He fails miserably

[Author's Note: This chapter will contain numerous themes concerning suicide, suicide jokes as a coping mechanism, guilt-tripping, and a mentally deranged Midoriya like you've never seen before. Be warned.]

Todoroki blinks.

"Isn't that when a person projects their anger upon another person or object?"

Midoriya nods. "I displaced my anger on Kacchan," He bites his lips, and a different emotion can be found in his eyes. Todoroki would like to say he doesn't know what it is. But he does. "Not in the same way he displaced his anger on me, I treated him far crueler. I changed him more than he changed me."

It is lust.

"And he just let you?" Todoroki questions in disbelief. "He doesn't sound like the type to just allow another person to--"

"I told you, no one knew I tried to kill myself but I think someone told him. He must've felt guilty..." His naturally soft voice lowers until it is merely a whisper. "Like the way he did when he found out I got bullied more because of him."

Todoroki arches an eyebrow in his direction.

"Nothing," But we all know it isn't. "Honestly, one of the side effects of the medicine was deterioration of my memory so I really have a hard time recalling the events of that period of my life. Just... One day, I really don't know how, but I just realized what a monster I have become. My world spiraled uncontrollably upon the realization that I have become what I detested the most.

"Before I knew it, I packed a couple of clothes, filed a Leave of Absence to our college dean, and never turned back."

Todoroki blinked multiple times, realizing he was literally on the edge of his seat as he listened meekly. "You just left? Without telling anyone, not even Iida?"

"Like a fugitive on the run," Midoriya confirms, his eyes half-lidded as he recalled the memory. 'Fondly' is definitely not the word to describe it. "I went back to my hometown and asked my mom to sign me to a psychiatric hospital because what's worse than hurting myself is--"

"Hurting people you care for..." Todoroki unconsciously finishes for him.

Midoriya smiles, genuinely. Not the eerie one he's been flashing for quite a while now. "I've been more or less stable ever since I got out of the psychiatric facility, but I still go to the nearest one here for occasional therapy. Then you happened and..."

Todoroki blushes upon hearing Midoriya insinuate his feelings again while Midoriya hesitates, he hesitates for almost 3 minutes that Todoroki wondered if he's planning to say anything at all.

"I've thought about what my psychiatrist said," Midoriya speaks, gravely. "about meeting up with Kacchan."

Todoroki gasp. "No, don't tell me where this is going--"

"I thought the only way for me to be able to accept my feelings for you is to accept the corrupted feelings I had for Kacchan." He lowers his head, his voice quivering like he's about to cry any time soon. Just as Todoroki was about to touch him, Midoriya raises his head and shakes it to indicate he's fine.

Todoroki remains mum about the tear he saw that Midoriya quickly wiped off of his face.

"I planned of meeting up with him because no matter how toxic our relationship was, I believe he deserves an explanation as to why I suddenly left without a trace and an apology for every scar I etched on him, physically, emotionally, and psychologically."

Midoriya pauses, staring down at his lap. Soon, Todoroki finds teardrops making their tiny presence known on Midoriya's hospital bed sheet.

"Midoriya!" He shouts, alarmed.

Todoroki throws all the pretense of personal space and sits on the edge of Midoriya's bed. He takes a couple of tissues from his bedside, wiping the tears that continue to trail on his beautiful cheeks covered in perfect imperfections.

"Before I could even meet up with him to resolve our past traumas, I did the exact toxic shit I used to do to him... To you." Midoriya sobs.

He raises his messy green head, and moist green eyes meet with his mismatched pair. Those beautiful pine needle-colored eyes are tainted with intense remorse.

"I'm sorry," By this time, he's completely turned into a train wreck. His whole face is damp with tears and he's literally gasping for air as he cried. Todoroki offers him a bottle of water from the stand but he refuses it. "I love you, I love you so so much but I always end up hurting all the people that I love."

Todoroki finds himself completely dumbfounded and unable to reply as each and every odd behavior of Midoriya finally makes sense.

"Todoroki-kun, I'm scared. I'm scared that I won't be able to resume my previous life as a college student when I go back to uni, and that all my friends have completely left me behind. I'm scared that I'm truly not a person worth loving because I always end up fucking over each person I want to cherish. I'm terrified that I won't have a normal life because of my disorders and that I won't be able to function as a normal member of society. I'm scared, Todoroki-kun, I'm scared of being a fuck-up."

Everything finally made sense now.

Mismatch eyes dilated, his arms unconsciously raise up to wrap themselves around Midoriya's sturdy yet oh-so-fragile build. Wetness spreads all over his chest, in a matter of seconds, his white polo is drenched with Midoriya's tears.

"I wanted it,"

Todoroki blurts out, suddenly. Midoriya raises his head, forest eyes moist and looking utterly endearing. He winces at his own recklessness, yet there was no turning back. This confession will either save them or be their downfall.

"You told me to finish my sentence, yes?" Todoroki confesses, trying his best to hide the shakiness in his voice. "I wanted you to touch me that night."

A sharp inhale escapes from Midoriya's lips as he tried to pull away from his embrace. Instead, Todoroki tightens his grip around him.

"Back when we were in Momo's car," He says, his heart beating like a hummingbird's. He could feel Midoriya's heart beating just as fast. "It felt like a huge slap in the face when you told me that my love for you wasn't real, that I was merely in love with the Detective Greene character inspired by you."

Midoriya doesn't say anything, Todoroki wonders if he said those words on the spur of the moment due to intoxication. Nonetheless, he continues.

"It was... a harrowing experience to be accused of such a thing, especially by the person I love. Yet, at the same time, I was horrified that... What if, what if you were right? What if I was never really in love with you and I just wanted to push my ideals to you?"

His hands are starting to become clammy, while his heart continues to race like it it's going to explode. Trap in his arms, Midoriya remains quietly still as he listens intently to his words. Oh, how he wishes that Midoriya resumes his former creepy ador yet here he was, acting like the Midoriya he fell in love with.

"On the spur of the moment, I realized that I might never get a chance to be that close to you again... I was so adamant to prove that you were wrong and my feelings for you are legitimate that I just allowed you to do whatever your intoxicated mind wanted with me. I could've stopped you, but I didn't because of my own selfish reasons. You ended up feeling getting guilty for something that I wanted. I know sorry isn't enough for--"

"Todoroki-kun," Midoriya interrupts. "are you sure that that's what you truly feel and it isn't influenced by your guilt that you thought you're the reason why I tried to kill myself?"

"I would be lying if I haven't considered that you sexually assaulted me," Todoroki answers, removing his arms around the smaller man. Almost immediately, he already misses his warmth. "That one whole month I spent away from Café Perry, all I did was contemplate about what you did, what we did. I had even more time to think while you were in a coma so I'm positively sure I have completely thought this through.

"I know that you don't remember but that night, I told you that we shouldn't do it since you were under the influence. You replied that you wanted to do it with me since the moment you met me. Is that true?"

Midoriya chokes at nothing in particular, averting his gaze to hide his reddened face. Todoroki chuckles and cups his cheeks, forcing Midoriya to look at him. Earnest eyes continue to look sideways, biting his already bleeding lips in shyness.

"Look at me, Midoriya."

Hesitantly, he does.

"Mou!" Was the only thing Midoriya could say.

Todoroki couldn't help but chuckle.

"You said that we can stop if I didn't want to do it, but I insisted that I do. You might not remember what happened that night but I can, and I want to clear your conscience that you didn't do anything that was against my will."

Todoroki pleasantly pinches Midoriya's cheeks, causing him to slap it away. He laughs once again, only for it to disappear as quickly as it showed itself.

"I did realize something though."

Midoriya tries to hide the terror in his eyes, but he has always been an open book. He's afraid that Todoroki might've come to the realization that he doesn't like him back and Midoriya's confession would be rejected.

Todoroki still hasn't replied, after all.

"I realized that I don't know much about you, and vice versa."

Green eyes dilate in horror, confirming his greatest fear.

"I only saw the traits Detective Greene had, but I didn't see what was beyond that. If today didn't happen, I wouldn't have known there was this side in you."

"What does that supposed to mean?" Midoriya sounds offended but he knows what Todoroki means. He knows exactly what he means. "Do I turn you off? Now that you know... That I am not what you wanted? That I resemble a tragic villain more than a model protagonist?"

Todoroki shakes his head. He grabs Midoriya's hand, interlacing their fingers together. The older man tries his best to suppress his signature squeak.

He fails miserably.