Chapter XXIII

May 2012

Penny was so glad she hired a quality associate director to be her second-in-command on A Marine's Journey. Oscar Weimar is a 43-year-old director of German-American ancestry from St. Louis whose credits included the BAFTA-nominated Searching In Eternity and Songs of History, two war movies that told the story of a young couple in Nazi-occupied France during World War II and a chronicle of the music of the Cold War as told by the German people and bands who saw and heard them, respectively. Sheldon and Oscar took an immediate liking to each other after Oscar discovered that Sheldon studied in Heidelberg and lectured in Cologne—his family's hometown— and the fact that Sheldon speaks German fluently. Penny had liked Oscar's vision and put him in charge of the on-location shooting which was due to wrap up by the end of May and then she could take over the principal studio shooting again.

Originally, Penny had thought of doing the on-location shoots herself but Sheldon reminded her that would require her to go on-location with the girls—to Poland… to a desert—which would cause a logistical nightmare that even she, the now professional playdate setter for celebrities and toddlers alike was unprepared for. Sheldon told her that it would be easier to let Oscar do the location shoots, Penny hated when her husband made sense, which he often did.

At nearly 27 years old, Penny certainly never pictured her life this way; working in the entertainment industry but behind the camera rather than in front of it, she never thought she'd be a wife and mom of two this young either, but she definitely wouldn't trade this life for all the glitz and glamour of being a famous Hollywood actress. Because that life might have money and fame but it probably doesn't have Sheldon, and a world without Sheldon by her side is one that she doesn't even want to begin to imagine.

She was putting the finishing touches on Charlotte and Eleanor's dresses because today was a special day. They were seeing Howard graduate today or technically, get hooded. Howard had gotten eight tickets and had invited all of them, including Val and Michael, and because children under four didn't require a ticket, Charlotte, Ellie, and Alex were coming too. Howard agreeing to do David Letterman, two weeks after he came back from space was in part responsible for what ultimately landed her the movie deal with Paramount, so she owed him. She was going to make sure he had plenty of support today.

Caltech's commencement ceremony was something, Penny knew it was an academic school so their numbers would be smaller, but she couldn't help but compare it to when she graduated from Nebraska. Caltech's graduation happened in a tent—a very large tent—but still a tent, Nebraska's was in Memorial Stadium which could seat 81,000 people. Their commencement speaker was the sitting US Secretary of Energy, hers was some business leader from Omaha, in all honesty, she couldn't even remember now five years later—she had all but tuned out the ceremony when her mom texted her that Sheldon wasn't coming.

It amused her to no end, that she was the only one that wasn't pregnant. Bernie was the furthest along at seven months while Val and Emily were only three months in, but her best friend had one up on the petite blonde and the redhead, she already had a kid and knew what to expect.

When it came time for Howard's hooding, being toward the end because of a last name starting with W—and she thought waiting until the 'T's for her own graduation was bad—she distinctly saw Howard's mom and Bernadette both shed tears. She could understand both women's reactions

to this.

Debbie had shared with her, since meeting her in person at Howard and Bernadette's wedding just how much of a challenge it was raising a child on her own, how much she wanted him to find acceptance and most of all just to be happy. Debbie told her that when Howard was accepted to MIT, he was absolutely over the moon, she knows that he wanted to share it with people he loved but the few people he hung out with while in high school never quite knew what that full-ride meant to him—they just thought he was a total nerd and wanted to show off the fact that he got into MIT—but when he showed it to her she knew why. Because it meant that she could stop worrying. Debbie said that she always thought that he had more potential, but he sort of just stopped after getting his Master's, but now she knew why; he hadn't lacked motivation, he lacked a proper support system. Debbie admitted to both Penny and Bernadette that Howard meeting Penny and Sheldon showed him what a strong relationship looked like and he endeavoured to find a woman that loved him for him and that he could support and vice-versa. Debbie also admitted that when

he met Bernadette, he had found that woman and the older woman couldn't have been prouder and happier that he succeeded where she failed in her own relationship. The older woman told Bernadette that her being a doctoral candidate made him realise he didn't want to be left behind, especially since Sheldon, the man that he sees as a male role model was one; his best friend Raj was one, and that he was also dating a doctor; Debbie laughed when she told the pair this. Debbie said Howard told her that the fear of missing out prompted him to go back to school, especially after he was cleared of any wrongdoing by federal authorities.

Bernadette's reaction was less emotional but still along similar lines of wanting Howard to live up to his full potential. This was made explicitly after Bernadette was hired by ZanGen, as their lead microbiologist. Apparently, the couple had gotten into a heated discussion over who was the real breadwinner when Bernie showed off her first paycheck. Howard had countered that he will make that much when he gets his PhD but then swore Bernie to secrecy until he was ready to tell the rest of their friends and besides he was an astronaut. Bernie, being pregnant and highly competitive, supposedly told him to, "take your astronaut butt and land on the couch until I'm not mad at you anymore" because of that quip. But it was after Howard had invited them to his graduation that Bernadette had told Penny the real reason she was excited that Howard was now a doctor, her dad could get off his back about being a "little weirdo married to his little girl" even though Bernie says her dad had been singing Howard's praises ever since he came back from the ISS. Penny could understand that, and she knew just how much Howard wanted a true father figure in his life, even one that wasn't his own.

***

Penny is secretly glad that even though Sheldon has a doctorate, he prefers it when she calls him by his rank as a term of endearment rather than 'doctor' because as happy as she is for Howard, there was a limit to the little game the five of them were playing for the last 10 minutes—deliberately saying 'doctor' at the end of every damn sentence. But since Debbie was happy, she decided it was an acceptable nuisance—for now. It wasn't until they were nearing Howard's lab that Debbie stopped in her tracks and the rest of them looked back at her confused.

"Ma, you okay?" Howard asked as he went back towards his mother who was frozen with a deer- in-the-headlights look on her face. He followed her line of sight and gasped; sure, it'd been more than 20 years since he last saw him but the man standing maybe 30 feet from them was no doubt his father. "Want me to get rid of him?" Howard asked bitterly, it was supposed to be a day of celebration and the sudden reappearance of his estranged father was ruining it.

"No, you and the others go on ahead to the restaurant I'll meet you there," Debbie said after taking a few deep calming breaths.

Howard knew better than to really question his mom when she spoke like that, "Okay… if you're sure?"

"I am. Go." Debbie nodded and waited for her son and his friends and their families to walk away in the opposite direction.

Marching up to her ex-husband, Debbie demanded harshly, "What do you think you're doing, Sam?"

The thin, middle-aged man with a full grey beard, black wiry-rimmed glasses, and salt and pepper hair, dressed in a navy blue suit with a light blue dress shirt and navy tie, smiled, "It's good to see you again, Debbie."

Debbie frowned, "Cut the crap, Sam, what are you doing here?"

"Can't a father see his son on his graduation day?" He asked nonchalantly.

"Sure… if the father had the decency to stick around while his son was growing up. You left us, Sam, left me," Debbie pointed at her heart on the verge of tears.

Samuel Wolowitz sighed, dropping the facade. "Yeah, I know. Look, I know I messed up and I know Howard doesn't want to see me, but I think it's about time you at least get an explanation. So, can we go somewhere, and get some coffee?"

***

Against her better judgement, Debbie agreed and 20 minutes later she was in a Denny's booth across from her ex-husband.

"All right, explain yourself, Sam."

Sighing, Sam took a sip of his coffee before beginning, "Okay, do you remember when Howard was about nine and we found out you were pregnant again?"

Debbie nodded.

"Then the miscarriage happened?" Debbie nodded again. "After we lost the baby, I fell into a deep depression because I blamed myself for not being able to give us more children, after all, we both came from big families and Howard was an only child. About six months after we lost the baby, I started having an affair with Sheryl—"

"As in our next-door neighbours Sheryl and Joel, that Sheryl?" Debbie interrupted.

"Yep," Sam nodded, "Anyway, Sheryl made me feel wanted, made me feel like a man again. In time, I discovered I had fallen for her too, while I still loved you. Sheryl and I were very careful, we weren't so obvious with our affair so nobody knew; not Joel, not you. Sheryl after two years confessed that she and Joel had been trying for a baby without success for years, but then she said that if she was going to have a baby she wanted to have mine, so we made the drastic decision to run away together—"

"Oh, Sam…" Debbie shook her head, unsure how to feel or what to say.

"We settled in San Diego where I got a job with the Scripps Institution of Oceanography and she went to work for a real estate company. Less than nine months after we moved Sheryl found out she was pregnant with Josh, then two years later we welcomed a girl, Christine. I was happy, but I

also felt guilty for the way I left the two of you. I met Howard once in high school, I was a judge for a regional science fair, and the only reason I think he didn't recognise me is because I had my reading glasses on. But I knew that from judging my son's science project that he was smart… smarter than most and that if he applied himself he could do amazing things and I attribute that all to you. I was a fool and a coward for running out on the two of you but, I needed a fresh start."

Debbie sat there, digesting her ex-husband's words, then sniffed coldly, "You left me for a younger woman to start a new life and now what… you want back in? You abandoned us!" She hissed the last part lowly.

"Debbie, it wasn't—"

"Bullshit, it wasn't your fault or your intention or whatever. You messed up two homes to make yourself feel better, don't you think if you felt like crap afterwards that I felt worse? I after all carried that baby! You could've talked to me, we could've worked it out, then in the future if we wanted there was always the choice to adopt, but no… Sam Wolowitz always knows what's best for him and only him; you don't care about collateral damage, so I'll ask again what the hell are you doing here, Sam?!"

Sam sighed and after a long silence he finally spoke, "Debbie, I'm dying. I have non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. Doctors gave me a prognosis of 24 months at best, I'm scheduled to start chemo next week, but with cancer, there's never any guarantee. My oldest son may not want to see me or even acknowledge me but I want to at least see what he's made of himself before I go. I mean he was an astronaut and now a doctor, he's married, and it appears that the short blonde's pregnant, that's pretty much the Jewish trifecta right there."

Debbie laughed, remembering exactly why she fell for the man sitting across from her in the first place. His sense of humour.

Sam reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a sealed letter, "I know he probably wants nothing to do with me but, this is exactly how I feel about him—about all my children—so if you could give this to him I'd greatly appreciate it. He doesn't have to read it if he doesn't want to but… the knowledge that he has it is enough."

Debbie nods and takes the letter from him.

Leonard was "celebrating" another birthday in prison. After the first time when he cried into his dinner in the cafeteria, he thought he had spent the last year lowering his expectations to the point where his birthday was as meaningless to him as it was to others. But as the day in question crept closer, he felt anxious, nervous, and slightly hopeful that someone—anyone—would acknowledge his birthday. In the past year, he had become very well-acquainted with the self-help section of the prison library, but despite reading about ways to improve or mentally guard himself against disappointment, implementation was a whole different matter.

In the past year, he had become a model prisoner, which isn't saying much when the others in here were for violent and often unconscionable crimes, when he really only blew up an elevator, but then also tried to cover it up. He hadn't received any visitors in the last year, in fact, because of the monotony of his daily routine, he felt like he was in an endless loop of the movie Groundhog Day, but whatever he did he was doomed to repeat the same day over and over. He cursed the day he let his mother leave the prison without putting up a fight and because of that he hadn't seen his mother in two years and he's almost forgotten what she even looks like. His most common dream at night since her telling off of him, has been being back home with his mother and it ends the same way, just as his mom is about to tell him something the 4 AM alarm goes off.

His only companion—apart from the books—the last year was his cellmate, Larry Thornton, a 44- year-old from Michigan who was serving 36 years for the ordered hit of a bank executive and his wife in Irvine. Larry liked to talk about anything and everything, often bullying Leonard away from his reading just to converse. Leonard had to admit that it felt oddly nice to be included, even by one person.

When his birthday finally came around, he had hoped that Larry would acknowledge his birthday in some way, but instead, he received something that he thought he was finished with. It was a notice to appear to unseal his indictment and other relevant case documents before a Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) request could be made. Leonard had groaned when he read this but then realised this could potentially be the break he'd been waiting for if he and his public defender could convince the judge to keep the indictment under seal and grant him a new trial because he now had pertinent information that was previously undisclosed. That was complete bunk but, he wanted out of prison. Because of the summons, however, he spent the rest of his birthday in high spirits dreaming of what he'd do after he got out, which he knew was a long shot, but the long shot was all he had at this point.

A week after his 32nd birthday, he was driven to federal court in Los Angeles, but the proceeding went nothing like he envisioned. The judge asked the prosecutor, not him whether there was any objection to unsealing the indictment and relevant documents for a FOIA request, then asked him whether he had any objection to the prosecutor's objections. Because of the narrow scope of the question he couldn't ask about potentially injecting new evidence into an appeal. The entire matter was over and done within 10 minutes. The party asking for the FOIA request was granted it there in the courtroom because it was readily available, and Leonard was put back on the prison bus and sent back to Victorville.

The next few weeks for Leonard Hofstadter were an eye-opener because he realised just how insignificant he was. He had nobody. No family, friends, not even a dog to keep him company. Nobody wanted him, everyone was happily moving on with their lives while he was stuck in stasis. They didn't care for him, but then he didn't do much to sew himself into the fabric of their lives.

Growing up, he found that he liked to be the centre of attention, to be the one with all the answers

—with a 173 IQ how could he not have all of them—but most of all he liked it when people catered to him without him having to make an effort because he believed he was more than entitled to it after enduring a childhood of bullying, minimal affection, and no real positive reinforcement. That was in part why he curated his nice guy persona because it allowed him to appear pliant to others' wishes while simultaneously making sure they cater to his wants and needs. On the whole, though, it didn't really work as he found people to be so self-absorbed with their own problems in their own lives to really give him a second glance. However, by the time he realised that, he couldn't change his personality too drastically or else it would raise alarm bells therefore, he took what he could get. And what he got was Howard and Raj, and an on-off office friends-with- benefits thing with Leslie Winkle. Of course, all of that eventually faded away because of one monumental mistake. Now, here he was… 32-years-old, imprisoned, all alone, and he had run out of people to blame. In the weeks since his birthday, one where nobody acknowledged his "special day" he wondered what all the people he ever had contact with were doing now and whether or not they missed him.

Since his birthday, he had the same dream; he is coming up the stairs with Sheldon carrying takeout and talking about their day and they run into Penny moving into 4B, but this Penny was different; for one, she wasn't married to Sheldon and two she was eager to meet them. Then because he was so besotted with her he convinced Sheldon to help him retrieve Penny's TV from her old boyfriend—only to get pantsed—and Penny was so grateful for their efforts she invited them out to lunch, which led to a date between him and Penny and then them dating not long after.

Then the scene would shift and Leonard is attending his own funeral but instead of mourners, it appeared to be full of revellers. He would jolt up after that in a cold sweat. He doesn't know what he did between Penny and him dating and his death in the dream but whatever it was, surely it didn't warrant people being happy about his death. But it is because of that dream that he feels lower than a mosquito. People hate mosquitoes and often wish for their extinction as a species but science has proven that even the universally-despised, annoying mosquito is an important part of the ecosystem. He wonders if the dream is a premonition of what life will be like if he didn't exist. Certainly now, given that he has had no visitors in pretty much two years, he's pretty sure his death wouldn't cause a sudden outpouring of mourning, remorse or regret or even change much of others' daily lives. They, whoever they might be might have to interrupt their lives briefly to come to his funeral—although he doesn't expect a large gathering—and call it an inconvenience. That's what he is, literally. His parents have called the broken condom that led to his conception an inconvenience; he hates that ultimately that's what he is to people. An inconvenience is the battery on your phone running out without a charger in sight, the bathroom faucet springing a slow leak or slow internet, but never a human life, sadly that's what he is, the human manifestation of an inconvenience.

Before prison, he lived alone, had a couple of friends he occasionally hung out with, and at work did nothing of note; it makes him pretty sure that if he were to commit suicide in prison nobody would be heartbroken over it. But he is a coward, so he might think about it but actually doing it is another matter altogether.

Sheldon and Michael walk out in their PT uniforms preparing for a run when Michael asked him about Syria.

"You get your marching orders from the CO?" Sheldon shook his head. "No, should I have?"

Michael chuckles, "No, I was just curious who else is joining me in the desert." Sheldon nods, "How long are you staying?"

"Two months."

Sheldon nods again, "Well there's plenty of room at our place if Val and Alex want to stay over until you get back."

"Thanks, but I think I'm gonna take the Sheldon Cooper route on this one." The tall Texan looked at his best friend amused, "The Sheldon Cooper route?"

"Oh, you know do my job and get the hell outta there as quickly as possible then do the missus until she can't walk on the return home," Michael chuckled.

Sheldon laughs, "Good plan but, isn't Valerie nearly four months pregnant and will be six by the time you return?"

"Well, shit… that detail slipped my mind, but then again they say pregnant sex is pretty awesome."

Sheldon rolls his eyes, "It is, Mikey, but you really shouldn't do the wife when she's in her third trimester."

Michael snickers, "I thought you weren't that kind of doctor, Coop?"

"I'm not, but any OBGYN will tell you that sex during the third trimester may cause discomfort since the term of labour is ending."

Michael's face fell slightly, "I guess massages are my go-to for the foreseeable future."

When Michael mentioned the future, something occurred to Sheldon, "Does this mean you'll miss Alex's birthday?"

Michael nods, "Yep, which sucks because I was gonna teach him to ride a bike before Charlotte's birthday, guess I'll put that on the back burner until I get back."

Sheldon chuckles, "Feels weird to be a dad, doesn't it?"

Michael nods, "Yeah, but at least my kid doesn't think I'm Santa Claus. You really gotta space out your deployments, Doc."

"Touché," Sheldon says dryly, "But if all goes well we'll tell her before the number grades."

Michael low whistles as he and Sheldon start their run, "Waitin' until the last possible moment, huh?"

"Without a doubt."

Penny sighed contentedly as principal shooting finally wrapped, and she could start editing while the rest of the crew started the promotion phase of Science To Sniper—the studio and the production team thought her original title of, A Marine's Journey sounded too much like a Mary Higgins Clark novel so after a short focus group survey they changed it with her blessing.

She is happy to almost be done with this film because while it has been a tremendous labour of love, the process is more time-consuming than she realised. But thankfully she is under budget and on time and if it does well not only does she have an additional revenue stream, but potentially has her foot in the door as an executive. When she decided to go into entertainment, she thought she would enjoy the fame and money of being a movie star more but Sheldon paved the way for her to thrive behind the camera. And she had to admit, it was a lot less stressful being behind the camera than in front of it, affording her and her family a level of privacy and normalcy that she hadn't considered before. Truth be told, when Penny decided on being an actress, she did so because she thought that landing parts in Hollywood was the same as in high school. After hearing their upstairs neighbour, Alicia, complain about the grind of auditions and the few parts she got before landing her big break, Penny is glad she took Sheldon's advice and decided to go behind the camera.

"I'll have the reels ready for editing tomorrow, Penny, you can go and have an early night," her film editor Stanley Walters told her, holding several reels of film.

In college, Penny had the opportunity to experiment with both traditional film and digital cameras for movie-making. For her directorial debut, she decided to go with traditional film so she hired one of the best film editors Hollywood had in Stanley. He has worked with such Hollywood legends as Martin Scorsese, Steven Spielberg and Joel and Ethan Coen, so she felt good offering him this position, especially with her being a first-time director. Stanley has been professional through and through, the entire cast and crew have likened him to the film's father figure. He's brought his 14-year-old daughter, Samantha to set since school let out and unsurprisingly she has been very attentive to both Charlotte and Eleanor. Penny asked Samantha about that once and she said, "It kinda goes with the territory, I'm the oldest but also the only girl, so taking care of babies

is sort of my thing, but girls are definitely less fussy." After that talk, Penny told Stanley that if Sam ever wanted to earn extra money, she and Sheldon were always looking for good babysitters. Penny knows if she and Sheldon decide to have more children, Samantha would be a big help.

Penny looks up at her film editor and smiles, "You sure? I don't mind staying to supervise the chaos that is set clean-up."

Stanley laughs, "Nah, go ahead, besides the big boss deserves an early night considering all the notes you have for post-production."

Penny chuckles, "Okay, I'll go grab Charlotte and Ellie from Sam then I'll go, but if anything comes up, call me."

Stanley nods smiling, "I will."

***

Driving home, Charlotte asks Penny from the backseat, "Mommy, can we get a big sister like Samantha?"

Penny laughs because it's such an innocent question without the context, "Oh, honey, Samantha isn't a part of our family, she's Mr. Walter's daughter so she's part of theirs," Penny tried to explain without triggering the 'where do babies come from' follow-up question, "And besides if she's a big sister then you can't be because there can only be one big sister."

Realisation dawns in Charlotte's eyes as she looks over to Ellie's car seat, where her baby sister is sleeping, "Oh… then never mind, Mommy."

Penny sighs in relief, another few years and there is no way in hell she was going to be able to pull the wool over her daughter's eyes that easily. But for now, she'll take these wins while she still can.