kept it lower. To have a look at her but, it was more that I expected.

  When I look up, Felix and Hyunjin were too done with gaming. Felix smiled seeing her.

  Felix came forward and sat in front. He was about to touch Her. And I stopped him with other hand.

My clear intention of 'DONT' !

Felix looked at me. And I looked at her. Then looking at him I realised what have I done. He was confused.

What should I do!

  "Let her be, movie isn't complete. If she woke up she will continue!" I said! In lowest voice as I could.

Without thinking. To clear my intentions. But I was lieing. But why was I?

Felix withdraw his hand and smiled.

"But she won't wake up no soon." Felix whispered too.

"It's okay! Once movie is over I'll wake her up!" I smiled asking for reasons to sit beside her.

"But your hand! It will hurt." Felix asked.

"No it's okay! I guess she will wake up in no time." I answered.

Felix gave look toward me and then to her.

He was thinking a lot.

"Okay!" He said finally.

Then he went to arrange bed for him. He was going to sleep on floor.

"Hey Felix!" I whispered! But he listened.

"What?" He came close.

"You sleep on bed. I'll sleep down here!" I said.

"No, I'm sleeping here." He smiled and shook his head.

"No, you should sleep on your place. I'm new here. And I came without informing so please let me..." Before I complete my sentence he went to bed.

  And so does Hyunjin. Not even asking for him to sleep at floor he just went sleeping like nothing is happening.

  I guess he knows that no one can win against Felix. I was looking at him with confusion.

"Don't speak much. She will wake up!" Felix said.

  Was he scaring me with this reason. And I was Scared!

  I sat quite. Looking at her closed eyes. Listening to her breaths.

  I don't know how long time passed, I was continuously looking at her like this.

  My eyes hurt. And so does my shoulder. I guess it will be numb in no time. Then the feelings will be gone. Of her resting over my shoulder.

What should I do!

  Felix woke up. With rubbing his eyes he came close.

  "What time is it?" He asked.

  "It's 12 already!" I answered. Looking at the open screen of laptop showing the time.

  "I guess you should woke her up!" Felix smiled at me.

  "I guess your friend is good sleeper!" I said.

  He chuckled! He again rose his hand like earlier. He sweetly put his hands over her cheeks, gently rubbing and called her name.

  "Yoona! Yoona! It's so late! You should wake up!" He talked with sweet tone.

  She didn't answered.

  He asked for about 2-3 times. And her steady breathing disturbed. She woke up, rubbing her eyes.

  Finding me sitting beside her she jumped. Not so far but to show a proper distance.

  She was scared! But she had no thoughts. The sky above her was clear. Again nothingness?

  We talked. And my heart sinked! She was just now enclosing me with her thoughts. And now nothing comes to her mind. Nor she scared. Nor was she happy.

  I went to sleep. Smiling at her. Hiding the pain again.

  Next morning, I woke them up. Felix was easy to call for, but we both tried so hard to wake Hyunjin up.

  I needed to wake him up. We were leaving. We joined for breakfast. And there she came. With butterflies over her head. Was she happy?

But wasn't happy the Sun shining one!

We had our breakfast and I declared, yep feeling like declared the war. Felix and Eunsoo both the rising suns went down. I can't look at them now. And Aunt somehow too was dissapointed.

Hyunjin made Mrs. Lee to talk to his mom. And she then too said he must leave. And thus we parted.

She was sad. A lot! The morning sun above her sky was hiding under dark clouds. Will she miss me? She won't I guess!

  As soon we reached, Hyunjin got busy in his business problems with his mom. But time to time he used to call telling me he want to go back.

  More than him, I wanted to! But I made him always to calm down.

  He sometimes called over the conference. And I heard her saying she misses us! My heart was happy. I felt like dancing. She does have thought about me.

  She said she misses me!

  Days passed. And me with my half heart wanting this vacations to end soon. I Was missing her.

  Finally on that day, it felt like eternity has been passed. We went to college. I sensed nothing at all.

   No clouds, no fear. She was happy.

   We entered and Hyunjin screamed,

"Yoona...!" I didn't continued to listen as I saw he was about to jump and hug her.

   I held his collar. You can't touch her!

   Not now! He stood up. She looked at me, I gave her a smile.

I don't want to be nobody to her. She smiled back. A rainbow over her head. But it wasn't even raining earlier! But something it was. And I'm happy for it.

  We went to sit when I heard, BongCha talking to her. According to her I was not going to talk to her forever. That I didn't like her a bit! I'm sorry BongCha even if we knew each other for years, you still don't understand a thing!

  So fool of her to think me in that way. The reason I was ignoring her, I too don't know! But I won't talk to her, who said! And now, no one can stop me.

   I was always having my reasons to talk to her. If I don't have one, I can find one! Hyunjin being already close to her helped me alot. Giving stupid reactions, laughing and playing.

  I was now something to her. Called to be as freind. Her thoughts were thinking about me too now. She shared her laughs and worries with me. But, just as freind! I wasn't satisfied. I want to be someone special to her.

  I found out Hyunjin spends weekends with them. Felix was now living with Eunsoo. And that was pleasurous thing to know.

  Hyunjin invited me to visit them too. And I went. Mrs Lee and Mrs Eun really considered it well. And Eunsoo didn't wanted to disturb Felix it can be seen.

  They went for fun and I had my works. I wanted to! But then I refused.

  But about once a month I went to visit Felix. As he always call by himself and it's my gratitude to visit him showing I too am willing to befriend him.

   It was in early days not too early. Some of junior girls came to visit us. Chaewon is good friend of mine and as class representative we have a lot to discuss.

   Well whenever Chaewon is around I don't see My girl around for that time. But that one time she was there. And I am scared of ChaeWon, if she find out I like her what her reaction will be.

   So I, somehow avoid this thing. But that day she was there. Her eyes looking at me. I wanted them to stay always at me. Just look at me!

   Chaewon was discussing matter with them and I losed my focus as, she was getting angry. The snow storm. For what now? Did Hyunjin said something.

    I wanted to look at her, join there conversation. But I can't. But her anger made me laugh. It was sudden anger. Just what made her angry.

She left and I was asked again my juniors,

"Oppa! Are you listening?" One of them asked.

  Was she talking to me? I wasn't aware. I answered them.

For a moment I felt was she was angry because one of them called me brother! No it can't be. It's just my imagination!

   One day when I was working with Chaewon, she asked me, If I know about Hyunjin and EunSeo! I asked what it is?

"You know, rumors are going Hyunjin and Seoyoon are dating!" She smiled.

   And for a moment I felt as heavy burden fall over my heart.

   Why are her rumours with Hyunjin. Aren't they just friends. Then I remembered same goes for me and Chaewon. But I am trying my hard to be by her side. I'm there too! What if I can't join them on weekends! I felt my heart burning more and more.

I left from there telling her I have my work. I went to terrace and sat there quite.

  I don't know what happened to me. But I don't want mine name with other not her with any other than me. I know Hyunjin and EunSeo are just freinds. But the rumors don't.

   And I want everyone to know I love her. But I'm scared of breaking the bond I have with her. Breaking that least connection I have with her.

   I want to know first what she thinks of me. I need to know what she feels for me.

   But I can't let the rumors run around. For what I can do is to change the rumors.

   I'm spending my time with her. And I will be spending a lot of my time with her from now on.

   And the day since, I skipped my various activities just to be by her side. One time, I restricted myself to sit beside her. And I now, made it my habit. And eventually a sit beside her was named as mine.

   It was starting of May, When Chan Hyung was sitting with me on terrace. It's our favourite spot. And I was there crying over thing that there was no rumor going on between me and Seoyoon.

Not crying literally! But I'm trying my hard!!

"I'm thinking about having a special program this year!" Chan Hyung said.

  I looked at him with confusion. Taking my time to recover my lover heart.