Chapter 39

I called Valin as soon as Sarai left.

"What are you doing?" Zai asked.

I shushed him, waiting until Valin picked up.

"What do you want? You never call me," he said, sounding annoyed.

"Where are you right now? Are you home?" I asked.

He sighed. "No, I'm at my girlfriend's house."

"GIRLFRIEND?!" I shouted before I could stop myself.

There was a pause before he replied flatly, "…Ow."

"What about the girl who just left? And what about Lisa? You went out with them even though you have a girlfriend?!" I couldn't believe this. Sure, Valin can't feel empathy—but I thought he at least had a conscience.

"We started dating yesterday," he said.

Yesterday…?

"And it is Lisa. Now what do you want?"

I shoved down my mess of emotions and pressed on. "Well, Sarai came over here. Seems like you made a pretty big impression on her."

"Oh…" he responded, indifferent.

His tone irritated me. I raised my voice.

"She's stalking you, Valin! She couldn't get your address, so she stole mine and actually showed up here! And she's Lisa's friend—you need to talk to her."

He was silent for a moment. Then he said, "Hey… I'm sorry, I'll be right back. My sister's getting on my nerves…"

He wasn't talking to me. And did he just call me his sister?

Something about that label made my skin crawl, considering what I remember experiencing with him. I heard shuffling, then a door closed. When he spoke again, his tone had changed.

"Listen… who are you to tell me what to do? Lately, Snowe, you've really been getting on my nerves. You keep poking into my business and acting weird… I don't know what's wrong with you, but if you don't stop—I'm going to hurt your feelings."

My feelings were already hurt by the time he finished.

"I just… I… I just want you to treat Lisa right. She's my friend, and she's always been so sweet. It'll be really awkward if she hears about this from Sarai. She deserves to know, especially since Sarai's her friend."

He sighed. "…Fine."

And then he hung up.

I exhaled heavily. That went well… maybe?

Zai hugged me as I set my phone down.

"You must care a lot about Lisa," he said softly.

I blushed a little. I really do care about her. I'm also a little jealous. It took weeks before Valin asked me out. Yet it only took a day for her, maybe they're just a better match. I care about him too… and I've been struggling to turn those feelings back into something purely platonic.

"That's true," I murmured. "I just don't want her relationship with your brother to get too chaotic."

Zai kissed along my jawline, trailing down my neck.

"I think focusing on your relationship with me is more than enough."

I laughed and nudged him with my elbow. "You're so selfish."

He tensed slightly, then picked me up and started carrying me toward our room.

"Hey! What are you doing?"

"Being selfish," he replied, gently laying me on the bed.

"I want you to think of me. You've been distracted enough for today. It's time to focus."

His words felt like a command, his voice hypnotic. My body tingled with anticipation, and I eagerly gave in to my husband's demand for the rest of the night.

The next morning, I saw a message from Valin on my phone:

"We need to talk. Let me know when you get up."

My stomach twisted with nerves, but I agreed. He told me to meet him at the park.

He was already there when I arrived, sitting on a bench under a shady tree. His hands were clasped in front of his face, eyes distant.

"Hey…" I said, announcing myself as I sat down next to him.

"…You were right," he said after a moment. "Lisa wasn't very upset, but it was a conversation we needed to have. So… sorry for being irritable with you."

I sighed with relief. "Oh, I'm glad."

Then he turned and glared at me.

"But know your place from now on. I can handle my own problems. I don't need you babysitting me."

His harsh tone made all the joy drain from my chest.

"…I'm sorry."

"What's wrong with you anyway?" he asked. "You've been looking at me differently for the past week. Acting nosy. It's… irritating."

I frowned. There's no point in hiding it anymore.

"I had a dream. About you. An erotic dream… where we were a couple. I guess it affected me more than I realized. I thought I was hiding it well."

It was the best explanation I could offer without revealing too much.

His expression softened—and then he laughed.

"You had a dream about me?"

I cringed. "I… used to have dreams about you a lot," he admitted. "But I know how to separate dreams from reality. I'm not your boyfriend, Snowe."

I felt queasy. Flattered… and disappointed.

"I know that!" I snapped.

"And besides… I could never be with someone who's been with my brother."

"…Is that a moral code?" I asked carefully.

He shot me a look, so I quickly added, "I'm not trying to cheat on Zai! I'm just asking!"

"I don't like being compared to my brothers," he muttered. "I don't want to fight them. Or betray them."

He ran a hand through his hair and sighed.

"What if… you were better than them?" I said, reaching. "What if you were the one who could make someone feel complete, where they failed?"

He laughed bitterly. "You really are stupid. I said I don't like being compared. Good or bad—it doesn't matter. I hate the comparison itself."

Well, that answered my question. There's no chance of us being together.

Oddly… that comforted me. It wasn't that he found me unattractive—just that I was off-limits. And he respected that.

Knowing he'd never try anything made me feel strangely safe.

"I was just speaking hypothetically," I muttered. "Anyway… I'm sure Lisa feels that way. She met both your brothers, but her eyes stayed on you the whole time."

That seemed to ease the tension.

"I have four other brothers," he said, "but you're right. She chose me first. That's never happened before."

He looked strangely sentimental.

He really likes her. He doesn't see her as food or just another warm body. He doesn't need me to be happy.

That realization lifted a weight off my chest.

Just then, my phone rang. It was Zai.

"Hey… are you still talking?" he asked. "Mark just called me. I have news, but I can tell you when you get back, I guess."

I smiled at the sound of his voice. "We just finished talking."

"Oh, then I called just in time. Are you coming home, or do you want to meet somewhere?"

"Is that Zai? Can I talk to him for a sec?" Valin interrupted, wearing that same pleading face he used to manipulate me in the past. It still worked.

I sighed. "Hold on, Zai. Valin wants to talk to you."

I handed him the phone. Valin grinned wickedly.

"Hey, brother… You need to watch your girl. She's been dreaming about f*cking me."

He handed the phone back like nothing had happened. "Bye."

I stared at him, stunned, then brought the phone back to my ear.

"…Zai? Are you still there?"

Silence. The call was still connected.

"…Is that true?" he asked finally.

I didn't answer right away. My hesitation was confirmation enough.

"I thought it was Rai… never thought it could be Valin."

"I was shocked too! I didn't want to have the dream!"

He groaned. "Is this why you've been acting weird lately?"

This was my chance to be honest.

"Yes. I'm sorry. The dream felt so real that it messed me up. But I'm over it now—because I realized something."

"What?"

His voice had lost its usual sweetness. That stung… but I pressed on.

"You don't want children."

"…What?"

"I can't get pregnant with you—not because I physically can't, but because it's not what you want. I feel safe with you. I want to build a family with you… But you're not ready for that." I realized I wasn't being clear enough. "I started doubting my feelings. That's why I was acting so off—why the dream stuck with me. Valin wants a family. But that's not your goal right now."

"You seem awfully sure about what Valin wants… considering this was a dream," Zai said, suspicious. I choked—and he chuckled slightly. "I want to be with you. You want to focus on your career. It's not the right time for kids. And besides… planning a wedding takes time. You'd probably want the ceremony done before getting knocked up."

I scoffed at his phrasing.

He continued, "Valin once told me the only way he'd believe you were truly devoted to me was if you got pregnant. Funny that you hinted at knowing that, just from a dream. Did you overhear us somehow?"

I laughed nervously. "I think I'll just come home. We can talk more there?"

Zai made a sound, then said, "I guess I can talk to you a little more."

Thank goodness. He's not mad. I thought this might be the end for us.

I feel so relieved… I might actually cry. Just a little.