Gamble

Frozen. Under the intense glare of an arctic coldness, his muscles tensed as they locked him into a position of vulnerability. A few paces to his right was a woman who seemed to be adamant to hear whatever he had to say. Little did she know, he never had any intentions of speaking. He simply grunted, not a single coherent thought formulated on his troubled and jumbled mind as the ideas clashed with one another while social anxiety began to enter the arena of his already competitive subconscious.

Conflicted. This itching feeling of wanting to reach out and scream out each and every single hindrance that life threw at him but also the deep seated lingering feeling of misplaced trust that can be manipulated on a whim. He couldn't help but feel extremely pathetic, as apathetic as he tried to be, his telepathic and empathic connection with those who seem 'broken' are just too strong. He could see her disease from a mile away, a specter of misery hangs over her shoulder as she tried to hide it off with a mask of pleasantries and deceit. Liars can spot lies from miles away, and Josh knew this girl as nobody ordinary; just another liar that's living amongst the harsh truth of the unrelenting world.

Her stance was casual but also alert, as if she was anticipating an action from him and was ready to spring into action. Her lit cigarette signified a nicotine addiction, he just felt it in his gut, the way she held the stick just screamed addict. But the one thing that caught his attention is her small and finicky fiddling of her fingers as she grasped the cold metal rails of the bridge. A strong breeze would knock her hood down to reveal her hair of black roots that ended up with golden tips that only reached until her neck. Josh couldn't help but just stare at the girl as she silently smoked her cigarette waiting for some sort of response.

"Y-Yeah."

Josh admitted to himself, it has been a while since he talked to somebody for a long amount of time. He knows that he can manage himself when it comes to typing or sending ideas through non-verbal mediums, but the moment he opens his mouth the entire world just closes in on him.

"Can't sleep either?"

Her voice is so, he couldn't even pick a proper adjective to describe it. A smoker's voice, coarse and rough but also deep for a woman that has a relative build such as hers. It wasn't offputting to say the least, in fact he wanted to hear her speak more; her voice is like a moment of respite in a world of uncertainty, it's like a calm warmth that tells you to come to your senses and think rationally. In the end, all he could say was a nod.

"You're not going to jump?"

She blows out a puff of smoke that gets carried away by the wind, and this time she faces him with a look of confusion, bewilderment, and genuine curiosity.

Josh shook his head, he didn't feel like speaking, because if he did it'd be like a waterfall. A constant stream of words that he had no control over as he slowly crumbled into a—

"You know." She let go of her cigarette into the river down below, "this bridge is a place where people come to end their lives."

Josh gripped the metal railing, "I'm not going to."

"I figured." she yawned despite the recent nicotine input in her body, "You don't seem to be as weak willed as those that came before you."

"What do you mean?"

The girl approached with an odd expression of calm on her face, she then pointed to a section of the bridge where there seemed to be a single candle placed with the wick missing its signature flame.

"I tried my best. But sometimes some people don't really listen."

Josh felt a pain in his chest, "I do."

The girl raised an eyebrow, "You…"

"You're different."

"There's something about you that I can never put my finger on."

By this time the girl was about an arm's length away from Josh, her body language seemed to be less anxious and more open and it felt like she let her guard down. She tilted her head to the side slightly, her eyes though still curious, trying to find something that Josh had no idea of.

"Have we met before?"

Josh was dumbfounded, he tried to think of a response to the question but he just couldn't come up with anything other than 'no.'

The girl sighs then smiles, "forget that I asked you that."

"Why?"

"I don't know," she pauses slightly, "You just feel familiar."

Josh gathered his courage and decided to speak out his mind, his heart though pumping heavily within the confines of his chest was still beating and full of life.

"Liar."

The girl raises a brow, "Huh?"

"You come here every day trying to find somebody that's long gone."

Josh shook his head slightly, "That's a cruel joke you like playing to yourself."

"People are entitled to their own beliefs." she responded back.

"But it won't change the truth," he spat, "You can't keep lying to yourself."

The girl's face bore a mixture of delight and disgust, awe and pity, it's a mix and match of different emotions that contradicted each other.

"Why do you care?" she asked, "What do you get out of this?"

"I… don't know…" Josh slumped forward with his fingers never letting go of the cold metal railing despite his hands being sore.

"It's just that, I can't stand seeing someone be like me."

"I'm already miserable enough."

The girl laughs, "Having self-awareness truly is a bitch."

A moment of silence passes by the two of them.

"You got me," she admits, "You're right."

"I keep coming back to this place in hopes of seeing a glimpse of a man that will never come back," she yawns, "its miserable, its shitty, a feeling so fucking disgusting that I almost jumped too."

Josh started as the girl stood on the railing, her arms extended outwards; She's not going to fall but from afar it seems like she is going to jump.

"But he," she sighs, "that stupid handsome bastard got to me before I threw myself over this fucking bridge."

"His little act of kindness changed my whole life."

As the wind passes by, her short golden hair flutters into the early morning as the sun slowly rises and the moon finally sets. Her sad smile as she reminisced a memory from a bygone past of a man that will never return has left Josh feeling even more miserable.

The world is a harsh and cruel place, and here a girl stands who has conquered her feeling of immaculate sadness to try and help others for nothing in return. Even as she brings forward a facade of fallacious smiles, her lies will always be found and it will serve as her scar of a life that has crumbled into nothingness. But despite it all she overcomes those feelings and is now in a more manageable state. Broken, but still alive; picking up the pieces of her scattered soul in order to continue on living despite the challenges of life.

Josh didn't want to die. He never had any plans to end his life, in fact he may have never planned it even before. But now, he's slowly losing himself. On a path of darkness where no man has ever returned, he screams in anguish and agony as the whims of fate drive him deeper and deeper in his abyss.

"You're the same too."

Her words brought him back, "Running from a past that is slowly catching up with you."

"Refusing to end your own life out of pride and your gargantuan ego, but too afraid to ask for help when you're drowning in the depths of your pitiful despair."

"I have rarely used big words, you should be grateful." she laughs as she stretches her arms and her neck.

"Wanna bet?"

Josh looked at her, "bet what?"

"If you can make me fall in love with you in a month and a half." She grins, "I'll admit that I am a fake."

"You're insane." Josh nervously laughs as he shakes his head. "A month and a half is impossible."

"And you are crazy," she crosses her arms, "convincing yourself that you wouldn't kill yourself but here you are standing at the edge of your sanity."

Josh laughs, "And what you don't? You'd let me die on my own volition?"

She nods, "It's your life."

Josh stared in disbelief. Insanity, the act of pushing yourself over a single thing over and over until the end of time; expecting a different outcome using the same method, unchanging and unrelenting as your own stubbornness consumes you.

He wanted to just jump off this bridge. This girl is just crazy and he doesn't know whether he'd be amused or scared. A feeling of euphoric hysteria as this absurdity of the situation is just too unreal for him.

"So what it'd be?" she reaches out her hand with the dumbest grin on her face.

"Do you want to gamble with your life?"