Chapter 12 A Road with a View

Disclaimer: Don't take unfamiliar back roads in the winter . . . not even when they're "short cuts" and especially if you don't have any emergency supplies.

"Hermione," Tonks said with false calm. "I realize that you didn't go through the Auror academy and because of that I'm going to share something I learned there."

"Yes?" Hermione said meekly.

"When you have the bad guys surrounded," Tonks began. "You ask them to surrender. You do NOT scream 'what did you call me?' and blow up the building. You definitely shouldn't blow up the rubble, laugh, blow up the rubble of the rubble, laugh and yell 'who's the bitch now?' ok?"

"You don't?" Luna asked in shock.

"No you don't," Tonks agreed. "Is everyone on the same page?"

"I still say they shouldn't have said that about me," Hermione muttered.

"I don't care what they call you," Tonks growled. "You don't hit gas lines with fire spells."

"What about . . ." Luna began.

"Or do anything else that causes buildings to explode," Tonks interrupted.

IIIIIIIIII

Harry's eyes bulged when he walked through the front doors and saw how large the building was on the inside. "How the hell do they get away with such blatant use of magic," he whispered to himself. A quick glance at a chart on the wall showed the section he wanted and he was on his way.

"Excuse me sir," a clerk called out politely.

"What is it?" Harry asked. He was sitting on the floor in front of a shelf with a large stack of books beside his old pack.

"Do you need any help?"

"Yes," Harry said quickly. "Would it be possible to have this stack of books moved to the register so I can pick out a few more?"

"We can do that sir," the clerk agreed. "But are you sure you want all these books? It'll be rather expensive."

"Cost doesn't bother me," Harry said with a wave of his hand. "Friends do, and I have a couple friends that will be delighted to get these."

"I understand sir," the clerk said simply. "May I ask what your friends are interested in so that I can help you find a few more sections?"

"I want anything you have on science and engineering," Harry said quickly. "Books on the way things work would be great too . . . and architecture, I've got another friend that would enjoy getting a few books on architecture."

"Then might I suggest . . ."

"I'll take it from here," a female clerk interrupted. "You get these books to the register."

"Alright ma'am," the first clerk agreed.

"Who are you?" Harry asked bluntly.

"I'm in charge of the magical books section," the woman replied. "It's an honor to have you here Mr. Black."

"I see," Harry said neutrally. "But unfortunately, I don't plan to purchase any magic books so if you'll excuse me . . ."

"Are you sure?" The woman asked with a smile, "cause we just happen to have a few rare books that I'm sure you'll find interesting."

"Fine," Harry gave up. "What are they?"

"First." The woman pulled out a book. "The Rare Guide to Rare Spells, only three known to exist."

"I guess . . . "

"And the Really Rare Guide to Really Rare Spells only two are known to exist." The woman added another book to the pile. "Not to mention the Guide to Spells that are so Rare That They Can Only be Found in This Guide. Only one known to exist. And finally, the handwritten manuscript of an untitled book with spells not known by anyone at any time."

"Then how was it written?" Harry demanded.

"It wasn't," the woman said smugly.

"You said handwritten," Harry challenged.

"Current theory is that it wrote itself," the woman offered.

"Fine," Harry agreed with a sigh.

"And if you get those then you might as well get the boxed set of Illegal Guides to Illegal Things," the woman said hopefully.

"Why not," Harry agreed with a shrug.

"And how about this scrap of paper that would otherwise be hidden inside one of your other purchases?" The woman held up a map.

"Just take all the books you have on science, chemistry, physics, mathematics, engineering, architecture, and the way things work." Harry began, "along with any rare books on Potions and Wards. And add in everything you want me to buy."

"We can do that sir," the woman agreed cheerfully.

"And send them to my island," Harry finished with a grin.

"What?" The woman faltered.

"I know what this is about," Harry said with a grin. "You're trying to trick me into another quest, well it's not going to work."

"Not even a little one?"

"No, not even a little one."

"Ok," the woman agreed in disappointment. "Then will you have lunch with me?"

"Lunch?" Harry asked with a large amount of suspicion.

"I haven't eaten," the woman explained. "And I've heard all about you from my cousins . . . I'm curious ok?"

"Just lunch?"

"Just lunch," the woman confirmed.

"Someone isn't going to burst in and try to rob the place?"

"Not that I know," the woman replied.

"No tricks?"

"Just lunch," the woman said firmly. "A nice quiet lunch."

"Fine," Harry agreed wearily. "A nice quiet lunch."

"And I know just the place," the woman said with a smile. "Deli up the street a bit, we can talk and have something to eat and nothing will happen today."

"You'd better be sure of that."

"As sure as I can be," the woman agreed. "Now let's get going." A few minutes of walking brought them to a small hole in the wall deli.

"Just so we're on the same page," Harry began.

"I don't think anything will happen," the woman said with a sigh. "I don't know that anything will happen and nothing I know leads me to believe anything will happen."

"If you're sure," Harry said slowly.

"Just go in," the woman snapped.

"Fine," Harry agreed nervously. Harry stepped through the door and immediately took a step to the left.

"He Sue," the man behind the counter greeted the woman. "Who's your friend?"

"Someone that's too paranoid for his own good," Sue replied. "I'll have the usual."

"Same here," Harry said with a weak smile. "Sorry about the way I came in."

"Seen it before," the man said with a shrug. "And I'll see it again. You want anything to drink?"

"Whatever's good," Harry said.

"You really do need to relax though," Sue told Harry. "My family isn't out to get you."

"It'd just be nice to have a bit of warning," Harry said with a smile.

"Sure it would," the woman agreed. "And most of us would give it if we could. I don't think you understand the curse . . . I'll give you an example, let's say you came into my shop and I had a book that I had a feeling you'd be able to use. I wouldn't know why, I'd just have a feeling that you'd be able to use it. Ten years later you prop up a table with it, or use a spell in it to warm yourself up when it's cold, or god knows what."

"Oh . . . and you're all like this?"

"Some see more and some see less," Sue replied. "That's about as much as I'll ever be able to do."

"Fine." Harry allowed himself to relax. "How'd you know I was coming?"

"I have a friend in the Police department," Sue replied.

"Oh . . . so . . . uh . . . nice weather we're having?"

"Just eat your sandwich," the woman said with a laugh.

"It's good," Harry said with a smile. "Thanks."

"I figure that I should do my part to give you a bit of good to mix with all the trouble you've had."

"I appreciate that," Harry said as he wolfed down his meal.

"Wrap up a few more for him Max," Sue said to the man behind the counter. "For the road."

"Sure thing," Max agreed.

"I'm gonna get back on the road," Harry said as he stood up. "Have a good day."

"You too," Sue replied automatically.

Harry mounted his bike and headed south.

IIIIIIIIII

"Hermione," the zippo in Hermione's pocket began to talk. "Are you there?"

"Who is it?" Hermine answered.

"It's Professor McGonagall," the voice replied. "What happened in Canada?"

"We missed him," Hermione replied. "In just a few minutes."

"I see . . . what's your status now?"

"We're on Black's island," Hermione replied. "We've taken jobs with Black Ink."

"Good thinking," McGonagall voice said after a moment. "Albus hasn't found much that we don't already know. Most of his contacts tell him the same thing, Black came, Black killed, Black left, and we don't know anything about Harry Potter."

"Damn it," Hermione cursed. "Anything else?"

"The Quibbler put out a new story about a team of trouble consultants working for Black Ink," McGonagall replied. "Called the 3WA."

"What did it say?" Hermione asked with a grin.

"It said that there was a blonde, a brunette, and a bad dye job." McGonagall said. "That the blonde was beautiful and intelligent and the leader. The one with the bad dye job cried a lot and tried to stop their psychotic third member from going on another bloody rampage. And the third one is insane with a fetish for explosives."

"Really?" Hermione growled.

"Yes," McGonagall agreed. "I'd advise you to stay away from them, especially the crazy brunette."

"I'll keep that in mind," Hermione said through clenched teeth.

"Good," McGonagall was having a hard time restraining her laughter. "Take care of yourself Hermione."

"You too Professor," Hermione replied. Hermione closed the zippo and put it in her pocket, she had a certain blonde that she needed to . . . talk to.

IIIIIIIIII

Several hours of riding brought Harry close to the border with California and on the advice of his guidebook, he turned off onto the last exit before the crossing. Harry continued up the small winding road until he caught a flicker of movement out of the corner of his eye. Suddenly, a large cougar leapt out of the tree line and crossed the road with another bound.

"As big as my motorcycle," Harry muttered to himself. "Shoulda taken a picture." A few more minutes of driving brought Harry to the other side of the mountain and the fantastic view it offered. "Wow." Harry gasped. In the distance he could see Interstate 5 winding through the valley below. "S'worth it, this whole detour was worth this view."

IIIIIIIIII

"Luna," Hermione said with false calm as she approached her friend. "Read this."

"Hmmm?" Luna's expression darkened as she read the article in her father's magazine. "How dare father suggest that I have a bad dye job. Don't worry Hermione, I'll make sure he pays for this."

"Uh . . . I think you're the blonde," Hermione said with a wince.

"Well then how dare he talk about my friends like that," Luna said with a frown. "You do not have a bad dye job either Hermione."

"Um . . . I think that one refers to Tonks."

"Oh . . . what's the problem then?" Luna asked innocently.

"He said I was a Psychotic with a fetish for explosives," Hermione screamed.

Luna glanced back at the article before turning back to her friend, "so?"

AN: Really is a good view and I really did see a cougar the size of Harry's motorcycle in that area.

Omake for the last chapter by dakenrake

"Well, a few days ago the Doctor showed the Professor and me a rather interesting Muggle program." Henchgirl said enthusiastically. "Some of the science was a bit iffy but there was one thing in the show that we both had to have."

"What?" Harry asked with growing dread.

"Something called a Swiss Army Knife," Henchgirl replied. "So after a bit of research, we found that they're made by a couple of companies and we bought one of everything they had."

"Oh," Harry said as his heart rate began to slow.

"The only problem was that they were missing quite a few useful things and that some of them were a little large to store in a pocket. The name was also quite misleading." Henchgirl continued, "but we've solved those problems."

"The Swiss Army gave us a few problems but we figured it out." Says Henchgirl and after a small pause "The button is on the side."

"The button for what?" Harry asked mildly confused.

"To summon the Swiss Army of course." Came Henchgirl's reply in a rather obvious manner.

Dake "The Inept Amateur Omake Author"