true horrors only exist in our minds
I proceeded on my path towards my abode, deep in contemplation of the events that had transpired. Nevertheless, my ruminations persisted, as my mind was preoccupied with various matters.
I continued to mull over these thoughts, realizing that it had been an extensive duration since I last confided in someone with such openness. It evoked within me a peculiar sense of unease.
After a few minutes of traversing, I ultimately arrived at the threshold that grants access to my dwelling. With a deliberate gesture, I proceeded to unlatch the door and step inside, subsequently closing it behind me.
Following a brief interval, I proceeded to make my way towards the couch. Once I reached my intended destination, I settled myself upon its cushions, engaged in contemplation...
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EVE'S POV:
I remained seated upon the plush couch within the confines of my office, deeply engrossed in contemplation of the discourse relayed by Liran. I couldn't help but observe that certain topics, particularly those related to religion, stirred unrest within him. However, it became apparent that his emotional turmoil extended beyond mere religious matters; he had, at last, mustered the courage to disclose fragments of his innermost sentiments.
He ventured to share glimpses of his true self and the shadowy recesses of his ruminations. Yet, I couldn't help but surmise that there existed a wealth of untold narratives lurking beneath the surface.
Liran, a man of intriguing complexity, aroused my curiosity further. What befell him, and what hidden truths lay concealed within the depths of his psyche? What truly transpired during those enigmatic chapters of his past?
While engrossed in the contemplation of these inquiries, a particular thought struck me, causing a momentary pause. It revolved around Liran's mother, whose presence loomed ominously in the narrative he had shared.
Liran had confided in me, disclosing the harrowing experiences of abuse he endured at the hands of his own mother. Could this be the key to understanding his reticence regarding personal matters? Could the trauma inflicted upon him by his mother be the underlying catalyst for his emotional struggles?
An overwhelming sense of determination welled up within me. I recognized the urgency to offer my support, as it was evident that Liran found himself in a state of profound discomfort. I yearned to provide assistance, firmly believing that he deserved solace and relief from the burdens that plagued him.
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LIRAN'S POV:
Several hours had elapsed, and the late hour of 10 PM had descended upon me. Seated upon the couch, I idly perused my phone, engaging with various online content.
My thoughts revolved incessantly around the recent events involving Eve. Undoubtedly, she, too, must be deeply engrossed in introspection, contemplating the significance of our encounter. Yet, an intuitive inkling hinted at her desire to delve further into my troubles, to understand the depths of my inner turmoil.
Eve, a remarkable individual, exuded genuine care and compassion, ever ready to lend a helping hand to others in need.
While casually scrolling through different web pages and online resources, a notification from Eve materialized on my screen. Intrigued, I promptly opened the message, immersing myself in a private conversation exclusively between the two of us. Eagerly, I absorbed the contents of her message, awaiting her words with bated breath.
Eve(message): Greetings, since our encounter a few hours ago, thoughts of you have occupied my mind. I wanted to reach out and offer my availability. If you feel inclined to engage in conversation, whether at this moment or later on, know that I am here for you.
Me(message): Is that so? May I inquire as to your current whereabouts?
Eve(message): I am presently situated in my office. In truth, I yearn to converse with you immediately. I am driven to assist you, fully cognizant that there are lingering thoughts and unspoken matters burdening your mind.
I am aware that there exists a deeper layer of topics you wish to explore and discuss. Therefore, I extend my presence to aid not only you but all individuals who endure suffering. I implore you, please join me at my office, where I can provide the assistance you seek.
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After absorbing Eve's message, I found myself staring at my phone, engrossed in contemplation. Waves of thoughts washed over me, accompanied by a faint unease that settled in the pit of my stomach.
As the moments ticked by, my ruminations persisted. Eventually, I mustered the resolve to compose a response:
Me(message): Very well, I shall make my way to your office.
Eve(message): Thank you.
With that, I powered off my phone and slipped it into one of my pockets. After a brief pause, I rose from the comfort of the couch, firmly planting my feet upon the floor, ready to embark on the journey to Eve's office.
Several minutes had elapsed as I made the necessary preparations before finally departing from my residence. With resolute determination, I embarked upon the path that would guide me towards the building housing Eve's office.
After a brief passage of time, the edifice came into view, standing tall and commanding in its presence.
After a few moments of traversing the final distance, I found myself standing before the door that granted access to Eve's office. My heartbeat quickened, filled with a mixture of anticipation and apprehension. Collecting myself, I raised my hand and gently rapped my knuckles against the door, signaling my arrival and seeking entry.
After a brief interlude, the door swung open, revealing Eve standing before me. Her countenance bore a combination of seriousness and concern, evident in the depths of her eyes.
Eve: I've been anticipating your arrival. Please, come inside.
With a gracious gesture, she stepped aside, granting me passage into her office. As I crossed the threshold, she quietly closed the door behind me, creating a sense of privacy and sanctuary within the room.
Eve made her way towards the familiar couch that had previously hosted our conversation. Casting my gaze around the space, I noticed that the small chair I had occupied during our previous encounter remained in its position.
As Eve settled onto the couch, her eyes met mine, a silent invitation to engage in dialogue. The weight of her gaze mirrored her earnest desire to help and understand.
Eve: Please, join me and take a seat on the small chair I have prepared for you.
I complied with Eve's request, walking towards the designated chair and carefully lowering myself onto it. An overwhelming sense of unease and pressure enveloped me, rendering it difficult to meet Eve's gaze. Instead, my eyes remained fixated on the surface of the couch where she sat.
After a few lingering moments of silence, Eve broke the stillness.
Eve: Liran, I have been reflecting upon our previous conversations, and I genuinely care about your well-being. Let us engage in an open dialogue, where we can address the matters that weigh heavily upon you.
My response was hesitant, a mere pause in the conversation.
Eve: I recall that you previously shared with me the distressing experience of enduring abuse at the hands of your mother before her unexplained disappearance. Am I recalling the details correctly?
Me: Yes...
The weight of Eve's inquiry intensified the already palpable pressure within me. My stomach churned with discomfort, as memories of my mother's actions flooded back.
Me: She... not only yelled at me and falsely accused me, but there were moments when she physically lashed out. I was subjected to her violent outbursts, enduring both verbal and physical abuse.
Eve: I see... I can sense that there may be something deeper, something more profound that occurred. Was there a particular instance when she inflicted harm upon you, leaving you utterly defenseless?
My heart sank at Eve's probing question, as it touched upon a deeply painful and vulnerable chapter of my life.
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Eve's question pierced through the already fragile state of my emotions, causing my breathing to quicken. The weight of vulnerability pressed down upon me, making me feel feeble and powerless.
Time seemed to slow as Eve's words hung in the air, awaiting a response.
Eve: Liran, was there an instance when your mother forced you into something against your will?
Unable to muster a coherent reply, I remained seated in my chair, engulfed in silence. The weight of the memories and emotions surrounding that particular moment rendered me speechless.
As my mind grappled with the overwhelming recollections, tears welled up in my eyes, eventually spilling down my face in silent surrender to the depths of my pain.
And thus, I replied:
Me: yes...
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EVE'S POINT OF VIEW:
As I cast my gaze upon Liran's countenance, I beheld tears welling up within his eyes...
The emotions that coursed through me in that very instant were indescribable, for I witnessed one of the individuals who contributed significantly to my well-being and facilitated the improvement of my existence... shedding tears...
However, I did not halt my endeavors at that juncture...
Upon hearing Liran's response, I engaged in profound contemplation, realizing that his mother had committed an act of such grave malevolence that it inflicted upon him an overwhelming degree of trauma. The repercussions were so severe that they precipitated his tears and emotional breakdown in my presence.
Curiosity consumed my thoughts as I continued to dwell upon that question, intertwined with the weight of all the revelations he had shared with me. Among the myriad inquiries that swirled within my mind, only two possessed the capacity to illuminate the depths of his suffering.
After a brief interlude, I posed the following query to Liran:
Me: Liran, do you recollect... the nature of your mother's transgressions against you?
In the aftermath of my inquiry, I observed a deepening sorrow etch itself onto Liran's visage, accompanied by a cascade of tears streaming down his cheeks.
After a fleeting period of introspection, he mustered a response:
Liran: Yes... I remember.
Following his acknowledgment, I discerned a surge in the intensity of his breaths, signaling the escalation of his emotional distress.
And after couple moments, i spoke:
Me: liran...
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Did your mother sexually abuse you?
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Liran kept sobbing for a bit... before he finally answered:
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Liran: yes!...
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LIRAN LOST THE PSYCHOLOGICAL BATTLE.
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Subsequent to his admission, his sobs intensified, and I bore witness to his increasingly labored breaths and the torrent of tears streaming down his anguished countenance.
A profound sense of anguish gripped me, for the true extent of his mother's transgressions was now unveiled. The sight of Liran, wracked with uncontrollable sobs, trembling, struggling to catch his breath—it was a devastating sight to behold.
The anguish I felt was insurmountable. To witness a man of such goodness, such virtue, reduced to such a state was an unbearable blow. It pierced my heart deeply.
As tears welled up in my own eyes, I could not bear to see him endure this torment. Without hesitation, I rose from the comfort of my couch and approached Liran... i then Crouched down and gently lifted him into my arms and rose to my feet, enveloping him in a gentle yet resolute embrace.
Together, we sank onto the couch, where I held him close, offering solace and support in the face of his overwhelming pain.
I buried his head and most of his body between my massive breasts... so that he could cry and sob as hard as he wanted to...
In that poignant instant, no linguistic solace could assuage his sorrow; a profound stillness enveloped the air. My sole recourse, then, lay in embracing him tenderly, offering solace and reassurance.
LIRAN'S PERSPECTIVE:
I continued to weep, clasping Eve tightly within my arms, as an overwhelming anguish consumed me, suffusing my being with an unbearable weight of agony and desolation.
Finally, I mustered the courage to articulate the unfathomable, to recount the harrowing tale of my past, unearthing the depths of my vulnerability and suffering.
Remarkably, this act alone brought forth a modicum of respite, assuaging the torment that plagued me ever so slightly...
Eve remained utterly silent, her voice restrained, as she enfolded me in an embrace, imbued with an intensity surpassing words.
After a brief interlude, she carefully eased me onto the very couch upon which she resided, cradling me in her tender hold. A fleeting passage of time transpired, and then, with a resolute determination, she ascended upon my supine form.
She lay atop me, her countenance revealing a visage beset by streams of tears, mirroring my own sorrow.
With a gentle touch, she cupped my face in her hands, and in those moments that followed, she delicately and tenderly dabbed away the wellspring of my tears.
The experience rendered a profound sense of solace and imbued with an unparalleled essence of uniqueness. Never before had I encountered such tender regard from another soul. And in those fleeting moments, Eve's voice broke the silence:
Eve: Liran...
I could discern a melancholic timbre infused with pain resonating within her words.
Truly, she epitomized the embodiment of benevolence.
In response, I summoned my voice:
Me: Eve, would you be so kind as to fetch me a glass of water?
Eve: Certainly...
She gently withdrew her hands, relinquishing her touch upon me. Then, she gracefully disengaged from the couch, standing upon the floor for a brief pause before commencing her journey towards the table, situated in the far reaches of her office.
As Eve progressed towards the designated table, procuring a cup and filling it with water, she pivoted her gaze towards me before gradually advancing in my direction.
Yet, before she could draw near, I broke the silence with my words:
Me: Eve...
At that moment, Eve stood motionless, her eyes fixated upon me.
Eve: Yes?
Me: You are unquestionably a paragon of human virtue. Keep that eternal truth close to your heart.
Farewell, until we meet again...
Eve, Puzzled and perplexed by my words, she uttered, "?..."
Following those final enigmatic utterances, I inexplicably dissipated into thin air, leaving Eve astonished and confounded.
Eve, Overwhelmed by bewilderment, she exclaimed, "?!"...
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COUPLE HOURS HAVE PASSED.
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It is the dead of night, and I find myself in the solitude of the desert, seated upon the soft grains of sand.
In this desolate setting, memories of my mother's transgressions flood my mind, each one a bitter reminder of the trials I endured at her hands.
Amidst this torrent of recollection, a particularly poignant memory emerges, a fragment from the past where my mother and I intersected.
FLASHBACK:
I was but a sixteen-year-old, greeted by the warm embrace of a sun-drenched day, having just returned from the halls of academia...
Upon entering my mother's abode, I proceeded to make my way to the kitchen, gently placing my backpack on one of the chairs.
Me: ...
After a few minutes spent within the confines of the kitchen, my mother emerged from her chamber, joining me in that familiar space. Her gaze fixated upon me.
Mom: Liran? What brings you here?
Me: I have returned from school, and all is well.
Mom: Is that so? Why did you not come and greet me? For a moment, I mistook you for an intruder... You startled me, momentarily instilling a sense of fear.
Me: I apologize for the unintended fright.
Mom: Very well... At the very least, attend to the dishes or engage in some form of household chore. It appears that you contribute little else to this household. Your presence here is often accompanied by an air of detachment and disregard...
Such a pity. I had hoped to instill better values within you...
In that charged moment, overcome by a surge of emotion, I abruptly turned towards my mother and unleashed my pent-up frustrations:
Me: CAN YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!...
My outburst caught her off guard, and she stared at me in a mixture of astonishment and disbelief.
Mom: What?!... How dare you utter such vulgar words to me?!
Her voice quivered with a blend of anger and shock.
Me: I REPEAT, SHUT YOUR DAMNED MOUTH!
The intensity of my words echoed through the air, as the weight of my resentment hung palpably in the atmosphere.
As the torrent of emotions surged within me, I persisted in expressing my pent-up anguish:
Me: EACH TIME I AM HERE, YOU ENGAGE IN NOTHING BUT CONTEMPTUOUS TREATMENT!...
You incessantly RAISE YOUR VOICE, UNJUSTLY ASSIGNING BLAME for deeds I did not commit, and consistently SUBJECT me to a mire of self-doubt and misery...
I have grown WEARY of your DISPOSITION towards me!...
While uttering these words, tears welled up in my eyes, betraying the depth of my pain.
After a brief pause, my mother found her voice:
Mom: How can you address me with such disrespect? Have I not provided you with sustenance and shelter? I am your mother, after all!...
Her words carried a mix of exasperation and hurt, seeking to remind me of her role in my life.
Me: Yeah?!... so that means that you can just RAPE me and act like nothing happened?!...
ARE YOU CRAZY?!...
The impact of my words left my mother further astounded, her shock deepening with each passing moment.
Me: What kind of mother treats her own son in such a manner? And then has the audacity to lay claim to the title of "mother"?!...
I demanded an answer, seeking to understand the justification behind her actions.
As tears began to well up in her eyes, before she could utter a word of defense or remorse, I abruptly interjected:
Me: No... Do not shed tears in my presence now...
You may possess the technical title of "mother" in my life, but I no longer perceive you as such...
My voice carried a resolute tone, highlighting my disillusionment and profound disappointment in her.
In the wake of my emotional outburst, I restrained myself from further verbal assault as I delivered my final words:
Me: You are nothing more than a deceitful, manipulative bitch...
I no longer acknowledge you as my mother...
Fuck you...
Having spoken my truth, I proceeded towards the very door through which I entered her abode. With purposeful strides, I reached the threshold, opened the door, and stepped out into the outside world.
Behind me, the door closed, severing the ties that bound us.
In silence, I walked away, leaving behind a tumultuous chapter of my life.
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END OF FLASHBACK.
As I lingered on the sandy dunes, reflecting upon the intricacies of that memory, a stark realization emerged. While acknowledging the basic provisions my mother had provided, it became clear that her actions transcended any justification based solely on material sustenance.
My emotions toward my mother remained entangled in a web of complexity. On one hand, there existed a closeness forged through shared experiences. Yet, intertwined with this bond, was the undeniable truth of her consistent mistreatment, leaving me feeling insignificant and devalued.
With a sense of reluctant candor, I must respectfully admit that the behavior exhibited by my mother is best described by the derogatory term "bitch."
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Our cognitive faculties possess an inherent uniqueness, wherein each individual harbors their most profound cogitations within the profoundest recesses of their consciousness...
And when confronted with adversities or distressing incidents, the human brain adeptly assimilates and entombs them within its unfathomable abyss...
Contemplating the omnipotence of celestial deities, capable of effortlessly obliterating the fabric of this cosmos, can evoke an overwhelming sense of dread...
Yet, it is essential to recognize that such apprehension is a construct devised by the intricate workings of the mind, orchestrated to instill fear within oneself...
Nevertheless, even within the realm of these manufactured apprehensions, there exist genuine terrors lurking in the depths of our psyche—abhorrent and sinister entities capable of overpowering and vanquishing us in ways unimaginable...
These manifestations of thoughts, these harrowing encounters and traumatic experiences that we have endured, represent the true horrors, the genuine malevolence that permeates our cognitive realms...
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True horrors only exist in our minds...
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