Days with Squad Levi (1)

Time for some flashback scenes before the 57th expedition ^_^. I'll continue what I've left off in the next chapter. 

Peace!

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Mina's POV

Weeks before my 'first' expedition…

My priority task is to keep an eye on Eren's day-to-day activities, which is fine since it coincides with one of my goals. Captain Hange wanted every single analysis that I made as she worked on the invention that Commander Erwin had proposed. Due to the job that was given to me, Moblit had to ride back and forth on the bases of two squads, prompting me to give him a sandwich one certain night when his expression of death greeted me on the doorstep.

Yep, it wasn't a pretty sight. 

Then, one morning, someone managed to untangle a misconception that I can't seem to ignore ever since I again became 'Mina Carolina.' As my daily routine upon waking up, I was trying to make myself useful by cleaning the kitchen to the point of not realizing who just went and sat on the chair nearby. 

Petra Ral. 

I swear this girl will be the death of me. How can she not make any noise while walking?!

"Petra," I greeted her with a twinge of alarm due to how surprised I was to see her gaze directed towards my own. "Good morning. Do you need something?"

"Nothing, it's just," She then leaned forward, eyes glimmering in fondness. "So, you're the reason why the kitchen is always spotless. I always thought that captain was cleaning this room every night!"

There was nothing I could do but shrug my shoulders in agreement if I hadn't been doing it in the first place. "Yes, uh, I used to clean a lot when my parents were out back in the day." 

She smiled, one that made me want to run away. "They must be proud of you. Have you been in contact with them?" 

"Huh?" I stopped sweeping and pondered over her question. 

It was exactly what continues to bother me every time I see Eren and Mikasa. Their young and nostalgic look always manages to lap itself over my memories of my actual parents. My mind can't help but think of them as such when, in reality, they're not. They're just the younger version of them, plus in a different world. 

It's sickening to continue thinking about them like this because my parents were already long gone. One died due to his titan ability, and the other died from an unknown illness. 

So, as honestly as I can be, I answered, "They… died when I was young." 

"Ah," Her smile instantly faded. "I'm so sorry." 

I gulped and eventually stared at the floor to continue sweeping it. "No, it's okay, I'm just… I'm just glad that they peacefully passed away."

"They're good parents, huh?"

Visibly, I froze. "How could you tell?" 

Petra wore her expressions so openly, unlike most of the people that I know, so seeing her smile once more forced me to look away. "Because they raised a polite and brave soldier like you. I'm sure they'll be proud of you after seeing what you've accomplished." 

"I… I hope so." 

Those words of hers struck a hole in my chest as I continued to tell myself that I'd accomplished nothing to earn such… honorable remarks. I continue to ignore the deaths of other soldiers, and I still haven't got a clue on how the fuck I'll challenge a freaking devil. 

Yeah, some accomplishments I've made. Great job, Ms. Useless!

Unbeknownst to me, Petra had already gotten up from the chair and made her way toward me. By the time I noticed her, I almost visibly jumped from how close she was to my face. Does she not know personal space?!

"It's been a while since we had proper breakfast, want to help prepare it, Mina?" 

It'll be quite rude to step back and much more if I wound her from doing it, so I could only turn my head to the side and place the broom right in between us for additional space. "I-I'd love to help Petra, but I have the job of observing Eren in his endeavors-"

"Oh, don't worry about him. I have already asked Captain Levi about his schedule!" She immediately grabbed my hand and yanked it away from my side. "Eren will spend most of his time cleaning the courtyard, so relax, Mina."

When I didn't respond due to my embarrassment from our current position, she took it negatively and loosened her grip. "Am I… making you uncomfortable?"

Yes!

Massively!

My eyebrows twitched in response to her question, making her frown even more deeply. When I took a peek at her appearance, what awaited me was her expression of sorrow. "I just wanted us to spend some time together, seeing that we're the only girls in this place. I'm sorry…"

It felt like she was stabbing me with her angelic tone and look, forcing me to succumb to her desires. So, with a long and heavy sigh, I turned my head to meet her lonely gaze, adding another knife stab to my heart. "It's not that you're making me uncomfortable, Petra. I'm just, uh, being careful."

"Why are you being careful?"

If I start to like you, then what will I do in the upcoming expedition?! 

And no, I'm not talking about my conquest of romance since I only experienced filial love. Instead, it is directed toward my interest in her as a person. Ha! How funny, I could never begin to fathom my zero desire for romance.

But instead of saying those words, I lied. "It's normal for an outsider like me to be careful around members from another squad."

Petra seemed to have found my words amusing because the next thing she did was giggle, her eyes smiling along her lips. "Oh, don't be like that. Everyone here at Scout Regiment isn't a stranger, especially once we've thrown ourselves on the battlefield."

"Oi," His voice that nearly gave both of us a heart attack came from the doorway, revealing a short yet intimidating man. "Stop screwing around and do something productive." 

I wanted to cry because I was doing something!

The young and carefree lady who was the cause of this mess chuckled before finally pulling my petrified body away. "Heard that? Now stop being careful and help me prepare breakfast." 

How could I say no to that?

After being with her in the kitchen for many hours a day, I eventually found myself enjoying our 'girl talk,' like how she described it. We don't talk about Titans or the deaths of the soldiers she met on the battlefield. We just chatted about random stuff.

Like what kind of cloth Captain Levi uses to wipe the windows.

Or how Olou openly flirts with her.

Or even how she once witnessed Eld being rejected by the girl he fell in love with.

"That's mortifying," I commented after Petra finished her story about Eld's first heartbreak. Of course, I couldn't directly sympathize, but I can at least imagine it. "Is he over her now?"

"Who knows?" Petra gazed at the said man from the distance before coming closer to my ear to whisper her next words. "He's probably into guys now, I'm not sure." 

I chuckled. "How admirable."

"Or maybe he already has a wife!" Petra frowns. "I have got to ask him!" 

Talking to this amazing lady almost made me forget one crucial fact, and that is how cruel fate is towards Captain Levi's current squad. I smile and share a small laugh with them during the day, but it all vanishes once the night has fallen. 

Pain

As much as I want to punch my way out of this, I can't exactly feel physical pain, now, can I? It just claws inside my chest, ripping out my already tattered heart. I try to force the noise out and close my eyes, wishing for silence. 

But it's not something I can ever get.

Not with my nightmares and not with the upcoming deaths and murders. 

Every single one of the agonies I've witnessed in the two worlds will always haunt me every night, cursing my whole being for being too ignorant and selfish. All I wanted to do was to scream as loud as I could, forcing out the tears that I'd lost along the way. 

Calling Ymir for a small chat to lessen the insanity forming inside my brain was also pointless. She's still as sadistic as ever, even after what we've been through in world number two. So, I just lay on my bed and numbly stared at the ceiling. Once morning comes, I'll once again force myself to become 'normal' as I go about the routine that I've made for myself. 

This world is too cruel, and I have no choice but to live in it. This is all for the sake of Eren and Mikasa's happiness, I tell myself, trying to laugh along with what Petra just said. 

It's cruel, but it has given me the most precious memories I'll ever have. 

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