Chapter Ten

ASSUMING RESPONSIBILITY

Broken relationships can cause us to experience defeat for some time. Divorce, as hard as it can be, can be an opportunity for us to learn personal responsibility. We can either choose to grow from this experience or become stagnant people. We all want to choose victory instead of defeat. Let us look at this experience as an opportunity to be victorious. Now you have the right to make choices that are good for you. Before this you had the ex-spouse to consider. Now is the time to evaluate yourself and set goals. Learn to always choose positive attitudes, thoughts and directions. Refuse anything negative. Learn to recognize the pitfalls, such as the time your ex-spouse set you up using words, kids, or situations to control you. You need to evade them in the future. Remember, you are becoming a stronger person and keep thinking this. This is the most positive attitude you can have to overcome this bad experience. You may have experienced loneliness and low self-esteem which put you in a very vulnerable state. When you are able to rise and overcome both of these, you can finally have compassion for yourself. You need to get past the idea that you can find happiness in another person. You find compassion, compatibility, joy and contentment in other people. Thinking that happiness comes from someone else will cause you to lose track of who you really are and who you were intended to become. This point of view causes you to lose your identity. You become a non-person. Your thoughts and actions are centered around the other person and therefore you are never considered. You had become a dependent person so many of your rights had been taken away without you realizing it. Use this time through the

divorce as an opportunity to become independent. You are the ne who is best for you from now on. Do not hesitate to acknowledge your part in the failure of the marriage. It is very important to be honest. It helps you to build your self esteem for the future. Refuse to accept total blame. No one ever wins at the blame game.

Every action in a marriage causes a reaction. This builds up for years until one person explodes. Your ex-spouse will ften initiate an action which will cause you to react rather than respond. Reacting is when you lose control and fight back. Responding is where you think first and try to talk about the problem. Accepting responsibility for yourself is a personal matter. It is your future that is at stake here and you have to make the right choice. You did not divorce a situation, but a person who either created the situation or failed to take responsibility for the situation. You can start now by not going back into the past, but by putting it into perspective with the present and moving into the next step, the future. Begin by making a list of what you want to change—your habits, looks, friends, your social life, etc. You are the only one who can make this happen.

ASSUMING RESPONSIBILITY

Summary

We can choose to grow or be stagnant. Happiness cannot be found in another person. Refuse to accept total blame.

Respond rather than react.

Put the past in perspective and assume responsibility for the present and the future.